


Colder than Ice (yet you so warm)

by pinkgyuuu



Category: TOMORROW X TOGETHER | TXT (Korea Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Wedding Planner, BTS members cameo, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Light Angst, M/M, Self-Doubt, Slice of Life, Strangers to Lovers, Whipped Choi Beomgyu, Whipped Kang Taehyun, X1 members cameo, beomgyu loves his job so much, figure skater kang taehyun, model kang taehyun, soogyu friendship goals
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-29
Updated: 2021-02-16
Packaged: 2021-03-07 16:34:46
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 20
Words: 87,699
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26710765
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pinkgyuuu/pseuds/pinkgyuuu
Summary: for the sake to not ruin the perfectly planned stuffed-toys-wedding, a desperate for recognition wedding planner, choi beomgyu, sacrifice himself to be the groom and married to a famous figure skater, kang taehyun as the supposedly groom, hueningkai disappeared due to reasons no one knows. and it just a little too heartbroken for beomgyu to see the good looking figure skater who is happened to be his type, to be left alone on his wedding day.orbeomgyu, a broken one, is too much of a warm person for his own good and taehyun, a cold one tries to fix him
Relationships: Choi Beomgyu & Choi Soobin, Choi Beomgyu/Kang Taehyun, Choi Soobin/Choi Yeonjun, Choi Yeonjun & Kang Taehyun, Huening Kai & Kang Taehyun
Comments: 102
Kudos: 229





	1. Prologue: We are Doomed!

**Author's Note:**

> so this is my first time writing chaptered au, im sorry in advance if my writings are bit awkward or anything (ill try my best!)  
> i am having fun writing this i hope yall having fun reading too >3<

_the weather is really perfect ._

the sun shines so bright but not scorching, the great blue sky above with moderate amount of clouds hanging just right. beomgyu can feel it, the wedding ceremony today would be successful. 

he takes a deep breath and looks around the ceremony venue that really looks the same as what he has been designed in his tablet and visualizes in his mind 8 months prior. a proud smile comes across his face. 

the wedding takes place on an island which as requested by the couple (they want to make it as private as they can, so some hectares of land that detached from the peninsula by the sea come into his mind) and of course a rookie wedding planner like beomgyu was having a really hard time to attain the most suitable and convenient one but regardless, he succeed already as he is proudly standing under the huge ass transparent canopy around 200 meters away from the beach with fairy lights draped over for a greater ambience despite 57 standing floor lamps are installed for lighting purposes. 

19 square tables with 4 seats each neatly arranged around where he stood and beomgyu is taking too much pride on the centerpieces on each table. combination of flowers (he couldn’t name them all exactly but he knows there’s roses there-he is not a florist, have some mercy) and a cute random 15 cm plushies to match the wedding theme- stuffed toys. 

moving on to a few feet forward, there’s a wide round stage as a dance floor with only some inches tall specially built on the sand. that was a tricky part to think about as beomgyu need to discuss with an architect and woodman to design a perfect one. the same stage but smaller one is placed a bit to the left for the musician later. while on the right side, 8 lightly decorated cocktail tables were placed near the open bar for the cocktail hour purposes.

and here, the main part of any wedding venue, which is the altar. beomgyu really working on this part for three months just to make sure it is not too much and not too less. Few more feet forward, near to the musician stage, a rustic chuppah was chosen, with white and baby pink cloth draped lightly over the top, enhanced by the flowers and not forgotten numbers of small stuffed toys all match the centerpieces and tablescapes. the altar then connected to the flower arch for the groom entrance by a main aisle made of a layer of a darker shade of pink carpet, in between wooden chairs arranged in lines on both side of the main aisle for the guests. last but not least, specially designed flower walls also placed randomly around for photography purposes.

everything was perfect. at least for now. beomgyu let the breeze from the sea brushes his face and took some time enjoying the beach view. promising himself that he will go into the sea for a swim after everything ends as it’s been a long time he last went to beach. he closes his eyes while repeating to himself that _everything is gonna be fine!_

until.. 

“beomgyu-hyung!!! we are doomed!”

beomgyu rolls his eyes hearing the panicking voice of the youngest of his team through the in-ear device that totally ruin the meditating vibe earlier. 

ignoring the annoying voice that was non stop ringing in his ear, he straight on ordering the other staffs near him there. “the guests are welcome in 30 minutes.”

all the staff with identical uniform nod, receiving the order well from their superior and one of them catches beomgyu’s attention. 

“tie your shoelace properly. no single mistakes is allowed today, please.” he crosses his arms over his body and reminds them how serious he is today. 

he always does actually but today is different. it is a big project he has ever taken since he was in the industry. even he is kinda don’t have any clue how the fuck kang taehyun, one of the best figure skater in the country, the talk of the town, dominating both the ice rink and fashion industry, could trust him, with only 2 years experience and barely chosen as the lead crew and team manager. maybe the universe is finally pitying him for having too much bad luck in life and giving him a chance to shine even for a while. 

two or three media outlets will come today despite how private the wedding is to show how much attention that kang taehyun deserves. and of course, beomgyu realises how the wedding must be perfect to be worth the attention too. to say he worked really hard for the wedding is an understatement. countless sleepless nights, 2 weeks of working on hospital bed due to fatigue (hospitalised and still working, the dedication smh), don’t ask about proper meal as he really don’t recognise it by now and he almost lost his sanity. he gave his all to this wedding and he believes, it’s worth it. 

“hyung!! are you ignoring me?!”

he sighs. “fine, kang minhee. what is it now? you found the pink suit didn’t match your skin tone or…”

the younger at the other side cuts his words. “hueningkai. the groom. disappeared!”

minhee is the type who plays around a lot. barely serious. but beomgyu knows that tone. 2 years working together, the disappearance of the groom or bride is not something to joke about for them. 

the explanation that minhee gives next is inaudible for him. he lost the ability to think, shooing away all the optimism from his soul. the tiny beomgyu’s in his brain are all running around, panicking while shouting _the wedding is ruined_. 

_all his blood, sweat and tears are worthless._

“gyu? are you okay?”

beomgyu flinches as someone taps his shoulder. he turns around and see his partner of this project also his best friend, soobin with frown which concern of his condition. then, he realises he has been 2 minutes crouching beside one of the table.

“i heard it from minhee. let’s check on him first.”

soobin gives an assuring smile. it’s not really helping but at least beomgyu is able to stand and walk away from the venue. 

*

soobin is making endless phone call asking for the groom whereabouts, did not getting the answer that he wants, he tries his best to not curse and only groans sometimes. minhee left the room earlier to watch over the ceremony venue which starting to be having guests and there is beomgyu, sitting on the bed, staring at the notes that hueningkai left on the designer pink suit that he suppose to be wearing.

_‘sorry, i can’t go on with this marriage’_

he did not just disappeared. he ran away and left. just like that.

beomgyu should know this might happen. he is the one who has been interacting with the both grooms the most and his first impression on the young cheerful and bubbly soon to be a CEO was not a good one. other than always late to their meeting, sometimes did not bother to even come, he was unresponsive and not taking any discussion seriously. He only contributed on the wedding theme which is stuffed toys who seems to be his plan on annoying taehyun but the latter could careless and simply agreed. beomgyu can definitely say that hueningkai is totally uninterested in the marriage. 

unlike taehyun who beomgyu found intimidating at first, he cooperate well and comfortable to talk with. having his own ideas and wants on the wedding, that wedding planner really enjoy his time with him. and beomgyu admitted himself that taehyun inspired him a lot while working on the project. 

no one can blame beomgyu if he is having a crush on the charming skater. despite being called ‘ice prince’ due to his immaculate skills and also his personality, he is blessed with his big captivating round eyes, attractive plump lips, just right pointy nose, fluffy hair which recently dyed red for the wedding and sharp jaw line that will make all men and women swoon over. 

soobin sometimes caught him staring at the said skater and teased him that he might plan to lock hueningkai somewhere and he would come out as taehyun’s groom instead. it sounds like an idea before beomgyu realised he is just too out of league for the godly beauty man. He ended up laughing it away.

but thing is different now. hueningkai is not locked but disappeared. _can’t go on?!! who the hell use that as reason to leave your own wedding?!!_ beomgyu really using all of his brain capacity to justify the reason but he can’t. he just couldn’t.

the wedding is ruined. he is ruined. 

the fame that he dream of slowly disappeared into thin air. all the energy he spent, his hard work…

“no.. this can’t be. i need to make this wedding work. i must make this wedding work.” he starts rambling and soobin from afar notices how the younger almost lost his sanity for the second time of the month.

“choi beomgyu… calm down. please.” the elder tries to calm him down. he pour some water into the glass and put it in beomgyu’s hand. “drink that first, okay? i am going to meet the security team in case they know something.”

the elder waits for some response and he doesn’t get any. he sighs. “it’s gonna be fine. things will work out, okay?” and beomgyu still doesn’t move any inch. 

“YAH!! CHOI BEOMGYU!!! PULL YOURSELF TOGETHER!!!” 

beomgyu flinches in response to soobin who is trying to knock some senses to him. 

“hyung, why are you yelling like that?” he hisses in annoyance.

“good. i’ll leave. just don’t do something crazy, okay?” soobin sighs a relief and flashes his dimple smile before leaving the room. he knows how beomgyu’s mind works and he believes his best friend will somehow think of something when he is alone. 

well, soobin is solely trusting his best friend blindly this time. 

beomgyu snickers. “something crazy? like what?” he snorts at himself and looks around the room. his eyes suddenly stop at the groom’s outfit. “like replacing the groom position? that’s not really a crazy idea… but wait…” 

people call that insane and impulsive but beomgyu calls it optimism and bravery. _here goes nothing_ , he thinks.

“hello, minhee-ya! are you there?” 

his lips stretch into a smile as he heard the maknae answers him through the in-ear device. 

“i kinda have a plan. mind helping me?”

the smile changes into a grin. the maknae can’t say no to his superior right?

*

taehyun stares at his reflection in the long mirror, fixing the boutonniere for countless time. it’s not like he is nervous. he is born hardly nervous even. the gush of emotions he is feeling at that time are somehow complicated so he could not pinpoint one to be expressed on his face. therefore, he ends up with his identical poker face that contributes a high proportion to his famous nickname. 

“taehyun-ssi, let’s go. it’s the time!”

one of the wedding planning team that was assigned to escort him earlier of the day, daehwi, peeks into the room. he nods and quickly follows the lead.

daehwi sometimes asks some questions to strike a conversation along the way to the outdoor venue but taehyun manages to only shut all them down, showing his disinterest that falsely understood as nervous. 

they finally reaches the venue. the ambience is really nice and calming in which stretching taehyun’s lips into a satisfying smile. 

the decorations are all pretty, exceeding his expectation with the jazz music playing alongside the sound of waves crashing the beach. he likes it. a lot. 

_beomgyu-ssi really has done a good job. Never thought he could do something this incredible._

none of the audience really caught his attention. just some of his skater friends and acquaintances from the field (he doesn’t have a family to begin with and his cousin and only family he is close to, choi yeonjun can’t come for some personal reasons). 

above all, he isn't really surprised that none of the hueningkai family attend. he even expected it.

“taehyun-ssi, let’s go to the altar.”

procession music starts playing as the cue that both groom will show up and all the guests stop everything they did prior and gives the main characters of the ceremony full focus. 

cheers and small noises filled up the scene as taehyun appeared on the altar, standing charmingly as he always did. now they wait for another groom to enter through the flower arch.

taehyun wears his poker face as he doesn’t really expect anything to come after that, so he takes his time spacing out until he hears cuss words from daehwi who since then is standing behind him.

“holy shit. fuck. choi beomgyu you’ve gotta be kidding me.”

the clueless guests cheers while the staff and crew gasp as they saw the choi beomgyu walking on the aisle confidently. then there is kang taehyun sneers and smirks amusingly. 

_“_ _m_ _r._ _w_ _edding planner, you’re really something.”_


	2. Accidentally Married

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the wedding ceremony details might have an error as i don't really sure how it works, so yea.  
> enjoy!

beomgyu is too absorbed in his world of _figuring-what-Kang Taehyun-thinks_ and his own space of _am-I-doing-a-right-thing?_ to actually listen to the speech by the clergy as a celebrant. he snapped to reality after daehwi nudged him secretly earning another amusing smirk from taehyun that beomgyu didn’t see. 

“mr. huening?”

the clergy looks at him who is a mess inside. 

_sure, everyone here thinks you’re hueningkai. you will not actually marry the kang taehyun, relax!_ he comforts himself.

“i do.” as he said what he used to think as the magical phrase, the guests cheer and the jazz music is continued. 

“now, i announce both of you as husbands, you may kiss now.”

_fuck! how can i forgot this part? am i going to kiss the god kang taehyun. no way. i would like to but that’s not it._

“kiss! kiss! kiss!” 

_who is that guest? i should not have allowed them to come here earlier!!!_

soobin and minhee are already thinking of something as they see Beomgyu look at them with pleading eyes. their project manager really seriously needs some helping hand.

however,

taehyun suddenly steps into beomgyu’s personal bubble, holding the elder by the waist and leaning in. he could hear the elder’s unevenness with high acceleration of heartbeat that he thinks his heart might burst as he went closer and taehyun’s amused smile stretches wider. 

taehyun looks at the elder’s eyes, asking for attention before changing his gaze to the lips. beomgyu couldn’t help but gulps.

_panic gay, huh? choi beomgyu, you’re really amusing._

beomgyu breathe hitches and he shut his eyes preparing for anything to happen. then, he heard taehyun’s snickers before he suddenly felt a pair of lips landed on his forehead.

_the kiss is cold._

there’s a loud cheers again before beomgyu could open his eyes back, with too much suspicion he has weighted on the kang taehyun with unreadable face in front of him.

*

the ceremony continues with the feast. beomgyu is not in his nonexistence personal space anymore. no more panicking or internal issues. he observes the surrounding and analyzing everything he sees. excusing himself to get some water, he leave taehyun alone, crowded by some of he assumed to be his skater friends. 

for a wedding that almost ruins, he feels like everything went too smooth to his liking. he did a little bit of planning of course before deciding to jump into this crisis and recognizing things that are out of his control like people. but the guests are just really calm. strangely really calm. unless…

_all the guests who know how hueningkai looks are absent._

he shakes off that weird thoughts away and brings himself back to reality as he senses eyes are on him again or to be exact to the grooms. and here comes daehwi almost running to him for a rescue.

“for god sake stop spacing out choi beomgyu!!” daehwi almost swore in his whisper.

“yah! i am the one who pay you here!” beomgyu counterattack.

“sure.” daehwi rolls his eyes. “let’s see how you survive the dance first.” he literally drags his team manager to the dance floor.

beomgyu sighs almost regretting what he been doing since an hour ago. but not until he found out a delicate hand reach out to him.

_kang taehyun looks so stunning that evening._

his mind is too busy earlier to the point he only started to process how good taehyun looks at that moment. 

_oh to be a real husband to kang taehyun!_

his train of thoughts then stopped by the one and only daehwi who pushes him forward while talking to someone through the in-ear. soon after, the music starts playing. that piece which beomgyu had heard in one of the barbie movies. not surprising as he lets daehwi took in charge on the music.

beomgyu takes taehyun hand, and both moves to the center of the dance floor. as if nothing, taehyun put his hands on the older’s shoulders which caught beomgyu off guard. 

_he is so relaxed like how?!!_

the elder is hesitating before finally could hold the younger by the waist. both avoiding eye contact and started to dance.

2 minutes feel like eternity.

the wedding planner who since then stealing glances now shamelessly staring at his dancing partner. taehyun features from that proximity hits different. he notices few details of the younger face and he wishes he had his camera with him so that it could make it last longer and keep it to himself. sounds like a creep but somehow taehyun’s ethereal beauty doesn’t really make sense.

_how his shivers when the breeze from the beach hits his face,_

_how his face stiffen when he caught beomgyu staring,_

_how he flinches when someone bumps into him while they are dancing_

  
  


_and how his face relaxes most of the time like nothing weird happens…wait.._

realising that, beomgyu is bothered. 

“kang taehyun, why are you look so relax?” it should be unspoken. but beomgyu is too suspicious to not blurt it out.

taehyun smirks while connecting the eye contact. “what should i be? having a hard attack in the middle of the ceremony the moment i saw you walking on the aisle instead?”

“that’s not what I mean.. just..why..” beomgyu blinks nervously as he out of words.

the younger seems satisfied to make the older speechless. “you should be grateful, no one really notices..”

“you already know, right?” beomgyu takes a guess as he cut the younger’s words. “kai run away.. you already know...right?’’ his shaking eyes fade as the burning one takes over and taehyun notices that.

“thank god, you’re not dumb.” the younger doesn’t wavered a bit. 

“when did you know?” the other male grits his teeth. 

angry and disappointed, the skater can read him easily.

“last night.”

taehyun answered it like it was so easy and simple, causing the flame in the wedding planner’s eyes to turn into fire.

“why don't you tell me?” beomgyu’s tone hardens as he feels betrayed and somehow annoyed by the skater.

“i am planning to let the media and the public know how irresponsible kai is.” he chooses to just tell the truth. 

“and you kinda ruin it.”

the elder rolls his eyes. _this skater is really unbelievable._ he is pissed off as basically the said skater wanted to ruin the wedding. 

“now, i think it’s my turn to ask.” taehyun suddenly led the heated conversation.

beomgyu doesn’t yet agree and the skater is sure fast with his words.

“just where did you get the courage to jump into this? are you an idiot? or maybe kai pay you to cover up the mess he did?”

the other male surely cannot answer the bombarding questions. he also doesn’t know why he dragged himself into this marriage. 

_is he purely just wanting to save the wedding?_

“or by any chance, do you like me?”

like there is another invisible force storm in, beomgyu stop moving and somewhat froze. 

_did i?_

he hates himself so bad for affected too much to that guess but he couldn’t stop thinking about it too. 

“hello? are you even listening?” taehyun taps his shoulder, asking for attention.

as the universe act in his favour, the music ends and beomgyu excusing himself for a toilet break.

  
  
  


*

**My favourite tall hyung >**

soobin-hyung, where are you?

oh my god gyu! 

i think i am the one who should ask you that!

he already knows, hyung..

who? knows what?

kai running away.. 

taehyun already knows

holy shit..

it is so embarrassing… 

fucking embarrassing

i can’t face taehyun anymore

he thinks i am an idiot

you’re

he’s not wrong at that though 

excuse me?!!!

whose side are you in?!!? 

i am still mad the way you make decision without telling me

istg gyu, what’s up in your head?

i am sorry about that

i am desperately want this wedding to be successful

imagine no one comes out.. 

people will focus more about the missing groom 

rather than all the tiny details and hard work i’ve been putting on planning this wedding

sure

just who doesn’t want to marry kang taehyun

understandable

hyung! 

that’s not my point

i know you gyu 

better than anyone

there’s a lot crazy way to solve this but you choose this one

i hate you..

sure I am that transparent

but.. 

things change though

after you know taehyun intentionally want to ruin this wedding 

while you’re trying hard to save it 

not to mention save his smile too?

you feel betrayed, right?

wow soobin big brain

soobin hyung for you

lol

just how quick witted you are, hyung 

how about channeling it to math instead than reading me

you’re more interesting

i know

okay for real

you should come out though

people are searching for Mr. Huening

i really want this ceremony to end already

just for few hours

hang in there

let’s go into the water later then, hyung

anything for you, gyu

  
  


*

  
  


beomgyu is acting well as mr. huening. smile, nod, bow and shake hands repetitively. he spaced out most of the time to the point he did not notice taehyun’s hand never left his arm, held on there firmly, up til all the guests left. then, they are apart, without minding anyone’s business, quietly, easily, no strings attached or pulled. 

the wedding is kinda cut short. beomgyu really cancel out the after party from the schedule, making use of his superiority. even soobin thinks it is kinda improper to suddenly decide that, he just let the younger done it considering how pretentious the whole ceremony was.

they start cleaning up at the same night which is sort of unusual but no one is complaining as their project manager promises them a drink and late night meal with a comment, “the faster you guys settle, the faster we will celebrate and let’s get wasted.” 

the get wasted idea is really not a joke. they went to a barbecue place near the main beach to celebrate and 3 hours later, soobin got himself dragged out from the place towards the beach by a madly drunk beomgyu which he rarely encountered.

“let’s swim hyung-ick!!!”

_just how much beomgyu frustrated to be in his highest drunk state?_ soobin thought. 

well, he just played along, keeping up with the younger’s antics. at least the beomgyu in front of him is all smiling and laughing. that’s enough for him.

*

next day

choi beomgyu is waking up with a throbbing headache. he grunts of course due to the headache and also because of the blinding light which came from the widely opened window of the room. 

it takes 10 minutes for him to fully awake and acknowledge what’s happening around. his first instinct is to check his phone which took almost a whole another 5 minutes to find it (he isn't really searching; he just spread his arm around with his back glued to the bed and eyes closed) only to find it in the pocket of his pants. 

11:48 a.m. he first saw that before he unlocked the phone with one eye closed. he got a lot of messages and dozens of missed calls from multiple unknown numbers. 

_what the heck.. it’s not like i become a celebrity overnight.._ he sneers, didn’t bother to check all them out, he scrolls up the notification center until he found minhee’s. 

**The annoying one >**

_hyung!!! look at this! [multiple links attached]_

beomgyu mindlessly click to see some online articles and the headline and the photos attached successfully woken him up, physically and mentally. 

‘Figure skater Kang Taehyun married to a rookie wedding planner Choi Beomgyu, yesterday’

‘Kang Taehyun, Korea’s Ice prince married to his own wedding planner’

‘5 interesting things you need to know about Kang Taehyun and Choi Beomgyu wedding’

it doesn’t end there. suddenly, he got an email from a lawyer firm that he is familiar with and also the one that taehyun was in contact with. he only gets to see the subject but half of his soul is already gone.

_Subject: Kang Taehyun and Choi Beomgyu Marriage Contract and Marriage registration details_

and beomgyu desperately wishing it is just another wild dream. 

or at least a smack cam. 


	3. Just a bit bothered

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> soobin and beomgyu.
> 
> there is really nothing between them right?

_{ “hyung, you know what i hate the most, right?”_

_beomgyu stared at the crescent moon which he drunk self interpret as if the moon mockingly smile at his unluckiness self. he shivered a little as the sea breeze caressing his body that drenched with the sea water, taking a break, sitting at the shore after soobin finally caught him from running aimlessly like a child._

_“seafood?” soobin did the same. the whole beach view in front of them was really astonishing and beautiful._

_“true but not that.” the younger chuckled._

_“minhee?” the elder threw a playful smile._

_“i hate you more than him.” beomgyu pouted._

_soobin shrugged. “ah..bugs.”_

_“oh god! hyung.. it’s betrayal!” a weak punch met soobin’s shoulder resulting in him to let out an empty laugh._

_“i know.. i just don’t want you to think about it.”_

_“no.. i want to think about it.” beomgyu changed his gaze to the sand around his feet._

_“why? because it’s kang taehyun?”_

_the younger nodded. “uhm.. he just betrayed me, right?” soobin saw a painful smile on his face. “but I can’t hate him and I don’t know why. it’s frustrating. really frustrating..”}_

*

_this can’t be_

_this can’t be_

_this can’t be_

beomgyu is not in his right mind for sure as he really stormed out to taehyun’s hotel room without even check on how he looks like-a white plain tee with some kimchi stained from last night, the same pants he wear for the wedding yesterday with additional mud stain, hotel slippers, face with fresh drool stain and disheveled hair.

he needs an explanation. no. he needs someone to deny it, telling him everything is a mistake. sure, marrying kang taehyun was his lowkey dream but this ain’t it. 

everything seems so wrong.

“kang taehyun-ssi, open the door” beomgyu knocks the door repeatedly after he got no response from ringing the doorbell. 

“yah!! you’re in there!! i know” still no answer.

“kang taehyun!!” beomgyu literally shouts and suddenly the door opens, revealing kang taehyun with black tee and white shorts, towel around his neck and wet hair.

seems like he was recently out from shower.

“oh..” the only sound that beomgyu manages to make which is basically more like _god-how-can-kang taehyun-looks-this-good-after-shower-_ oh. 

“what do you want?” taehyun frowns, waking beomgyu up from whatever daydreaming space he gets into.

“err.. this..” beomgyu shoving his phone to the younger, showing the cursed email he got. “tell me it’s a mistake!”

it took a while for taehyun to scan the content and he ended up with a smirk. “heol!”

“what with that reaction..” beomgyu blinks repeatedly, trying to process taehyun’s reaction.

“no.. It’s not a mistake.” taehyun is done reading and gives the phone back to its owner. He crosses his arm over his body and look at beomgyu confused face. “we sign it yesterday, remember?”

“yes but i am as mr. huening!” he just got to yell that out. “also.. the news.. have you seen those..”

taehyun reacts faster this time. “yeah.. saw some..”

“and..” beomgyu expects more from taehyun. he even ready to listen to any rants but taehyun doesn’t show any discomfort and doesn't let out any sigh.

“and what?” that poker face irritates beomgyu.

_is this amazing skater really expressionless? is that normal?_

“wait.. i know i am dramatic and unnecessarily panicking 24/7 but I don’t think normal people would be at your level of calm when they are suddenly married overnight with a stranger.” the wedding planner ruffles his hair out of frustration. that charming man in front of him drives him insane.

“you’re not just dramatic and unnecessarily panic this time but also a bit naive and dumb I guess..” finally the skater sigh. but because of beomgyu dumbness. 

“hey…” 

taehyun could see the elder clenching his fists and realises he deserves explanation too.

“fine, i will tell you the full story. come in.” the younger invites beomgyu in and the elder just follows.

beomgyu saw his own reflection from the mirror in the room and having his own moment of embarrassment before taehyun told him to take a seat on the couch while he is sitting crossed leg on the edge of the bed, facing him.

“it’s actually an arranged marriage.” taehyun starts.

“what? who?” beomgyu’s _embarrassed thoughts_ bubble popped off in a snap.

“me and kai. it’s an arranged marriage. you know those rich people shit rules where an heir needs to get married before getting the ceo position?” beomgyu gives him unsure nods but he just assumes the wedding planner understood what he means. 

“we are in that situation. they choose me as i am the only kai’s best friend so they think it will be more bearable for kai. but that boy doesn’t want that. so he ran away.”

“why do you agree then?” there is a bit of jealousy inside his curiosity. 

“his family will disown him and kai cherish his siblings so much. as a best friend, what can you do other than just agree.”

beomgyu is bad at reading face and emotions but he believes he sees sincerity behind taehyun’s charming eyes. 

“kai is also rich rich. it’s somewhat benefiting me too.” the skater shrug followed by his snickers.

okay, beomgyu maybe really bad at reading people. 

“okay.. but then is that even related to the situation now?” 

taehyun found clueless beomgyu is kinda cute. he tries his best to hide his smile. 

“it is..” taehyun confirms. “i don’t know what kai did but his parents really stopped their guest to come yesterday, that’s a first.”

the younger pauses, giving the clueless one’s brain process the information.

“and they really replaced all hueningkai’s name with yours, and registered our marriage to make sure everyone believes it..”

taehyun’s voice trailed away and it is the time for beomgyu to ask.

“what about the guests that present yesterday.. they all know me by mr. huening.” beomgyu is relieved seeing taehyun nods to his statement as sign of agreement. at once, he doesn’t look dumb. 

but it doesn’t last long.

“but they remember your face more. dozens of medias reporting you’re choi beomgyu then they will believe that. that’s how media manipulate, right?”

the elder jaws dropped in awe. _taehyun big brain!_

then, there is a moment of silence as beomgyu achieving an epiphany.

he whines.“i made their work easier… choi beomgyu you dumbass..” beomgyu regretting his life choice, he knocks his own head repetitively. 

“you are.” here you go taehyun mockery laugh.

“shut it..” the elder is almost crying.

taehyun still wearing his mockery smile but his attention changes to his phone, checking all the articles from the internet about the so-called accidental marriage.

“woah.. now i see the power money holds. it’s fascinating.” taehyun is amused by all the displays of the effects of capitalism. 

“can you tell them to hide the news from my mom?” beomgyu sniffs his non existence tears. 

_dramatic ass._

“i am afraid i can’t do that.” taehyun singsong his answer without sparing him any glance. 

“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA” beomgyu let himself sink in the couch and restlessly kicking the air like a sulking child. 

taehyun remains unbothered. “are you done?” 

“no, why?” 

“guess we at least need to act like a married couple.”

“what?” _beomgyu didn’t sign up for this._

he soul almost left his body hearing that. 

“they already know when i will go back, the media will be flooding at the airport. their annoying ass will throw a lot of baseless rumour if they don’t see us together.” 

“wait..i..” it’s not like beomgyu couldn’t understand. he just overwhelmed in addition with taehyun gaze that was like a dagger threatening him to obey. 

“don’t you dare back out! this is the risk of marrying me even accidentally.. even this is not really an accident. you put yourself in it.” 

beomgyu let out a heavy breath, massaging his temple.

“oh, come on! for the sake of my career reputation too.” taehyun whines and it is really a smart move, effective on beomgyu.

only choi beomgyu.

“oh fuck, fine!” beomgyu rolls his eyes as he realises he is losing.

“chill.. you’re benefiting it too..” the younger complains due to the dramatic act he witnessed all along the conversation.

“in what extend?” of course beomgyu doesn’t want to buy it that easily.

taehyun send him an article link via the messaging app. “there’s a whole article about you and your career. they did a background check on you.”

“cool..” beomgyu fascinates more with the comments. dozens of them just dropped by to praise his visual. he satisfied to the point he takes some screenshot, saving for confident boost in the future.

taehyun notices the annoying giggles from the elder, he rolls his eyes. “someone really is enjoying here. i am actually the one at lost…”

“sucks to be you.” beomgyu finally succeed to counter attack, boiling the younger up.

and his happiness doesn't last long.

“yah!!! why don’t you leave before I got mad?”

*

“you’ll be fine.”

beomgyu flinches as soobin successfully interfering his unnecessary invisible overthinking space above his head. 

“i know.” he obviously lies.

“your action says the opposite.” soobin put down beomgyu’s fingers which since then digging in his lower lips harshly. that one habit of beomgyu that soobin has been trying to stop for years. soobin intertwined their hands then squeezed his hand for an assurance. 

beomgyu pouts making the dried blood on his lips as result of his habit visible.

“it’s just.. too surreal, okay? we used to joke about it and now i am already registered as his husband like….the hell?”

the younger might sound frustrated but soobin knows beomgyu’s heart is fluttering inside. 

“you’re happy?” soobin raises one of his eyebrows, asks the younger who sheepishly smiles.

“i don’t know but surely taehyun is not.” he gulps as he sees the said skater approaching them.

“yah.. let’s go.” taehyun casually calls beomgyu out like that causes soobin to cackle. 

“did he knows you’re older than him?” soobin mockingly asks beomgyu in whispers but yet, taehyun heard him.

“i know. for surely my mental age is older than him.” the skater said while he is focusing on his phone after **accidentally** being bothered by soobin and beomgyu’s intertwined hands.

“agree.” the older continues laughing, receiving a slap on his shoulder.

“hyung, whose side are you at?”

“of course you but he is stating fact.”

“i will cut your pay, for real.”

“you don’t dare.”

they continued their casual bicker until they heard their flight call from the airport announcement. they need to part ways as beomgyu and taehyun are going back to seoul which their flight is earlier than soobin who will directly go to busan, visiting his grandparents. time to say goodbye.

“i’ll call you whenever…” beomgyu being dramatic as if they don’t share the same apartment and never will meet again.

“clingy.” soobin teases while ruffles the younger’s hair. “have a safe flight.” 

“you too, hyung!” 

taehyun witnesses their dramatic farewell scene. he is not jealous, just a bit bothered. 

*

“you okay?” taehyun asks the wedding planner who since then keeps fidgeting his fingers, and nibbling his own lower lip restlessly as soon as they get on their seat in the plane.

“well, soobin-hyung is not around.. so..” beomgyu pursed his lips into a line hiding his little anxiety of plane taking off.

“are you guys something?” there is it. the thing that keeps bothering the skater.

beomgyu blinks twice. “me and soobin-hyung?” he shakes his head almost laughing at that idea.

“no. he is like a brother.” 

“how about him? what he thinks about you?” taehyun asked him in a serious tone and beomgyu couldn’t not notice that. well, the skater used to be unbothered.

“you seem concerned..” the wedding planner smiles with suspicion.

“i just don’t want to be a homewrecker.” taehyun seems in denial but beomgyu couldn’t notice that as the plane starts moving and all parts of his body parts stiffen.

“taehyun-ssi, can I hold your hand?” the older’s face already drained out of blood. pale. 

“please.” beomgyu doesn’t have to said that actually as taehyun’s hand safely intertwined with his.

*

the arrival lounge is busy today with reporters and media outlets, waiting for the newly-wed who has been the talk of the town. beomgyu hesitates a bit to walk out to the lounge, culture shock. however, taehyun manages to calm him down with the look in his eyes which never fails to mesmerize the older. they tighten their intertwined hands, walking through the dozens of reporters. no mobbing, no injuries, all safe but not beomgyu’s heart.

beomgyu is in daze mode, a bit of overwhelmed with sudden attention he gets to the point he doesn’t realise he is dragged into an overpriced car that he believes it is not an airport taxi. 

“we are going together? where?” 

the older panicking and taehyun only throws him a smile.

“to home of course.”

and taehyun really left beomgyu hanging as he quickly drift off to take a nap.

*

“huening family gave me this house as an apology.” 

taehyun informs beomgyu as they arrive at an elite residence which looks like those houses in kdrama sky castle. 

“you talk to them? how?” the elder’s eyes almost bulged out.

“they will contact you later they said as you’re not someone who is prone to expose shits unlike me.”

“whaa..” beomgyu scoffs listening that.

“look, here’s the plan.” taehyun manages to gets back beomgyu small sized attention span. “we need to stay at least a week for a fake honeymoon. then, let's part way. okay?”

enough of being clueless, beomgyu is trying to rebel. “why I should listen to you?”

and he receives the powerful glaring from the skater. “you have any better plan?”

“have you seen newlyweds straight on working after the wedding?”

beomgyu couldn’t answer that, hanging his head low in defeat.

“just cooperate beomgyu-ssi, i am trying to make your life easier here.” yet it sounds like a threat to beomgyu.

_for once you’re wrong, kang taehyun._

_it’s getting harder._

_tell me what is harder than crushing on someone who hates even the idea of you_

_and living under the same roof for a week._

_it’s a torture._ he thinks

beomgyu can only sigh. 

_just what play do the universe pull him into this time?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> well i dont realise how much i made beomgyu life hard but it will get better i promise.  
> thanks for reading! i totally appreciate it if you could drop feedbacks and comments so i can improve
> 
> have a nice day, love you


	4. Two different souls

the house is big. no. super big. beomgyu’s body basically froze as soon he stepped out from the car, blinking repeatedly in slow motion and he for surely doesn’t realise taehyun already left him, getting into the house.

“mr. choi, are you okay?” a middle aged woman in a suit approaches him with a worried face. 

beomgyu dramatically flinches. “who are you?” he stutters and receives a warm smile from the woman.

“i am mrs lee, the head housekeeper here. welcome to the green hill villa.” she bows and inviting beomgyu into the house front lawn.

“oh thank you.” he looks around realising all their stuff has already moved by the butlers in.

they walk towards the front door which is not the common one he used to see. “i’ll show both of you around, mr kang already waiting inside.” 

_damn, that little red head..tsk._ beomgyu grunts internally on how that skater leaving him there and go on first but he is at fault too being too fascinated to not walk faster.

“should we get going?” mrs lee snaps him from his internal whining. 

“sure.” beomgyu grins in embarrassment. 

it’s just a house, a big one tour but beomgyu reacts as they are having a field trip. 3 storey house with a basement, the wedding planner is beyond fascinating, compared to the apartment unit he shared with soobin, this house is like a palace. 

as they enter the house a contemporary designed living room greets them with a wide glass at the other side of the wall so that the whole garden is on display as background making the pastel marigold furniture stand out from the greenery of the garden. to the left, there located the dining room, connected to the kitchen and to the right, there is an ensuite bedroom. that’s how a bit of the first floor is. while at the basement, there is home theater and sound system facilities complete with 85 inches high resolution screen and a three-seater sofabed with more private and warm ambience perfect for a movie night. 

moving to the second floor, they find an open space that is divided into two parts as soon as they reach the top of the stairs. there are three tall bookshelves attached to the wall, 2 bean bags and numbers of random shaped cushions scattered on the carpeted floor at one side meanwhile the other side, there are treadmill, some gym facilities that beomgyu couldn’t even name and yoga mats lined up on the floor. the ambience there is really refreshing and cozy, same as the living room, where you can see the sky and greenery as background. there are 3 rooms on the second floor too. 

here we are on the third floor which is beomgyu’s personal favourite. there is only a room up there which is connected to the terrace which is a really good spot for stargazing. compared to the balcony he had before at the apartment which is his favourite spot, the terrace is really like a dream come true.

“i want the room on the third floor!” beomgyu quickly exclaims as mrs lee asks their preference. 

“i’ll choose the one at the first floor, then.” taehyun got a questioning face from beomgyu but of course he ignores it.

“sure, i’ll prepare the room for you.” mrs lee nods, signaling to the butlers to carry their things to the room.

suddenly…

“uhm, mrs lee, how about the rink?” taehyun asks mrs lee in private but beomgyu doesn’t miss to hear it.

“rink?!!” beomgyu’s jaws drops. _he heard it right, right?_

taehyun rolls his eyes. _dumb, naive and nosy.. what a personality.._

“oh, yes. it’s located across the garden, detached from the house as it needs different temperature and special maintenance. i almost forgot about it.” 

“cool. can i have a look?” the skater eyes lit up and it is the first time beomgyu sees him genuinely happy.

“sure, follow me.” mrs lee is leading the way followed by taehyun.

“can i go there too?” beomgyu grins as respond to taehyun’s glare.

mrs lee let out a little laugh. “of course you can, mr choi.”

they are walking through the living room and the garden where beomgyu is a bit distracted with the swimming pool and the landscape in which he thinks it is a good spot for a small wedding ceremony. just a few steps ahead, they reach a small house as big as the living room, nothing special at the outside but as they enter, it is really a rink. not as big as the one at the olympics or sports complex or for the public entertainment one though. it is half sized of the big one, suitable for personal training or practise. beomgyu is in awe while taehyun and mrs lee proceed to look around. 

and yes, he is staring taehyun from afar.

kang taehyun smiling genuinely like that is such a rare sight. he really hopes to see those eyes of the skaters up close to count how many stars present in there. _t_

_here must be a lot_ , he thinks. 

_taehyun is really happy about getting the facilities he wanted. he must like skating so much. oh to be the reason for kang taehyun’s happiness…_

beomgyu is really in his own world as he doesn’t notice taehyun already in front of him, talking some stuff.

“this should be my house with kai, we designed it together. the rink should be at the living room or the basement though but maybe that idea is too unrealistic in architecture.” 

“oh..” someone is jealous. “how about the third floor? whose idea is that?” and he is wishing taehyun will say it is his.

but beomgyu is so transparent and taehyun can read him so well. taehyun is thinking of teasing the elder.

“if i say kai, you will be disappointed and change to another room?”

there is beomgyu still clueless. “no.” he stutters. “why should i be disappointed though?”

taehyun doesn’t want to answer that and smiles amused. 

“mr kang, mr choi, the rooms are ready.” mrs lee suddenly cut the tension they had earlier. “the housekeeper will be here once in two days and so do i. if anything feel free to contact me. i’ll leave now.”

“thank you, mrs lee.”taehyun bows and beomgyu follows “have a nice day ahead.”

and then they don’t see each other for the rest of the day.

*

not only the rest of the day but it has been 3 days they didn’t interact properly like normal people. they do share the same house but the fact that the house is too big so it is hard to make them at the same place at the same time. 

in beomgyu’s case it doesn’t like he is not trying to interact but once he is at his third floor room, he found it is too troublesome to go downstairs or yeah you could say he is lazy to walk around the house. 

while for taehyun’s case, he is not even trying. why? easy answer, he just doesn’t prefer to talk to beomgyu. unlike beomgyu, he doesn’t really need to interact with people to stay alive and sane. he enjoys his personal space as much as he loves skating.

nevertheless, it will be nonsense if the writer makes their relationship stay unprogressed. 

thank god their meal schedule is kinda similar and both prefer to not having meal in the bedroom, they meet 3 times a day at the dining room to eat after receiving their take outs from the delivery (both of them are a horrible cook and food delivery exist so yea). but well no conversation really happened. taehyun enjoys eating while watching videos or simply do whatever in his phone, leaving beomgyu in the awkward silence on the first day. learning from the bad experience of the first day, beomgyu starts to mirror the younger habits or just quickly eat so that he can leave the dining room early. 

they only exchange good mornings, some beomgyu’s random rambles that are left unanswered, something like ‘i have extra food, you want some?’ and ‘pass me the chopstick and spoon, please?’. 

nothing much. 

the house is quiet quiet and the longest conversation only last for 2 minutes where taehyun complained how beomgyu basically having child-like taste buds and a picky eater. and beomgyu who is offended, snapped and simply blurts out, 

‘you can’t always like everything in life’ 

the line is out of context but it is beomgyu we are talking about here. the younger replied with 

‘yeah, agree as i am starting to dislike you’ 

and the conversation ended like that with cold tension between them.

* 

4th day and beomgyu thought he will lose all his sane, trapped in the house without man to man interaction. having the highest room of the house, nearest to the source of light of the day, he absorbing too much energy that needed to be emitted. not to mention, he is the sunshine himself. 

he did reach soobin out for a conversation and even ranted about everything on the first day he arrived at the house, reporting everything he did every hour even though the latter seems doesn’t bother to read all the messages. beomgyu is even expected that. soobin is having a quality time with his grandparents and he should not be bothered. and the last reply he got was, 

_‘you know i can’t always entertain you here so stop spamming and talk to taehyun already!!’_

the wedding planner sighs while letting his body sink in the bed deeper, thinking of what to do today. he done enjoying each facility in the house on the 3rd day except the rink as it is taehyun’s territory, so he planned to sleep in today. and.. it lasts 5 minutes only as his phone starts ringing, a call from a private number.

within the fifth ring, he answered. “hello?”

_‘may i speak to choi beomgyu?’_

“sure but can i know whom i speak to?”

_‘i am mr song, huening’s family lawyer. i would like to discuss something with you. could you spare me some time?’_

*

taehyun is not purposely waiting for 15 minutes before eating his breakfast and he is also not purposely eating it slowly as beomgyu for the first time doesn’t show up for breakfast, leaving him eating alone at the dining, quieter than ever without the elder’s endearing small rambles and random whines. let’s just say he finally can have breakfast peacefully and enjoy his meal time alone and ignore the fact that he keeps glancing at the dining room entrance like he is waiting for someone to come. 

he has already finished his meal and still refuses to leave the room, insisting to the other half of himself that he needs to stay and wait for non-existence of anything other than beomgyu. that is how he ends up searching his own name on the internet.

_promising talent, immaculate skills, full of potential, icon of passion, blessed with both talent and face_

taehyun couldn’t help but smile with all the remarks he received. his life is good so far and he is very proud of that. he is one with overflowing confidence where people mistakenly took it as narcissism, very picky in choosing people who can enter and stay is his life which people assume he is intimidating and unfriendly, never let his emotions take over him or showing too much so people say he is cold as ice, also very good in hiding all his flaws and fears where people found him admirable and perfect. 

that’s how we could describe a kang taehyun. 

he might enjoy too much praise and keep on going deep until he comes across a site that he will regret reaching.

_‘he is old already. he might have the talent but he body can’t go on anymore’_

_‘i still don’t know how people like him. for me he is just average’_

_‘he is married so he will retire from skating right? please tell me he is retiring’_

_‘he is just all pretty face. other skaters deserve more recognition’_

_‘kang taehyun is overrated’_

_‘he is not married to any wealthy man? that is really not him’_

_‘he should stop skating and focus on modelling only’_

_‘i heard he has bad personality too’_

_‘i dislike him just because’_

taehyun’s smile fades from his face. he is not upset nor sad. he is angry. forget to mention, he is one who really takes pride in his skill. he works hard for it, really harder than anyone he knows. so when people doubt his skills or take it for granted, it doesn’t sit right with him. he believes he is good at it. he just knows it!

but maybe he is a bit offended with the ‘he is old’ and ‘he is married’ remarks. his almost non existence insecurities grow into a small dot and he feels challenged. 

_y’all want me to prove it? i will show you then!_

and there the last time he was seen around the house. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter is somewhat a filler. school is starting so i might update irregularly but ill try my best.
> 
> thanks for reading. stay safe stay hydrated! ly ^^


	5. Too much of a simple minded

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm writing this in the middle of my chemistry prerecorded lecture. it's just to not letting myself dozes off haha. enjoy reading!!!

“taehyun-ssi!!!!” 

the deafening voice almost cracked with excitement. that was the loudest pitch heard in the house. 

“where are you?!!”

the owner of the voice hopped his way to the other separated building. 

“kang taehyun-ssi!” he might be too loud to be of the mentioned likings.

“oh! you’re really here?”

their eyes met, one with half excitement and half curiosity and the other one just pure annoyance.

“why are you here?” beomgyu is only standing a step away from the glass main door while watching the younger gulping his drinks on the bench near the rink entrance. repeatedly hit the lock/unlock button of his ipad which he brings together, fidgeting as he is a bit of nervous.

taehyun put down his drinks, wiping the spilled drink around his lips using the back of his hand. it is nothing interesting but the fact that he is the kang taehyun, beomgyu staring attentively. 

“i thought you know what people do at the ice rink.”

the elder doesn’t go deep with his staring session as the younger starts his sarcasm. “no.. i mean… it’s almost evening right now. you used to practice in the morning and stop when it’s lunch time.”

taehyun raises one of his eyebrows, a questioning stare. “you know my routine? are you stalking?”

instead of panicking as he was caught, beomgyu smiles calmly.“we are literally living in the same house. i saw you around a lot it’s just you never notice my existence.”

there is a hint of disappointment lingering the last line and taehyun read it well.

“what are you doing here?” taehyun ends their eye contact, staring at the rink in front of him. plain tone.

beomgyu chews his lower lips, before continues. “uhm.. well.. i want to talk to you about something.” a silent pause, “have you eaten yet? let’s go eat while talking. i didn’t eat anything since morning..so i quite hungry.”

the elder grins while tapping his belly, giving taehyun an endearing sight to persuade even he knows the younger doesn’t buy it. 

“let’s just talk here. if it is long, make it short for me.” he answers with no significant tone to show how he is uninterested.

beomgyu pouts and sighs. “as expected…” he plops down beside taehyun on the bench, of course minding some distance between them. “well.. how should I start..”

“i got called by huening’s family lawyer. and we are talking about the damage control settlement.”

he doesn’t know how but that statement attracts the younger’s attention. 

“how much do you get?” taehyun asks with anticipation. kinda a lot.

beomgyu blinks twice and then shakes his head in tiny. “i don’t ask for money..”

the skater rolls his eyes, giving the wedding planner god-you’re-so-unbelievable-face “oh.. please tell me you’re not asking something dumb.”

“of course not. i am asking for more big projects and two or three magazines appearances and interviews. isn’t it cooler?” 

beomgyu’s eyes lit up for a while before taehyun turned them down.

“no.. money is better.”

“money couldn’t give me experiences to develop my skills or promote me for a better reputation and become the main wedding planner in the company. i need those experiences. and the recognition! i would die for them.” 

the eyes beomgyu had that particular moment. 

it’s different. 

desperation and hope filling every curve in those big eyes which sparks a fire in there. 

taehyun is amazed by that where he senses familiarity. it as if he looks at his eyes reflection before any tournament he participates. 

_ too much identical to his!  _

realising that he held somewhat too much seconds of eye contact, he tears his gaze away.

“money does but differently”

“you mean.. bribe? no! i didn’t do such thing.” beomgyu denies as if he is offended.

“sure. whatever.” taehyun steals a glance and a bit disappointed that the fire in his eyes already replaced with the bright and kinda endearing one (no, you don’t hear it from taehyun) 

“so that’s it?”

“i also want to tell you that you’re right. i am benefiting.” beomgyu shyly says it and smiles sheepishly while taehyun is internally cursing himself for thinking that it is cute. 

“hurm..”

“one last big thing!” beomgyu suddenly remembers something, he unlock his ipad and open the notes application. 

“the interviews..” he is unsure on continuing, “they for sure will ask personal things like well..” his voice fades, hoping that big brain taehyun figure out.

“like..behind our so called marriage?” the younger did.

“y-yes..” the elder nods.

“made up a story then.”

“then.. should we discuss it so our stories are the same?”

“yeah..yeah.. whatever..” 

taehyun can just shut the elder anytime he wants. he always do that even. but this time, he just feel like he wants beomgyu to keep talking to him. 

of course not because he enjoys it. he just thought maybe the elder’s loud and annoying antics could distract him from the stress and pressure he is having right now. or maybe beomgyu just an epitome of endearing sight which makes him feel like he is recharging mentally and physically. 

just like the human vitamin or a mood maker or simply a sunshine. (again, no. you’re not hear it from taehyun)

“can i say we are inseparable childhood friends then reunite after years then the love which is always been there around blooms-”

taehyun quickly cut the elder’s

“lame. i hate the concept.”

beomgyu hisses. “i believe you have a brilliant idea then..”

“we met at the public rink. your friends dare you to challenge me with skating tricks. so we settle for a deal and you’re really arrogant because you thought i was just a random boy. at the end you lose so terribly and as result you need to buy me meals for a week straight but you’re broke af so you ended up doing that once a week for two months. then from that, we become friends and get closer.”

beomgyu doesn’t like it and whines. “excuse me?!! you make me so bad in there!”

“moving on, please.” 

taehyun found out his new hobby; teasing the choi beomgyu.

the elder grunts. “then..who confesses first?”

“you and you are also the one who propose.”

“whaa — ” beomgyu tries to contain his anger.

“next.”

“how long do we date?”

“a year of being friends then we date for 2 years.” taehyun answers it too fast and makes beomgyu thinks that the younger already having the full information at the back of his head.

“no! isn’t that too short?” the elder finally has the strong desire to oppose the idea.

“not at all if we put that you’re so whipped for me.” 

okay, beomgyu is having enough.

“5 years, that’s it.” the wedding planner type ‘5 years’ on the blank notes page since earlier. taehyun’s ideas were just too one sided to be taken as an information so he passed.

“hey!” this is the moment where the tables had turned.

beomgyu smile mischievously shrugs. 

“ok. that’s it all..” he stands up and checks his phone. “oh! my food has arrived, i’ll leave then.”

“sure. don’t bother to come back.” taehyun warns, really regretting that the elder stays longer that evening.

“too bad, i used to be a rebel.” beomgyu laughs.

“don’t practice too hard and don’t forget to eat. keep your body warm or you will catch a cold. bye, my hardworking husband!”

the wedding planner was a bit too brave that evening, caressing the skater’s cheek before leaving. it should be just a childish teasing from him but not when the skater feels somehow bothered by that. another unidentified feeling.

“god! i hate him so much.” 

*

2 a.m. in the morning. it is suddenly raining heavily outside, wakes beomgyu up from his dreamless sleep. too cold to sleep, beomgyu drags himself up with blanket wrapped tight all over his body turns him into a burrito. he crawls to the glass window which build 80% of the wall of that side of the room. he sits there, let himself drown into his thought staring outside which ironically comforts him.

as a habit, he brings his face closer to the glass, blowing hard on it creating a foggy spot on the glass, large enough for him to draw two dots and a curve line under with his index finger. 

_ there is it, a smiley. _

automatically a smile spread on his face too.

an hour passed just like that with beomgyu sneeze almost every 3 minutes. he is not really good with that weather so he is kinda happy watching the clouds stop pouring some rain. he stands, wanting to go back to his bed but suddenly something caught his eyes as he saw a wider view as he stood.

he could see the ice rink and the whole backyard.

and seeing how bright the light shines from the inside of the rink, he knows _ kang taehyun is still there _ .

*

beomgyu still in his pyjamas when he walk through the garden, heading to the ice rink. it feels like an eternity to reach there as he forgot to grab any outerwear and the air after rain there almost eating him up.

another sneeze before he makes his entrance, and there, he found kang taehyun with the same attire he's been wearing since morning, skating aimlessly with a worn out face.

“yah! taehyun!!”

the elder knows he is being ignored as he already shouted it out loud and taehyun continues practicing his triple axel like nothing happened.

“kang taehyun!!!”

beomgyu goes to him, shouting from outside of the rink, this time closer. “you should stop, it is already late.”

“if you just want to say that, leave.” he said while getting ready for another jump, a quad maybe..

but he fails and falls on his knees.

“not until you stop. we are leaving together.” 

the wedding planner almost jump over the border and run to the skater who still on the ice but,

“fuck off!”

he shoves away his attention, wanting the skater to calm down. “fine i’ll leave. but tell me why are you like this first?” 

“you’re not near to any championship nor qualifiers matches. so why?”

beomgyu was purely too worried but he is also bad in choosing question. 

taehyun seems to be struggling to stand straight. he must be injured somewhere.

“so i need those reasons to practice all night?” his legs tremble while skating his way towards beomgyu, despite that he snickers right in front of the elder’s face. 

“oh to be simple minded as you.”

it’s a bad sign. that tone, that face of taehyun. 

beomgyu gulps as he realised he might say something so wrong to the skater. he purses his lips into thin line, clenches his fist, ready to receive anything from the angry kang taehyun.

“good for you, getting your reputation fixed while resting as much as you want without need to be worried. don’t  you think you're benefiting from this situation? everything is really easy for you, right?”

“what do you mean?” beomgyu is offended and taehyun is satisfied seeing how uncomfortable the elder right now.

so, he brings his face closer to beomgyu, grasping his pyjamas collar without breaking eye contact. with a smirk that never fades since th en on his face, he whispers, 

“people like you, choi beomgyu, have you ever faced anything hard in this world? tell me how easy your life is by being simple minded and take things so easy. you got to do whatever you want and don't have to care how people see you, it must be easy.”

shaky eyes, restless breathing, pursing his lips so tight until his face turns pale. taehyun recognises them as a sign of defeat.

“yah.. you..”

the skater gives him a push before letting go of his pyjamas collar.

“do whatever you want. you can’t stop me anyway.”

he skates away without sparing any glances after.

*

_ simple minded. _

_ taking things easy. _

_ doing whatever he wants. _

_ doesn’t care how people see him. _

_ he is. it was him. taehyun is not wrong at that but.. _

_ having it all easy? _

_ he is not.  _

_ far from that even. _

_ growing up with weak endurance, he always ended up hospitalised once a month when he was a boy. he hardly had friends and spent all day outside of the house as a child. _

_ born in a rich  _ _ and well known  _ _ family, his strict father always has expectations towards him so he will always be ready to be disowned if he fails any exams or does not actively participate in school activities. _

_ a second child and a younger brother of a really smart and good in everything older brother, being compared by his relatives and his parents’ friends is a common thing to him. _

_ pursuing his own dream which of course his father disagreed with, he paid his college fees using his own money he got from 3 part time jobs. he even needed to repeat a year as he kinda messed up juggling his jobs and focus studying. _

_ life after college is not getting easier. he barely got a place in any wedding planning company. 13 interviews to get what he is having now. started up as an ordinary crew first and slowly climbed up the stairs towards his dream. luckily, he is one who is easily forgive and forget. if not, there will be a long list of people who made him dirty and gave him a hard time. _

_ so yes. he never gets it easy but i _ _ t does  _ _ not means that he is ungrateful or resentful. having the personality he had. he  _ _ believes  _ _ he will get his own happy ending. _

and thanks to his simple minded self, he simply dozes off on the sofa in the living room as he is too lazy to go up to his room.

or maybe he is just forcing himself to forget taehyun’s words by sleeping. 

* 

choi beomgyu wakes up with an urge to sneeze. he could not believe himself sleeping without blankets in the cold living room and woke up alive. 

surprisingly, the second thought he gets that morning is kang taehyun. looks like he really forgot what  the latter said to him.

he runs to the ice rink and it is empty. after checking every corner, he went back to the house and hesitated before knocking the door of taehyun’s room.

_ knock, knock _

“taehyun-ssi, are you in there?”

silent.

“taehyun-ssi, i will come in okay?”

he walks into the room and the first thing he saw was taehyun wrapped in his duvet, with heavy breathing on the floor. 

“kang taehyun!!!” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> as you can see i gave a bit preview of beomgyu background, there is a lot more to unveil and ill do taehyun's too on the next chapter. their journey is long way to go i hope you guys okay with that. also, tysm for reading!!!
> 
> you might already can predict what happened next so yeah, stay tune!


	6. I hate you!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> taehyun thinks he hate beomgyu.
> 
> yeah, he thinks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> writing this because physiology and anatomy module is getting nonsense i mean how do epithelial cells could be that complicated okay nvm. here we go 6th chapter!!! enjoy

painkillers 

paracetamol 

flu reducer

cool pack

band aids

antiseptic 

_oh another cool pack just in case!_

being so easy to get sick, beomgyu always has those ready in his bag wherever he goes. he ends up bringing his whole medication bag with him without being selective to taehyun’s room.

the younger is having a fever. his body temperature goes up till 39 degrees celsius and he has quite a hard time breathing. 

he brought the younger up from the floor and tucked him in the bed before getting all the medications from his room. trying his best to make sure taehyun swallows the right dose of the drug (taehyun is damn vulnerable to his surprise and it makes thing easier as he is not refusing or being stubborn) then, after that he pats the wet towel gingerly on taehyun’s face and neck, get rid of the cold sweat too. taehyun looks calmer while sleeping and beomgyu now is planning to look over his feet. 

it’s just he noticed how bad taehyun fell in his jumping attempt last night. and seeing how there are some cuts and bruises scattered around his feet randomly, he really needs to work on it while taehyun is sleeping, under the effects of the medication. 

everything is done and it’s already afternoon. beomgyu then decides to stay in the room. setting a comfortable spot on the floor with some pillows and blankets, he starts to look over the paper works of new projects which he just received from that huening family lawyer. 

and suddenly he starts to sneeze again.

“what the hell..” 

beomgyu tighten the blanket around his body, in hoping the warmth could make him stop sneezing at least and can focus on his work. 

it only 2 paperworks down and the wedding planner’s head starts to spin. he wants to take a nap for a while, thinking it would make him feel better but suddenly he hears taehyun calls for him.

“hey, you..”

“oh!” beomgyu quickly responds, crouching beside the bed, “do you need anything?”

“what are you doing here?” taehyun asks with a raspy voice and is also weak. _seems like his throat might be sore too,_ beomgyu thinks.

“look after you while doing some work..” 

“you can leave.” he says softly. “i mean i can manage myself.”

“oh.. are you sure? i’m fine staying here-”

“i am not comfortable having you around..” 

so it is what it is. beomgyu is a liar if he says he heart doesn’t break a bit. 

“oh.” the elder smiles and taehyun can see the hint of pain in his face. “okay. i’ll go..” 

dare you expect beomgyu will give up just like that. 

“oh! i ordered some food for you. it’s porridge. at the kitchen. let me heat it up and bring it here.”

“no. i will eat there.”

being turned down twice is not the best experience. beomgyu secretly sighs 

“ah.. i will just heat it up, then.”

“sure. whatever.” 

a thank you should be sufficient but taehyun just doesn’t want to say that 

and of course beomgyu is okay with that.

*

beomgyu even prepares a warm water mixed with honey for taehyun. put it beside the warm porridge, he smiles, satisfied with what he did. not long after, taehyun come to the dining room in a thick hoodie and sweatpants. he looks a bit refreshed after the shower (which beomgyu told him to) and the elder reliefs that he is getting better. 

mindlessly, the wedding planner cups the skater’s both cheeks and a wide smile appears across his face. 

“your temperature is getting better!”

with that proximity, taehyun is not annoyed a bit. 

he blinks once. twice. not breaking the eye contact the elder initiates. 

_what is this? why he look so pretty when he is in good mood?_

_why he is even in good mood?_

taehyun believes the thought is totally influenced by the condition he is in. no way someone so annoying like beomgyu appears so pretty in his eyes. 

beomgyu then caress the soft cheeks with his thumbs. “you are really good at making people worried.” the smile still doesn’t leave his face. 

**_you are really good at making people worried_ **

that’s the line his yeonjun hyung used to say to him.

but it’s his yeonjun hyung. the one who is always by his side through all his ups and downs in life. an older brother who always makes sure he eats and sleep well. the one he never feels guilty to burden. 

but beomgyu is a stranger. a total stranger. how can he make someone like him so worried like that? 

taehyun slowly put down of beomgyu’s hand, making the latter flinch. 

“ah.. you should eat!” beomgyu is blushing, realising how weird he acts just now. 

“uhm.” the skater just straight walking to take the seat and beomgyu couldn’t stop staring.

“have you eaten lunch?”

“yes.” if you take 3 pieces of macaron and a bar of chocolate as a meal then yes, beomgyu have eaten his lunch.

the wedding planner was still staring at taehyun having his porridge attentively. it is just an endearing sight for him. the younger eats really well and makes him smile.

and suddenly beomgyu’s phone buzzes non stop. 

**My favourite tall hyung >**

choi beomgyu

help 

omg where are you?!!

gyu yaaa 

calm down hyung

and im fine thank you. hbu?

oh plz not now

im sorry but hear me out

yea yea what’s up

wait

i think i know

did your grandparents set you up with blind date again?

yesss and it’s the worst!

omg let me call you

sure hyung

  
  


right after he sent the last one, there it is incoming call from soobin. beomgyu also right away answers.

“hyung that was fast. you need me that much huh?” it’s followed by giggles which make soobin on the other side grunts.

“yeah yeah.. i know you love me now go on tell me what happened.” 

taehyun couldn’t really catch what they were talking about but it got annoying and loud when beomgyu started laughing uncontrollably.

_what’s so funny..._

there are still couple of scoops left in the bowl and taehyun starts to lose appetite. he clears up the table and quickly walks to his room, ignoring how happy beomgyu talking to soobin over the phone. 

as usual, he is not jealous, just a bit bothered.

*

“wow. it’s hella big.” 

a foreign figure with his hair blonde steps out from his 3 years old sporty red sedan car, fascinated by the big house in front of him. ‘green hill villa’ he reads and quickly he brings together his duffle bag and some other stuff, locks his car and walks straight to the door.

he presses the bell. 3 times already. he checks at the time on his phone. it’s only 10 pm. too early to sleep, he guessed. 

at the forth time, the door swings open. showing a man covered up by a thick comforter and his red nose that really catches attention. 

“ouh? yeonjun-ssi.” he sniffs.

“beomgyu-ssi.” he smiles awkwardly. “good evening.”

it is the first time they meet each other face to face and beomgyu never saw a person who looked so godly with blonde hair. the wedding planner embarrasses as he realises how awful he looks that time.

“come in. taehyun’s room is at the right. it’s the only room there.” beomgyu welcomes him in and leads him to the living room. 

“ah..thank you.” yeonjun nods.

beomgyu suddenly notices yeonjun doesn’t come with empty hands. 

“is that food? i glad you brought that. he is cooped there since afternoon and didn't have dinner yet.” 

“ah.. i see..” the blonde doesn’t really know how to respond to that but one thing for sure he wants to ask. 

“uhm..beomgyu-ssi, may i ask?”

“sure.”

“are you okay? you looks..” having a hard time choosing a right word, beomgyu continues instead.

“terrible, right?” he laughs. “just a mild flu. i’m not good at rainy weather.”

not wanting to continue the conversation more which also means not allowing yeonjun to ask more, beomgyu decides to leave.

“if anything, i’m in the kitchen.”

“alright.”

yeonjun heavy heartedly let beomgyu leaves. he notices how the younger could not even walk properly but he thinks they are not that close enough to help him walk. apart from that, taehyun might waiting for him. so he just stay there, watching from afar, until beomgyu disappears from his sight and then enters taehyun’s room only to see the younger sound asleep.

  
  


*

2.00 am

it’s yeonjun hungry hour. taehyun seems like he will only awake tomorrow and he seems fine, a lot better than what beomgyu describes in his message. so, he gets himself out from the bed, walking out from the room with two packs of ramyeon in his hand.

as soon as yeonjun arrived at the dining room, he was greeted by a sight of human burrito crouching on one of the seats of the dining table, with a laptop in front, watching him sleep and scattered papers around it. 

“he is really here..” yeonjun sighs.

“beomgyu-ssi.. wake up. you’re not supposed to sleep here.” 

he shakes the younger’s shoulder that peeks out from the blanket and the latter stirs before awakened. 

“ah.. oh.. hey..yeonjun-ssi..” beomgyu straightens his position on the seat and gives yeonjun a warm smile. “you need anything, yeonjun-ssi?”

“well.. i’m kinda hungry so i want to cook some ramyeon.” yeonjun says while showing him the packs of ramyeon he brought along.

“ramyeon.. sounds good. can i have some, yeonjun-ssi?”

seeing the other male sniffing with red nose, lit up face and puppy eyes, how can yeonjun say no even he believes he can finish the whole two ramyeon by himself. 

“sure you can.”

“great!” he smiles like yeonjun offers him the world and the elder is having the urge to adopt him. 

“by the way, it’s yeonjun hyung. just call me yeonjun hyung.”

  
  
*  
  
  


it only takes less than 10 minutes and yeonjun already back in the dining room with a pot of ramyeon, two small bowls and two pairs of chopsticks. beomgyu who already clears the table, face lit up despite how pale it is.

“ah..it smells so good!” the younger excitedly inhaled the aroma that came from the pot but maybe he over done it.

“achoo!” 

he also doesn’t know whether it comes from his flu or the spicy aroma. 

“oh, i’m sorry.” beomgyu quickly grabbing 2 or 3 pieces of tissues, wiping his runny nose also the table surface that might be exposed to his sneeze. 

“no it’s fine. i understand.” yeonjun brings him a glass of water. 

yeonjun take over preparing the ramyeon for both of them after seeing how beomgyu hand trembles when he tries to grab the ladle. 

done serving for two, yeonjun settles down beside beomgyu and of course he noticed, under beomgyu’s seat there is a box containing a power bank, chargers, one or two clothes, some files and a thin blanket. not far from it, there is a pillow and two animal plushies scattered around. 

beomgyu seems like he is going to camp at the dining room.

“how do you find here so comfortable?” yeonjun asks jokingly but seeing beomgyu with serious face, he asks again. 

“i mean, you are not planning to sleep here right?”

beomgyu however, nod. “well.. i’m planning to do so..”

“are you for real?” yeonjun almost choked on his ramyeon. 

“it’s a bit tough to climb up to my room on the third floor. my head keeps spinning so i would rather not use the stairs.” the younger said while keeping swirling his ramyeon with the chopsticks. “it’s convenient here, near the washroom, food and water supply and also warm unlike the living room.”

“you’re kinda weird.” 

beomgyu laughs weakly, “get that a lot.”

then, starting by that, their conversation flows naturally like both of them are two childhood friends who reunite after years. they are having a good conversation despite not in a good condition, the wedding planner really loves to talk. he also like feeding his hunger for human interaction which he has been lacking for days. 

it is like an hour and beomgyu learns that yeonjun skates too but just as a hobby. his family owns a rink place so it is kinda grew on him. that was how taehyun starts skating too. the youngest lost his parents at young age and yeonjun’s dad who is taehyun uncle too, adopted him. they skate since they were a child and getting closer through skating. 

yeonjun tells him some their childhood memories like how the he first time taught taehyun to skate, how they both got scolded because they sneak out at midnight to skate, how they used to compete who is better skater, how both of them find comfort in skating and how skating somewhat brings them together.

beomgyu thinks it is beautiful. their relationship is beautiful.

beomgyu envy that relationship. he wants someone as taehyun to yeonjun and as yeonjun to taehyun. one who he could call a family. one who never judges whatever you do, always be there supporting you, one who you can be transparent with, sharing problems and concerns.

he knows he always has soobin on his side and he is more than grateful of that. but their friendship is not on that level he wants. he still a bit insecure to share all his problems to soobin and there are some secrets he doesn’t really want the elder knows. and he knows he is the problem and not soobin. 

most of the time, it is soobin who find out himself what’s up with him and that hugely contribute to the skills of reading the choi beomgyu he has now. it is really inconsiderate of him as soobin never keep any secret from him and always open up to him. if he ever got into his overthinking loop of thoughts, he would never surprise if soobin give up on him and left. just who could keep up with his attitude though…

  
  
  
  


yeonjun ends up finishing beomgyu’s ramyeon as the younger only able to eat like three strings of the noodle and a sip of the soup. he does the cleaning up everything while beomgyu is taking his medication.

they are having their comfortable silence for a while and something comes across beomgyu’s mind.

“hyung, are you in a relationship?”

beomgyu asked. he rests his head on the table, hugging the pillow tighter. the drowsiness from the effects of medication eventually hits him.

“uh. no.” yeonjun 

“are you liking someone, waiting for the time to confess or anything?”

“also no.”

the wedding planner smiles in excitement.

“do you mind going on a blind date. just once.”

yeonjun just laughs, not taking it too seriously. “who is that person?”

“my best friend. he is younger than you by a year. i promise you he is a great guy!”

the blond froze for a second realising it is a serious thing.

“so, a guy?”

“oh, you’re not okay with that?” beomgyu is alarmed with that question.

yeonjun calms him down. “it’s fine. i am okay with that.” it’s been a long time since he ever met new people though. so he thought why not.

“you’re so cool hyung.” the elder lost count but beomgyu really said that a lot that night.

“i know.” he chuckles.

“you’re the coolest.”

that was the last line beomgyu said before he black out.

  
  
  


*

  
  
  


next morning.

“jun hyung?”

taehyun is having his time differentiating between dreams and reality as the first he saw on that morning was yeonjun's blond hair.

the elder seems recently awake too, changing his position of lying on his back to facing his younger brother.

“oh, good morning taehyunnie.” he ruffles the red head, causing him to grunt.

“why are you here?”

“why? you don’t like it?” yeonjun is offended. “you’re fine now. i think i can go home already.”

“you know?”

“beomgyu gave me a call, telling me to come, look after you because you said you are uncomfortable with him around.” a second of silent before yeonjun in his scolding mode. “that’s kinda harsh you know.”

“but it’s true.” taehyun talks back.

yeonjun sighs. “but still...”

“so tell me how you caught a fever?” the elder changes the topic as he knows it is useless to talk to taehyun about that.

“i’m doing things..” he lies.

“you stay up all night at the rink. tell me more.” yeonjun states as it is not something surprising anymore. “you skipped meals too, right?”

“i hate how much you know about me..” taehyun mumbles to himself.

“why?” yeonjun still in his scolding mode.

“why what?” taehyun pouts as he doesn’t really prefer that mode of yeonjun.

“who challenged you this time? you only skate like there’s no tomorrow when your anxieties and insecurities hiked up.” 

the younger chews his bottom lip before answers.

“bunches of strangers... on the internet...”

“oh my god..” he is angry. at both, those frats and taehyun. he acknowledges how mean people can be and taehyun doesn’t deserve it!

“i know i shouldn’t read them or even be affected but.. it’s just..” 

“are you okay now?” the blonde caresses the younger’s cheeks, worried. 

“you cuddled me last night so i think i am fine.” 

“glad to hear that..”

“when will you leave?” taehyun cuts the mood. 

yeonjun takes back his hand off the younger’s cheeks. “you hate me that much? i didn’t open the rink last night to come here. you at least should give me a tour.” 

“just go on yourself.. i wanna sleep more.” he teases.

“let me just ask beomgyu then.”

the mention of the wedding planner's name affects taehyun.

“seems like he’s gonna be your favourite, huh?” no, not jealous of course.

“well.. we talked last night and he’s a nice guy. you should be nicer to him.”

“sure..” taehyun secretly rolls his eyes.

“but for real hyunnie, do you notice he takes care of you while he himself having a flu?” 

“huh?” taehyun really surprised to hear that. 

seeing his reaction, yeonjun explains, “it’s kinda bad.. he sneezed every 2 minutes when we talked last night. and even the medication he took was quite strong. i feel like talking to someone tipsy.” there is a bit of exaggeration there but the main point is there.

“you blame me for it, then?” he is hiding his guilt, of course.

“no.. of course i’m not. that not what i mean” 

yeonjun sighs, “look, i know how you are with people and outsiders. but he is kind and lovely. give him a chance. don’t tell me you’re that oblivious to see how he is interested in you..”

“i know i know. he always does ‘i’m gonna stare at you until you like me back’ face.” he doesn’t mean to tell that but he did anyway and seeing his hyung reaction makes him instantly regret. 

“for real? this is interesting. tell me more.” yeonjun is like teenage girls excited listening to their friends love life.

“there’s no more. it’s not like i know what’s in his mind. i keep our interaction only last for a minute because talking to him is always not a great experience. he is fucking loud, nosy, dumb, naive, simple minded..”

the elder is disappointed to hear the latter. “enough of it. i want to hear something entertaining, not insults. the audacity you have to say all of these when he was the one who takes care of you the whole day. tsk tsk.”

that grows the guilt in kang taehyun.

“i want to take shower first. go rest more.” yeonjun gets up from the bed, heading to the bathroom but he suddenly stops.

“also taehyunnie. your wounds and bruises on your feet, it’s handled very well. you finally know how to take care of yourself huh? good boy!”

taehyun doesn't realise when did yeonjun left the room as he was busy tracing the random cartoon animal character band aid, covering all the wounds and the bruises he had. 

_choi beomgyu.._

he tries to remember what really happened last night chronologically but his fever surely got him closing his eyes all the time so he failed. 

but one thing lingered in his mind, the only thing he remembered, which he sorta familiar with.

_beomgyu’s warmth_.

the same warmth he felt when he first time came to beomgyu’s office and the latter welcomed him so kindly-the first impression, the same warmth he felt when he was in beomgyu’s hold as they danced during the wedding, also the same one he felt whenever beomgyu genuinely smiles at him.

  
  
  


_how can a person be so warm?_

  
  


*

  
  


later that afternoon, yeonjun left the house.

and the house turns really quiet, cold.

the fact that he doesn’t see the raven haired male around the first floor bothers him. 

“uhm, have you seen beomgyu?” he asked the housekeeper who he came across at the stairs.

“i saw him in the basement earlier. he is sleeping when i went there to clean.”

“ah.. thank you.”

and let’s just pretend he doesn’t run or skip any staircase when he is heading to the basement. 

as soon as he reaches there, a sneeze greets him.

“omma, why is it so cold.”

beomgyu is buried under a pile of blankets and duvet, only a part of his head peeks out. taehyun comes closer to the sofabed where the elder at. his heart drops seeing how red his nose and how pale his face is. 

“are you an idiot?” the skater blurts it out of anger. it is actually a mixture of guilt, worries and anger but taehyun only wants to emphasise the anger.

“oh, taehyun-ssi? is that you?” beomgyu peeks out his head, weakly smiles.

“uhm.” taehyun only hums and sits after him.

“don’t come near you can get infected.” he tries (keyword: tries) to push taehyun away but with his energy, taehyun actually doesn’t move any inches.

there, a minute of silence.

“why are you doing that?” taehyun starts the conversation which he rarely did.

“what?” 

“taking care of me while you’re unwell yourself?”

“ah...it just.. it hurts me too, seeing you like that.”

taehyun gives him a glance. the elder’s eyes still closed while talking. the skater hopes the elder doesn’t continue any further. beomgyu talking so softly and weakly made him extra guilty to the point he wants to embrace him in a hug. and the answer he gets just isn’t helping either.

“disappointment, anger, greed, dejected, i don’t know which one or maybe all but they are all over you that night.” 

he sniffs before continuing. “someone hurt you right? is it me? i’m sorry. i shouldn’t have asked those offensive questions last night.”

taehyun clenches his fists, holding himself back to not spare the other with a glance or any gentle contact.

“you’re really bad at reading people.” he mumbles, looking away.

“sure i am.”

beomgyu lets out a weak chuckles. 

“that night too, i want to hug you, pat your back, whisper to you that everything will be okay, it is just another hard phase in life and you should not be too hard on yourself.” 

something in taehyun awakened.

“it’s okay to rest for awhile and cry, i am always by your side.” 

taehyun doesn’t know it is him or the way beomgyu says it too softly that makes his heart beats differently, his body tingles differently, the feeling…. is different.

and he hates it.

he hates _different_.

especially when someone like beomgyu makes him feel like that.

suddenly beomgyu let out a little laugh. “that.. i want to say all that. it’s funny how i want to do all that without knowing what actually happened. i am really an idiot.”

taehyun grasping the hem of his shirt. he convinces himself that he doesn’t need new things in his life. he doesn’t need anything new. and that’s resulting in what he blurts out after. 

“you know what, i hate people like you.” 

beomgyu just smiles. “i know right. i hate myself too.”

that’s making taehyun hate him more. 

not only because introducing the new unknown yet ignored feeling to him but

replying to his coldness with warmth.

so much warmth.

he hates it.

  
  


*

it’s already a week. and it is the end of living under the same roof for them.

also they are getting back their own old life, with a promise no string attached. but of course the promise was left forgotten.

taehyun leave early that day and beomgyu still in his sleep which he been deprived for three days. they don’t get to say goodbye to each other face to face

**Wedding planner Choi** >

something came up, so i need to go early.

it’s okay

i understand 

how about your flu?

getting better

soobin hyung will pick me up later 

so everything is fine

i see

see you when i see you then

yup yup

if anyone asking about us let’s just say we are both busy with our stuff

sure

  
  


taehyun is left unsatisfied. how can a noisy person be also a dry texter. 

but he is glad, he doesn’t need to see any display of warmth which now irritates him. so he thinks he is fine with that.

  
  
  


**he thinks.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yeonjun blue hour teaser is out jflksjkksdkka he's insane and yet i love him so muchhh  
> so we got yeonjun appearance yayyyyy!!!!!!!!! also remind me to preorder the album in case im too overwhelmed with college work and stuff.
> 
> have a nice day everyone, thanks for reading and don't shy to leave your commments!!!!!!
> 
> >0<


	7. Flashes and teases

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> alternate chapter title: blooming

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i am back after some boring lectures haha. so this time i am struggling to write some fluff but yeah here you go, enjoy! ><

“do you realise what time it is?”

kang minhee is driven by the anger of waiting for an hour. beomgyu made him promise to get ready as early as 8.00 am on a sunday morning but only to see the elder still in the bed when he arrived the elder’s house at 8.15. it’s 10 past nine already and minhee can’t help but scold his hyung.

“i know. i know. i am sorry, okay?” beomgyu gives his car key to minhee, unspoken language between them which means ‘i am not in good condition to drive around’.

minhee quickly understands it. 

while both of them walking together to the car park, minhee couldn’t hold back saying,

“hyung, you look like a shit..” it is followed by a laugh and beomgyu rolls his eyes.

“i am not up for that insult, today..” beomgyu gets into the car first, shutting the door harshly so it lets out a kinda a loud uncomfortable bang. he leans back to the seat, shutting his eyes as minhee enters the car, still enjoying beomgyu’s distress.

“the wedding ended really late last night. wait, no! it ended in the morning. 4 am? oh.. just thinking of it makes my head aches.” he rambles while minhee drives out to the main road. 

minhee thought he heard it wrong.

“a wedding? yesterday? i don’t know if we got any schedule yesterday.”

and beomgyu wishes he could turn back time and keep his mouth shut since the beginning. 

“ouh. it was actually taewoon’s project. i just helped around.” he says it quietly, hoping minhee doesn’t ask anything further.

“how much does he pay you?”

beomgyu let his gaze lands to the front so he can ignore how pierce minhee’s glare on him. “i only help this and that nothing much actually..”

minhee grunts, reasking with all capital letters. “HOW MUCH DOES HE PAY YOU?”

“he asked me for a favour. i did it for free.” he bites his lower lip, still avoiding to look at the younger.

“what the hell hyung??!! are you dumb?” 

minhee is angry to the point he forgets that he is driving.

beomgyu snorts. “again… one day minhee one day.. treat me like a hyung, jeez.”

the traffic light is red and minhee is eager to give him his lecture. “he clearly just wanted to bully you, making you do things for him. don’t you remember what happened two years ago. he took all the credits and treated you like shit.”

minhee really doesn’t need to mention that last year thing. it is not like he forgot about it already. he even remembers it clearly. 

it was just a common senior superiority scene where there is emotional and a bit of physical abuse, but still not a good memory either.

“enough, kang minhee.. it’s fine” beomgyu avoiding the topic.

minhee starts driving back and his mouth also back at it again. “look, it’s even different now. you’re promoted already, higher position than him and yet you’re used??!! for once, can you say no to people??! ”

“it is a wedding on a cruise. i just thought it would be interesting.” beomgyu mumbles, to defend himself. he is trying. 

“sure and you ended up as one of the crew, being ordered around and moving stuff here and there. so, that was interesting, huh?” minhee is being sarcastic. then he continues.

“did soobin hyung know about this?”

beomgyu finally turns to look at him as he is alarmed with the mention of soobin.

“oh please, in the love of god kang minhee, don’t tell him.” he could imagine how disappointed soobin’s face would be if he knew about that. he might get a long lecture which at the end soobin himself will report taewoon to their boss and of course beomgyu doesn’t want that. he doesn’t like to create a fuss. 

“i don’t know what to do with you hyung. i really don’t know.” 

minhee sigh. he couldn't be angry with beomgyu. yes the elder sometimes is a bit naive but it doesn’t mean beomgyu wants to be used or treated like that. he feels bad. being stuck with beomgyu for almost a year as his assistant, he agrees that beomgyu is really one of pure souls that only deserves only good things in this world. he doesn’t deserve all of these. he wish world would be kinder to him.

and his worries towards his hyung hiked up after the accidental marriage happened. he still regrets how he agreed back then towards that impulsive idea. at first he was bought with the idea of not letting the wedding ruin, so he thought maybe that was kinda the easiest way to settle the problem. 

he was there in the work process, since the start. he was there when beomgyu was offered with the project, when beomgyu pull all nighter brainstorming the ideas, when beomgyu hospitalised, also when beomgyu almost done it right. he knows the hard work beomgyu put into the wedding planning process so he also couldn’t help to just agree with anything beomgyu said that day. he also don’t know either the elder is happier or the opposite after that day. he just acts the same. minhee could only hope everything is fine.

“aw.. did i make you worried? i am your favourite hyung yet?” there, beomgyu teases him.

“shut up.” minhee rolls his eyes. “now tell me what i should do today.” 

beomgyu laughs it away and suddenly handed minhee his black card. “send me to the building then go buy 38 cups of iced americano and one cup of iced caramel macchiato.”

“so you’re planning to do a coffee truck support business too?” 

“we are like an hour late. it is just being polite.”

“you’re so kind hyung. so kind.”

  
  


_kind._

  
  


beomgyu get that a lot. like a lot. 

he also admitted himself that he is kinda having a heart of gold. but is that the only people sees him as? if he stops being kind, do people who stay on his side leave? if he is not kind, will people hate him? what is he without kindness? so that is how he ends losing himself, always giving barely receiving and he always thinks his kindness is never enough.

the same line he heard when he first met hueningkai a day after the fake honeymoon ends. beomgyu has the whole rights to lash him out, file a lawsuit or maybe beat him up, but he didn’t. it only takes the younger to just apology for a countless time, sincerely and buy him a box of macaron everyday (the younger was guilty af so he can’t stop apologising so beomgyu stopped him by dealing with him to deliver him his favourite french sweet meringue-based confection everyday) and by that, they suddenly become friends, just like that with no unwanted hatred and after that the younger beamed while saying, “you’re so kind hyung. so kind.”

that is also the reason why beomgyu’s career journey doesn't get any easier and tougher even though he is promoted as the face of the company. he is willingly giving up some projects to be given to some nameless passionless junior who barely gets any project to work on. imagine getting scouted with a 1.2 million worth project yet he declines it and recommends other people to continue it. and no. he was not busy at that time. soobin and his other close friends, minhee and daehwi already give up on him and totally lose it. he got some scolding by them which ended up they shook their heads while sighing.

**choi beomgyu is just too kind and they hope he is being kind to himself too.**

*

“finally, you’re here!”

beomgyu could not help but smile broadly seeing a ball of sunshine, bounce to him with a face like beomgyu offer him the world. it is hyeongjun, his junior in college also the one who is in charge to interview them today. 

“good morning. i am so sorry for being late. i bought coffee for everyone as apology.” beomgyu smiled apologetically while handing the younger a cup of coffee. 

“it’s alright. we understand how busy you are.” hyeongjun assures him with a grin and the wedding planner coos internally due to how cute he is.

“no. no. it can’t be an excuse. it’s so unprofessional of me.”

“it’s really alright. it’s not we are rushing after all.”

“i see. by the way, where is chief editor hangyul? is he angry?”

“no, he’s fine. he is getting ready as he wants to photograph yall by himself today. he is really looking forward to today. he says it is special.” hyeongjun halfly whispers to the last line and then they laugh.

“that’s so kind for him.”

he barely knows the said chief editor. but knowing the fact that he had so much interest towards them kinda made him anxious but also thankful. 

suddenly their both attention directed towards the redhead who just came out from the fitting room. 

as usual, _kang taehyun looks gorgeous._

he is just standing there, eyes fixated to his phone, but beomgyu couldn’t stop checking him out. the younger styled simply with a light purple tee with a cardigan loosely tight over his shoulder, a pair of black jeans, and white shoes. oh! the round glasses too. he looks good in that. he always looks good in everything though. did i mention the hair? beomgyu doesn’t really know how or what it is called but it is indeed perfect and fluffy and soft. he got the urge to ruffle it onto a mess and snuggle into it. 

taehyun looks different from the other day of their pretentious honeymoon. his looks today makes him realises how different they are. he is just a wedding planner who is basically still struggling for a place (like he is even bullied by his senior) and look at kang taehyun here, seems really familiar with the flash and spotlight and not even shows any discomfort of having make up all over his face, the one who succeed in his career, recognise by everyone not only his beauty but his talent. 

he really is a no match to the kang taehyun. 

suddenly, a nudge from hyeongjun wakes him up from his overthinking clouds. “and i think the one who is angry is… him.” 

beomgyu is still staring at him, and yes he sees that annoyed face, the same one he got when he suddenly talk to much that one time they were at green hill villa.

“after he knows you will come late and not tell him about it, he is kinda…. bad mood.”

beomgyu gulps. taehyun will scold him later, right? so he kinda prepares himself mentally. 

“ahh…”

“go settle with him. he probably just misses you so much.”

_wait what? how can hyeongjun have that kind of conclusion?_

but the younger doesn’t seem like joking. and beomgyu doesn’t really know what to do.

“go hyung, to your husband!” 

_ah.. husband.._ he almost forgot about that.

the younger gives him a small push before he remembers how hyeongjun is one of their shippers. when their marriage went public, he was one of the people who personally congratulated him. 

beomgyu stutters but seeing how sparkling his eyes anticipating the couple interaction, he knows he at least need to put a show. “i..i’ll go first..”

the wedding planner grabs the only caramel macchiato on the table and slowly walks towards the skater who still doesn’t notice he was there earlier. his steps are full of hesitation but seeing how pretty taehyun as he moves closer, he is possessed by his impulsive manner. 

_it is just an acting, it will be fine._

so he gives him a back hug.

beomgyu simply curls one of his arms around the skater waist while his head rest on his shoulder, he tilts it a bit, peek at the skater’s face. it is really comfortable to do that to beomgyu surprise as their height both don’t differ much. 

as the skater flinches with the sudden contact, he says,

“baby.. i am so sorry for being late. hyeongjun said you’re mad. are you mad?”

kang taehyun almost drops his phone as his back touches beomgyu’s chest and both their cheeks brush each other. 

_the warmth._

_the familiar warmth._

_no, he can’t be missing the warmth right?_

_but, a little in him wishes,_

_wishes if he could just lean against his body, sink in the hug_

but he surely doesn’t do it.

sensing the younger stiff body, beomgyu loosen the hug and turns taehyun’s body by his shoulder.

“you’re really mad huh? sulking?” now, beomgyu is getting little too much comfortable as he cups taehyun’s face using his free hand, shorten the distance between their faces.

_taehyun is bewitched._

_by the wedding planner’s eyes._

he refuses to explore the pair of eyes which he is looking at that moment.

he is just irritated by the fact how beomgyu simply offers him that gaze, the full of stars one or maybe with the whole galaxy somewhere in there. whatever it is. 

_because it makes him feel the foreign feeling._

_which he despise_

_like a lot._

“what about forgiving me over this?”

taehyun doesn’t realize how long he has been in his thoughts until the intricate pair of eyes are blocked with a damn plastic cup. and that’s the cue he needs to stop engulfing his thoughts and start to play along with beomgyu’s awkward acting.

“your favourite caramel macchiato.”

taehyun could see some anticipating eyes watching them by the corner of his eyes, he takes a deep breath before he starts.

one, a pout. _(which beomgyu finds it so cute and he would die for it)_

“fine. i forgive you.” he takes the cup from beomgyu’s hand, still pouting.

two, a hug. _(which beomgyu almost faint with the sudden act)_

“just promise me to not leave me waiting for you. i miss you, you know that?”

three, a little snuggle. _(which totally messing up with beomgyu heartbeat rhythm)_

the hug seems to be tightened, taehyun so much into the character, so beomgyu cautiously hugs the skater back, cradling him while swaying their both bodies side to side as if he wants to assure him that he will not break the ‘fake’ promise. 

_little in him hoping that at least the last line taehyun has spoken is real._

and hyeongjun really in the perfect time to interrupt them.

“while both of you are being lovey dovey and make me feel so single, i'd better continue my work.”

beomgyu is the one who pulls away first as he knows staying like that longer would only cause more harm than good for him.

and taehyun is a bit upset with the sudden disappearance of the comfortable warmth. (this time he is not denying it)

“see you guys later at the interview.”

“sure, hyeongjun.” beomgyu nods and smiles until hyeongjun disappears from their sight. 

taehyun still staring at him, thinking..

_guess i am not that special, he really gives everyone that smile and that face._

_for free._

beomgyu let out a relief sight and nervously facing taehyun, totally different from what they are seconds ago, awkward.

“i am sorry… did my acting work? it’s just hyeongjun ship us so badly, so i don’t want to disappoint him..”

“sure. i know.” taehyun clears his throat, “by the way i am taking this even this is kinda a prop.” he gestures at the caramel macchiato.

the wedding planner laughs while shaking his head, making his fluffy hair bounce which totally resembles a baby maltese. 

“no. it’s for you. i order that for you.” then his tone turns to a soft one, “i always see you ordering that when we were back then at the green hill villa every morning.”

_did he blush? cute._

“ah.. thanks.” he responds short.

and beomgyu still hasn't finished. 

“also.. you look so good.. in that outfit. it suits you. you always look good though just extra good with the makeup and stuff.”

he stutters a lot and makes it heard like adorable shy rambles. but for sure, taehyun gets the point. 

“oh..”

both of them casting their gaze on the floor, for no reason being shy with each other as if they’re not snuggling each other just now.

and again, the right timing for this call,

“taehyun-ah, they are calling for you. they say they will start with your solo photoshoot first.”

cha junho, beomgyu knows him. taehyun’s personal manager if he was not mistaken. also minhee’s close friend. (what a small world, huh)

“and beomgyu-ssi, minhee call you in for change and makeup.”

“yes. sure.” he tries to hide his disappointment being apart from his _‘husband’_ , but he is sure too sad so he fails.

and a part of taehyun just wants to put an act in front of his manager and also a part of him just wants to shoo the sadness away from the wedding planner’s face.

there he goes, leaning in to give beomgyu a kiss on his forehead. 

_not as cold as the one at the wedding._

“i’ll go first, don’t make that face like we will not see each other anymore, baby.”

and that is one of the reasons why the make up artist has a hard time contouring beomgyu’s face as his face flushes red like the food he dislikes the most. 

*

  
  
  


“so it’s true you're in a bad mood because your husband happened to arrive late?”

taehyun gives junho who is in his nosy mode a quick glance before he back, fixated to the skateboard which is his photoshoot props. hangyul is having a toilet break so he just wants to warm up with the wheeled fancy plywood. 

“what are you talking about..” he is uninterested.

junho clicks his tongue, unsatisfied with taehyun’s answer. “i know you well enough to be able to differentiate what mood you’re in.” 

“so?”

junho doesn’t give up to prove his point. “you’re just fine when we arrive. but when you know that news, you are very edgy. i saw you complain about how weird the perfectly fine and innocent shoelace. and after he came, you even requested for extra shots with multiple poses.”

“what’s wrong with extra shots, though?” taehyun halfly ignored his manager's weird deduction.

of course nothing wrong with that. extra shot means more pictures to choose from, no harm in doing that. but knowing how taehyun’s mood swings from time to time, junho totally confident of his assumption.

“extra shots means extra time. you always want to cut everything short when you’re under the weather. it’s just weird.”

junho would not stop pestering and seeing how taehyun doesn’t really care to deny him, he continues.

“you guys really love each other huh? i can see that in the way he looks at you, it’s lovely. so the rumour that it is arranged marriage is not true?”

and it stops when taehyun sends his glare, the deathly one to junho.

“you even read rumors? you seem kinda having a lot of free time.”

“ah.. well.. i read a lot about you of course, i am working for you right?” he slacks sometimes, of course.

“why don’t you invest your energy in something beneficial?” taehyun is starting to give him a lecture.

“fine. i am sorry.” junho pouts, ready to leave before taehyun is angry with him.

and a sudden loud thud appears in the scene, attracting everyone’s attention.

“ah, i am sorry!” 

it is really not a grand entrance as beomgyu accidentally made some production stuff drops but luckily nothing breaks or is injured. 

however, taehyun’s heart is near to be.

_he is so pretty._

he wants to shout it out loud but he chooses to not do it.

and he is not that surprised to see how pretty is beomgyu after a little bit of styled up without his baggy pants, oversized hoodie and fluffy hair. he always looks pretty, taehyun acknowledges it. 

but for now let him staring, checking him out, when no one catches him.

“choi beomgyu! finally we met.”

hangyul comes from nowhere, greeting beomgyu and both exchanging smiles.

again the same smile spread across his face which makes taehyun feel less special.

“he is pretty. so that’s your type huh?” 

and junho doesn’t really leave. he is also acknowledging the wedding planner’s visual.

“you’re really ignoring me? fine.” and he mistook taehyun’s appreciating beomgyu’s beauty moment as ignorance.

  
  


he doesn’t really sure what’s happening around him but he is surely back to reality after beomgyu disappears from his sight, and is called to be interviewed.

“earth to kang taehyun!”

and he also doesn't know hangyul has been calling him for 5 times already.

“yeah, your husband is pretty, i know, can we continue?” the chief editor smirks teasingly.

“ah.. sure..” the skater successfully pulled himself together within a second.

*

it doesn’t take so long until they move to the next part of the photoshoot which is made of three parts. the first one is the solo photoshoot where both of them wearing the sponsored clothing called _eternity uniform_ collection which is exclusive, come from the popular brand, _tomorrowxtogether_. the other two sets are their couple photoshoots, one required them to be in casual wear with red and white themed and the other one is pyjama themed. 

it is sort of a whole new experience to beomgyu, the whole conceptual photoshoot to be specific.

all this time he only would appear at the small corner of the magazine, a little interviews where he would only be photographed one or two times, no need additional styled up or make up as he was told to dress up accordingly prior, unlike taehyun who once an ambassador for a sport clothing brand also been there on a few of magazines cover page. 

thanks to his ethereal visual and photogenic self, looks good in every angle, he effortlessly makes all his photos come out great. even the staff there compliment on how he is doing so well on his first time. 

however, he doesn’t really do well on the couple photoshoot. he fails miserably. 

_“beomgyu, why don’t you lean closer?”_

_“why are you so stiff beomgyu?”_

_“is everything alright, beomgyu?”_

_“beomgyu, i could clearly see how much not serious are you here..”_

the last one was hangyul just mumbles under his breath but beomgyu happened to catch it well. seeing how intense the atmosphere there, taehyun announce,

“why don’t we take a break, hyung?” the skater is using his persuasive method of his sparkling eyes and the chief editor simply agrees.

“alright, see you guys back in 45 minutes.” 

beomgyu is feeling terribly guilty. is not like he intentionally did it bad. it’s just, 

**_kang taehyun._ **

whenever their skin touches, or they are too close, it is hard for him. his heartbeat and all the physiological systems in his body are not working at all. he also wonders how huge his crush is on the younger which turns him like that. he is a mess. 

“what’s wrong beomgyu? i thought you were professional enough?” 

the wedding planner couldn’t even spare a glance at him. too much guilt.

“i am sorry.. i just.. i don’t know.. i am sorry.” he almost cried. 

_what a softie._

“you’re so bad at this beomgyu.” taehyun clicks his tongue, while his devil gives him a sign to tease beomgyu who is feeling down. yeah, teasing the choi beomgyu one of his favourite things to do after all. 

beomgyu is really agree with that to the point he ignore the lack of honorifics. “i know.”

a beat of silent, taehyun smirks as he found an idea to tease the elder also unintentionally will blow away all his negativity. 

“should i give you a little motivation?”

“like what?”

“another forehead kiss if you do it well.”

the elder’s head shoots up, couldn’t believe what he heard. “wait… what?!!” 

and all he could see taehyun eyes sparkling with a smirk on his face. taehyun just satisfied with the reaction he is receiving. 

_amusing._

“is not even a motivation..” beomgyu blinks repeatedly.

taehyun chuckles and beomgyu can’t deny it was beautiful even though it’s wicked. 

“you seem to like it when i did that just now.”

beomgyu chokes on his saliva. he knows he is bad at hiding his emotion but he can’t just say _oh yes i really want a forehead kiss, please give me a kiss_ just like that. he has pride too. especially when he realises how taehyun just want to make fun of him. no. he will not lose this time. 

“no way!”

“don’t lie to me beomgyu. you like it. i can read you well, remember.” 

is it him or taehyun really lean in so their faces are only an inch away from each other, making him flustered.

“shut up.”

and taehyun having a great time watching flustered blushing choi beomgyu. 

“or maybe you are pretending to be stiff to spend more time with me today?” 

the audacity taehyun has saying that with sprinkles of his aegyo, beomgyu having a hard time denying.

“what the hell..”

“you’re in denial beomgyu-ya.” he grins, showing his perfect smiles and teeth

and no, beomgyu doesn’t swoon on that, at least he is trying to not to.

“it’s hyung for you!” at last he finds out how taehyun speaks to him informally along since then.

“no. i would rather talk informally with you.” 

he does it seductively and of course only beomgyu interprets it like that.

“oh my god.. you are so annoying.” 

beomgyu nudges him away as he is really having a hard time breathing properly. 

he needs a break.

but taeyhun absolutely isn’t allow that, wanting to make things more fun and spicier.

  
  
  
  


“fine, i will call you hyung if you dare kiss me in the middle of the photoshoot.”

  
  
  
  


_what the fuck?!!_

  
  
  
  


the writer suddenly makes 45 minutes ends that fast, beomgyu can’t even react properly and hangyul is back, holding his camera to continue the photoshoot. 

:D

*

it went well, better than before. the red and white themed concept is just both of them playing around, multiple candids of them laughing, all cute and lovely. the skinship is reduced to holding hands, leaning their head on the other shoulder, some loose hugs and top of the head kisses.

thanks to their ‘warm up’ conversation which led to some small conversations which were full of teasing. 

for example, this one,

they were stuck in the position where they both sat on the carpet, beomgyu body in between taehyun’s wide spread legs, and suddenly the staff needed a pause to fix some lighting set up.

“wow, choi beomgyu, you improved..” taehyun whispers from behind, their bodies barely touched each other. 

“i am a quick learner.” beomgyu replied, ignoring the tingles that taehyun sent to him, which he is already pro at. 

“you’re not blushing when i do this.” the skater simply leaned in, snaking his arms around beomgyu’s torso, smirking as he was excited to see the elder reaction.

but little that he knew, beomgyu had a plan.

“hmm..i am not even doing this.”

he slowly held onto taehyun thighs, leaned back to rest his head on taehyun’s shoulder, snuggled a bit to the younger’s neck. 

and to his surprise, taehyun suddenly loosen his arms around him, flinching a bit with a gulp.

“wait, are you flustered?” he chuckled as he could see how there was a red tint growing on taehyun’s cheek.

“no. why should i?” he stuttered and such a rare amusing sight to beomgyu. he now knew the fun of teasing the younger. 

“so it’s okay if we kiss now?” beomgyu smirks, and taehyun knows he just teasing him being flustered. 

so, he counterattacked,

lifting the elder’s head by his chin so their eyes locked and wetting his lips while there was barely an inch away from each other.

“sure, why not, beomgyu-yah.”

_the wedding planner can’t handle it._

beomgyu was messing red and quickly repositioned his body straight so he would not tempted to do anything wild.

beomgyu 0-1 taehyun

  
  


or another example, 

when they finally at the the third set which includes pyjamas and bed. both lying down on their backs as they were told. the stylist that time was still fixing taehyun’s hair and beomgyu was caught staring. 

_taehyun is so pretty he couldn’t resist._ understandable.

and since what happened earlier, he found taehyun’s lips are more interesting than usual.

“what? you want to kiss me now?” taehyun turned his face to him, smirked. 

“oh, you want me to kiss you so bad?” beomgyu replied calmly, eyes still there on taehyun’s lips, making taehyun scoffed.

_he is affected. too much to his surprise._

“fuck off beomgyu.”

beomgyu 1-1 taehyun

  
  
  
  


*

it is almost over. just few more shots, and beomgyu was already tired as he didn’t even get a proper sleep last night. 

taehyun still doesn’t give up teasing beomgyu by talking to him informally. the elder found it endearing as if the younger wants his attention but he is just too drained to respond.

that time when they are still lying down, beomgyu shutting his eyes, having a rest.

“choi beomgyu, are you tired already?”

“yes. mostly tired of you.”

“oh, you can’t do that. you still don’t give me a kiss.”

“yeah. yeah whatever.”

then, that time when their pose requires beomgyu to lay down with his head on taehyun’s lap.

“beomgyu, beomgyu, beomgyu, focus here.”

“let me take a nap while they are setting up.”

“idiot.”

“yeah. yeah. whatever.”

and also that time when beomgyu is at his limit as he accidentally dozes off when they are on their last pose, lying down with faces facing each other. 

“beomgyu you idiot.”

it wakes him up, half asleep staring at taehyun who is laughing at him prettily with close proximity. 

taehyun repeats the same line over and over again with chuckles in between (who beomgyu finds it sounds so heavenly) so he kinda isn't really sure either he is dreaming or not.

it’s annoying and it’s adorable too. so he could not hold back himself to not staring attentively to the naughty red plump lips which are too close, making him wonder how it tastes.

with lack of judgement and led fully by his impulsive self, he wants to shut him up.

“beomgyu, you..”

choi beomgyu doesn’t bother to know what the angel in front of him wants to say.

he closes his eyes, leans in, crashing his lips on taehyun’s.

  
  
  


he believes it is a dream, until his kiss is replied.

  
  
  


“ah, i need to call you, hyung from now on.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so yeah yayyy they kissed!!! but i think it is too fast or... not? was it too fast?! aaa idk anymore.. comment your thoughts so maybe i can fix anything about it. neways, have a nice day ahead, take care of yourself!! <3


	8. Learning you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> in which taehyun invites beomgyu come into his heart so he can fall deeper

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> should be posting this tomorrow but it's comeback tomorrow we need to stream hard. so yeah here goes all the rainbows, sunshines and cotton candies ><

_beomgyu closes his eyes, leans in, crashing his lips on taehyun’s._

_it is a bit sloppy, the drowsiness hits him so bad but he just continues and pulls away when he gets no response a second after._

_then he giggles. “why is this dream so realistic? can i kiss you again? it makes me happy"_

_“sure, kiss me properly this time.” yes, taehyun is possessed. beomgyu’s lips never look so tempting up to that moment. he just can’t say no._

_beomgyu still giggles before his hand glides up to the younger’s back of neck, snuggle closer, capturing taehyun’s lips once again softly, eyes closed, savouring the moment._

_this time it is just slow and innocent at first. just when beomgyu put the exceeded amount of pressure to his kiss, like a cue, taehyun deepened the kiss, leaving him breathless. his hands from resting comfortably on beomgyu chest slowly grasping the soft material of the pyjama while the elder just follows his lead, tugging a few strands of his hair as he lets out a small moan._

_butterflies, fireworks, or whatever it is, beomgyu just feels happy._

_he feels so happy._

_happier than helping people out_

_happier than when he got promoted or got a big project to handle_

_happier than if world could bless him with some luck_

_as if he achieved his dream already..._

_beomgyu thinks it is just too much for a dream of a short nap as it’s just too beautiful and too real._

_so, he tries to open his eyes wide._

_and it hits him right at the moment that_ **_it wasn’t a dream_ ** _._

_he is kissing kang taehyun for real._

_quickly, he pulls away. panicked._

_taehyun’s flushed face greets him._

_“ah, i need to call you, hyung from now on.”_

_beomgyu stays speechless and frozen. still processing what’s going on.._

_and of course there is someone who caught them all along._

_“ahem.” it’s hangyul._

_“are you guys done? why don’t you continue at home?”_

  
  


*

choi beomgyu

is actually just another name

just an additional character

just another man

in kang taehyun’s life.

it was nothing special when they first met where choi beomgyu basically needed to cancel his-a-month-planned-meeting to adjust his time with him, with no complaint at all, showing how much he wanted to work with him.

_he is working for me, so that’s why he is being kind and extra hard working. we pay him a lot of money._

it was nothing special when they worked together where choi beomgyu was trying to not meddle (read: respect their privacy) with their weird relationship situation a.k.a kai throwing tantrums when the wedding is near, how his smiles and words of assurance kinda calm him down and successfully cancel his attention to beat kai up.

_it is common sense. everyone will do that for sure._

it was nothing special when choi beomgyu sacrifice himself to marry him, having the fake honeymoon to secure his reputation..

_first, he just didn’t want to ruin the wedding as he put a lot of work into it. two, he is benefitting the situation a lot too._

it was nothing special when choi beomgyu take care of him back then at the villa,while he himself was not in a good condition.

_he was just guilty because making me angry that night and his flu was not that bad...right? or not…_

_wait._

_do those really nothing special?_

well those little gestures and acts might be special but might be not too.

just like how his face lit up to the way his smile. he does that to everyone. that damn warm smile he gives which always makes you feel you’re important in this world and those freaking mesmerising eyes which always makes you feel comfortable and soothed like those shining stars you wish upon in the middle of the night. he gives those to everyone.

but maybe things change when they kiss 

he found something special in it.

_the foreign feeling.._

taehyun is overwhelmed by what he called a different foreign feeling. and he wonders why he hates it so much. it’s not an awful feeling after all.

that feeling,

it’s warm, comfortable and gentle.

no stranger has ever offered him those. maybe that is why he hates (read: scared of) it before.

he hates it if he will become too dependent on a stranger, showing his weakness and vulnerability, destroying the image he has been building for years.

but he is addicted to his warmth. he wants more.

_should he give him a chance?_

at that moment too, he finally had the courage to identify the foreign different feeling which beomgyu had been giving him since the start. he doesn’t hate it anymore.

well, he isn't really sure what that is actually for now. he is in his own discovery although he is still unsure on what he will see at the end. anyhow, he believes it will be a beautiful journey.

in other simple words, he just wants to learn about choi beomgyu and his warmth. 

_so here goes nothing._

*

sure, learning about beomgyu and his warmth means spending more time with him, warm up to him, stop pushing him away, keep up with his antics and next surely, you will successfully earn the bachelor degree of the philosophy of choi beomgyu’s warmth.

at first, it sounds impossible for our ice prince kang taehyun to do that. 

but it is getting easier.

2 months and he found everything is easy when it comes to beomgyu. taehyun notices how easy it is for him to strike a conversation with him, to laugh at his jokes, to be enchanted by his visuals, to listen to his rambles, to coo to his lovely personality, to just be there beside him.

as if it is natural.

or maybe he is just simply addicted to him.

he isn't sure which one but _who cares_ , he likes it.

let’s rewind a little bit, 

two days after the magazine photoshoot, 

after another interview held for a short segment of a tv show. beomgyu was not himself due to still being embarrassed about the half sleeping kiss. so, taehyun broke the ice first as if he was so needy of communication with his study subject.

“the interview, you are really good at words.” it was a real compliment though. beomgyu just saying something about his thoughts about life, dream and future which effortlessly making taehyun amazed. (read: whipped)

that made him laugh. “used to study philosophy. at least i sound like an intellectual.” he was bragging and taehyun glad beomgyu got rid of the unnecessary tension he himself created.

“or maybe... nerd.” taehyun added. 

“hey!” the elder whines. of course it was the cutest thing taehyun had seen that day.

then, they laughed before a beat of silence.

and here goes, what taehyun had been dying to talk about. “also, my made up story.. you remember.”

he didn’t expect beomgyu would say the exact details he created that day to the mc about how they met. the elder wasn't really happy about that either before. so he was just a bit shocked about that.

“of course. i pay attention.” beomgyu sheepishly smiled, rubbing his nape.

_again that foreign feeling came with the warmth, yet this time he needed more._

*

choi beomgyu>

taehyun

have you seen the magazine?

our photos really came out well

oh, is out already?

i’ll get myself a copy later

look at me here

oh my god, i am so handsome

here too..

i think i should wear a beret often

i look so good in it

so you’re actually texting me to tell how handsome you are?

yes

just look at me _[images attached]_

my visual is crazy

uh huh?

what does that mean?

yo!

kang taehyun!

taehyun!

taehyunnie!

hyun

baby

what was that for?

so it only takes a ‘baby’ for you to reply?

i see

no.

you better not

baby

taehyun baby

which photo of me you like?

fuck off.

no baby.

i can’t

you’re annoying

bye

wait

baby don’t go

babyyyy

you really left..

here a photo of you that i like _[image attached]_

hard to choose tbh because you look so good in every photos

pretty

you’re so pretty

but i chose this one

because you look lovely here

i hope you smile like this more

you are really ditching me

fine

have a nice day ahead baby!

*

moving forward a week after that day, (let’s skip the part how they greeted each other morning, asking each other’s schedule of the day, telling each other they worked hard and good night as closure every day, through messages with some teases and bickers in between, all sweet and lovely) taehyun’s learning process continued, when both of them were invited to the party which chief editor hangyul hosted.

also let’s skip the part where beomgyu picked up taehyun from his house, the moment they check each other out, shy giggles after they praise each other's prettiness and how their hands intertwined along the night before they were separated meeting their respectives friends.

and beomgyu suddenly realised he never really likes parties after an hour in. so he found himself at the balcony of the penthouse, alone, watching the alive night city view. 

“bored?” he turned his head, it was his _husband._

there came beomgyu’s complaint. “yes. i thought it would be fun, that’s why i agree to come. now i am regretting it. bored as hell. not recommended.”

of course he didn’t tell, he wanted to come actually because of taehyun, _duh_.

“let’s ditch this party.” the younger suggested. 

“we can do that?”

“it’s just a party. it has no rules.”

a smile which taehyun was dying to see appeared. “cool. where are we going?”

“give me your car key, hyung.” the additional _hyung_ there was just a distractor. 

“wait..you don’t have a license.”

“that doesn’t mean i can’t drive.” he was pouting and _what can beomgyu do? say no?_

“if i die, you’re responsible!” yet, he still put his car key in taehyun’s hand.

“no one will die tonight!” the skater chuckled and dragged the wedding planner out of the house, hands intertwined, tight.

taehyun sure drove well or maybe beomgyu just too whipped so he didn’t really sure whether it was a smooth or rough ride. anyhow, they safely arrived at a highland in the middle of the city. (beomgyu just kept staring at driving taehyun as he was so hot so he couldn’t spare any glance to the road so, he didn’t exactly know the whereabouts. well, understandable.)

in front of them, a wider frame of the night city view, also above them, clearly the aligned stars scattered everywhere.

“this is cool. how do you know this place?” beomgyu bounced and it was endearing. taehyun was so proud of himself, made beomgyu as happy as that.

“google.” he showed him the web search he did.

“stargazing spot?” the wedding planner read the keyword taehyun searched for, it sparked his interest.

“yes.”

“you like stargazing too?”

the skater hummed. “you ask before, about the room on the third floor.” silent, beomgyu turned his head to him, waiting for him to continue.

“it’s my idea.” then, their eyes locked. “the terrace too...”

as if they were reading each other's mind,

“a very good spot to stargaze.”

“a very good spot to stargaze.”

they said it simultaneously.

both suddenly shy, looking away and just focus on the sea of stars above them.

“so we do have something in common.” beomgyu suddenly said, hands naturally back at taehyun’s, intertwined.

“only one.” tehyun added, tighten their hands together, engulfed in the warmth.

“it’s okay. better than none.”

_the warmth, taehyun can’t get enough._

*

beomgyu hyung>

hyung you arrived home safely?

hyung

shit, you made me worried

choi beomgyu!

gyu hyung

hyung

i should just let you stay at mine while you sober up

hyung reply please

hey calm down

I just came out from shower

also i only drink a glass of alcohol tonight and i'm not even finishing it

i’m sorry to make you worried

and yes safely home

how about you?

you literally send me home just now..

just in case

also

thank you for tonight

i am having so much fun

let’s do that often

sure

sounds good

cool

aren’t you going to sleep now?

it’s late already

you have practice tomorrow

yeah

already on bed

good night hyung

good night taehyun

so you aren’t telling me to dream of you?

haha no

have a really good rest and deep sleep

don’t dream

*

moving to the next scene, that time on a random monday morning, suddenly beomgyu asked taehyun him out (a date of course but they refuse to call it that). they went to the beach as beomgyu said he dream of going to one a night before so it was like a calling to him. (it was a bullshit of course and taehyun didn’t mind, he believes whatever beomgyu said)

they ate a lot, played around and had a good time. together.

and settled down to watch the sunset.

“it reminds me on your wedding day.” beomgyu suddenly blurted it out.

“our wedding day.” taehyun corrected him, making him laugh a little.

“sure.”

taehyun cleared his throat before continuing. “but.. for real, hyung.. why did you marry me that day?”

“i don’t want to ruin the wedding. you don’t know how much hard work i put on planning it. i am close to losing my insanity when i knew kai ran away.”

taehyun was a bit disappointed. what did he expect though… the sunset surely was not enjoyable anymore. 

“so.. that’s it?”

beomgyu suddenly smiled mischievously. “there’s more but i don’t want to tell you.”

“why?” he suddenly realised how beomgyu used to be annoying.

“you betray me that day. i hold a grudge.” the elder shrugged, smirking as he amused watching the younger’s reaction.

taehyun was annoyed, really annoyed. _god, can’t beomgyu just tell him straight forward?!_

“what? should i apologise then? it’s that even seriously hurting you?”

beomgyu nodded. and according to his skill of reading beomgyu, that wasn’t a joke.

so the guilt crept in.

“betrayal, i hate it the most in this world. more than anything. but i don’t know why i put an exception on you. you really planning to ruin the wedding though..”

the guilt was still there but he was also flustered. a bit thankful?

“so, be grateful kid!” beomgyu said playfully, nudging him then, straight to rest his head on his shoulder.

it was silent as the sun slowly disappeared from their sight. as the darkness started to replace the orange sky, taehyun asked.

“what can i do so you would tell me and forgive me?”

beomgyu was thinking, until his gaze stopped at taehyun’s empty hand. mindlessly he picked it up. lacing up them together.

it fits perfectly.

“just.. just stay.”

_with all the warmth that beomgyu could offer, he willingly wanted to stay._

*

my pretty gyu hyung>

omg i still not used to see your contact name in my phone

it’s perfect and fact

get used to it

you’re more narcissistic than i am..

but isn’t it true?

i am pretty

yeah wtv

hshshshshhsahah

anyway, you want to know what i save you as?

something like ‘the guy who thinks he is prettier than me’

wow

that’s cool 

going to consider that one for later

oh come on

what is it

husband <3

is it weird?

it’s a bit cringe i know

but i think it’s special and i like it

i can change it if you uncomfortable with it

no you don’t need to

it’s just contact name

nothing serious

just do what you want

thanks hyunnie ^^

*

next one, where they reached the point that they don’t need reason to meet each other. at beomgyu’s office, taehyun gave a sudden visit.

“hyung, let’s go to lunch!” yes he just barged in just like that, but it was not the first time.

“ah.. i’m sorry.. i’m busy..” beomgyu surely was not even distracted, eyes still glued on his laptop screen.

taehyun walked closer and of course he could see how messed up beomgyu’s office table with scattered papers. “work can wait but not me.”

the elder laughed cynically, a short one. then with a serious face, still didn’t bother to spare taehyun a glance.

“you can wait, not my work.”

and then, taehyun waited, suiting himself at the discussion corner with tiny disappointment on how beomgyu always choose his work first.

until beomgyu let out loud grunts and a cuss word.

“is everything okay?” the younger asked from a distance.

“it’s hard.” again, that almost crying face. taehyun’s heart was broken watching that. he needed to do something.

“do you need some help?” he sat on the table, facing beomgyu. “or motivation?” he caressed beomgyu’s forehead while giggling. it should be just another playful tease but beomgyu ended up looking at him, pleading.

“soor but can i?”

taehyun was never weak for any pleading eyes, never. this time he failed.

beomgyu fitted himself in between taehyun’s legs, curling his arms around his middle, buried his face in his chest. leaving taehyun a little off guard.

“come on, the motivation?”

needy beomgyu is too much to handle, extremely unhealthy for his heart. so, he couldn’t just stop at the forehead.

he got him the kiss on each side of temples, cheeks and the tip of nose.

bold you assume that taehyun would not die to get him square on the lips but of course he didn’t cross the line which he himself drew.

and suddenly, the sound of beomgyu’s stomach grumbling snapped him back.

the elder’s face was blushing hard, giggling.

another adorable sight.

“you’re hungry, i don’t want to hear lies, no more.”

later on, taehyun went outside to pick up the delivered food. they would just have their lunch in beomgyu’s office, that was sufficient enough, as long as they were together.

and suddenly soobin from nowhere approached him.

“taehyun, thanks.”

soobin thanked him in whisper so he answered with the same intonation. “okay… but for what?”

the elder hesitated, unsure how to explain.

“actually… a problem came out suddenly, some stuff was cancelled. he used to skip meals when there was a problem. also the event is near, his anxiety must have hiked up. i bet he hasn't eaten since yesterday.”

_wait, since yesterday?_ taehyun was perplexed with the information.

“thanks. anyway. i need to go. enjoy your lunch.” soobin was in a rush and quickly leaving.

taehyun just pretended normally when he brought the meal in and even when they started eating.

he realised how much he didn’t know about beomgyu. what else other than he is a picky eater and loses appetite when he is anxious? and for sure he realised they haven't been on that level of open up to each other yet.

therefore, he came up with an idea.

“hyung, let’s eat together from now on, everyday, every meal.”

the wedding planner almost choked on his food with the sudden request. it was not like he didn't happy with it just too random of a request? “what’s gotten into you?”

“just because..” taehyun bit his lower lip, worried if he would be rejected.

and beomgyu would not decline the idea. “sure. why not? but i am picky so...”

“don’t worry! i will expand your taste preference then. trust me!” if you read this with monotone please change to excited one to give taehyun character here justice.

“i don’t know whether i should be scared or excited. but sure, i trust you!”

beomgyu patted his head, with the same bright outshine-the-sun-smile.

_is him who made beomgyu smile like that, right?_

_taehyun was overwhelmed with feelings but all of them were good ones._

_*_

my pretty gyu hyung >

hyung I found a nice place to eat

not seafood restaurant then okay

oh

it’s seafood restaurant

idk any kang taehyun

bye

oh hyung please

this time only

pleaseeee

no

my dear hyunggg

pleaseee

not working

my dear pretty husband

.

baby?

let me consider

god send help

fine fine im in

yayyy

love you

wait

it’s not i love you love you is just thank god you finally agree im so happy love you

i know i know

you don’t need to explain that one you know

but sure glad you’re happy

*

there was another **important** one scene too, where it was beomgyu’s turn to pay a visit at the rink where taehyun used to practice with his trainer.

and no, that was not his first time, it was just beomgyu came unannounced that taehyun was bewildered to the point he forgot he was wearing the skating shoes on the flat ground.

he slipped and dramatically beomgyu ran to him so taehyun landed in beomgyu’s hug instead.

“be careful there.” beomgyu laughed at him, then they both walked to the locker’s room. they were holding hands, of course.

as they settled down on the bench there, taehyun straightly asked. “hyung? why are you here?”

“visiting you?” _what else, duh?_

it was just taehyun wanted confirmation that beomgyu came for him. beomgyu found it cute. sometimes he wondered how people labelled him as the cold one.

“aren’t you saying you have a wedding today?” he couldn’t help but remember his _husband_ ’s schedule. just couldn’t.

beomgyu handed him a bottle of water also grabbed a towel, got rid of the sweat on taehyun’s face.

“i am practising power abuse. like what you told me.” they both laughed.

“at last, you listen to me, huh?”

well, regarding the issue of beomgyu is being too kind for his level of superiority which means he basically does all the work by himself. taehyun surely did give him a lecture on how to be a _boss_ , also giving him an idea that it is not that bad to slack off on the d-day of the event.

“you know what, just don’t do it too much. it’s still not good. i don’t want you to be a bad superior.” taehyun said before gulping the water clumsily so beomgyu ended up to wipe the remnants of the liquid on his chin, this time he used his fingers.

“i know.. i know.. i just miss you, okay?”

and it made taehyun blushed.

(tmi, taehyun blushed so easily lately. he just didn’t want to hide how the elder easily made him to be in that state)

“are you resting now?”

“yes.”

“let me see your feet.”

“no thanks.” he got a few swollen parts yesterday, still not treated and he was not showing anything to beomgyu.

but the elder already got a hold to his feet so, he couldn't escape. he straightened taehyun’s leg across the bench while he was kneeling, unpack what was in his bag.

“i brought some medical stuff. let me do this.” beomgyu gave taehyun a glance, asking for permission to look over his feet. taehyun nodded as the warm hands slowly touched his feet.

“doesn’t it hurt?” the elder frowned while he poured out some ointment to the cotton bud, gently patted on the reddish and purplish spot around the toes.

“yes. but we got used to it..”

beomgyu did answer him with a few of his rambles; something like _‘should some good shoes prevent this?’_ and _‘should we just wrap your feet with bandages?’_ and _‘you are the tough one, i would cry if i have one like this’_ and _‘you should do tricks that are less injury prone’_ it continued, went on.

but taehyun didn’t really care about that as beomgyu existence itself distracted him. he was staring.

beomgyu sure is a pretty man and that moment, he was awed.

_the way he frowned adorably as if he felt the stings,_

_the way his eyelashes are so long so he couldn’t differentiate either he was looking down or closing his eyes,_

_the way his cheeks redden due to the chill air of the room,_

_the way he handled his feet with so much care,_

_the way everything about choi beomgyu is so perfect!_

_he almost teared up thinking how a person like beomgyu really came to his life, sharing his warmth with such a cold person like him._

_and everything about him is so... lovely._

and on that moment too, he realised,

“i love you.”

taehyun should have said it a little louder so it would not be overshadowed by beomgyu excitement, “yeah! it’s finished!”

taehyun froze. dumbfounded by what he felt that moment. still confused.

“taehyun, are you okay?” beomgyu leaned closer, worried.

whatever it was, taehyun didn’t want to think deep yet, so ignoring was the best choice.

he grinned. “sure! let’s go eat! i am starving!”

*

my pretty gyu hyung >

hyunnie if something bothering you?

you can talk to me you know that

i’m okay hyung

why you suddenly ask that?

it’s just you were so quiet just now

ah.. it’s nothing

a bit tired maybe

you know.. the practice and stuff

i see

don’t push yourself to hard

if you’re feeling unwell just call me

i will right at your service

thanks hyung

i’ll be fine

just need rest

alright taehyunnie

go rest well

take care of yourself

okay?

okay

thanks hyung for today

no worries

*

present.

rlavu ice rink.

10pm.

“are you for real, sneaking in? you can just tell me beforehand. i can report you for trespassing.” yeonjun who now pink haired shouts from the other side of the building. he was only dropping before going home and kinda panicked on how the entire building still lights on in their closing hours.

it is not a rare encounter though. taehyun always prefers practicing alone here when the rink is not in business hours and yeonjun never really stops him doing that, even though there was one time the younger almost crashed the back door for entry.

“i already texted you.” the younger simply says from afar.

“after you sneak in. yeah, thanks.”

yeonjun doesn’t really plan to stay. but after realising how they both have been a long time didn’t meet and talk properly, he did.

_how has it been? he doesn’t even know since when taehyun bleached his hair blonde._

“practice for the qualifiers?” he asks when taehyun skates near to where he sits.

“yes.”

“should i choreograph for you?”

taehyun needs to laugh first. “no thanks. that skill of yours is long forgotten.”

“rude.” he wants to grab taehyun for a headlock but the skater just glides away. he huffs watching the younger laughs, sticking out his tongue.

“where are you from?” taehyun turns to ask.

a beat of silent before he answers. “hanging out with a friend.” he just doesn’t want to reveal about soobin to taehyun yet. just not yet. and if you’re wondering, yes, the blind date beomgyu set up for him was a success.

taehyun detects a lie. “who? which friend?” and to his records, he knows all yeonjun’s friends.

“are you my mom?”

“so it’s a date.” more to a statement rather than a question.

“no. it’s not!” yeonjun is being defensive.

“it is then.” taehyun laughs, teasing his hyung. “make it last long. you’re getting older.”

“yah!” the elder is just too sensitive with the mention of age.

“but for real, hyung. i want to see you get married too.”

that was a genuine one.

“sure. sure.” yeonjun lets out a weak laugh. and then, it reminds him of something eh, nope, someone. “talking about marriage… how’s you and beomgyu?”

“fine. just fine.” more to like; _i just found out i like him no i love him but i am still confused about the feelings actually and it is complicated, so i guess i will just say i am fine._

“they really caught both of you together a lot recently.. i hope all those are not just an act.” yeonjun is referring to them featuring a lot on ‘what’s trending’ on social media. they are the hottest couple in town right now.

“not you too..” taehyun sighs. he exits the rink and takes the seat after yeonjun on the bench.

_time for a real talk._

“i still wonder why people ship us so much..” the issue isn’t really bothering him nor does he hate it. he is just genuinely wants to know **_why_ ** _._ he also wonders what people will say when they find out what they actually are.

“you guys are so good together. that’s the fact.”

take note, taehyun just feels good hearing that sentence.

“so, how long will it be?” yeonjun really got a lot of questions to ask.

“what do you mean?”

“you and beomgyu. i don’t know you but sometimes i hope you guys are real. i mean...you know, husbands.”

taehyun is a bit surprised when yeonjun said that. too unexpected. but considering how much his hyung grew fonder to beomgyu and how his hyung was the one who suggest taehyun to warm up to beomgyu, he can foresee the end to this conversation.

“so is this conversation at last, will end up talking about my feelings towards him?”

yeonjun scoffs. “well, not really. but we can talk about that if you want.”

silent means yes. so yeonjun continues “how do you feel about him?”

“actually… i don’t know..” he even laughs at himself. “the fact that i am letting him enter my life just like that totally speaks something.”

kang taehyun always knows what he feels and what he does. he never been in confusion. look at how beomgyu changes some parts of him.

“you’re brave to do that, hyung is proud of you. it’s not that scary right?” yeonjun slung his arm over taehyun’s shoulder, softly rubs offering comfort.

taehyun sneers. “first of all, kang taehyun barely scared.” and the elder rolls his eyes.

“and second, choi beomgyu.. scary? he is the softest person i have ever met.” his tone soften and yeonjun is curious with that sudden change of tone.

“so how was it.. learning about him? any feelings attached?”

“a lot.” taehyun says without hesitation.

he inhales deeply before continuing, “i think.. i like him but.. what if i am just confused?”

he exhales, shutting his eyes, having a hard time deciphering what he thinks. 

“i’ve never met someone kind and warm like him. what if i just like being treated kindly?”

yeonjun softly pats the younger’s hair to calm him down before asking, “so that’s the only thing you like about him? his kind personality?”

“no..” taehyun is thinking.

“i.. like his face too. so pretty. sometimes i think he is prettier than me or you or the stars at night we once saw when we went camping back then.”

he even smiles thinking about it.

“i also like how he smiles. there are a lot of versions you know. sometimes the sunshine one which is my favourite because it is so addictive and there is also the warm one which is comforting, the beautiful one, the welcoming one, the show off his dimple one, the mischievous one which also when he smirks, the annoying one, the adorable one.. oh! there’s a lot.”

then, he stares at his hand, chuckles.

“also i like how he holds my hand. it just fits perfectly and is... warm. everything about him is warm and comforting to be honest. i feel so protected and loved..”

while taehyun still keeps on thinking on how he would like to describe the choi beomgyu, yeonjun thinks he should stop him, time out!

“kang taehyun you’re whipped.” the only conclusion yeonjun can make.

“i know right.. it’s barely two months knowing him closer..” taehyun laughs weakly, something scares him though. “so, you think he likes me back?”

“duh.. he was the same person who volunteered to marry you?!!” yeonjun almost shouts.

the skater shakes his head. “he told me the reason he did that. he just wanted to save the wedding. he planned it like crazy.”

“what about when he takes care of you?” be specific yeonjun, beomgyu does that all the time.

“he is kind. he does that to everyone.” taehyun is too much of a pessimist at that time. unbelievable.

“that’s a bit complicated.. but asks him then. you’ll never know until you ask.”

*

my pretty gyu hyung>

hyung

how’s your visit to daegu

is everything good?

met my parents

nothing much

just tired

why do you ask?

i wonder if we can meet

but it’s okay if you’re tired

no

let’s meet

to see the stars

i need some stars to energize me

so, it’s tonight then?

yes

i’ll pick you up

okay sure

meet you tonight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im putting their text messages in between to let you guys imagine yourself how their relationship goes and actually im having a hard time writing this chapter hshhsgdjsjajhs tell me it's not that bad tho  
> please do comment share what you think  
> next chapter will be full of surprise well maybe not too and i still didn't decide how much conflict should i add hehu 
> 
> neways let's enjoy blue hour tomorrow we going PARTYYY!!!  
> *send hugs*


	9. Still learning you (but why it is so hard?)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> beomgyu is not as transparent as taehyun think and here come gloomy days.
> 
> +introducing yeonbin

the ride was incredibly quiet. that makes taehyun super anxious.

_ does beomgyu know he wanted to confess tonight? is it the right time to confess? is beomgyu alright though? is he doesn’t like him anymore? wait.. does he even like him in the first place? what is this sign telling? god help him.. _

but taehyun sure is an optimist as he concludes that he should confess tonight as it is now or never chance and beomgyu will be too quiet to reject him or whatever. he gonna confess no matter what!

taehyun keep staring at the elder since they get out from the car. nothing unusual other than lack of jumpiness and noises. he even notices how beomgyu face soften and a smile spread on his face when he looks up to the sky, as if all problems that building up in his chest disappear into thin air.

_ what are you holding in, hyung? _

_ what’s in the star that would make it disappear like that? _

“hyung, what do you love so much about stars?” taehyun asks after he is having a hard time wondering what beomgyu find in those shining tiny dots in the sky.

“everything. i want to be like them.” 

beomgyu’s eyes reflect the countless visible stars in the sky that night, or maybe those are always there in beomgyu’s eyes. whatever they are, taehyun could not stop looking at those intricating eyes. 

“why?”

“they are just a ball of gases and yet important. for people who are searching for direction, for people who are wishing for their dreams to come true and even for people who need comfort. it’s just cool to be a star.”

taehyun changes his sight to the sky above, chuckles, “you really got a whole explanation there.”

“i am a nerd. can’t help it.” he laughs weakly. “what about you?” 

“simply because they are pretty.” taehyun is a bit embarrassed with his simple answer but it’s the truth. he likes pretty things.

stars are pretty, figure skating too, a pretty sport. what else? oh,  _ beomgyu _ .

“just like you, hyung. pretty.” 

taehyun thinks he kinda did a good job setting up the mood. they both are now looking at each other.

4, 5 seconds and counting. eyes locked. both are waiting for the right timing to say what’s in their heart.

and taehyun loses.

“hyunnie, can i tell you something?” he asks, a smile on his face…

but that’s not the smile that taehyun wants to see. to be honest, he never sees this version of his smile and he doesn’t like this one already.

_ it’s not a good sign, isn’t it? _

“sure. what is it?” the younger takes a deep breath, readying himself for anything. for the first time in his life he is that nervous as the first thing he gets is beomgyu looking away, sighing.

  
  


“don’t fall in love with me, no matter what.”

  
  
  


there it goes, a loud pang in his chest which he only can heard. he thinks his heart just stops beating hearing that statement from that pretty mouth. everything is just suffocating.

_ is he being too obvious that he wanted to confess that moment too? _

he is confused. annoyed too. he wants to swear and lash everything out. but all he can do is stay frozen there, tugging at the hem of his shirt and asks, “why?”

“just because…”

now he is angry. it’s so frustrating that he wants to shout out loud. _ just because? just because?!! _ so basically beomgyu just rejects him without him needing to confess? and the reason is..  _ just because?!!! _

  
  


pain. just pain.

he can’t even look at the elder. it just hurts, so much.

  
  
  


_ so this is how it feels to be rejected, huh? _ now, he takes note to not complain how unrealistic or absurd some scenes in the romance movies that yeonjun forced him to watch with.

“still, there must be a reason.” taehyun only able to mumbles. too weak to speak properly. he chews his lower lip, still holding up well (read: in denial)

_ choi beomgyu you better tell me you’re almost dying or having some incurable diseases or i might push you right down the cliff… _

taehyun doesn’t hear any answer right after, and he hopes beomgyu doesn’t answer.

__

a long silent until he accidentally gives the elder a glance.

something in his eyes bothering him.

_disappointment and pain._ _endlessly whirling in there._

then he opens his mouth.

“how can people even love me though? i am full of flaws.”

he plasters a smile on his face.

okay, taehyun despises that smile. it is not genuine, as if the smile is just there to cover up all his sadness.

that smile is still there. “you even agree how i am loud, nosy, dumb, naive herm.. what else?”

“simple minded.” taehyun huffs, wishing that beomgyu could stop talking and skip to the part where he can be alone. 

“yes that..” now the teary eyes are full of insecurities. “also, i don't know how to be loved.”

“you can learn. people can change, hyung.” taehyun’s unstable voice is later ignored. he even asks himself why he bothers to respond to beomgyu.  _ it’s frustrating! _

“brave people like you can but not a coward like me.” he still wears that smile and taehyun would do anything to stop him doing that.

“loving me would only hurt as i don’t know properly accept it and i am too scared to do so. oh, i am so pathetic.”

taehyun lets the bullshit go with the wind. he doesn’t care to listen anymore. yet the cursed smile is still there.

_ what the fuck with the smile, choi beomgyu? _

kang taehyun finally realised how complicated choi beomgyu is. all this time, he finally wanting to question the elder,

_ why is he smiling while his eyes clearly show he is in pain? _

_ why he always offer comfort to everyone while he is lacking it? _

_ why he always see the good in people while never seeing the good in himself? _

_ why he have so much love to give while forgetting to keep it for himself? _

_ and why kang taehyun is so much in love with a dumb and complicated person as him? _

so much to say, so much to ask. and taehyun ends up saying what hurts him the most.

“i.. hate you, hyung.”

and beomgyu is still smiling.

“i know. i hate myself too.”

and the night passes like that, in silence and unspoken words.

  
  


cold. just cold.

*

{beomgyu’s phone}

_ 8 missed call from mom _

_ 3 missed call from byeonggun hyung _

byeonggun hyung [unread messages]

hey gyu

hope you’re home safely

it’s not like i want to meddle with your conflict with mom and dad

but it’s a lie if i’ve never wish that everything will be fixed

it’s okay gyu, it was never your fault

and don’t push yourself too hard, okay?

sorry, i can’t pick a side, i hope you understand why..

hyung is really sorry

also bomie told me to ask you to come here often

she likes you already

take care gyu

just want you to know, miju noona and hyung are always here

if you need anything

_ [seen] _

*

hyuka>

  
  


kai-yah, beomgyu hyung rejected me

so i am right when i say you only come to me when you’re… 

wait?!! beomgyu hyung what?!”

he rejected me

i never knew you can fall in love that fast

it has only been two months

wow kang taehyun wow

can we focus on how he rejected me?

ah.. okay okay..

thinking about it, isn’t beomgyu hyung is too kind to reject one’s confession

are you sure he rejected you 

or you are just being dramatic

well.. 

i don’t even confess my feelings actually..

kang taehyun are you serious.. -_-

but i’m not being dramatic

i actually want to confess last night

the timing was so perfect 

like we were under the night sky under the stars, 

talking about something romantic and suddenly he went on and said,

don’t fall in love with him, no matter what, and i asked why and he said just because

tell me what that was!

that’s a bit tough..

well to be frank

isn’t beomgyu is a bit you know… 

sometimes we don’t know what’s in his mind? 

like he is not really showing himself to the fullest.. 

or it’s just me?

it’s just you. 

beomgyu hyung is so transparent

i can read him like an open book

i swear i know he actually knew i want to confess so he said those right away

he rejected me :(((((

now i think you’re being dramatic..

never knew you are this concerned for your love life

that’s the thing… 

i also don’t know.. 

i really let down my guard, open up to him, learning him but this is what i got 

rejection..

i am positive that he was not actually rejecting you

or whatever you think

you didn’t even actually confess

are you trying to comfort me..

no

beomgyu hyung obviously in love with you

don’t you see how much he takes care of you? 

how he look at you? 

how he talk to you?

he is kind

he did that to everyone…

i don’t think so

stop lying to yourself

you’re not this pessimistic

and you’re not dumb or oblivious to realise how he treat you so special

then, why did he say all that last night to me?

i can read him really well

i can’t be wrong

but what if he is just really good at hiding his thoughts 

or not being transparent last night 

what if everything you were able to read all this time 

was just him showing his everything to you, 

he is the one who wants you to learn about him

wait. my head hurts

god, he is so complicated 

i hate him

sure 

go on lying to yourself

  
  


*

  
  
  
  
  


“yah, choi beomgyu.. you can’t be like this…”

it’s already 5 in the evening and choi soobin couldn’t afford another threat of headache that comes in the form of choi beomgyu, sneaking into his office, offering him help. no. more like forcing to let him help.

the latter really turns his blind eye, unsee how soobin is frustrated. he manages to grab one or two paper works from soobin’s table to work on. “ah..why? i just want to ease you. you can go have a date with yeonjun hyung.”

_ and letting him overwork? no, soobin disagrees with that.  _

“you’re not my assistant anymore and i have my own team to do that.” soobin already reaches out his hand to beomgyu wanting him to return back what he stole.

the younger doesn’t give up. he even hides them behind his back. “this is not that much. i just want to help. plus, isn’t it our team is the best in this company? you are so honoured to have us helping you.”

he is not wrong at that. yeah he just wants to help he shouldn't be angry with that. but beomgyu does not _ just want to help _ .

“what about minhee and daehwi. those kids barely rested because of you.” now he tries to hit beomgyu weak point; using other people so he can empathize. 

and needless to say, it doesn’t work for now. 

“i’ll do this by myself. i swear i will not bother them. please hyung..” 

soobin manages to just straight to the point, seeing how the younger couldn’t understand his worries.. “and let you spend all of your time here, not going home and overworking yourself?” 

a beat of silence, beomgyu is searching for something to cast his gaze on except the tall guy he is so fond to in front of him with a piercing gaze.

anxious if the elder could read him right away, find out his true intention, he starts picking the skin around his thumb nail harshly, might bleed anytime soon if he doesn’t stop. soobin notices that and quickly lacing their hands together. he takes a deep breath, looking into the younger’s eyes. 

“be honest with me, how many nights has it been you didn’t sleep at home? what’s happening? are you okay?”

the younger gulps. he doesn’t want to tell the truth nor the lies. so he just look away, waiting for the elder to give up.

  
  
  


as if the world listens to him.

  
  
  


“soobin-ah!” 

the door of the office swung open, revealing the choi yeonjun.

beomgyu pulls away his hand and steps away from the taller, trying to escape from his attention.

“ah, yeonjun hyung is here! go, have a date. i’ll take this.” he basically ran away to the door.

“yah! choi beomgyu!!” soobin surely gives up already.

“hi yj, bye yj!” he cheekily greets the pink-haired hyung before disappearing from the frame. 

fast. too fast.

“what’s wrong with that kid?” yeonjun is confused then look at his loml who is not in a good condition. his face all frowning.

“are you guys fighting?” he asks.

“not really…” soobin sighs. “i don’t know.. really.. i thought i know him the best, i can read him very well.. but he sometimes hides it very well..” he absent-mindedly curls his arms around yeonjun’s middle and rest his head on the shoulder.

“hey, baby, what’s wrong?” yeonjun cradles him gently, caressing his back in the form of a circle.

“it’s beomgyu…” soobin is tired indeed. “he is not taking care of himself since he back from his parent’s house recently. he always like that actually but this time it’s just a bit too worrisome. he occupied himself with works and he even do my work, cooped himself in his office and i bet he didn’t properly eat for days. i am so worried.”

he buries his face into yeonjun's neck, searching for comfort. yeonjun’s scent never fails to soothe him. 

“i wish he could tell me what’s wrong this time. i feel like a bad hyung to him.”

yeonjun tighten the hug, sways their body together to calm him down. “hey, don’t say that. it’s not like you never trying to talk to him over that. you are doing your part really well, soobin.”

“do i really?”

yeonjun lets out soft chuckles. “yah, sometimes you choose him over me. i am jealous, okay?”

that makes soobin finally smile. “sorry.”

the elder pets his boyfriend's head, “i forgive you. you’re a good hyung to him. it’s just he isn’t ready to open up yet. we can’t push him either.” 

then he pulls away, looking at soobin’s face, caressing his cheek.

“don’t be too upset. you’ve tried your best, baby. now, let’s go for dinner and maybe we can buy him a meal too.”

then he gives a peck on his lips, which resulted in a smile replacing the frowns.

“alright!”

*

  
  
  
  


  
  


“oh! our taehyunnie!”

that is the voice that always ends up ruining kang taehyun’s day.

is not like to say his days are getting better after that night. he surely distanced himself from that one pretty hyung and everything is not beautiful anymore. it is just too painful to see that one hyung for now. so, prioritising his heart first, he pretends to move on and just let things go on by their own. going back to his old life where love is not really there. he got competitions to win, a life to live. that hyung also did the same in comparison so that’s maybe how they will end things.

and for now, he has a dumbass to face while he is taking a short rest from his practice.

“don’t call me that.” 

sure, a lee seojun loves to annoy his rival as if it is his second job. “why are you so edgy? trouble in paradise?”

taehyun sighs. “it’s not like i’m always happy to see you, right?”

“i know. but i also noticed how it’s been two weeks your husband didn’t come visit you practice.” 

sure, this kind of person always notices other people's life changes.

“why? honeymoon phase over?” he is not done yet, adding some spice to heat taehyun up. “oh! i heard he is the workaholic type. he chose his work over you?”

taehyun remains calm, hiding well how he is boiled inside. “you seem to have plenty of time to even care about my business. why don’t you practice your quad? i have never seen you succeed one before.”

yes, ending it with some insults is a must!

he is triggered for sure and of course doesn’t want to lose. “what about you? your confidence lately is dropping. take care of yourself first.”

seojun leaves after he kicks the innocent bench.

and the fact that seojun is not wrong about his confidence irritates him.

*

it’s a rare sight of beomgyu having free time on a friday night. lazying around in their living room with the phone glued to his hand for hours already. two weeks ago, he was occupying himself with loads of work to distract himself from whatever problems he has and now he is able to forget about them  _ at least now _ . if you wonder, yes, that’s beomgyu coping mechanism. and yes very unhealthy.

“hyung, are you free tomorrow?” he asks as he sees soobin is somewhere in his one meter radius.

“not sure.. why?” the elder just came out of the shower after a quite long day for him.

“let’s eat at this place. they just opened recently. quite a good place.” he shows his phone screen to the elder who recently got his seat with a glass of milk in his hand.

it shows a fancy cafe with some overpriced pastries and coffee. c _ ool for a date. wait.. talking about date.. _

“wait.. tomorrow? sorry, i have a date with yeonjun.” he said before sipping his milk.

the younger suddenly in his excited mode. “where are you guys going? i want to third wheel.”

soobin scoffs. “first, we are going to watch taehyun in his qualifiers match which you are supposed to be going. second, you will not thirdwheeling us because taehyun is there and third, why are you so excited to third wheel us?”

_ taehyun… _ that name for no reason sounds so awkward for him.

“taehyun’s match? ah… it’s tomorrow?” he is not really forgetting that event. he even saves it in his calendar app on his phone.  _ but why taehyun doesn’t tell him? _

“you forgot? how could you. i thought you guys are already warming up to each other.”

after some war of flashbacks, he now realizes the last time they talked to each other was the last two week. not even a text message followed. he was also too occupied with unnecessary worthless thoughts and works which were not his.

“we did but…. he’s kinda distant lately. i don’t know, maybe it’s just me.” he shrugs acting it was nothing.

soobin realises something is not good in the younger’s head.

“he might be busy preparing for the match. don’t you dare overthink, gyu.” he pinches beomgyu’s cheek while warning him.

“i am not.” he pouts, nudging the giant hyung away.

“come with us tomorrow. make up to him.” soobin tries to comfort him, also giving him a pat on his head.

“sure. soobin big brain.” beomgyu copy what the elder did to him, he needs to straighten his back a bit to do that actually.

“it’s soobin hyung!” the pat turns to a smack and beomgyu dodges it well.

“sure, sure. thanks for the milk.”

and the glass of milk in soobin’s hand disappeared, along with beomgyu.

“yah!!!!!”

*

beomgyu doesn’t really sure how he could wake up so early all dress up and even drive all the way to the rink, alone, on a free saturday which he barely has. he sure admits he is all excited to meet taehyun after a long time and cheer him up for the first time in a real competition. but why is he fidgeting, nervous and hands so sweaty thinking on how he should start talking to the skater?

and 10 minutes already, he still stands mindlessly in front of the entrance, fidgeting.

until an arm slung over his shoulder, dragging him with, entering the arena.

“beomgyu hyung!”

he turns to that big figure towering him. _ it’s heuningkai _ .

“kai! you’re here too?” he really shouldn’t ask him that 

“i’ve never missed any taehyun’s match.” 

now he is jealous. 

they both are in the arena already and there are still not many people there yet. 

his attention is attracted to the huge rink in front of him. it is just three sizes larger than the one at  _ their _ house. and the only thing that fills his head is kang taehyun.

_ it’s so big, is taehyun okay? isn’t he nervous? where is he right now? _

“wait! soobinie hyung also here?” suddenly hueningkai asks him, bringing back his attention to the surrounding. the younger is bouncing while waving his hand up high to gain soobin and yeonjun attention who is entering the arena.

“you know him already?” as far as he remembers, soobin and hueningkai never meet each other personally, to the point he can call soobin  _ a soobine hyung _ . 

“we hang out once with taehyun and yeonjun hyung.” hueningkai answers with too much excitement, so beomgyu can’t really question  _ why the fuck he doesn’t even know they hang out together. _

_ without him. _

“ah i see…” that is what he ends up saying. ignoring the feeling of left out, he just smiles back at soobin and yeonjun who are approaching them with hands intertwined.

“hi hyungs!!!!!!” that was hueningkai. beomgyu just waves a hi, weakly.

“oh, let’s go see taehyun before it starts.” yeonjun drags everyone together and beomgyu is back with his anxiety of  _ reuniting  _ with his  _ husband _ .

*

yeonjun leads them 3 to the skaters lounge. a number of skaters and staff even coaches there greet yeonjun and beomgyu is sure saying  _ ‘this hyung is so cool’  _ multiple times in his head. and of course, that hyung doesn’t miss the chance to brag to his boyfriend and the dongsaengs on how popular and skillful he is back then as a figure skater. and hueningkai simply rolls his eyes while saying “you don’t even remember how to do the triple axel anymore, hyung.” and soobin keep on stopping yeonjun to reply the remark which also means to start their bickering session. while beomgyu is there, quietly wondering how close they are already and laughing at himself who is unable to join the fun there as he is too much trapped himself in his overthinking bubble he crafted.

also, in his head is only  _ taehyun, taehyun, taehyun. _

and because of that, he even didn’t realise they already reached taehyun’s.

“taehyun-ah, nervous?” yeonjun shouts in the distance while taehyun is doing some stretching.

“never.” he is so focused until he realizes, yeonjun is not alone. he stops whatever he is doing when he could see the other three. “oh, everyone is here...”

beomgyu is the last one who showed up in front of taehyun, having hueningkai and soobin aka the giants in front of him, blocking the way and sight.

and his mouth automatically gaped when he first time, seeing blonde taehyun in his skating suit. 

_ he looks amazing. _

_ pretty as always. _

now he realised, that night he couldn’t even bring himself to tell taehyun how great he looks with his blond hair.  _ fuck his problems! _

“all the best hyunnie! you will win for sure!” hueningkai says it first with a gift of his warm hug. 

taehyun looks so small in his best friend’s embrace.  _ cute _ , beomgyu thinks.

“good luck taehyun-ah!” then yeonjun turns, soobin followed after. “we will watch you well!”

“thanks, guys..” taehyun smiles as his face lights up.  _ so pretty _ , beomgyu is still staring from afar.

until everyone is looking at him, waiting for his turn to say good luck.

soobin, a considerate and supportive best friend, pushes him forward and beomgyu is lost at words as he is a step closer to taehyun. “ah, taehyun..”

yeonjun and hueningkai are exchanging weird glances before they drag soobin with them leaving the room. “we will go first find some good seats, take your time for some good luck kisses or anything.”

“don’t take too long!!” another distinctive voice.

“yah!” beomgyu dumbfounded. the other three really left him all flustered and red, in front of kang taehyun.

too nervous for no reason, the little beomgyus in his brain already panicking and running to each other.

“you have anything to say, hyung?” taehyun asks, looking so calm, hiding well how much he wants to hug and kiss the adorable blushing hyung in front of him. he misses him. he thinks he would love his beomgyu hyung lesser than last two weeks but _ he is wrong _ . 

_ the feeling is there, blazing. he can’t stop. _

“it is just me who thinks you’re avoiding me right?” beomgyu really voicing out how he feels yet, is really bad at choosing the right question to ask.

“yes, i guess..” taehyun’s heart aches seeing the little hint of upset in the elder’s eyes. he did that, he gave that to him. and some midnight thoughts of him come across his mind.

_ he is the one who falls in love and beomgyu should not be blamed if it is unrequited though. he has the right to not reciprocate the feelings though. _

“sorry if i make you think like that, you know.. busy with practice and stuff..” he lies. not wanting to hurt the hyung.

“i understand. well, busy weeks for me too.” beomgyu replies with a smile. the warm and brings comfort one. it is warm enough to melt the rink outside. 

“you’ve worked hard. i know you can do well. i am rooting for you, always.”  he wants to hold the younger’s hand but the tension between them in the room at that moment is so palpable, stops him to do so. so he ends up just patting his shoulder, with an assuring smile. he hopes that was enough.

“thanks, hyung. see you later.” 

taehyun thinks, holding himself back to not receiving the warmth beomgyu offered that moment could be better for his poor heart.

“uhm.” the elder nods, shoulder slumped, slowly walking backwards before leaving the room, little in him still refused to leave.

but seeing how beomgyu’s eyes stained with affliction, dimmed the starlight which was always there before, taehyun’s heart couldn’t bear that.

_ no, i can’t do this to him.. _

“hyung!” taehyun calls out and is frozen when beomgyu runs to him, standing right in front of him, face full of worries.

“why? is anything you need-”

taehyun’s face flushed red before he could bring himself to say their things. “motivation?”

sheepishly he points at his forehead and that makes beomgyu lets out a little laugh. 

_ cute. _

“sure.” all the stars in beomgyu’s eyes are back, vigorously shining as he holds taehyun’s hand, intertwining them together. “our taehyunnie, will do extremely well.” he caresses the skater’s cheek with his free hand before he lands his kiss on his forehead. 

“good luck!” he pulls away, their forehead touches each other, both giggle with their eyes locked.

for a moment, the room filled with happiness.

  
  
  


*

beomgyu is really is taehyun’s lucky charm. he really pissed that seojun guy off with his overflowing confidence and perfect performance. as expected, he won this round. and all he could say is  _ all thanks to beomgyu and his motivation _ , disregarding all his hard work. sure, beomgyu is tearing up with joy. 

all their hidden pain in the span of two weeks ago simply vanished when taehyun safely landed in beomgyu’s embrace after everything ended. a simple ‘i am so proud of you’ before kisses fluttering all over taehyun’s face except the lips then they proceed on staring into each other eyes so lovingly to the point they didn’t realise their other three friends already waited for solid 6 minutes to congratulate taehyun. 

that night, they plan for a hang out, where yeonjun wants to buy taehyun dinner which ends up he needs to buy for everyone. hueningkai and beomgyu have to thank soobin for that. 

they walk together to the skater lounge to pack taehyun’s belongings and the skater clings tight to beomgyu as if his life depends on that guy.

“are you tired? you can skip if you are tired you know.” beomgyu just notice how tight his hold to the point he thought taehyun is somewhat run out of energy.

“no. i am okay.” he shakes his head, grins. “we’ve never really hung out all five right? it would be fun.”

“but..”

taehyun’s index finger lands on his lips, stopping him.

“i am okay. seriously.” those big eyes sparkle, telling him the same.

beomgyu nods, putting down taehyun’s hand while interlocking their hands together. “fine. just tell me if you can’t go on.”

there you go another session of diving into each other's eyes, until their maknae interrupts.

“it’s okay hyung, i think he can even do 3 rounds of his show. he looks energetic, he’ll be fine.”

_ hueningkai really has to expose taehyun like that, huh? _

before they can properly react to hueningkai, yeonjun comes into the frame, 

“are you guys done? let’s eat first!”

and soobin who is always there clinging to him, arm curls around his waist suggests (tmi: with aegyo), “hyung then we grab some ice cream. can we?” 

“anything for you.” yeonjun really gives him a peck on soobin’s lips, making the tallest beams the brightest.

meanwhile, the single one among them is having a hard time.

“i thought you married one will be disgusting but looking at them… i don’t know anymore..” he gives up and quickly makes his way out of the lounge.

hueningkai left and the eldest two can’t seem to stop their pda any sooner (tmi: this time soobin peppering yeonjun’s face with kisses and the latter just can’t stop giggling), not realising taehyun and beomgyu are also walking out from the lounge. 

“look what you did…” taehyun laughs, after sparing a glance to the other couple who are still showcasing their affection. he wants to blame beomgyu for that.

“what i do?” beomgyu is dumbfounded and that’s an adorable sight, so taehyun is still laughing.

“you set them up, right?” 

the raven-haired pouts after a sigh. “yes, i do. it went wrong huh?”

choi beomgyu is showing too much cuteness that kang taehyun wants to bite, _ fondly.  _

_ god, he missed him so much. _

“not exactly. they just love each other too much.”

“yeah, kinda..” he seems lost of words, as if he isn't really comfortable with the topic-love. 

then taehyun being kang taehyun, decides to drop the bomb.

“that could be us, you know?”

“uh?” the wedding planner replies him with a confused face and he is just too whipped so he willingly forgives him **_for now_ ** . 

*

“for kang taehyun victory?”

the eldest leading the cheers, lifted up his glass of champagne, waiting for the others to join the toast. hueningkai, soobin, beomgyu and taehyun follow after him, all in good mood, cheering,

“for kang taehyun victory!”

five glasses clink to each other before the alcohol is chugged into their system.

it was a lovely dinner and a good time. just five grown up men, catching up and ranting about how weird life works with teases and jokes in between. 

and one of them was there with a mission. 

kang taehyun realises how beomgyu is not as much of an open book as he thought he is, thanks to hueningkai for the great intuition. so, he thinks he might go back to his learning journey, unraveling the other side of beomgyu that is too complicated to empathise with.

_ a coward who is scared to be loved. _ that is what beomgyu claim he is and taehyun found it nonsense.

_ why must he be scared? did he happen to have bad childhood memories or tragedies? or maybe he just simply doesn’t like commitment? or maybe something has to do with his past lovers? or maybe.. _

“taehyunnie, you are drinking too much.”

or maybe he is too frustrated of beomgyu who treated him so kindly all day long like nothing really happen in the past two weeks, so he couldn’t focus on his mission which resulting him to drink too much and now he just mere confused and 

drunk.

the elder pushes away the empty glasses from taehyun’s hand and replaces it with his warm hand instead. 

he stares at beomgyu eyes, trying to read it.

“your eyes said you are worried.”

and yeah, he read it out loud.

“of course i’m worried.. you drink a lot-” beomgyu blushes, can’t finish what he wanted to say as the younger simply cup his face with his both hand. 

taehyun still staring deeply into beomgyu’s eyes, translating the meaning of each star he sees in there, frowned as something is bothering him.

_ ‘you love me as much as i do love you. but why..’ _

the skater couldn’t manage to say it out loud as beomgyu gives him the smile that he is deficient of, put down his both hand and gently kisses him on the forehead so he would stop frowning.

“enough for today, let me send you home, alright?”

he admitted himself, he was drunk. _ but unsure because of the amount of alcohol he consumed or just beomgyu’s warm affection. _

  
  
  
  


*

what happened next for the rest of the night was blurry to taehyun but certainly, he remembered how beomgyu helped him walk to the car (that time he still able to walk), buckle up his seat belt, letting their hand intertwined while he was driving as per taehyun drunk request, carry him on his back from the car to his room and it didn’t end there. he even asked beomgyu to stay until he sleeps. beomgyu didn’t say no to him, yet he tuck taehyun in the bed, stroking his hair gently when he chose the elder’s lap as pillow. 

everything from choi beomgyu to him is so warm, gentle and lovely. and that night beomgyu is like giving him extras as if he knows how much kang taehyun is choi beomgyu-deficient. and he still couldn’t stop thinking what is actually between them, 

_ the elder doesn’t expect any romantic relationship from them.. but why did he treat him so special? _

it’s confusing.

“hyung. what are we?” a question slipped out from taehyun mouth, more like mumbling but beomgyu heard it clearly.

“huh?”

“tell me, what are we actually?” he repeated.

beomgyu managed to ignore it, keeps stroking the younger’s hair. “taehyun, just rest, go to sleep.”

“you are avoiding the question. just answer me.” he started to whine as beomgyu didn’t reply properly. 

“you want an answer?” the elder exhales hard. “i am sorry but i can’t answer that.” he was being honest.

taehyun snorts. “huh.. i hate you, for real..”

beomgyu smiled hearing that. now his turn to staring at the younger who seemed to drift off to sleep. a long silent before beomgyu whispered,

“i don’t have any idea what we are… but whatever we have now, i like it as it is. it’s enough for me, more than enough. i hope it’s fine for you.” 

he left another forehead kiss before he left taehyun’s house. 

  
  


“i am sorry, really sorry..”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> an attempt to write angsty stuff, i hope yall satisfied with this update :)  
> as usual do comment and tell me your thoughts  
> more beomgyu centric coming through
> 
> p/s: you deserve to be loved, everyone does <3
> 
> next update will be so much late as i got test an essay and a report to submit. wish me luck hehu


	10. Hurting

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> t/w : anxiety but very vague

_ i don’t have any idea what we are… but whatever we have now, i like it as it is. it’s enough for me, more than enough. i hope it’s fine for you. _

  
  


that line appeared in kang taehyun’s sleep and that woke him up that morning. forget about hangover, that line hurts more. 

_ it’s getting more confusing. they love each other then what’s stopping them? no, what’s stopping choi beomgyu? _

taehyun groans in frustration, not realising his phone is bombarded with text messages. 

my pretty gyu hyung>

hyunnie, are you awake already?

how are you feeling?

i dropped by your house early in the morning before went to the office and you’re still sleeping

i brought some hangover meds too

i put them on the cabinet in case you need

should i order breakfast for you?

let’s have lunch together later

you don’t have practice today right?

  
  


all of his frustrations suddenly evaporated, replaced with a fluttering heart. didn’t bother to reply to the text messages, he straightly gives the elder a call, wait no, a video call.

“gyu hyung~ good morning!”

and yeah, that’s how things are back to normal again between those two lovebirds. they will at least meet each other once a day for a meal despite their busy schedule and practice, forehead kisses and embracing each other at times, hands intertwined whenever they are together and countless text messages. people can tell how they are a married couple not knowing they actually live separately, never say i love you to each other and never sleep on the same bed.

that’s the sad part of their label-less relationship. more than friends but a tiny less than lovers. an invisible line which no one drew but them, cannot be seen but still there, they don't bother to cross.

it’s suffocating 

taehyun thinks it’s suffocating. 

kang taehyun. a bold person he is, a stickler. he hates complicated things, he despises ambiguity and obscurity is his least favourite. he wants everything to be certain, crystal clear, direct and he would die rather than letting curiosity eat him up. 

_ why must you complicate things? a yes is a yes, a no is a no. if you want. come get it. if you are scared then just don’t. listen to your heart. trust your judgement. if it doesn’t harm you or anyone around then go for it. as simple as that.  _

the whole speech once came out from the figure skater mouth. he would regret saying those if he knew he would fall in love a little too deep with the choi beomgyu, the complex one, untangled. 

it would be a lie if taehyun would not try to confront beomgyu about their relationship. he tried. 

but maybe not hard enough. 

he was scared. if his push might light out all the stars in those dreamy eyes, freeze the warmth he emits and the worst, reset everything back where they are strangers. 

he can’t lose beomgyu. he just can’t.

so he agreed, to think what they have is just enough. lying to himself.

sure, he will not cross the line, yet he will just wait, holding beomgyu tight, in hope one day he has the courage to cross and take the elder with him, waiting till the day he is able to unravel what’s in the pretty head of him. 

*

  
  
  
  
  


“i am really sorry.”

taehyun’s lips stretch into a smile adoring the elder apologetically pouted at the other side of the phone screen.

“it’s okay, hyung.”

taehyun sure minds about the elder’s absence in another round of his qualifiers match as he sees beomgyu as his lucky charm. but what he can do. beomgyu got an important appointment with his client today so he couldn’t be that upset.

“sorry...” he says it again. 

“hyung, stop or i will end the call right now.” he heard another apology and from adorably lovely it started to be annoying.

hearing that the latter is panicked. “no, don’t! sorry, i’ll stop.” here we go again but this time it’s just cute. “oops.”

they laugh in sync for a moment and everything is just cotton candies and sparkles.

“fighting! you will do well.” beomgyu balls his fist and shakes it in the air in tiny. another serotonin boost, taehyun bursts a chuckles. he really is taehyun’s emotional support.

“i will.”

“you will win.”

“i know.”

“i am proud of you no matter what, okay?”

“okay.”

“all the best and goodluck.”

it doesn’t look like they will end the video call any soon. both wishing the time could stop for a moment. 

“you really can go now.” no he lies. he really wishes beomgyu would run to the arena right away to see him personally. but he knows he can’t be selfish, right? 

then, they are just having a moment staring at each other’s face through the screen.

beomgyu purses his lips. “yeah.. good luck, okay. you can do it-”

the screen shows hectic for a second with beomgyu shrieking voice and the next second, taehyun could see daehwi bowing to him.

“taehyun-ssi, good luck, i am really sorry but he needs to go, bye!” that guy waves with beomgyu trying to get back his phone in the background.

“sure bye.” taehyun waves back and is ready to hang up. 

“daehwi what the hell!! bye hyunnie aaaa wait…” 

the screen turns black, the call ends.

taehyun laughs, imagining how daehwi would listen to beomgyu whining and complaining, it might take 15 minutes before he calms down. 

ah, he can’t wait for this match to end so he could go back to his beomgyu hyung again.

suddenly,

“someone looks happy.”

lee seojun is really everywhere to ruin his happy moments.

“can you like.. stop talking to me?”taehyun rolls his eyes. speaking with that prick would only bring bad omen to him.

seojun scoffs. “fine. i don’t even really like to talk to you actually.” then he smirks confidently, “i just wanna say, i got the feeling you will lose today. i will win.”

kang taehyun tries his best to not be affected by seojun’s empty claim. but he suddenly feels uneasy about everything. 

_ especially when his lucky charm is not here. _

*

the first and second schedule of the day are done. beomgyu takes a breather. swirling along his office chair, just in a good mood thinking how things are going so smoothly for a while. he even got a great news yesterday where he is trusted to lead another big scale project. a wedding of a powerful couple in the country, min yoongi and park jimin. the multiple award winner producer rapper and the multi talented celebrities-dance, sing, act, just tell he can do anything, both are influential people, the favourite couple of everyone. imagine how much publicity beomgyu will gain if the wedding goes well. don’t talk about the pay, it is a lot like A LOT. he could not stop smiling since yesterday thinking about it. he dream to be the best wedding planner in the country will come true soon. very soon. oh, he can’t wait.

a knock on the door brought him back to his office, the reality. daehwi walks in with some files in his hands which seem to be this month’s projects to work on. sure, works first, dream later.

three weddings, an elite family gathering, two company anniversary parties and a conglomerate’s daughter's first birthday party. this month gives him some variety, huh? 

“so these are our new projects, all of them would be held in two months and forward.” daehwi adds after places all the files on beomgyu tables.

“thank you.” beomgyu checks the files that labelled with ‘wedding’ and something doesn’t seems right.

“wait, where’s that one..” being an impatient he is, he checks the other files too. 

“these are all i got from mrs. park secretary...” daehwi takes the seat opposite beomgyu. watching silently the elder’s frown.

“jimin and yoongi wedding, where....” now he does double check. just making sure.

daehwi heard the names, and was surprised. “wait.. who? eh, gyu-yah, it’s no way we can get their project..”

and beomgyu cuts him. “we really got it. yesterday we had a meeting with mrs. park and wooseok hyung suggested me to handle....” 

seeing daehwi not trusting him frustrates him. so, he thinks let him just show rather than tell.

“nevermind. let me check by myself.”

beomgyu left daehwi dumbfounded in the room, rushes to see wooseok, the senior in the event planning company who witness everything yesterday. 

but before he could reach wooseok’s office, he needed to pass by the main discussion room which was built up with transparent glass for aesthetic value. he used to love that feature of the room but with what he is seeing on that moment, he never feels like want to punch through the glass and shatter everything into pieces. he wishes that the wall would just made up by any steel or soundproof or bulletproof or whatever opaque so he doesn’t feel so angry or betrayed.

in there, mrs. park with taewoon beside him, all smiling and laughing with the min yoongi and park jimin. 

hell yeah, the calm he got for a while really just a petty gift before something heartbreaking like this happened. 

and of course he needs to have a moment of eye contact with taewoon with an ugly smug on his face. 

“wait.. what’s going on..” his brain stops working. he feels so weak, in denial. “no.. no.. this can’t be..”

he lets his legs lead him to wooseok office, half running. he must have lost his mind. don’t care about knocking, he just barged right into the office.

“oh, beomgyu hyung, good morning.” wooseok’s assistant, eunsang greets him with a smile, showing his sweet indian dimple. he knows he should reply but he just can’t think straight. he will apologise later.

and the person he was searching for appears in his sight.

“wooseok hyung, what’s happening?” he directly asked and didn't delay any seconds.. “why is taewoon with them.. mrs park too..”

“i know right?” wooseok’s expression tells him that he is surprised like him. “i am about to ask you that. what’s really happening, though?” he seems pissed off too. “we all like agreed to give you the project yesterday. this is so fucked up.”

and suddenly from nowhere, ryujin, one of wooseok’s team, entered the frame with bad news to wooseok, face didn't shine like it used to.

“oppa, mrs park has already left the office. her secretary told me.”

“what the hell..” wooseok mumbles under his breath. “is she running away?”

  
  
  
  


*

beomgyu doesn’t really know what happened in the past 10 minutes and didn’t notice when or how he walked out from wooseok office to where he is standing right moment. frustration filling him up, he was fully driven by his impulsive side. he is in dire of an explanation. 

“oh, hi beomgyu! what with that face?”

beomgyu thought he is already immune with the smug on taewoon’s face. but this time he realises the smug is uglier to the point a smack on his face would be a good one to fix it. 

and yes, he is already in front of taewoon, still in the main discussion room. this time, there are only two of them.

“tell me what the hell is going on.” beomgyu rarely did that but here, clenching his jaw, his piercing gaze directed to taewoon. 

the latter laughs, he is amused. “wow you’re so worked up. i never expect you to be less kind to me.”

“cut the bullshit. tell us the truth.” he is angry now.

taewoon innocently shrugs, care less, “i don’t know how to explain, but mrs park happened to hand me that project.”

“that project is mine!” his tone rises.

“well, she changed her mind i guess..” taewoon acts innocent totally pissed beomgyu off. 

“what did you do?!” 

taewoon smirks. “look, it’s a secret..” he explains in whispers. “i happen to see what i shouldn’t see and yeah little blackmailing. that old woman was really scared, never seen her like that.”

“you…” beomgyu clenches his fist tight, almost leave a mark on his palm yet he keeps clenching. he is fuming! 

_ like how shameless someone could be? _

the other guy couldn’t not leave a laugh lingering in his mouth. “why are you so mad. i just stole one little of yours. i want to be promoted too..” 

beomgyu just keep on holding himself back. still got some sane there. “but this is wrong. that’s not how you should do it.. it’s mine to begin with, you are stealing it from me!” 

_ sure, taewoon steals his spotlight and his stepping stone towards his dream.. _

that guy rolls his eyes, closing their distance. “what so bad with stealing? what are you, choi beomgyu? an angel? sure you are.” he scoffs before continuing, whispering into beomgyu’s ear.. “you think i don’t know the truth behind your wedding? it’s all fake right?”

he flinches, thinking how irrelevant that one argument. “yah.. that’s not the case here.. i worked hard for it anyway.. things are not easy either-”

taewoon sneers. cutting whatever beomgyu wanted to say. 

“work hard? not easy? all the additional projects you got from huening family.. what’s all that? isn’t that cheating too?” 

beomgyu gulps, just how much does that prick knows about him? that leaves him speechless and for some reason.. anxious. 

his index finger is restless, picking harshly the skin around his thumb.

_ cheating? _

_ he...cheat? _

_ so he really got along the way here because he cheated? _

“you play dirty first, choi beomgyu. you cheated.” taewoon emphasises the 'you cheated' part. that doesn't bring any good.

_ so, he cheated.  _

_ he never worked hard to begin with. he cheated. he is. _

his finger picking with a lesser time interval, harder led by his heartbeat, faster than usual.

“everything is so easy for you.. this is not fair. i work hard too but i have no one to get me high scale projects. should i jump into someone’s marriage too? like you?”

beomgyu is only seeing red. everything is blurred to him other than taewoon face mocking him. bleed starts surfacing his thumb yet his finger is still picking it. 

“ah.. i forgot.. i am not pretty like you.. what a shame.” taewoon chuckles.  it is too loud for beomgyu, he wants to shut him up. 

“what with the silent? am i wrong?” he moves his head closer to beomgyu, their eyes meet. “let me have this project and i will pretend as if i know nothing. deal?”

“deal my ass..” he is shaking, waiting anytime to burst, still doesn’t break the eye contact.

that smug appears again. he clicks his tongue. “choi beomgyu.. you are just all pretty face, nothing more-”

  
  
  


**_pretty._ ** _ a flattering adjective where people used to misuse upon him. _

  
  
  


_ ‘i cut him some slacks. his pretty face might give me fortune in the future.’ _ that line he heard when he eavesdropped on his father talking to his mother. that time he was 5 years old and he didn’t know how to speak english.

_ ‘what can you do other than being pretty, choi beomgyu?’ _ that line was from his personal art teacher, he was 15 years old that time, struggling to have interest in what he didn’t.

_ ‘you’re pretty, popular and rich af, that’s why i accept your confession…’ _ that one from his first love during high school, on the day they break up.

_ ‘your pretty face won’t do things for you, choi!’ _ while that one was a scolding he got from the owner of the convenience store he worked part time at during college. 

_ pretty. beomgyu is all pretty face, nothing more _ . and that one what he used to say to himself so he will work harder than everyone and achieve bigger dreams.

he doesn’t need to listen more.. he listen enough!

  
  


“shut the fuck up!!!” he bursts. blown up.

  
  
  
  


a mess.

beomgyu heard a loud crash. and he opens his eyes. 

taewoon already on the floor, groaning while his nose bleeds. 

the flower vase breaks into pieces around where taewoon landed.

and 

his knuckles hurt, his thumb already bleeding.

_ he did that? he punched taewoon? _

  
  


and suddenly he heard daehwi, running to him, terror in his face. “gyu-yah! what are you doing? stop!”

daehwi is not alone. everyone is there. witnessing his monstrosity. 

it’s a freaking transparent glass room after all. 

beomgyu looks around. he could see how other staffs whisper to each other, gasping, exchanging terrified faces.

_ he is scary. _

_ i thought he was kind. _

_ he beat him up? _

_ he is actually bad tempered, huh? _

beomgyu doesn’t really sure those lines come from his head or the people around and he is now shaking so hard. 

scared. angry.

of himself.

“beomgyu.” daehwi tries to calm him down as soon as he enters the room. he grabs him by his shoulder and realises how it is a mistake as beomgyu is totally far from stable to think right. 

beomgyu shoves him, with too much power. and daehwi’s head seems to hit the glass wall hard. 

_ now he hurts his friend too. _

_ he is a monster. _

still shaking, beomgyu wants to run away but taewoon lets out a loud groan so he swerves his attention to him which he supposed not to.

“so that makes you mad?” he smirks before triggering beomgyu, 

“pretty?”

_ not that word again. _

"you hate people calling you pretty? that's weird." 

beomgyu already grabbed him by his collar once again, a fist swing in the air for another punch.

"choi beomgyu is just pretty face-"

“i told you to shut up mf!”

he punches him twice and he is going for the third however, another voice comes to save him.

“yah! choi beomgyu!”

_ it’s soobin. looking at him. disappointed. _

“fuck.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> phew~ i think this chapter is too long i mean it feels so long when im writing this hshshdjdhhsh. it should be longer but i cut it half and will just continue on next chapter. again, thank you for reading this! 
> 
> have a nice day, pretty people!!! >< (i really mean it)


	11. Things can go wrong too

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> when everything went wrong, they just need each other

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a lot of things are happening in this chapter, like my life in the span of two weeks :D

the first time soobin met beomgyu was six years ago, soobin was a sophomore and beomgyu was a freshman in college. beomgyu, the tiny he is now, tinier he was six years ago when he lost while searching for his next class venue. looking like a lost maltese, soobin couldn’t help to not accompany him to the exact classroom. their second meeting was when beomgyu happened to work at the cafe where soobin was a regular. the younger insisted on exchanging their numbers right away, using the _‘i can feel that we are destined to be friends’_ excuse and soobin just gave away his so that the younger will let him leave and he is not late for his class. sure beomgyu was pestering him a lot. annoying but endearing at the same time. soobin who didn’t make much friends back then, lowkey enjoying beomgyu’s company. they are getting closer after some study sessions together at the cafe and some cafe hopping on weekends. they clicked fast and are inseparable after. even living together now.

six years. six years seems like a long time yet, soobin admits that he doesn’t really know about beomgyu. he knows but at the same time he doesn’t. 

he knows beomgyu despises betrayal but he doesn’t know why. 

he knows beomgyu hates visiting his parents but he doesn’t know why. 

he knows beomgyu dislikes it when a stranger compliments him pretty but he doesn’t know why.

and a scene like this once happened back then. that time when one of his groupmate whom he trusts a lot betray him, something like that. soobin wasn’t sure as beomgyu prefer not to talk about that. but certainly, it ended up with scratches and bruises on both. 

beomgyu is totally a different person when he is triggered by all top 3 things he hates. and soobin also knows beomgyu hates himself too for that. 

  
  


if he doesn’t know beomgyu that much, he would already leave after he saw there was no one in beomgyu’s office, just two boxes on the floor randomly which halfly full with beomgyu’s personal belongings. so yeah, after all maybe soobin actually knows a lot of choi beomgyu.

soobin walks in, slowly, quietly to the working table. he knocks the table.

twice, thrice. 

no response but he knows the younger is there.

“choi beomgyu, come out.” 

soobin bends and peeks under the table. there he is, choi beomgyu cowering, with dried tears all over his face.

“no. you shouldn’t search for me.” he whimpers. 

the elder crouches down, watching beomgyu closely.  _ how can a 27 years old adult fit in there? _ soobin finds it adorable.

“move, give me some space..” soobin demands. trying to position himself in there.

“hyung, you are a giant.” the younger replies and at that moment too, soobin’s head hit the table as he tried to huddle over. 

it kinda hurts but that makes beomgyu smile a bit, so it’s fine.

“fine.. i’ll sit here.” soobin pushes the office chair away and sits facing beomgyu, crossed legs.

“hyung, daehwi. is he okay?” that question is the first blurted out from the younger lips. he wishes he could turn back time and not do that. like just  _ how out of control he can be when he is angry? he hurts his friend and what else he can do if soobin doesn’t find him.  _

soobin holds his hand, assuring, “it’s okay. he hits you more than you did so it’s cancelled out.” 

as much as soobin knows him, daehwi too understands the situation beomgyu was in that time. daehwi was also the one who first freaking out when he didn’t find beomgyu in his room. 

“but that was out of anger..” beomgyu sighs. “tell him i am sorry.”

being the choi beomgyu he is, thinking other people more than himself. soobin just couldn’t understand that. “you really.. it’s not intentional. what about taewoon you want me to tell him you’re sorry too?”

“i’ll tell him myself. that one is intentional.” his eyes tell that he is really going to apologize to taewoon.

“yah, beomgyu… you have the right to hate him. we all know how he did you dirty all this time and this time, he crossed the line.” and then soobin started to list all the things taewoon has done to him and beomgyu only let his words disappear into the air.

“taewoon.. he knows about me and taehyun. and how i got the projects after that..” there is a pool of tears in beomgyu eyes when soobin listens to that. 

“what about that? you did nothing wrong. nothing as dirty as him. you didn’t hurt anyone.”

and beomgyu thinks he doesn’t deserve to have someone as angelic as soobin to be on his side. “but..”

“enough. i don’t want to hear anything. let’s go home.” 

_ let’s go home _ , beomgyu loves that phrase. but..

“the work?”

“i told mrs park you need a rest.” by rest means a month break from work.

a workaholic he is, beomgyu is terrified. “hyung!”

“you need it. you’ve worked hard in these past months.” 

“how about my team?” 

“daehwi is more than capable to lead the team. ryujin said she will help too. and now i don’t think you are in the best condition to work.” soobin is right though. beomgyu couldn’t argue more. 

“by the way, gyu, what taewoon said to you?” soobin tries even though he knows beomgyu would never tell him. 

silence. as if beomgyu can’t hear it.

“you can tell me, you know that?” he is still trying. 

yet, the same silence.

it’s a cue for him to stop.  _ at least you try, right, soobin? _

he swerves to another topic. “i saw the boxes.. you’re packing up? what are you planning anyway? leaving?”

and luckily, choi beomgyu answers to that.

“i trust mrs park, a lot, i look up to her somehow and she just..” his words stuck, doesn’t really sure to continue.

“you think she betrays you?” soobin asks as beomgyu tries so hard to not say such things and then he himself comes out with the answers. “she is.”

“i don’t know what to do. i don’t want to leave but i don’t think i can even see her face anymore.” he drops down his head, feeling conflicted.

“let’s resign.” the elder says it so simply startles beomgyu, shaking his head aggressively.

“i can’t do that. you can’t do that either.” 

“why not? you can even open your own company with your skills and reputation..”

beomgyu cuts soobin’s words. you make it sound so easy, hyung. not for me.. i need to stay…”

and now soobin has a new thing in he doesn’t know list about beomgyu. it wasn’t the first time the topic was brought up. minhee and daehwi even swear that they will go to baeomgyu’s company if he establishes one. it’s a great idea, though.

_ why he needs to stay? he doesn’t really have a reason to stay anymore.. _

“gyu..” soobin is about to ask and maybe beomgyu could sense that the later question will not up to his liking.

“i’ll take some rest from everything. i’ll figure it out later.” beomgyu intertwines their hands together so soobin thinks he is fine already.

“sure, take your time.” soobin tightens the hold, hoping that beomgyu is genuinely fine.

“thanks a lot hyung.” beomgyu smiles, and soobin knows there are countless of remnants of unhealed pains he is hiding.

“no worries, i am always on your side.” soobin promises. 

  
  


*

  
  
  
  
  
  


kang taehyun opens his eyes only to see the white ceiling and realising he is laying flat on something like...

_ hospital bed? _

_ the scent too. smell so hospital... _

“taehyunie..”

that was hueningkai voice. he sounded so sad. 

taehyun wants to get up but he can’t really move. his body hurts everywhere. he can’t feel his legs either. he feels so weak.

_ what had happened? _

“kang taehyun you made me so worried... where are you rushing to?” yeonjun enters his sight, softly stroking his hair.

_ where is he rushing to? _

_ beomgyu. _ the small voice in him quickly answers. 

yeah, after the competition ended, he wanted to see beomgyu so bad, wanting to show off his gold medal and thinking how beomgyu will give him some hugs and kisses as rewards, triggering him to rush to him. 

so he stole junho’s car keys, speeding to beomgyu’s office and..

_ ah now he remembers. _

car accident. 

he crashed into a road divider after trying to dodge an incoming out of nowhere delivery motorcycle. too much speed and he is in fact driving with no license. 

conclusion: it was his fault.

gladly no one was injured. it was just him and the car that were critical. 

surprisingly out of all body parts he has, his left leg, fractured.

yes he won the qualifiers. he is honoured to represent the country for the world competition even but a figure skater with a fractured leg? he is nothing now. absolutely nothing.

seojun was right. he will lose today. a total defeat.

junho is fidgeting before he comes to taehyun closer. “i’m so sorry to tell you this but with your leg like this, i afraid..”

out of all people, taehyun knows it more.

“i know. i know. you can leave now, i want to be alone.” he exhales, shutting his eyes.

frustrated, of course he is, knowing it is his own fault. 

“you too, yeonjun-hyung, hyuka.”

he is ashamed too. kang taehyun is never that impulsive. he trust his judgement more than heart. he must seem so stupid in yeonjun and kai’s eyes right now.

“sure, just call us if anything.” yeonjun purses his lips while dragging kai with him. he understands how the skater must be so irked and need a space.

junho is the last one to leave after dropping taehyun’s belongings on the side table. “you will be okay, right?”

“not now but i will.” taehyun answers out of exasperation as he didn’t see any notifications from beomgyu.

“why don’t you take a rest. maybe go out of the city.. to unwind..” junho suggests. he knows how hard taehyun prepared for this season yet it ended up like this.

taehyun listens half heartedly, refreshing the chatroom application and the caller entries. hoping to see that one name…

_ beomgyu must be too busy, huh? _

_ sure, his work is always first. _

the skater is mad, turning off his phone.

“junho-yah, i want to get discharged.” rest or unwind or whatever, he needs a break. 

junho nods. “sure, tomorrow i will-”

taehyun quickly cut him off. “right now. i wanna leave right now.”

  
  
  
  
  


*

_ “i see you finally got a place there.”  _

_ “yes, it’s the best wedding and event planning in the country” _

_ “that’s not enough, you know that” _

_ “i’ll go up the ladder and take over the company.” _

_ “that’s it?” _

_ “with my own passion and skill, i will make it true.” _

_ “sure. i’ll wait and watch you take over the company.” _

_ “please watch attentively, mr. choi. i will prove you wrong.” _

_ take over the company my ass. he was almost fired for causing a scene. _

_ with my own passion and skill my ass. he cheated. _

_ prove him wrong? for now he is right.  _

beomgyu sighs for the countless times of the day. he looks up to the sky, the sun is setting, painting the sky multiple shades of orange and a little pink. beautiful indeed. 

it has been a long time he didn’t go up here at the rooftop of the company building. he realises now how much this hour and this place used to comfort him after a long ass day back then when he was still a nobody. 

suddenly, a box of 6 pieces of macaron blocking his sight from the canvas of nature. “here, your macaron of the day.”

he turns and sees ryujin settles down beside him, flashing a smile.

“thanks.” beomgyu opens the box, putting the pink one in his mouth. 

sure, ryujin knows where to find him. this rooftop used to be their spot for ranting about each other’s day and badmouthing their seniors back then when they were both still an intern. just some cool memories they shared. 

this time, they just enjoyed the sunset view, calming them both in the comfortable silence.

“so you will take time off, huh?” ryujin breaks the silent first.

beomgyu nods. “uhm.. i need to..” shoving the macaron box to her, offering some to share.

ryujin picks the blue one. “i don’t know you can beat up a person.” she laughs before swallowing the whole piece in one bite. 

“i learn taekwondo in middle school.” beomgyu shrugs, scoffs at himself. 

“i can see that.” she laughs.

another silent before beomgyu turns to ask. “what are you doing here?”

“return your favour.”

“huh?” her answer she gave is questionable.

the end of her lips tugs up, reminiscing some memories they shared. “don’t you remember that time i’m almost gave up on this dream and everything? you are the one who comforts me that time, your words, your existence itself makes me feel alive.” 

ryujin sounds like she is confessing but for real, she just very grateful to have beomgyu on her side during those her downfall.

her flattering words made beomgyu laughs. “you don't stop crying that time. i just have to..”

she aggressively shakes her head. “no. you help me a lot. i don’t want to list out everything as it hurts my pride.”

beomgyu laughs again, rolls his eyes. “sure.” then he continues, “we basically like grew up in this place together. we help each other though.”

ryujin smiles at that too. they both really have been through a lot together, every ups and downs. so, when she heard beomgyu got promoted as permanent team leader of the company, she was beyond proud. 

  
  


“gyu-yah, can i tell you something sensitive?” 

tension starts to fill up the air, as ryujin diverts the topic to somewhat serious.

beomgyu is sure nervous. ryujin is so direct and straightforward. it is not their first time either. that female once even point out how he is so kind and telling him how sometimes she hates his personality. but ryujin is also someone who accepting complains and doesn’t hold grudges. her personality is totally different from beomgyu’s. 

“since when you asking permission before doing that?” he jokes around, nudges her softly.

ryujin is surprisingly fidgeting. “i just don’t want to hurt you more. you been through a lot today…” her voice softens, being considerate.

“sure, tell me. but i only accept constructive criticism.” beomgyu convince her in joking manner.

“yah, i’m serious....” ryujin is annoyed already.

“come on, tell me.” he assures, this time he is serious.

“well.. how should i say it…” she is hesitating. she takes a deep breath before continuing. 

“you’ve changed, recently. do you realise it?”

shin ryujin really is dropping a bomb.

“what? i am?” beomgyu asks, a trial of denying that statement.

she gasps. “so you don’t realise it? i see..” her head drops, a little guilty.

“tell me what it is. how have i changed?” beomgyu just believes ryujin is wrong this time. or maybe he wants to believe that. 

“well, you know.. i still remember you told me, how this career is your dream. you said you really enjoy seeing people happy on their important day. it’s satisfying and gives you so much pleasure. i never tell you this, but yeah that time i am almost forgot i like girls and fell in love a bit with you. you’re kind and pure.. couldn’t help it.”

“and you never care how much the project is worth, whose event is that, how much it will cost you. you will accept everything as long as the event will unite people, give joy to the people. you inspire me a lot. you’re so cool.”

after all the praises, she is having a hard time continuing this one part. 

“actually i found a project that totally reminds me of you. it doesn’t pay much but the event is genuine. i am so excited to show you the project yesterday. i think it would be so much fun if we could do it together but..”

that knocks some sense to beomgyu. suddenly the scene from yesterday where ryujin was the first person who greeted him in the meeting, showing him a paper work is projected in his mind. and what he did?

“i turned you down after i heard how the project isn't worth much..” beomgyu acknowledge his attitude.

ryujin bites her lower lips as she saw how beomgyu face totally change to glum. she feels guilty.

“to be honest, recently, i found out how you are always hunting and have eyes only on big scale and influential projects. it’s not wrong. i can’t blame you. it’s a good opportunity though. aim high so you can fly high.. but i just scared if you would.. you know..” 

beomgyu is too quiet so she stops. “i’m sorry. i think i speak too much..”

and as usual, beomgyu is smiling. “it’s okay. maybe that’s why i’m losing control after all..”

“thanks, ryu.” still smiling and ryujin knows the male is hiding his pain.

“it’s not like you’ve changed entirely. you’re still choi beomgyu that i know. but that thing just bothers me..” ryujin trying to execute damage control. seeing beomgyu like that hurts him too. 

beomgyu put on another strong smile, this time it works to hide the frustration he had on himself. “it’s fine. at least i know you’re having a lil crush on me.” he even jokes and that is convincing enough.

ryujin is relieved hearing that, hoping beomgyu doesn’t blame himself too much.

“just don't tell, chaeryong.” she just keeps the mood.

“that’s the first thing i would do.” 

“you, brat.”

  
  


*

  
  
  
  
  
  


_ when did things go wrong? _

_ is he being greedy? desperate? _

_ he hurts a person because he loses the project that is worth a lot of pay and fame.  _

_ what else he probably does when people come into his way to his dream in the future? _

_ kill? like his father did? _

_ or maybe he is slowly becoming his father. _

_ it is in his blood after all… _

  
  


thoughts after thoughts swirling in his mind. and at the same time, glasses after glasses of alcohol he drinks. and the fact that he is still doesn’t drunk frustrates him.

“i really drive all the way here to get myself drunk, and it’s not even working? the world really hates me, huh?”

beomgyu spits it out to the numerous chairs around the table. and if you’re asking where, he is actually at the green villa, making himself like the rightful owner of that place. he knows the house passcode and the security also knows him so that makes him the owner, right?

soobin wants him to rest and he only can rest when he is alone and far from the office which also means no one can find him and the only place he could think to stay without paying anything or consume a lot of time travelling is that house. 

so here is he, drinking alone at the kitchen, having his own time getting into his overthinking tunnel. now he feels tipsy. a smile lingering on his face as his drunk mission almost succeeds.

and suddenly he sees... 

  
  
  
  
  


kang taehyun.

_ wait, he's drunk already? _

but even if he is drunk, he would see kang taehyun skating all the way to him or at least walking normally. 

not with the help of a pair of crutches.

beomgyu still can’t believe his eyes until what he thinks his imagination aka taehyun grabs his glass and pour himself a drink.

_ he is real? _

  
  
  


“kang taehyun? what are you doing here?” his eyes almost bulge out as he actually watching kang taehyun took the seat beside him and chugging the drink.

the younger finishes it in one shot, face as calm as ever, turns his head to beomgyu who is still dumbfounded.

“you too hyung. what are you doing here?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> you can see how much irregular the updates (oh please forgive me i just want to procrastinate so i went here)  
> also, i realise how the characters in this story are all men. so i put ryujin. why her? just because.. but just who doesn't like her, right?  
> so.. how is the story going so far? do yall like it? shdjshshhdssjsdklljjs   
> do leave your comment. you are free to ask any questions! and i can take constructive critism too ><
> 
> have a nice day everyone!!!!!!!!!!!


	12. Of the sunset and sunrise

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> things are getting better.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> enjoy ;)

kang taehyun never sleeps that long before. in fact he doesn’t really like to sleep unless out of pure (keyword: pure) exhaustion. if sleep never associates with the immune system, body cells repairing and regeneration thingy, he is rather not to sleep. anyhow, here he is now, sleeping for 9 hours straight since junho dropped him off to the green hill villa that afternoon, after he was discharged (more like running away because hospital procedure sucks and junho will take care of it). 

he is not tired nor because of the medicine he ate, he just wants to. like sleep his problem away, yeah he wanted to try that. also, he is planning to stay at the villa until he thinks he is mentally stable. that house is built specially and perfectly suitable for him to de-stress and most importantly, he can be alone. with that condition of his, he doesn't think he can go for a vacation unless he brings someone with him. and of course yall know who someone he wants to be with at that moment. so let’s say he just wanted to be there and hoping that one person is finding his way to him to make things better.  **_quick._ **

2.00 am. 

he checks the time first after turning on his phone. he tries  _ like really really tries _ to not check on his caller entries or chatting app. but what he can do, he just craves for attention now specifically from the choi beomgyu. a lot of warm and supportive messages and missed calls he received but not seeing the name he wanted to see made him want to throw away his phone out of the window. 

“what the hell, choi beomgyu… for god sake check your phone you mf!” 

as he blurts the rambles out of his mouth, he is also typing that and presses the send button out of frustration. 

kang taehyun just needs choi beomgyu. that’s for sure. 

and being angry too much makes him hungry. 

*

  
  


after some curses to the innocent crutches, the decorations which he hit out of his carelessness and to the door that he didn’t open wide enough for him to walk through, he finally made his way to the kitchen, only to see the love of his life sitting at the one of seat at the dining table, slouching. he doesn’t hungry anymore. 

now, he is confused.  _ why the hell is he here? _

“kang taehyun? what are you doing here?”

the elder squints and taehyun just go closer to him, to make sure the one he is seeing is real.

however, the 5 bottles of alcohol scattered on the table attract his attention more. ignoring the panicking beomgyu, he gives himself a shot of glass.

_ uh, it tastes so good when you’re frustrated af. _

he smiles as it satisfies him. “you too hyung. what are you doing here?” he gives himself another pour.

“this is basically my house so i think i can be here. now answer me, what are you doing here?” 

he drinks another one shot, ignoring how the elder is scanning him from head to toe.

“what happened to your leg?”

taehyun rolls his eyes, _ is he really doesn’t know about that or just trying to swerve the topic? _

“accident.” taehyun answers short but that’s enough to make beomgyu jumps from his seat, moving closer to him.

he is dramatically surprised. “wait?!! accident? how? when? how about the match? do you hurt anywhere else?” worries are all over beomgyu’s face. he even takes a closer look at taehyun’s face and arms in case there are scratches or anything.

the touches from the elder left taehyun burning (in a good way), yet he feels good. they end up staring at each other’s eyes and taehyun feels bad for being mad.

_ he really doesn’t know? _

taehyun lowers his gaze to their hands, finally lacing each other. “check your phone, our group chat. i don’t have the mood to talk about this.” he is referring to the group chat they have with soobin, yeonjun and hueningkai. yeonjun and hueningkai surely told soobin what had happened nad soobin wished him speedy recovery and some positive words yet he didn’t really care that time he checked because he is not beomgyu. 

beomgyu weakly laughs. “my phone?” a pause. “actually, i don't know where it is.. it’s either it was broken or i lost it.. i think i threw it against the wall out of frustration.”

here it is, beomgyu facades his smile, head hanging low. seeing the face of choi beomgyu that taehyun dislike the most, he be like swearing internally, _ who the hell makes my baby this miserable? _

“bad day at work?” the younger asks. this time, it is his turn to be worried.

he smiles bitterly. “the worst, i guess? i beat up my colleague. and that forces me to take time off from work.” a little laugh is added to make it sound less serious.

but taehyun doesn’t buy it. it is serious, he knows it. “you what? why?” he demands an explanation from the elder.

however, of course beomgyu doesn’t want to tell him the full story. so he just gives the younger an assuring smile, telling him through his eyes, _ don’t worry, i am fine. _

“sometimes i can lose my sanity too..” beomgyu is playing with taehyun’s fingers with a weak laugh leave his mouth.

taehyun decides to not push any further. he is getting used to it too.  _ when beomgyu doesn’t want to tell, he really means it. just give up trying. _

so, he just leaves a pet on beomgyu’s head with other hand, keeping up with a weak laugh too. “yeah.. i think i lost my sanity too today...” 

beomgyu leans into the touch, he grins. “just let me sleepover tonight. i just came here for a drink actually.”

that cue a question from the younger. “hyung, no offense but you really all the way here to drink?”

as taehyun’s hand left him, beomgyu scoots over, resting his head on the younger’s shoulder, seeking comfort. or maybe he wants to delay his answer.

their hands still interlock, sharing the warmth. taehyun caresses the other’s hand with his thumb, softly, as a sign,  _ it’s okay to talk to me _ .

“i don’t want to bother soobin at home and i can’t drink alone at the bar.” he mumbles and taehyun is paying attention.

“why?”

“self control.”

“huh?” the caress is even having a pause. 

“you know there’s unlimited alcohol supply at the bar…” 

it’s either beomgyu is really bad at explaining or taehyun doesn’t understand how beomgyu’s mind works. “and?” taehyun will keep going until he receives a proper answer.

beomgyu sighs, slightly pouting. he sits straight, so he can face taehyun. 

“if i tell you this promise you wouldn't laugh or judge, okay?”

the elder’s face is serious but taehyun finds it cute.  _ god, he wants to give him a kiss. _

“well it depends.” taehyun teases.

beomgyu frowns and is still cute. “i’m not telling you, then.” 

“okay, okay, i promise.” taehyun couldn’t help but laugh. he shakes their hands, “come on tell.”

beomgyu bit his lower lip, hesitating. “actually, i made kinda of a promise to someone that i'll live passionately, living my life to the fullest, working hard to achieve my dream and never slacking off.”

he stops, waiting for taehyun’s reaction.

“okay… but how’s that supposed to be related to drinking?” that question is genuine, no way taehyun would make fun of his precious beomgyu.

beomgyu tries to elaborate,“i’m an impulsive person. imagine how i would be if i am mad drunk.” 

“disaster?” taehyun answers halfly jokes but beomgyu nods, “yes.”

the elder sighs first before further explanation. “i should not even be drinking actually..”

taehyun just listens attentively. it’s just rare for beomgyu to tell him this part of him. he needs to focus.

“it might be weird but… i think, drunk and wasted is slacking off. i will make sure i would not be in the state where i don’t know what i am doing. i don’t want to waste any seconds of my life doing it without thinking..”

“but, when day goes too rough, it’s just that i want to stop thinking for a while and drinking helps me a lot on that. usually, i would ask soobin hyung to accompany me. at least i am under supervision so i am not doing anything crazy. this time, i just feel like i want to be alone and no one would bother me so i went here.” 

beomgyu stops and taehyun assumes that it ends. the younger actually wants more. he wants to know everything about beomgyu. and today, even not much he feels closer to the elder. he is glad, grateful enough. 

before taehyun could say anything as response, beomgyu quickly on it, tone suddenly changed from slow and soft to the normal one, cheeky, “and you really ruin this moment..” he complains.

“yah! it’s my house though…” taehyun doesn’t really sure why he keep repeating the line, maybe deep inside he low key wanting beomgyu to correct him by saying it is _ their  _ house, instead.

but the elder only laughs over that.

a silence and two or three shots of alcohol (it is taehyun. beomgyu stops drinking already), 

“are you okay walking?” the elder asks, interrupting taehyun who is really enjoying the drinks he bought. 

“i have this dumb stick with me, so..” he lazily points at the metal sticks that are leaning against the chair, attention still on the drink. and no, he is not even near to tipsy or drunk. 

wanting the younger’s full attention, beomgyu clings to his arm. “i don’t have any mood to be drunk anymore and i think i want to go up, see the stars. wanna join?”

“no thanks.” taehyun seems unbothered. it is just thinking to climb up the stairs already stresses him out. he needs to pass that invitation no matter how much he wants it actually.

and beomgyu leans closer, shakes his arm, whining. “aahhhhh.. let’s gooooo..”

the skater purposely, not sparing him any glances as he knows he might lose seeing those puppy eyes. he just shakes his head. “it is too high.”

certainly, beomgyu doesn’t give up.

“i’ll carry you! come on!”

so that is how kang taehyun ends up on beomgyu’s back, heading upstairs, the third floor of the house. and they don’t miss a chance to bicker,

_ “kang taehyun, you’re quite heavy, you know..” _

_ “i am not, you’re just weak.” _

_ “wait, should i just drop you here, then?” _

_ “sure, go stargaze alone.” _

_ “don’t pretend you don’t want it.” _

_ “who says i want it? you’re the one who desperately want-” _

_ “ah? really?!!! i see..” _

_ “hyung, you are so annoying!” _

_ “kang taehyun stop moving. i might lose balance!!” _

_ “stay strong, then.” _

_ “kang taehyun, for god sake!” _

_ “shit, no! don’t drop me here. i don’t want to die yet!” _

  
  
  


they are so lovely like that. heh.

*

  
  
  


stargazing.

that is the source of choi beomgyu happiness since he was a 5 years old boy. he still remembers the hyung who introduced it to him, joon hyung, everyone calls him that. he is 12 years old that time and he is one of the doctor’s son in the paediatric department. he loved to follow his dad to the hospital and spending time with kids in the paediatric ward. 

they first met when beomgyu was hospitalised because he broke his arm and his parents just sent him there so proper care will be taken quick which also means he needed to be away from his hyung and his-not-so-many-friends. and that made him so so so lonely. joon hyung who roaming around late at night as habit, coincidentally found him crying alone on the first night he was admitted and the hyung brought him to the rooftop, told him a story about stars and moon to calm him down. he taught him about constellations and even told beomgyu that it is okay to make up one even if it was nonsense. since that day, beomgyu always looking forward for the sky to turns black so he could see the moon and stars, sunset is favourable than sunrise and the moon and stars are his friends. he also remembers how the hyung would hum some soothing melody that would lull him to sleep. a song about moonchild.

“moonchild, you shine, when moon rise it’s your time.” 

beomgyu singing softly under his breath and a smile quickly spreading over his face and taehyun’s heart makes a backflip as he witnessing that. they both are laying on their back at the resting hut located at the terrace. the moon that night is a bit hiding behind the clouds. but the stars don’t betray them. 

stargazing.

he will always love it and he is now love it more if he is doing it with taehyun. it is actually nothing special other than some deep conversation which revolves about their thoughts on live and living in general, some arguments to highlight how they both think differently and sometimes just comfortable silence. or maybe to do those with kang taehyun is special. 

but tonight is somewhat different.

an hour passed, and it is only beomgyu fixated to the sky above. taehyun’s neck already strained from turning to the right, staring at beomgyu’s pretty face. they both are appreciating the view they had. 

and suddenly, beomgyu’s head turns to the younger so they are facing each other now and taehyun is flinching a little with the sudden contact.

“hyun-ah, why do you like me?”

that question caught taehyun off guard. “uh?”

“because i am kind or i am pretty?” beomgyu keep on asking. 

_ are those the only qualities of you, you can think of. you’re more than that hyung. much more than that.  _ that. taehyun wants to say that.

but ends up with, “who says that i like you? i hate you.” instead.

and beomgyu laughs with that answer. “really? that’s a relief.” he turns his face back to the sky above, still smiling.

1, 2, 3, seconds passed,

taehyun is itching to ask that one question that has been lingering in his head, here goes nothing. 

“hyung, do you like me?” 

and taehyun doesn’t have to wait for the answer. in a beat, no half of a beat, beomgyu nods.

“yes. a lot.” 

his eyes, his face, taehyun stares at everywhere in there and he is not lying. so he asks one more. “and you don’t want me to reciprocate it?”

“yes.” 

another quick answer from beomgyu and no hint of lying. taehyun’s heart is beating fast. scared, nervous, angry he doesn’t really know why.

“why?”

beomgyu slowly turns his head to taehyun, eyes meeting his. “because i can hurt you.”

for some reason, taehyun is unable to read those pretty eyes anymore. he just too scared to read and find out what’s in the hyung mind for a moment. 

“tell me how you can hurt me?” and kang taehyun is on the verge of crying. 

the raven haired bitterly smiles, brushing his thumb on taehyun’s cheek, eyes glossy. “you’re perfect kang taehyun. your life is perfect too. i can’t let someone broken like me into your life..”

taehyun scowls with uneven breathing. “you’re not answering the question.”

“hyun-ah, you deserve better than me.” his hand doesn’t leave taehyun cheeks. he keep on caressing his cheeks to calm him down.

the younger put down beomgyu hand from him. he is angry now. “who are you to tell me who i deserve?”

the tension is tightened. beomgyu sighs. “look, you can’t like me that much, right?”

sure, beomgyu is not that oblivious to not realise how they feel for each other. he might be dumb but not dense.

taehyun changes his position to sit, rubbing his face with his palm out of frustration, he groans. 

beomgyu sits to only see the younger already shedding some tears as they are facing each other. “taehyun..

“no, hyung, you have no idea how much i am in love with you..” he cried and that broke beomgyu’s heart into pieces. 

“taehyun.. why..”

at that moment, taehyun bursts it all in his heart. 

“you’re so kind, sometimes really kind for your own good but you teach me how life is not always about myself and receiving from others. you teach me being kind doesn’t mean you lower your pride or whatsoever. it’s just you want to make the world such more of a beautiful place to live in and it’s so lovely of you. you change a lot in me and i am becoming a better person the more i get to know you. you’re like an angel, hyung. if you said you don’t deserve me, you’re wrong hyung. i am the one who doesn't deserve you. everything about you is pretty hyung you just really need to know that. you have the prettiest heart.”

he sniffs and quickly continues before beomgyu could say anything. 

“loving you is so easy, hyung. like breathing, like skating for me, it’s so easy and makes me feel alive. you are just so warm. your gaze, your smile, your words, your touch, everything is just so warm and lovely about you. it makes me feel so loved and happy. all this time you make me feel special, hyung and it makes me greedy. i want you. i want you all by myself.”

that’s it. enough of it for a while, taehyun hangs his head low, face red, because of both sobbing and embarrassed with the confession he did.

silence. just silence.

beomgyu heard it well. and he feels bad. thinking on how dumb he is to always think kang taehyun is not his and can’t ever be his. 

“taehyun-ah, look at me..” the elder whispers.

“i am sorry hyung. i just us to be something and i know you are not liking the idea. i shouldn’t be selfish-” taehyun starts rambling, panicked.

as soon as beomgyu tips his head up by his chin, offers him a smile and wipes out the stray tears on his face, he froze, tongue twists.

“hear me out, okay. you don’t have to be sorry. you did nothing wrong, hyun-ah.”

the elder leans closer, his face soften. he never really has that too much calm on his face as he is more of a chaotic and dramatic person. 

and he is more beautiful like ths to taehyun making his heart beat so fast than he ever expected.

“taehyun, can you wait for me then?” beomgyu cups taehyun’s face, hand a bit shaking as he is also nervous and scared. 

nervous to actually listen to taehyun’s answer.

scared if taehyun doesn’t like the idea.

taehyun doesn’t respond. it is either taehyun wants to turn him down or taehyun just needs time to give his answer. that’s what in beomgyu head actually. 

in fact, taehyun just went too deep into beomgyu intricate eyes until he doesn’t realise he agrees in his head and not in reality using his mouth. 

_ wait.  _

he doesn’t really love wait but for his beomgyu hyung, he will do it, even for eternity.

“i mean.. we’ll take it slow.” the elder clasps taehyun’s hand using his free hand before continuing. “i know it will complicate things but i promise i will never let you down.”

taehyun answers it with a smile, tears of joy start forming in his eyes. “you will never let me down, hyung, you know that?” 

the younger leans closer and their forehead bump softly into each other. beomgyu let out a little laughs. he feels so relieved.

“taehyun-ah, i am so happy. i am so grateful.. meeting you.” the elder whispers, wiping away all the tears on the other’s face. 

they stay like that for a moment, staring into each other’s eyes, overwhelmed with happiness, a step closer towards their happy ending. 

“hyung, can i kiss you now?” from eyes down to beomgyu’s pretty nose, kang taehyun now shamelessly staring at beomgyu’s lips. he just can’t help it.

not waiting for any more seconds, beomgyu tilts his head, whispers with a smirk. “no, i’ll do it first.”

  
  


by the time beomgyu takes taehyun’s breathe away, the sun is peeking its way on the horizon, painting the pitch black sky a striking white, a bit of yellow and orange strokes. it’s beautiful. 

  
  
  
  


a great start of their new life with each other.

they might lose their job, the things they are passionate about for awhile. but they have each other and that's enough.

more than enough.

  
  
  


*

  
  


_ “kang taehyun, let me take care of you.” _

_ “i am an adult. i know how to take care of myself.” _

_ “oh please.. isn’t it feels good to have someone to take care of you?” _

_ “sure. you can. but..” _

_ “but?” _

_ “i want to take care of you too.” _

_ “deal.” _

_ “promise..take care of each other?” _

_ “promise.” _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> finallyyyyyy~~ i am even emotional they are finally together!!!   
> so i put a mini namjoon as emotional supporter and personally, moonchild from mono really is my emotional support song, so yea.  
> i still don't know when will i post the next chapter. depends on my mood and my workload i guess. thank you so much for reading and having so much patience on me >< i love you all.
> 
> stay safe and have a good day ahead everyone. you did well today!


	13. The fluff chapter: clouds

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> they really do find comfort in the sky, either way it is night or day. as long as they are together. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i have no idea for the chapter title frfr. it's 'inspired' by txt album lol

it is almost noon, and the house is full of silence, no sight of people except on the third floor. two men snuggled close together on the same bed, still in their dreamland after a night full of tears, stars and loves. 

good news: the room on the third floor is now  _ their _ room.

after beomgyu accidentally sneezes which causes their second kiss dragged into a halt, taehyun suggests them to go inside with ‘we can’t have two disable people in the house’ excuse. so they continue their cuddles session to sleep. it is actually not a real cuddle as taehyun’s lying position is limited due to his fractured leg, so he just lays on his back with a few pillows piled up to rest his injured leg while beomgyu snuggle closer to him, clinging on his middle, legs tangled loosely around his healthy leg. sure, beomgyu sleeps really well.

until, a high frequency beeping noise hitting his eardrums. that wakes him up. 

“taehyun-ah.. what’s the siren is about..” beomgyu stirs and reaches out his arm wanting to reposition himself to stay attached to taehyun but no one is there. taehyun is gone. 

“taehyun-ah?” he is fully awake now and gets out of bed after he gives the whole room a quick scan. beomgyu rush downstairs, checking the second floor and starts panicking as he doesn’t find the younger. along the way, the siren is far from going to stop.

“kang taehyun? where are you?!” beomgyu shouts as loud as he can to make sure at least he can be heard over the siren as soon as he reaches the first floor.

and seeing smoke filling the air, which seems like it came from the kitchen makes his heart almost drop.  _ what the hell is happening? _

beomgyu barely can move. he even barely breathe. apart from because of the heavy smoke out of nowhere, he is just too panic to think of anything. 

_ taehyun come out, where are you?  _

and yeah he almost cried.

“hyung!!! i am here!”

he finally sees the younger, in the middle of the kitchen, troubled face. ignoring the last part, only god knows how relieved is beomgyu to see taehyun is still in a piece, no additional injury.

the elder runs to him and captures him in a hug. “stop making me worry, you asshole!” he whispers, tightened his hug as if his life depended on it. 

after a while, the annoying siren comes back into his attention, _ hell, it is so loud..  _

“what are you doing? what is happening here? are you alright?” beomgyu loosen the hug, firmly holding taehyun by his waist as the younger hold onto his shoulder, using him for support, no crutches in sight.

“i was cooking and.. things happened..” taehyun answers in mumbles. 

pause. beomgyu is connecting the dots. 

“wait.. you’re cooking? so, it’s you?”

the elder cranes his neck to glance at the induction hob not far from them. smells like something burnt. 

_ choi beomgyu’s first instinct: laugh.  _

“hyung.. make it stop. i don’t know how...”

his attention is back to the younger, glossy eyes, pleading innocently.

he bites his inner cheeks thinking he shouldn’t laugh at this kind of situation and considering how taehyun would feel but this is choi beomgyu we are talking about and he loses the battle with himself.

here he goes, laughing with the same frequency as the siren.

“hyung!! why are you laughing!!???!!”

*

“so you wake up early to prepare me breakfast and you end up burning whatever thing you cook and going off the fire alarm?” 

beomgyu asks again genuinely for clarification and also a little hint of intentionally wanting to tease the younger whose face is as red as a tomato, embarrassed of what he did an hour ago. the kitchen is already back to normal, no more smoke, no more siren. it’s just taehyun didn’t switch on the cooker hood or maybe he isn't aware of that kitchen appliance existence, so he didn’t bother. he is a skater not a cook. plus, take outs and food delivery exists. at least he knows how to use the induction hob, right?

“yes..” taehyun rolls his eyes and that cues another train of laughter of choi beomgyu. 

and no matter how taehyun loves beomgyu, he just couldn’t help to not hit the hyung on his shoulder, repeatedly, full power. but the elder finds it funny too. 

“hyung, you are annoying.. it’s not easy to control everything in this huge ass kitchen and you can’t walk properly!” taehyun groans and beomgyu is finally slow down with his laugh.

the elder scoots closer to the younger, cups his cheeks with his both hands resulting in taehyun’s face puffs. “that’s the thing… who told you to do that? we could’ve early morning cuddles, you know.”

taehyun shyly avoids eye contact, looking away, lips jutted out. “i just wanna impress you.. i’m sorry..”

and he gets a peck from beomgyu on his lips because of that. “no, you don’t have to be sorry, baby.” 

kang taehyun blushed harder, still cannot get used of their level up in relationship.

beomgyu proceeds to squish taehyun’s cheeks after peppering some kisses all over his face. “why is taehyunnie so cute. what should hyung do, taehyunnie is so cute. taehyunnie want to cook for hyung? ah, that’s so cute.” 

it should be endearing if beomgyu put off the baby intonation away, saying those normally. but no. it’s annoying. 

beomgyu does really deserves a head lock!

“choi beomgyu. i swear to god, stop! you wanna die??!!!”

*

so they end up ordering food for lunch after having a tickles fight. taehyun gets to decide what food to eat since he is in charge of broadening beomgyu’s taste in food. even seeing each other already makes both of them full, they sure eat really well (read: hungry), especially taehyun whom his last meal was breakfast yesterday as no words or conversation is going on while they are eating. 

“hyung, you are not leaving right?”

taehyun suddenly asks as beomgyu finishes clean up the dining table.

“as long as you let me stay here.. well, it’s your house to begin with.” beomgyu scratches his nape.

“it’s our house.” taehyun quickly responds, correcting the hyung. “i say what i said. no opposition.” he adds as he could sense beomgyu wants to refuse or maybe disagree with that.

beomgyu replies with a smile and gives a pet on the younger’s head. “sure. this is our house. let’s live here from now on, shall we?”

taehyun is a bit surprised with the sudden request yet he loves it. so he throws himself on the elder’s, for a hug. 

“i’d love to.”

  
  
  


and the lovely episodes of their life, begin.

  
  


*

  
  
  


“hyung, what are you doing?”

it is on that evening, beomgyu loses rock-paper-scissors so he needs to accompany taehyun to the mini library for some reading.

almost an hour, engulfing himself in the book, taehyun realises that he is now the only one that reads and beomgyu is ‘building’ something with stack of books. 

“nothing in particular..” the elder grins sheepishly, destroying whatever skyscraper he built and putting them back on the rack.

“aren’t we supposed to be reading?” taehyun lifts one of his eyebrows, looking like a strict mom.

“i am reading…” beomgyu pouts. he really did actually but gave up after a page. “but it is boring… i just putting some fun in it?” he is slouching, hands busy arranging the books on the shelf.

taehyun just shakes his head and helping beomgyu to pass the book from the floor to the elder.

until he sees an opened notebook with beomgyu’s handwriting on it. seeing his name on it and that sparks some interest.

“hyung, what’s that?” taehyun asks and beomgyu’s eyes follow where taehyun’s attention is. the elder is panicked.

“ah.. nothing..” beomgyu quickly snatches it away hiding behind his back and that makes him deserves a head-to-toe-glare from taehyun

“lie. come on, give it to me.”

beomgyu still refuses to do so, shaking his head repetitively but of course he loses again with that piercing glare from taehyun. 

“it’s bucket list. things i want to do here, with you. it’s just it.” he stutters yet still doesn’t want to show it.

“and. i. want. to. see. it.” the younger emphasises on each word, maintaining his glare, acting intimidating.

“no you can’t.” as someone who had seen kang taehyun crying and setting off fire alarm, it has no effect on beomgyu. 

taehyun is aware of that and changes his strategy. he scoots near to beomgyu, pulling the hem of beomgyu’s sweatshirt, puppy eyes on.

and still no response from the elder.

“what about, let’s plan it together? it will be more fun.” taehyun suggests and beomgyu quickly shakes his head a no.

“that would be less surprising. i want that surprise element.” 

_ hell yeah, taehyun couldn’t understand how beomgyu’s mind works.  _

suddenly, a bulb on beomgyu’s head blinks. “wait, i got an idea! what if you make one too? then, we take turns. like today we do my bucket list and the next day we do your bucket list? so we both have our own bucket list and things to look forward to?”

the idea itself is adorable. taehyun concludes that beomgyu thinks adorably and that is endearing. no one can disagree. 

“things like this really makes you excited?” taehyun couldn’t help but to lean over to beomgyu, wanting to see the sparkling eyes closer, caressing the elder’s cheek.

the corner of beomgyu’s lips tug up, red spreading on his cheek, blushed with the sudden touch from taehyun. 

“your husband is an event planner to begin with. it can’t be help..” he says in tiny.

_ ahh, husband. taehyun likes to hear that. _

taehyun is over the moon with the indirect clarification to the point he gives the elder a peck on the tip of his nose. “sure. now, give me a pen and paper. i’ll do it. the bucket list.”

10 minutes after that, they change position to lean against each other’s back, (it was beomgyu’s idea to make sure their list remains secret) both focus with their own list and taehyun looks at his phone sometimes for ideas. 

“you done?” beomgyu asks when he senses taehyun’s body relaxes, resting his head on his shoulder. 

“i think so.. we just list it out, right?” 

“well, you gotta be a bit detailed you know..” he adds something on the page that is already full with scribbles as he speaks.

“like what?” taehyun asks lazily.

“the time? or maybe things you need to prepare? or maybe plan b if you suddenly don’t feel like it? ah.. should we check the weather on the day too? anyway, if you can make the whole timeline of the day would be nice.” beomgyu starts to ramble, already in his own world.

“you sure are an event planner…” taehyun scoffs but beomgyu doesn’t see that. he is just too immersed in his planning. the elder also doesn’t notice when taehyun is already there, in front of him.

the skater laughs at the elder’s clueless face as he lifts beomgyu’s face meeting his. “yah, hyung, loosen up. are you working right now?” 

“ah.. it must be out of habit?” a shy grin appears across his face. “i just want to make every second special, so it needs to be perfect.” he mumbles, biting his lower lip.

“hyung, it’s cheesy but… it’s always special when i am with you. don’t worry.” that makes both of them giggle and taehyun starts to blush with his own words. 

“kang taehyun, say that again loudly will you?” beomgyu teases.

“ah, shut it,hyung!”

needless to say, the elder gets another headlock.

*

  
  


beomgyu never feels so good of waking up in the morning except this time the first thing he saw as soon as he eyes opened is kang taehyun’s face. 

“good morning.” taehyun whispers before giving the elder a kiss on the forehead.

“uhm..” instead of waking up for real, beomgyu cuddles closer to taehyun, nuzzles his face into the latter’s shoulder. he doesn’t seem to let taehyun get up too.

“you’re so clingy..” taehyun chuckles, ruffling the elder’s hair.

“shut up. you ain’t any different.” and of course beomgyu would not forget how last night taehyun didn't even let him leave the bed for a glass of water. 

“what are you planning for today?” taehyun has been asking that question since yesterday after he lost the rock-paper-scissors to beomgyu and only get 'i'll tell you tomorrow' as reply. they did that to determine who will start the bucket list first. 

“picnic.” beomgyu sleepily answer in mumbles. “do you like it, though?”

taehyun loves it so much. he just couldn’t put it into words. picnic is a typical date yet taehyun lowkey always wanting to do that with his significant other since he was a teenager. in return he just rewards the hyung with another forehead kiss. “hyung, why are you so sweet?”

the elder laughs, glad that the younger is happy with his idea. “the word sweet is created for beomgyu that’s why.” 

taehyun rolls his eyes. “i take it back.”

“no, you can’t.” beomgu tips his head to peck on the younger’s lips. that never fails to make taehyun in a mess blushed. beomgyu kinda find his favourite things now. 

“come on, get up, i am excited for the picnic.” satisfied with what he received, taehyun sure is more than energetic to start the day and he even forgets he still needs crutches to walk.

  
  
  
  


and taehyun is the one who finishes dressing up first, ready to go.

“i’ll wait for you at your car then?” 

beomgyu is checking something in his ipad before answering the younger. “we are not going by car.”

hearing that, taehyun is a tad pissed of, “hyung.. do you not know my leg-”

before taehyun could lash him out, beomgyu quickly cover his mouth with his hand. “i am not inconsiderate as you think.” because of that, he gets the familiar head to toe piercing glare from taehyun. beomgyu just laughs at that.

“come on.”

beomgyu helps taehyun walk to out from the house and what he sees next kinda makes him dumbfounded.

“bicycle? how do you get that?”

“i bought it online. home delivery. the quickest one.”

“when?”

“last night. you said you want fresh air so i thought of buying this because it has been a long time i don’t ride one too.”

_ so the reason why beomgyu is attached to his ipad most of the night is because of this bicycle?  _

“and because of your leg, i bought it with the carrier. are you not okay with it?”

taehyun is actually speechless. the bicycle and the carrier is totally looks like a trishaw but cooler. it looks expensive too. beomgyu really take their bucket list planning seriously and even spending his money for this. while taehyun’s list is more to domestic one, things you can do at home and all do it yourslef thingy.

“no. wait. i mean..” he thinks for a second. “how i can trust you on this. are you even know how to bike?” 

it is something to worry about as it is choi beomgyu and he can be clumsy at random times.

beomgyu pouts, upset with that question. “oh please, i biked religiously back then as a child. plus, isn’t everyone know how to bike?”

“not me..” taehyun answers under his breath.

the elder couldn’t believe what he heard. “wait?!!! you don’t know how to bike? what kind of childhood are you living in?” 

taehyun for sure has his own argument on that. “it’s scary, okay. you can scratch your knees and elbows. the probability of falling is high. it’s dangerous.”

beomgyu just snorts at him, smirking. “sure mr. skater..” he pinches the latter’s cheek gently. “as soon as your leg heals, i would make sure you ride one. but now, come on.”

and he really lifts taehyun up from the ground, carries him and carefully puts him in the carrier. wasting no second.

*

they only went to the park within the neighbourhood. taehyun complains on how they can go to the further and instagrammable one if they go by car and beomgyu says if taehyun complaint further he would detach the carriage and cycle home by himself as threaten. and basically they turns supposedly 5 minutes ride into almost 45 minutes because of the unnecessary bickerings, taehyun endlessly teasing beomgyu way of cycling and beomgyu intentionally slow down because that. 

they settle down under the tree at somewhat a hidden part of the park, far from people, only two of them. beomgyu is lying down after taehyun quite struggling to spread the picnic mat on the grassy ground. 

“so.. what now? we sleep here?” taehyun just totally clueless looking at beomgyu who is looking comfortable laying there.

beomgyu just nods, looking so tired after the cycling he did. “come on, here.” he taps the space beside him, asking the younger to do the same. “i ordered food and i think we are early. let’s watch the clouds first. i heard it is as cool as stargazing.”

taehyun joins the hyung a second later. looking at the clouds that the elder specifically pointed at. 

“it’s look like a bear, right?” beomgyu suggests it first. actually the clouds forming a furry-animal-shape-like so anything make sense but taehyun doesn’t want to agree just like that.

“no, it’s squirrel.” 

“i can’t see the tails though. it’s a bear.”

“bear should be bigger than that.”

“then it’s a baby bear.”

“fine, it makes sense.” it’s just the clouds keep moving and it looks like a cub more and not because taehyun lets him win.

“what do you think is that?” beomgyu points at another one. it is actually shapeless. 

“it looks like skating shoes.” taehyun says. it’s nonsense but beomgyu doesn’t argue on that.

“skating really got too much space in your head, huh.”

a beat of silence comes after. both the actually stargazers suddenly find comfort looking at the clouds and the sky. white. blue. the fact that what they are staring at is only the stroke of white with blue background yet it is so beautiful, fascinates them. they really do find comfort in the sky, either way it is night or day. as long as they are together. 

taehyun laces his hand with beomgyu’s. “hyung, i have a wish.” 

“what it is?”

“i want to skate.” taehyun says with all stars in his eyes and beomgyu feels guilty.

“taehyun-ah, i can do anything for you but that one.. i really don’t know how to help.” 

“skate for me, then.” kang taehyun is requesting and beomgyu has the audacity to turn it down.

“wait, what? no!” he really is shrieking.

“yah.. don’t tell me you’ve never skate..” taehyun just can’t believe that. in his world, everyone he knows knows how to skate. he never found one like beomgyu. 

lack of response, and it is confirmed beomgyu never skates.

“hyung you’re so lame.” the younger snorts, mocking him.

“yah, what so bad about not knowing how to skate?” he whines then a pause. “wait you don’t even know how to bike!!”

taehyun just shrugs. “what so bad about not knowing how to bike? also thinking on how i am the best skater in the country and the fact that we are together.. something feels off..” 

beomgyu rolls his eyes. “you’re so whipped for me that’s why.”

“you’re not wrong though.” 

the timing is just right when their eyes suddenly lock at each other's. taehyun leans in so they share a chaste kiss. a broad smile spreading over their faces. happiness. it's just happiness.

“hyun-ah, teach me how to skate then. when you recover.” 

“are you sure about that? i am strict though.”

“sure. a strict instructor who set off the fire alarm.”

  
  


and as usual the scene is again closed by beomgyu shouting in taehyun’s headlock.

  
  
  


*

second schedule of beomgyu day-1:  _ watching your name with taehyun _

taehyun learns that day too how much the elder is obsessed with that movie and he thinks it is really sweet of how beomgyu wants to do his favourite things with him. 

56 minutes into the movie. taehyun personally doesn’t really favour the fantasy genre as he is a realistic person to begin with. he really does watch it for the sake of beomgyu and noticing how the elder doesn’t even spare a glance on the screen in front as he keep on staring at him is a bit unfair. they could just stare at each other or in other words taehyun wants to look at beomgyu too!

“hyung, we are supposed to watch the movie..” taehyun complains. 

beomgyu laughs, aware of how taehyun is annoyed. “i’ve watched this as a daily routine you know, i just want to watch your reaction tonight.”

taehyun groans and goes back to watching the movie. it is somewhat interesting as the movie goes on where it needs a bit of thinking about the time travel thing the main characters of the animation went through. taehyun loves the complicated timeline element, sure, but not when beomgyu’s eyes never leave him.

“hyung you better stop. i’m trying hard to not kiss you right now and ruin this whole movie night.” 

kang taehyun doesn’t lie. with this kind of atmosphere-lights off and the only source of light is from the 85-inches screen, they both huddled together on the velvet sofabed, sharing a blanket covering their lower body, it is really suitable for the whole make out session or even more than that.

and beomgyu’s face which never leaves 2 inches range from his really doesn’t help at all. 

“should we just ruin it~” the elder singsongs, doesn’t take it seriously. 

taehyun holds himself back well. his self control is strengthened as he remembers how the elder wants them to take it slow. he sighs. “if it wasn’t because of my leg i would straddle on you right now..”

that remark makes beomgyu freezes. he couldn’t help to not visualise the image of the younger straddle on the top of him and.. nevermind, he shakes off the somewhat heavenly imagination he had and back away as he feels his face burns.

taehyun laughs at him as his tease kinda succeeds. then, they went back to their actual plan, to watch the movie till the end.

  
  
  
  


skip to when the movie ends, after taehyun’s commentary of the movie and their little bickers due to they never really agree on the same thing, 

out of nowhere, taehyun starts a new direction of their conversation.

“you know what, i got into the accident basically because of you.”

“what?” beomgyu is beyond shocked. he thought he misheard. 

“that day, i won and you’re out of reach so i stole junho’s car to see you. i am just excited to show off my medal to you and i didn’t watch my speed.” taehyun explains and beomgyu just keeps on silent. 

beomgyu is in his overthinking tunnel. like always.

“wait!” taehyun laughs seeing how the elder is reactionless. “hey, i am just joking. it’s no way i want to blame you. it’s my own fault.”

the wedding planner bitterly smiles, “sorry. i wish i could at least not throw my phone away.. that day just..”

taehyun stops whatever the elder wants to say, shut him up with the forehead kiss. “hey, it’s really okay, love. things happened. if not because of that, we would never meet here and have all this.” 

  
  


however, taehyun actually wants to know something. he is the mischievous one. “but if you still feel guilty, how about you tell me what happened to you that day so i can forgive you.”

taehyun is staring deep inside into beomgyu’s eyes, assuring, “would you tell me what happened?”

  
  


beomgyu can just keep silent as he used to do to soobin. letting the topic shift naturally with the lack of response. 

beomgyu can just gives taehyun a smile in return and say everything is fine, nothing to worry about.

beomgyu can just laugh it away and change the topic by himself. or maybe just kiss taehyun so the latter will forget about everything he wants to know.

  
  


but taehyun’s eyes are telling him something. like he doesn’t have to worry and should trust the younger. 

and he will hurt taehyun if he doesn’t tell what he wants to hear from him. 

he doesn’t want to hurt him. he promised him he would not let him down, right? he should tell him something. he should...

“i lose control.”

words slipping slowly from beomgyu’s mouth unlike his brain. thinking about the day sure is a tough one but he  **_does_ ** tell taehyun what he faced that day. about taewoon, mrs park and ryujin. he surprisingly did. it is not easy but he feels relieved and lighter as he lets lines after lines slipping out from his mouth. taehyun makes him feel he is heard. he is cared. taehyun’s hands don’t leave him even for a second. been there all along, firmly, sometimes caressing softly. when tears start forming, running on his cheeks, taehyun wipes them all away and kisses his knuckles so he stay calm. 

comfort. beomgyu feels that. he feels safe. 

but unfortunately, not to the point he could tell taehyun how he hates to be born pretty and how he is scared of himself slowly becoming like his so called father. it is not like he doesn’t trust taehyun. he just thinks that taehyun doesn’t need to know that much. taehyun doesn’t need to know all those for now. or maybe he just doesn’t need to know that side of beomgyu does exist. ungrateful choi beomgyu who hates to be born pretty with silver spoon in his mouth. kang taehyun doesn’t have to know him. no one could ever.

“hyung, thank you for opening up to me.”

the younger pulls him into his embrace, kissing on the top of his head.

“what does that mean?” beomgyu replies. well he isn’t really opening up and taehyun should be angry of him for hiding most of the part. 

“you’re not that type of person to tell people stuff and i am glad you get to tell me that.” taehyun gently cradles him in his arms, “you know, you can tell me everything. i am here to listen and i’ll do the same.”

look, he doesn’t deserve kang taehyun. he really doesn't.

_ choi beomgyu, you are the worst! _

“thank you, taehyun-ah.” beomgyu thanks him. and deep inside his heart he endlessly apologising.

  
  
  


there he goes after that, sleeping. letting all the worries deep inside his chest, not knowing it might burst any soon. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so when yall think beomgyu will burst? god he is so mysterious.
> 
> do comment and drop questions if you have anything to ask ;)
> 
> have a nice week ahead. stay warm and safe.


	14. Little that he knows

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> just another chapter of taehyun learning choi beomgyu, nothing much.

what’s better than living with the love of your life, in your dream house while you’re taking a rest from your career. they are indeed happy. waking up to rainbows and sunshines, nothing more, nothing less, everything is beautiful. it has been two weeks, one after one item from their bucket list scratched, their hearts are fuller as their love blooms. 

there are some days in between where they just did nothing. just lazing around, some cuddles and banters, playing games or watching more anime movies, nothing much in particular but it always stargazing to end their days. and it is not any less than a beautiful day.

also in those two weeks, there are a number of new things he finds out about choi beomgyu. then he realised, how all this time since they are with each other, it is always him to do the talking about personal background. but that doesn’t mean beomgyu never shares his. it is just kang taehyun nature where he would never be satisfied with what he knows. and when it comes to choi beomgyu, he wants to know everything. just everything. little that he knows how his choi beomgyu is a tad secretive and hiding his past intentionally.

let’s not think too much about the last line, and just follow kang taehyun with his _knowing the choi beomgyu journey!_

lesson 1: choi beomgyu’s love 

it was taehyun’s day and the plan for today was:  _ candle-making, customised for each other!  _

hot plate, jars, wax, wicks, a few beakers, dozens of essential oils, colourings and the miscellaneous all were ready on the table in the living room and yes, taehyun prepared everything and he worked hard for it. and 30 minutes into it, all the stuff were scattering everywhere and beomgyu who at first questioning the fun of the activity was surprisingly absorbed in his world of candle making. 

taehyun, the expert one here, made one for beomgyu by mixing the scent of lilac, violets and fresh linen which turns out the scent comes together, smells like the springbreeze. he then decorated it with random dried tiny petals, colouring it purplish pink. _springtime_ , that’s beomgyu to him. 

while beomgyu made a basic one for taehyun, as a first timer, mixing vanilla and cinnamon for the scent and decorating it with random seashells and white beads. it was not as neat as taehyun’s, _he thought_ even though the younger said it’s okay since it was his first candle ever and taehyun would love everything that beomgyu made for him. not really satisfied with the result, he was making another one, mixing the chamomile, bergamot and orange together, after google search _‘aromatherapy scented candles to combat anger’_. and when taehyun asked him _why combat anger_ , he simply said, _i_ _ _t is_ for you so you would less headlocking me_ _when i tease you_ and we are not surprise if he got a headlock right away after that. 

while beomgyu was too fixated with his second candle, taehyun just couldn’t help but staring. focus beomgyu is too cute and it was endearing too when the elder sometimes humming some melodies he never heard. sure, apart from their personality, their taste of music is totally different too. that made him wonder...

“hyung, can i ask something?”

“sure. what is it?” beomgyu putting extra focus on pouring the wax into the jar as he spoke. 

“how do you like me? oh.. i mean.. since when?” 

that made beomgyu choked on his saliva and he stopped whatever he was doing. he blushed a bit before answering the younger, having a war flashback. “can i say it’s love at first sight?” 

he laughed before continuing, didn’t bother to look at taehyun’s reaction, too embarrassed to do so. “you’re popular, like a celebrity. i know you since you started skating and yeah i have had a crush on you since then. well, just as an ideal type at first, as a fan? it’s not like romantically..” a beat of silent before he finally is courageous enough to look at the younger straight into eyes, “you get what i mean?”

“what about now? you just still like me as a fan?” taehyun scooted closer to beomgyu who sat crossed leg on the fluffy carpet a few inches away from him, doesn’t break their eye contact, eyes shimmering with sort of stars. 

beomgyu’s ears are awfully red. he also didn’t know _why the heck he was so shy about_. his lips curled a smle, he was ready to confess.

“i am really bad at feelings. but for now, i really love having you around, spending time with you makes me happy, waking up and knowing you’re beside me, i love that more than i expected. i want to take care of you, make you happy, protect you from anything bad and stay by your side.” 

he tilted his head, asking cutely “is that love?”

“i don’t know either but i feel the same.” taehyun leaned in, bumping their forehead on each other, both broke into a fit of giggles.

“oh, i love kissing you too. i feel the happiest when we kiss.” beomgyu added while kissing taehyun’s tip of nose.

“hyung, should i make you the happiest now?” taehyun whispered and his eyes now wandered around the plush pink lips of the other.

a smug appeared over beomgyu’s face, he pulled away, standing up, moving away from taehyun with the undried wax in his hand. “no. i am busy with the candle. enough happiness for now.” he even winked a goodbye. 

“hyung, come back here!!! i just want some kisses!” 

now, we know who is the clingy one in their relationship. 

  
  


*

lesson 2: choi beomgyu’s childhood

that day, it was beomgyu’s day. early in the morning where taehyun was still having his breakfast. beomgyu left early from their usual breakfast date and came back later to the kitchen with a lot of stuff in his hands.

“what are you planning to do today?” taehyun just watching while sipping his caramel macchiato from afar.

“bake!” the elder was excited and that made taehyun shudder.

_ isn’t it beomgyu is as bad as him when it comes to anything related to the kitchen? _

“hyung, you must be joking..”

beomgyu rolled his eyes, “hey! i used to bake okay with my nanny back in the days. i even got complimented.” he whined and that entertained taehyun.

“sure, i trust you for now. we’ll see how it’s going later.” the younger responded and beomgyu pouted on that.

there was a whole bickering session on deciding what to bake where beomgyu wanted to bake macaron which is his favourite and taehyun opposed the idea as the level of difficulty is high and suggesting burnt basque cheesecake instead. half an hour later, taehyun was winning and they quickly started soon after. 

beomgyu was in charged doing all the work and taehyun just helping with the recipe, ordering what do next and so forth. don’t get it wrong, beomgyu insisted taehyun to just sit and watch, it would be like beomgyu baked for the younger, it was sweeter like that.

having the other doing all the work, taehyun could not just sit and watch. so, he started sharing his childhood stories related to baking, pastries and sweet confectionery. for example, like when that one time he was 6 years old, his auntie was so into baking and every day he and yeonjun had cakes and cookies for lunch and dinner for a month and she kinda stopped after yeonjun faking to have a toothache. or like when he and yeonjun needed to help his uncle to bake a cake for their wedding anniversary surprise for his wife and that hyung actually not helping at all and basically taehyun saved the kitchen from any explosion. or like when he was 14 years old, a new bakery was opened in their neighbourhood, yeonjun and he made a bet who did better toe loop, it ended up he needed to buy yeonjun an overpriced slice of mint chocolate ice cream cake. his skills were not that developed that time so that was why. 

more stories coming in, beomgyu heard everything well and only reacted at some parts where he found he needed to say something. taehyun assuming beomgyu was too focused with his baking so that was why he didn’t really keep on continuing the conversation flow. so, seeing the hyung was now waiting for the cake to bake in the oven, maybe he was ready to tell his story. 

  
  
  


“hyung, what did your childhood look like?”

beomgyu almost dropped the whisk on the floor hearing that but taehyun didn’t aware of that. “uh? well..” 

and taehyun suddenly appeared in front of him, helping with cleaning the counter and washing the utensils. so beomgyu couldn’t just keep silent over that. 

“ahh.. i spend a lot of time with my nanny and hyung. he sometimes tells me to find new friends so i will leave him. i am quite clingy, i guess..”

_ a brother? choi beomgyu has a brother and he didn’t know? _

“so you have a brother? how old he is?” taehyun paused and totally widen his eyes staring at beomgyu.

“3 years older than me.” beomgyu answered short.

“what is he doing now?” the younger kept asking. 

“he is married already and has a daughter, her name is bomie. miju noona, my sister in law said she looks like me. she is a sweet girl. clumsy too.” the elder’s lips curled a tiny smile at that.

and silence. 

taehyun quickly understood, beomgyu didn’t really want to share his, so it’s okay. one thing at a time, slowly but surely!

and the younger saw a leftover flour and he thought he needed to brighten up the mood there. 

“that really sounds like you though. sweet and clumsy.” 

a lump of flour landed straight on beomgyu’s face and a beautiful laugh followed after. 

“yah! kang taehyun!” he was mad (read: happy) and they had a tickle fight after.

and surprisingly later, the cheesecake came out well and tasty. yeah, quite a wonderful day for them.

*

lesson 3: choi beomgyu’s dream wedding

that day, it was the first time beomgyu brought taehyun into his apartment he shared with soobin, retrieving some of his stuff, and gonna move them to their house. soobin was not home at that time, so there were only two of them. 

the house was absolutely not in a good condition when they came in. like it was abandoned for a week and beomgyu assumed soobin spent most of his time at yeonjun’s rather than there. beomgyu started the moving out process as soon as he found a box from the store room while taehyun just roaming freely around the house, wanting to know how beomgyu has been living for years in the house. 

and he found something on the coffee table in the living room. 

beomgyu’s phone.

that 3 lenses iphone in the clear case with a brown bear sticker, it was not hard to recognise except this time the screen was full with cracks. beomgyu really was not lying when he said he threw away his phone out of anger. he gave it to beomgyu after that and they tried everything to turn it on but nothing worked. 

“i need to buy a new one, it seems.” beomgyu said it casually as if it was an usual thing but yeah taehyun didn’t really focus on that as he found another interesting stuff in the room.

the box didn’t have a cover so stuff in there was a bit dusty. the first thing he took out was a photo frame. it was beomgyu’s family photo. beomgyu look young in there like somewhere in his teens. he assumed the couple as beomgyu’s mom and dad and another guy there as his older brother. both beomgyu and his brother look like their mom and there was a little bit of their dad in beomgyu. it was a common family photos. so taehyun just let it pass without any hint of curiosity.

next, he found something that kinda looked like a portfolio. the first page printed there,  _ choi beomgyu, second year, faculty of management and administration.  _ and as he flipped, he saw something like an event proposal. 

“hyung what is this?” taehyun asked.

beomgyu came to him and they read it through together. a smile appeared on his face as he recognised what it was actually. “ah.. some college stuff. the lecturer asked us to kinda like plan our own wedding.”

“that time i really put all my thoughts on that, doing it so seriously. i got the highest mark in the class though on that and was praised a lot. just good old times.” he laughs, while reminiscing the memories.

“so.. this is your dream wedding?”

“maybe? you know, like an architect dream of building their own house, like a doctor dream of treating their loved ones, like a designer dream of designing stuff for their own, i think i am like that.” beomgyu shrugged and he was elated to it as he flipping the pages. taehyun couldn’t miss all the stars in his eyes that started appearing.

“wow, these are so good, what a shame i can’t make it true..” then he gave taehyun a glance, a fond one. “i don’t think i need to plan any wedding for myself anymore.” 

he passed the papers to taehyun, ruffling the younger’s hair before continuing sorting stuff out of his closet.

and taehyun scrutinized it page by page.

beomgyu’s dream wedding is somewhat simple and totally different from  _ their wedding _ . it is nowhere near stuffed toys themed, pastel pink and white are also not the main colour and it is not held by the beach. he chose it at the rooftop of the building around XYZ town, a countryside that taehyun barely knows exists. it stated, at there,  _ low air pollution index, clear sky at night, stars can be seen clearly at the top of the building _ . sky blue and white as the main colour palette and mainly flowers as decoration. the main flower that 21-years-old-beomgyu highlighted was  _ hydrangea; expressing gratitude for being understood _ . and below that it stated there,  _ blue; serenity, trust and loyalty _ … lots of stuff there.

so, this is beomgyu’s dream wedding.

“we can make it true..” taehyun said, face lit up while looking at beomgyu. “i mean.. if you want.” a pause as beomgyu looking at him, questioning his suggestion. “you know, real wedding.. choi beomgyu and kang taehyun. then, we can invite your family and friends..”

_ family? no. _

beomgyu shook his head, kissing the top of taehyun’s head and a smile that barely leave his face now when he looking at taehyun in the eyes. 

“we don’t need it. we have each other and that’s enough.”

and taehyun would think oppositely. if beomgyu didn’t want, he wanted it! and that was how he ended up secretly scanning every single page of the portfolio using his phone. 

  
  


*

lesson 4: choi beomgyu’s detestation

it was taehyun’s day. unlike the other days before, he only prepared with a deck of cards along a small table and they were in their room both sitting closely, knees to knees on the floor.

“so.. we are doing?” beomgyu took a closer look at the cards.

taehyun grins, he is excited. “do you remember i told you i was into magic tricks back then in high school?”

“yeah, you even dream to be a magician or something..”

“i’ll show you some tricks of mine today!”

beomgyu lifted one of his eyebrows, questioning the skater’s credibility. “if it’s not interesting, today’s meal is on you.”

“you’re underestimating me, huh?” taehyun snickers.

“then, show me what you got…”

and moments later, beomgyu’s jaws were dropped and was left speechless. 

_ ‘how you did that?’ _

_ ‘are you really a magician?’ _

_ ‘what kind of sorcery is that, kang taehyun?’ _

_ ‘oh, do that again in slow motion. i wanna see something!’ _

_ ‘you’re so cool!’ _

the same phrase was repeated with some ‘woah’ and curses of excitement. beomgyu swear, he has the most incredible husband ever. 

after having those good times, laughing a lot on how beomgyu tried to imitate taehyun and quickly failing, they just huddled together on the floor, laying on their backs, staring at the sky through the glass roof. they were having a peaceful silence, hands intertwined.

out of nowhere, taehyun randomly asked beomgyu a question.

“hyung, you said once you hate it when people betray you. then, shouldn’t you well.. you know.. don’t easily trust people too much?”

beomgyu turned his head to taehyun, “you are kinda random, you know?” he snickered.

“i just wonder. you are kind. you seem like you don’t have any trust issues. i think that is weird for someone who has been betrayed a few times..” taehyun knew it might be sensitive to say that but he just genuinely wanted to know and help at some point maybe.

“what’s the problem of trusting people?” the elder turned his head upright back. he smiled. “everyone deserves to be trusted.” 

“why you think like that?”

beomgyu’s smile turned into the bitter one, he gulped. “well, it just hurts when you are not trusted. just.. it hurts. so much.”

the conversation just ended like that as taehyun couldn’t ask further. for now let him just keep the fact that ‘ _ beomgyu hates betrayal and why he never having trust issues is because he thinks it will hurt people and every single individual deserves to be trusted _ ’ at the back of his head. 

he will connect the dots one day, he will!

*

lesson 5: choi beomgyu’s favourite past time 

“taehyunnie! look! i bought a guitar!!” it was still early in the morning and beomgyu really running to him who leisurely reading at the library, being jumpy, showing off the parcel he newly received.

“do you even know how to play it?” taehyun questioned as he watching beomgyu recording the unboxing video. he looked so happy and all smiling, _ oh, taehyun would never wanted to live a day without seeing those smiles of beomgyu _ .

“yah, you really underestimate me a lot.” the elder pouted. “it’s choi beomgyu, you see?”

“sure, hyung, you’re amazing.” taehyun really said that and made beomgyu blushed. 

soon after that, the elder was busy tuning the guitar and strummed sometimes to check how it would sound. taehyun found his husband attractive at that moment.  _ effortlessly charming. _

“you seem to know what you’re doing..” taehyun commented, kept staring.

“back in the days, i learned like 3 to 4 instruments. and guitar really has its own charm. i like it the most.” beomgyu said, continued strumming some melodies and he smiled from ear to ear as he was satisfied with his tuning.

“serenade me, hyung.” the younger requested. 

“what song?”

“anything.”

beomgyu took some time thinking and looking for something in his ipad. “fine but don’t complain about my singing voice.” 

“i promise, i won’t complain.” taehyun got excited and now waited for the elder to get ready.

“sing with me if you know.. i will go straight to the hook.” beomgyu showed the ipad screen to taehyun, there was the lyrics and some chords of mirrors by justin timberlake. taehyun quickly nodded even though he didn’t really familiar with that song but he will give it a try. 

taehyun was anticipating it a lot as his eyes sparkled with something shinier that pixie dust and as their eyes locked on each other, beomgyu took a deep breathe. he strummed the first note. nervously singing the first line.

_ 'cause I don't wanna lose you now _

_ i'm lookin' right at the other half of me _

it’s beautiful. taehyun was enchanted. beomgyu was having a pause, hesitating but taehyun giving an encouraging smile, telling him to _keep going_ through his gaze. 

_ the vacancy that sat in my heart _

_ is a space that now you hold _

and beomgyu continued, this time confidently. it was magical.

_ show me how to fight for now _

_ and I'll tell you, baby, it was easy _

_ comin' back here to you once I figured it out _

_ you were right here all along _

taehyun was fall in love over and over again with beomgyu. neither of them broke the eye contact even when beomgyu looking at the chord for a moment his gaze will be back at taehyun’s. sure stargazing is their thing and the stars in their eyes when they are looking at each other like this is more mesmerising. 

tears started to pooling in taehyun’s eyes. overwhelmed with only good feelings.

_ it's like you're my mirror _

_ my mirror staring back at me _

_ i couldn't get any bigger _

_ with anyone else beside of me _

_ and now it's clear as this promise _

_ that we're making two reflections into one _

_ 'cause it's like you're my mirror _

_ my mirror staring back at me, staring back at me _

taehyun didn’t realized when he started crying until beomgyu wiped them away from his face. they both giggled. 

“are you confessing?” taehyun asked.

“uhm.” beomgyu didn’t hesitate to nod, bumping their forehead to each other’s, cupping the younger’s cheeks.

“doesn’t know you believe in soulmate.” taehyun leaned closer and their nose touched.

from eyes, both fixated to each other’s lips. “used to not but i think it changed when i met you.” beomgyu said that before their lips met each other in the middle.

taehyun slowly put away the guitar on beomgyu’s lap and replaced the empty spot with himself, so there will be no distance between them, closer, sharing the warmth as their heart beating fast. unlike the past kisses they have, this time both did it confidently, moving in sync, passionately, full of love. 

“i love you.” beomgyu confessed when he pulled away for some breath.

taehyun replied, “love you more.” then pulling the elder into another.

then, one kiss turned into two, three and four. 

isn't it amazing on how two completely different soul fits together?

appear as one,

a beautiful one.

cold or warm or whatever,

they love each other and that's enough.

another wonderful day.

*

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


“you sure don’t want me to accompany you?” beomgyu asks his husband as he pulls the handbrake up. they arrives at the hospital for taehyun’s check up appointment. it has been a month, how time flies so fast.

“yes. very sure. positive.” taehyun confirms and this conversion has been going since they both woke up that morning actually.

“but taehyun..” 

taehyun quickly cuts what the elder wants to say. “hyung, you’ve been asking that for the 100th time already. stop. i can handle it myself.” he grabs beomgyu’s hand, caressing it softly.

“now, go on repair your phone or something. you mustn’t be out of reach for too long. it’s not good to make people worried.” he ends his words with a kiss on the elder’s knuckles. 

taehyun receives a pat on his head, “aww, kang taehyun is so sweet.” 

“i learn from the best.” he gives a wink before quickly grabs his crutches and gets out of the car, before beomgyu could even do anything. “now go, call me first as soon as you get the phone stuff settled.”

sure, beomgyu knows how independent taehyun is and he does not need to worry about leaving him for three hours at most. “alright, love. i will do that even if you don’t tell me.” 

“i love you.” taehyun says.

“i love you too. be careful, okay?” 

“eung!” 

  
  


*

taehyun goes down to the lobby after he is done with the appointment. the cast has been removed and instead of crutches, he only now walks with the help of a walking stick that he is very sure hueningkai will tease him and calling him ‘oldies’ or something like that after this. beomgyu called him just now and said he is on the way back to the hospital, so he decides to just wait at the hospital lobby .

  
  
  


suddenly,

  
  
  


“oh, kang taehyun?”

taehyun turns around. it is a woman around her late 40s, approaching.

“ah.. hi.” taehyun just smiles, greets her politely. 

he is quite popular and he acknowledges it. it is not something rare if people recognise him on the street or anywhere public. but he doesn’t expect a woman in that age to know him that well.

“what a coincidence meeting you here.” the woman smiles and strangely, he recognizes the smile. he even shocked by that. 

“have we met? i think i’ve seen you before..” taehyun asks and the woman laughs a little.

“in a photo isn’t it?” she says and making taehyun more confused.

_ photos? photos..  _ it’s weird but taehyun could say the woman is right anyway.

“ah..” he is trying hard to dig out his memories.

and yes. he finds the answer. surprised is an understatement. taehyun is speechless.

seeing taehyun’s face change, the woman smiles, introducing herself. “i am beomgyu’s mom.” 

they shake hands, taehyun is almost dies in nervousness. 

“jung bora. just call me mrs. choi. ”

that is how things are not going so good.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i really took a lot of time writing this chapter. after papers of academic writing i guess i found it is quite hard for me to write a fiction back. apologies for any vocab or grammar error i cant english anymore sjksjdsksjjasjksj.  
> so yeah still more chapters to go, everything goes like what i planned, phew... lots of conflict coming in~  
> how was it? tell me what you think pretty please ><  
> winter break is coming and exam come right after i wish i really could update a lot TAT  
> and again thanks for reading and keep waiting for updates, having patience on my lazy ass lol. love you guys.  
> dress warmly and stay safe everyone!


	15. Mistakes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> in which both taehyun and beomgyu make mistakes and bad decisions.

“taehyunnie! are you done? i stop by the bakery, you want anything?”

beomgyu might be little bit too loud talking through the phone due to the excitement to the point bora can heard his son.

after the encounter at the hospital lobby, bora invited taehyun to join her for a brunch at the nearby cafe. and they had a good talk. 

“is that beomgyu?” the woman asks silently, doesn’t want to be heard through the phone and taehyun just nodded with a smile. 

“hyung, i’ve met your mom!” taehyun tells him excitedly.

little that he knows, beomgyu almost drops his newly purchased phone. “no way..” 

taehyun doesn’t hear that. his excitement is still there to ignore the sigh the elder lets out.

“we met at the hospital just now and we are having a cup of coffee at the PQR cafe nearby, come join us...”

“i’ll pick you up.” beomgyu ends the call abruptly, that startled taehyun. 

“hyung? hello?” the skater is a bit panicked as he could see bora is frowning too. he tries to call back but she stops him. 

“taehyun-ah, it’s okay. i don’t think he wants to see me after all.” she plasters a smile over her face. bitter.

“but..”

the woman already stands, holding out her phone to call her driver. “i think it’s better if i go first. beomgyu will pick you up here, right?”

taehyun is never this clueless. “ah… yes.”

“it’s nice meeting you, taehyun-ah. have a nice day ahead.”

  
  
  


and she left before taehyun can even reply to it. 

*

beomgyu arrives the cafe not long after his mom left. something off with the elder’s expression that makes taehyun doesn’t really know what to say.

_are you okay, hyung? -he looks not okay, why are you asking the obvious?_

_what’s wrong? -of course because of his mom._

_why? you don’t like me meeting your mom? -no that’s too direct._

_what’s up with you and your mom? -he will not answer to that, obviously._

and while taehyun is still thinking what to say, he doesn’t realise that beomgyu already drags him into the car. the elder even buckled up the seatbelt for him. 

“jung bora, your mom. we met at the hospital...” his voice trails as beomgyu doesn’t even spare a glance at him, focusing on driving instead.

taehyun is wrong for expecting beomgyu to be concerned about what his mother is doing at the hospital earlier. 

“what she said?” taehyun heard beomgyu sighs after that.

“well, we talk over a cup of coffee. nothing much actually. we introduced ourselves and she asked how you treat me…” 

the hyung seems uninterested, so he shifts the topic.

“so your family knows how we ended up together so i don’t have to lie about anything like you know.. how we met and all. what a relief.” taehyun maintains the joyous tone. well, there is nothing to scare or worry about. 

_and isn’t it a great news when your husband is getting along with your mom? so what with that face choi beomgyu? what’s up? mind sharing? sure he would not._

“i’ve told them the other day..” beomgyu says. he face upfront, so taehyun couldn’t see his face to read what is happening inside the elder’s brain.

“your mom.. she’s kind and warm. just like you.” taehyun just thought maybe talking about how similar beomgyu and the woman who gave birth to him would at least attract his attention or something.

“what does she want..” another sighs. 

_not working.._

taehyun then answers him, telling him what was happening. “well, she invited me to your family dinner as your dad will be going home. next month. she said it would be nice if i could properly meet your hyung’s family and your dad. you don’t really tell me about them.. it’s upsetting.” 

the skater totally is expressing his upsetness while the other is just letting out another sigh, like he has no will to even talk about this.

“it doesn’t matter.”

taehyun corrects his husband. “it does. it’s your family.” two second of silence before he changes his tone, to the strict one, like he is the upperhand of the relationship (like he used to).

“i want to go! to daegu with you.”

beomgyu without hesitation, replies. “you won’t. i am not going either.” stiff. sound less beomgyu.

“what? why not? it’s not like you are working that day..” taehyun whines like a child. even he doesn’t really sure when will beomgyu go back to work (the elder never mentions it either), he just needs an explanation.

“i don’t want to. i can’t.” beomgyu’s tone this time is rather sad. 

and taehyun finally thinks of something that will makes beomgyu **_speaks._ **

“so, it’s true your mom said you have kinda a conflict with your parents?”

and that works.

beomgyu finally showing some readable expression. 

“she told you that too?” the elder turns his head to him when they are at the red light.

“yes. but she doesn’t explain more.” taehyun sees a hint of anger in those eyes. he doesn’t expect that actually. “what is it, hyung? is it serious? how long has it been?”

the elder tightens his hold on the steering wheel as he focuses back on the road when the traffic light turns green. “you don’t have to know.”

“oh, come on. i want to know.” taehyun rolls his eyes, crossing his arms over his body.

“it’s not like you can solve it.” yes, taehyun unexpectedly triggers beomgyu’s anger. his tone, his body language, all signaling how he hates the topic. he is irritated. 

“maybe i can help, who knows.” kang taehyun is pulling another string.

“what are you? family counsellor?” beomgyu snorts on that, mocking.

taehyun takes a deep breath thinking of persuading, bad timing actually. 

“i know i don’t really have a proper family like yours, but at least i can-”

beomgyu all of sudden turns the wheel to the roadside, stepping on the brake. he unconsciously picking his own finger. gritting his teeth.

“my family is a mess. nothing can be fixed. so stop pushing.” beomgyu is holding back pretty well. his tone is still steady. rough but a bit of calmness is there.

until, taehyun has to say, “it can. you guys are still a family.”

“family doesn’t hurt you!!”

for the first time, kang taehyun witness choi beomgyu shouting with rage. he almost doesn’t recognise his husband. his chest goes up and down unevenly with trembling lips and his eyes are shaking, pooling with tears, red. 

anger, upset, pain. taehyun sees those whirling in beomgyu’s eyes. 

“hyung..” taehyun just speechless looking at his hyung as the latter rubs his face harshly and tugging his own hair after that.

a minute of silence, beomgyu takes a deep breath before he grabs taehyun hand, lacing their hands together, holding it tight.

“i am sorry. let’s drop this, okay?” he pleads, but only to see taehyun refuse to do as he is told to.

“you know i’m not that type of person who easily drops things.” taehyun squeezes beomgyu’s hand, maintaining eye contact to gain his trust.

_no, please, don’t._ beomgyu couldn’t see the end of it and it makes him suffocated.

“hyunnie… i..”

taehyun replies with an assuring smile, cupping the elder’s face with both hands. “we will talk about this later, when you’re in your right mind. i promise i will help you.”

that smile of taehyun’s, in this kind of situation. 

beomgyu is coming to dislike the smile.

it’s suffocating him.

_that was not what he wanted._

at that moment he wishes taehyun would despise him so he would rather not help. he wishes taehyun would love him less so he would not caring. he wishes taehyun would be annoyed with him so he would close his eyes on this matter.

he wish. 

“you trust me right, hyung?” the younger’s face lit up with hope.

what can beomgyu do other than faking a smile and saying yes to taehyun? even his heart blooming with pain and the urge of breaking apart, he couldn’t say no.

that is when it started where taehyun is doing really bad at reading choi beomgyu.

or maybe beomgyu just stop being transparent.

*

time goes too fast after that day. people said when it feels like time flies too fast, it means those times were eventful and only filled with happy moments. but guess beomgyu and taehyun's situation is an exception. 

beomgyu is back working after a month leave. while taehyun, he can walk normally now. both are back with their initial life and what change is that they are living together now. but that doesn’t make much changes. 

taehyun whose leg is fully healed now is having personal training sessions at home so he doesn’t have to travel back and forth. a month of not skating made his body stiff and he trains hard like he is restarting everything, from the start to get him back in shape. he is the one who left the bed first in the morning for his morning jog and work out. it is not easy but he has a strong mind, enough for him to do well once he puts his everything into it. 

beomgyu as usual, the workaholic one, as busy as ever. his reputation in the company went downhill but it didn't stop him from working harder. he accepted the leftovers project and even okay if he needed to handle a project alone. because of that, he will go back home very late, past midnight when taehyun already fell asleep and wake up not that early when taehyun already leave for his training. at some point he is overworking himself. back to his habit of coping with the mess in his head.

the ‘family dinner’ topic discussion is on hold due to their busy schedule. they barely had a meal together like before, let alone long conversations. even when they have, they only either will keep it silent or ask each other’s well being and schedule. nothing much than, ‘good luck today’, ‘you’ve worked hard today’, ‘all the best’ and ‘rest well’ here and there. kisses are getting short, their signature forehead kisses are less warm and hugs are barely seen, same goes to cuddles. 

it just happened.

wait scratch that.

it is beomgyu who just succeeded building a wall around him so taehyun couldn’t figure out him and avoiding all conversation that will be directed to his family topic

and taehyun noticed all that. so, he gave up already.

plan a; failed. _let’s go_ , plan b; choi soobin

*

they meet at a random cafe, on one thursday morning. 

“are you nervous.. soobin hyung?” taehyun breaks the awkward silence.

soobin is fidgety. playing with the straw of his watermelon smoothie, too obvious for taehyun not to notice. he just finds it funny how they are in the same circle of friends but unnecessarily nervous when there are only two of them.

“it’s weird you’d suddenly wanted to meet me.. so.. yeah..” taehyun could be unexpectedly scary, that’s what is there in ‘kang taehyun’ titled file in soobin’s head. “you aren’t any different though..” yeah, he isn't wrong on that. taehyun is less obvious than him, only couldn’t sit comfortably as he used too, a bit fidgety.

taehyun lets out a dry laugh, the same goes to soobin. then, after seconds of silence, taehyun clears his throat, cut the chase. 

“well, i want to ask about beomgyu..” soobin is actually expecting that. “specifically about his family.” oh, but not specifically that one.

soobin snorts. “what makes you think i have any idea about that?”

“you know him for 6 years..” 

“6 years..” soobin exhales. “if you really know him well, you must not be surprised if i say he never told me about his family.”

“but you must know something.. at least a bit. tell me, please.” taehyun is desperate, almost pleads. it was the first time soobin sees him like that.

“what is it about that makes you want to know?” the elder takes a sip from his drinks after that, ready to listen.

“i met his mom, we had a talk. nothing bad about it. his mom is lovely and she invited me to their family dinner.” taehyun bites his lower lips, the tone shifts to somewhat weaker. “i told beomgyu about it and i said to him i really want to go to the family dinner. he seems off since then.. too quiet, avoiding conversations..”

soobin weakly smiles. “it happened to me too. that time we were still in college.” he looks away, recollecting the not so good memories. “yeah, his mom is lovely so i couldn’t say no to the invitation. telling beomgyu about that and he didn’t talk to me for a month.”

“what is wrong with him?!” teahyun widen his already big eyes and rolls his eyes after.

the elder huffs. “nothing wrong. i just learned that maybe he hates it when any of his close friends associate with his family.” 

taehyun still annoyed with the facts he newly received. “that doesn’t make any sense. did you ever ask him why?”

“i did.” a pause. “and left unanswered every time. how about you, have you asked him?”

“he only said he doesn’t want to talk about it.” the younger seems upset.

“then it is what it is i guess.” soobin comes to the conclusion, but taehyun doesn’t like to hear that.

“no! it can’t be! i really need to know!” he emphasises.

“why?”

“i am his husband! i should know everything about him!” taehyun spews his logic. 

unknowingly, soobin is reading the situation taehyun in.

“or maybe you just feel insecure.” soobin says. poker face which taehyun finds it intimidating somehow.

“what do you mean?” taehyun is being defensive. _kang taehyun insecure? no, that can’t be! never!_

here comes the straightforward choi soobin. “you are his husband yet beomgyu still not that comfortable to talk out about whatever problems he had with his family. am i right?”

the skater refuses to answer. his latte is more interesting to stare at, at that moment. 

soobin hopes he doesn’t hurt the younger. he carefully explains, giving advice. 

“look, i am not blaming you for having any feelings on that. i’ve been there too. sometimes i think, am i not a good friend for him to share any concerns he had? it happened and it can be frustrating too. but we can’t really blame him. maybe he's just not ready yet or maybe it’s hard for him to let it out. he has his own insecurities and is more fragile than you think. and forcing him on it is not the right way.”

silent. taehyun is having a time. absorbing, realising it’s not gonna be easy. 

“have patience with him. out of all people, i can tell, the person that he can rely on is you.” soobin ends with comforting words, what he believes in. 

they exchange weak smiles. 

at that moment they are not taehyun nor soobin per se, they are just two people who love choi beomgyu so dearly. 

*

skip to the next day, friday and d-2 until the family dinner. taehyun is skating alone in his private rink. well more like, he is still thinking on how and waiting when is the right time to confront beomgyu to the point he starts overthinking and frustrated. so, he decides to skate leisurely at 10 pm to cleanse his mind and arrange his thoughts. 

he mindlessly glides around, thinking and sighing in between for an hour until he sees someone who has been occupying his mind lately entering the building.

“hyung…” 

beomgyu who is already in his comfort wear, looking gorgeous like always despite the darker shade under his eyes due to being sleep-deprived for the past two or three weeks. he walks in with two mugs in his hand. one of the mug has common short cylinder shape, white in colour with 10 variety of cartoon animals printed on, filled with hot chocolate, while the other one is rounder, more like a sphere in hole and holder, resemble a bear’s head, complete with its ears, brown in colour, fill with chamomile tea. take a guess whose is whose.

a minute later, both male are having a seat at the bench outside the rink, silently sipping their own drinks.

after a few times of hesitation which taehyun also noticed but just patiently waiting, beomgyu tells, “hyunnie, i want to tell you something.”

nervous of what he will hear, he takes another sips, gulping hard. “sure. go on, i’m all ears.”

“about the conflict i had with my parents.” beomgyu takes a deep breath, holding his mug tightly with his both hand. a bit nervous.

noticing that, taehyun put down his mug and beomgyu’s, replacing the elder’s hold with his hand.and then beomgyu starts away after a bit of calmness that taehyun shares.

“my father didn't like it when i decided to be a wedding planner. lawyer, businessman, doctor, he wanted me to be any of those. he was so angry knowing i chose the event management path after high school. we had a huge argument one night and i impulsively made a bet. if i succeed, all his wealth is on me and if i lose, he can drop me off the family registration. i swear to him too that i don’t want any help and will work on my own efforts, live passionately and so on. since then, i move out and only come back for family dinner, for my brother. my mom is always on my father’s side, so i don’t really like her. my brother’s family is the only i can consider as a family.”

beomgyu missed out a lot of details. he intentionally did that. but it’s enough for taehyun to understand the situation, he thinks. 

and he guessed he was right because after that, taehyun embraced him in his hug, patting his back.

the skater whispers to him, “hyung.. thank you for telling me that, i..”

beomgyu doesn’t wait till the end, telling him further, “so, if you insist, we can go to daegu. well, the issue is between us and not you. you don’t have to pick a side nor involve. i’m sorry if i kinda drag you into my problem. it’s not your fault, you have the right to get to know my parents and all.”

they loosen the hug, now staring at each other.

“i am okay if you’re okay, hyung. we don’t have to go if it hurts you.” taehyun reassures.

boemgyu shakes his head. “it’s just a family dinner. let me introduce my husband properly to my family.”

taehyun loves the idea. he is happy. “thank you hyung. everything will be fine, i promise.”

too happy to not notice how beomgyu is faking all the expressions he made in the whole conversation. 

too happy to not notice how beomgyu is forcing himself to do what he did that night just to see taehyun is back smiling.

too happy to not notice how beomgyu is not beomgyu anymore.

*

  
  


beomgyu drives all the way to daegu. stopping at 2 stops for food, fuel and washroom. it takes almost 4 hours. along the journey, the car is only filled with good music and conversations. the couple is like catching up the whole 3 weeks they spend not together. they bicker in between too, just them being normal around each other if we putting out kisses and less loud more quiet beomgyu which taehyun may or may not mistakenly takes as nervousness. 

they are good. taehyun believes they are. he wants to believe they are. 

* 

taehyun never feels so deceived by beomgyu until he found out in front of his eyes is another big house he ever seen that bigger than their green hill villa, lawn which is so wide like a soccer field, 5 or 4 cars parked at the other side of building and is told that choi beomgyu, his husband was basically grew up in this environment. he can’t believe his eyes either. beomgyu is rich rich. how come he has no idea or at least guts on this? _god, now he is nervous as hell._

after being greeted first by the maids and butlers, they meet beomgyu’s mother. 

“finally, you’ve arrived!” a broad smile appears across her face, making her look 5 years younger. she is a beautiful woman with a kind appearance. that was taehyun’s first impression on his mother in law. beomgyu is made of great genes. 

“yes. how are you, mrs choi?” taehyun is just being polite, replies with a smile and it’s only him. beomgyu doesn’t seem happy to be back to the house. 

“fine. just fine.” she says and turns to his son after that. her smile turns bitter as beomgyu only stands there, doesn’t bother to react or say anything. 

taehyun who sees the unfavorable situation quickly but in, “mrs. choi, it’s a really a long journey and beomgyu is tired, so..”

“ah.. aigoo.. sure, go rest at beomgyu’s room.” she says. “the dinner is at 9. take your time, resting.” 

beomgyu bows without saying anything and dragging taehyun who is a bit dazed with him.

  
_everything will be fine, right, beomgyu? you're okay, right, beomgyu?_ taehyun thinks but unable to let it out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i want to make it short :D  
> 1\. im sorry for late late late update. really really sorry. writer's block sucks. then i binging kdrama because it's winter break too. no excuse, im sorry hehu >.<  
> 2\. do comment your thoughts or anything. and thank you for supporting. i am bad at commenting actually but i am so grateful of you guys and i appreciate all of your kind comments so so so much  
> 3\. happy holidays~!


	16. icy castle

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> a chapter that doesn't suitable to end 2020 or start 2021 with

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i shouldn't ruin your new year but i need to update

to taehyun’s surprise, beomgyu’s room doesn’t look like someone’s room at all. more like a hotel room, plain, dull. and it really shows how true is beomgyu when he told that he moved out after high school. 

beomgyu instantly lay down on the bed as soon as they entered the room. tired of driving, tired of the house. taehyun couldn’t have the chance to ask questions. and slowly frustration builds up in him.

that night, taehyun arrives at the dining hall early (because he couldn’t stand beomgyu who suddenly is unable to speak). the maids are still preparing and he is just watching from afar, none of the choi family members seen yet. so, he decides to look around the house. 

cold. taehyun feels cold. even the house heating system is the best in the country, he still feels cold. and he wonders how someone as warm as beomgyu basically grown up in this house. things cannot always make sense, right? 

the skater doesn’t stray away too much as he is scared he would lost in the house. that is how he would describe how big the house actually. and he stops in front of the family portrait in the living room. the parents, beomgyu, his hyung and his wife cradling a baby. you can’t read much from a mere picture no matter how good quality it is because, in there, everyone looks happy. including beomgyu. 

then it reminds him of beomgyu’s conflict with his parents. it’s not surprising though for a rich family to have that kind of issue. when the parents think they know what is best for their children, planning out their children’s whole life, their career, their life partner, their decisions. he also has seen those in drama or movies. and now, the love of his life went through it, he just doesn't know what to do. beomgyu said he doesn’t have to pick sides or involve but he can't just do nothing while watching beomgyu in his battle alone. he should be on beomgyu’s side, right? but.. he couldn’t let the relationship between parents and son keep on worsening. he must come up with a solution, right?

_ thinking of this matter, he suddenly grateful with his not-so-sophisticated background.  _

too deep in his thoughts, he doesn’t realise, there is a tug at his sleeve.

“ahjussi, who are you?”

the diction is not that clear but understandable. taehyun finds a 4 years old girl with a ponytail beside him, with curious eyes.

“ah? you’re bomie, am i right?” taehyun figures out that the girl must be beomgyu’s niece.

that girl frowns instead. “ahjussi, i asked you first. why do you answer me with another question? why don’t you answer me?”

taehyun chuckles with that girl witty questions. “well, ahjussi is-”

someone gets into the frame, running, 

“bomie!!!” 

it’s beomgyu. all smiling like another person from what he behaved since morning. 

“uncle gyu!” bomie throws herself into beomgyu’s hug. such a sweet scene and taehyun just watching from the distance, thinking,  _ ‘good for you kid. it’s been a long time since we hugged each other like that. ah, i’m jealous’  _ a silly thoughts but taehyun halfly means that.

then, a couple enters the scene. bomie’s parents. 

“omma, appa! uncle gyu come!” bomie exclaims, excited while running back to her parents. 

as they walk closer, beomgyu gives both of them a hug, taehyun just bows at the side. 

“noona, hyung, bomie.” he calls for attention. “this is taehyun, my husband.” beomgyu’s smile at the end of the sentence is quite unreadable. without too much thinking on that, taehyun shakes hands with both adults.

“you’re more handsome in person.” beomgyu’s hyung, byeonggun said that.

“i am your fan!” beomgyu’s sister in law, miju said that.

more compliments after, and then they warm up to each other. they are having a great conversation but taehyun only notices how beomgyu is fidgety, nervous. 

*

the dinner is not as formal as taehyun thinks. it starts when beomgyu’s dad, choi sungjun takes a seat. he is actually not as ruthless as taehyun thinks his appearance to be. he is intimidating but as soon as he smiles, he looks just fine. educated man with a high class profession, that is his first impression. 

they are served a full course meal and taehyun is somewhat amazed with how the maids are totally working so efficiently. the flow of the dinner is like this. first, mr choi expresses how happy is him to gather like this as family which taehyun doesn’t catch how beomgyu scoffs on that. then, the oldest man asks taehyun to introduce himself. taehyun did and they gave him a round of applause, welcoming him. while they are eating the hearty meal, they exchange questions, mr choi asking how byeonggun is doing, how miju is doing and of course bomie butt in with her sincere remarks and endearing story. everything seems fine. like a family having a great time catching up each other except choi beomgyu who is eating silently at the corner, uninterested.

that time, they are served dessert already. and mr choi is like thinking it is a good time to ask his youngest son’s wellbeing (read: ruining the mood)

“so, choi beomgyu, you took a month leave?” he start asking.

beomgyu still shows some respect. “yes. i am already working back.”

“thinking of giving up?” sungjun smirks.

the atmosphere is not good. the other just keep on silent, don’t dare to butt in. 

“i didn’t say that.” beomgyu answers, blank face.

that old man is unsatisfied with that reaction. so he stirs up a bit. “look at how defensive you are, right now. you’ve been thinking of giving up at least once, am i right?”

beomgyu exhales silently, taking some time. “if i answer yes, what would you do, though?” he purses his lips tight. no expression. 

“i would say, i’ve told you so.” sungjun laughs, then mutters with intention to be heard aloud. “you’re not as strong as you think. and your life would be easier if you listen to me from the start. why are you so stubborn choi beomgyu?”

beomgyu puts down the spoon as he hands are shaking, holding back any feelings that in verge of coming out. “i am not giving up yet. so you can keep all your words for later.” 

sungjun rolls his eyes. “choi beomgyu, you’re too comfortable right now. top wedding planner in the country, huh? do you realise how much our dear kang taehyun contribute to that. you’re nothing without him.”

_ choi beomgyu is losing it when that old man mention taehyun. _ his hands are under the table, where he starts picking his finger. 

taehyun, who since then realising how sungjun wants to stir up beomgyu’s emotion just knows how he should butt in after his name was mentioned and correcting as he should, “well, mr choi actually-”

sungjun glares at him, sneakily smiles. “you shouldn’t get into this conversation, i am so sorry, taehyun-ssi.”

the skater really wants to curse on how unfair the old hag is that moment. and at that moment too, mrs choi orders her oldest son and her daughter in law to bring bomie anywhere but the dining hall.

despite that, beomgyu, putting on a bitter smile, nodding. “yes. i acknowledge that. i got what i got today because of taehyun.”

“yah!” taehyun tugs at the sleeve of beomgyu’s shirt, mad at how the elder just agrees. beomgyu then look into the younger’s eyes, assuring he is fine and put down taehyun’s hand from his. 

and taehyun sees how there is a red stain around beomgyu’s thumb. but he couldn’t take action on that because mr choi manages to blurt some bullshit. 

“so, that’s why you suddenly came and brought him here? last time you said you are not stepping here anymore. why? to show off how rich your family is, getting back your pride? offering taehyun money comfort?” again, the annoying arrogant laughter. “that’s a dirty move, you brat. you said you will succeed without any influence of power and money.”

and taehyun can really confirm that choi sungjun is having a hobby of messing with his youngest son. abuse him emotionally. 

beomgyu who is already numb, holding up well. “you can’t just assume i’m thinking like you. those nonsense in your head not mine.”

until..

“oh, really? sure you are.” sungjun said with a mocking manner. then, “kang taehyun-ssi, how much money do you want from beomgyu as return for what he is benefiting you? we are damn rich for your information.”

taehyun is quite shocked with what he has been asked and beomgyu prevents him from talking anything.

“let taehyun off this conversation. he is not that kind of person.” beomgyu is at his limit. his tone also change to the higher one. 

that earning a laugh from sungjun. “isn’t him an orphan? their skating rink business is not good either. money and power sometimes do work on that kind of person.”

beomgyu just has to punch the table on that. “you better stop spitting out those fucking nonsense. insult me how much you want but not him.” he is clenching his teeth, unstable breathing.

“beomgyu, it’s your dad, that’s rude.” mrs choi whispers to beomgyu at the other side. taehyun accidentally gives her a glare out of anger. 

beomgyu smirks. “oh really? am i even his son? this man never treats me like one, mom.”

“look this arrogant young man. how ungrateful. i spent a lot of money on you since you were born!” sungjun doesn’t want to lose.

this time beomgyu chuckles. “money? what are you? a fucking bank?”

“choi beomgyu.. language. he’s your father.” mrs choi reminds him for the second time. but left unbothered. 

“a father? you call yourself a father? you barely know me, how can you call yourself a father?” beomgyu is now shouting. “do you know when my birthday is? what food that i couldn’t eat? what am i afraid of? how many friends do I have?” his eyes are pooling with tears. taehyun now witnesses how angry beomgyu looks like. 

a pause, beomgyu looks into his so called father’s eyes. 

“you know nothing about me. and don’t tell me you know nothing about hyung and mom too, ‘dad’?” he snorts at the end and that offends that old man. 

“i’m done.” he stands, leaving the dining hall instantly. 

“oh, hon. wait..” mrs choi calls out, wanting to stop his husband but she hesitates “choi beomgyu, i’m begging you don’t leave yet, please.” she basically begs as she squeezes beomgyu’s hand. no reaction from her son, she turns to taehyun. “ taehyun help me.”

taehyun doesn’t agree yet but the woman has already left for her husband. 

then, there are only taehyun and beomgyu in the dining room and taehyun’s hand doesn’t leave beomgyu’s. 

2 minutes, 3 minutes. beomgyu starts to shed some tears silently. 

“gyu..” taehyun is offering a hug but the elder refuses. he instead stands up, wanting to leave too. 

taehyun stops him and beomgyu pleads to let go. “please.. i’ll be out in the garden. please.. just for awhile.”

taehyun’s heart breaks into pieces witnessing beomgyu in pain. he lets him go. 

“okay. just don’t take too long..”

and there, taehyun is alone in the room. blaming himself.

_ if only he didn’t insist on going here. _

  
  


*

  
  


“it must have startled you a lot.”

taehyun whose since then mind and soul actually out of his body which he believes might follow beomgyu leaving, doesn’t really sure how he suddenly there at bomie’s room with miju. 

the little girl is sound asleep in her bed. miju’s attention is now on him.

taehyun sighs, showing a weak smile. “well, beomgyu told me how he does not get along with his father but i didn’t expect they would argue like that, especially on the dining table..”

miju nods. “it have been years like that. but yeah this time is the worst. beomgyu used to just kept on silent, just agreeing or maybe short ambiguous replies. he never really talk back like that. let alone shouting with cursing.”

“it’s because of me.” taehyun admits. 

miju pats his back. “i would do the same if i were him. mr. choi was stepping over the line. he was just protecting you.”

“he didn’t have to..” the skate sighs again.

miju then tries to shift the mood, comforts the younger. “beomgyu told me a lot about you. i can tell how much he loves you. you know when his eyes all sparkling when he is happy? he does that when talking about you.”

“are you guys close?” taehyun asks, interested. 

sure, miju loves to share. “actually, beomgyu didn’t have much friends when he was a boy, so it ended up, three of us are childhood friends. me, byeonggun and him. i can say i know him more than my husband did. he treated me like his own sister too.”

“how is he back then?”

“loud and naive.” she laughs while reminiscing. “but sweet and lovely too.”

“guess he never changes.”

they laugh. both agree.

“yeah.. despite everything he has been through, he never hurt people and was very kind. he even never cut ties with us.” her tone turns to somewhat sad. 

“everything he has been through?” taehyun is trying to dig information.

miju frowns. “he didn’t tell you?” taehyun doesn’t show a great reaction making miju exhale heavily. “that kid always thinks he can do everything by himself and bottle up everything…”

“will you tell me, noona?” taehyun tries his luck. 

and miju doesn’t hesitate unlike someone. “you’re his husband anyway, you should know..”

miju tells taehyun all that she knows, from what she sees and what beomgyu sometimes shares with her. no shades, all details included. but sure she keeps reminding that she might be wrong as human memories tend to be biased and can be exaggerating too. she also includes her opinion that might be wrong.

in conclusion, the list of beomgyu’s ‘sufferings’ started when he was a child. 

beomgyu was born weak (immune system wise) and also in his father’s eyes weak as in cannot survive in this competitive and full of deception world (tldr: empathetic). apart from because he was admitted to hospital for times, he was sent to a lot of classes; you name it, art, language, music instruments (various), dance, math and even cooking, he is too busy to make friends, playing at the neighbourhood playground and field, even it was hard for him to watch cartoon. let’s say, his childhood with definition of getting dirty and scratches on your knees yet exploring the world had taken away from him. and actually it was not that bad, really until he realised, he was good at nothing. nothing at all. so getting harsh comments (the most popular: useless, a failure, hopeless) and destructive criticism from his father and some of his teachers were not unusual at all. even his mom was not at his side either, telling him, ‘it is all for his future’. he only got his hyung, who was busy with his own study too. that’s how choi beomgyu trained himself to bottle up his feelings, being selfless and being harsh on himself. 

he thought he would be free after high school but he was wrong. his dad already planned his future, he wasn’t allowed to disobey and that’s how he made a bet with dad. he moved out, living with some money his mom wired monthly. plot twist, his mom wiring money with a price of not contacting his brother, his one and only support and comfort until his brother graduated university. she agreed to doing that to him, as they thought having beomgyu around his hyung would cause his hyung’s distraction from study, which also meant that his hyung didn’t know beomgyu was moving out from the house. and beomgyu couldn’t say no to that because he is selfless and doesn't want to be a burden. 

unfortunately, stubborn beomgyu only used the money he was wired when he almost died as in physically which means he never did. (he died metaphorically several times, that doesn’t count). a student on the day and a part timer at night. he worked his ass off. and of course his dad paid some people to observe him day and night, so he could satisfy his ego, seeing his son having a hard time without his support. when beomgyu got a place in his current event planning company, he was downgraded but what’s new. that didn’t stop him to do what he wanted to. 

all in all, they just don’t want beomgyu had it easy. 

he never gets it easy.

and it reminds taehyun of that time before he got to know beomgyu better. 

simple minded, taking things easy, doing whatever he wants, doesn’t care how people see him.

he labelled beomgyu that unknowing how the elder behaved like that to shield himself from hurting and he even added how beomgyu having it all easy. 

_ kang taehyun, you’re the worst, despicable.  _

“beomgyu stopped opening up to me when we got bomie. he thinks he might burden me. i tried several times, asking him, but you know him. he is a stubborn one.”

taehyun is just speechless after miju is done with the stories. he feels bad about being clueless all the time. 

“now you realise how hard it is for beomgyu to open up to you? please don’t have any resentment towards him. he is struggling. we just need to believe in him and be there for him always, supporting him. you know, beomgyu can be really frustrating and complicated when he is unstable emotionally. for now i hope you would just stay beside him whatever happens. please?” miju is kinda begging. 

“sure, i will.” he smiles, promising to do as he is told. 

*

beomgyu is curling his body on one of the bench at the garden. he doesn’t cry much knowing how his father doesn’t deserve his tears. also, he is tired. 

_ when will all this end? will he lose his family at the end? is he gonna be happy if he achieves his dream? is it worth it anyway, proving his dad wrong?  _

he looks up to the sky, endless thinking.

until, someone is approaching, sitting on the bench beside him. beomgyu doesn’t really care, unbothered. 

it’s his mom. “give me your hand.”

no response, she too, unbotheredly taking beomgyu hand, to take a closer look at his thumb. “this one habit of yours, i wish i could get rid of it for you.”

the woman gingerly put some ointment and cover the bruises with plaster. beomgyu just let her be, keep on looking up to the sky, searching for the stars.

almost done, mrs choi suddenly says, “13 of march 2001, you hate seafood and tomato, bugs and cold weather, your friends.. jeongin, hyunjin, jaehyun, soobin, daehwi.. well that’s all i know.” a beat of silent. “am i your mom yet?”

“you’re teasing me..” beomgyu says weakly. 

“so i guess i can properly talk to you.” she slowly put beomgyu’s hand back on his lap, looking at her son, asking for attention.

“you better stop if you're gonna say it’s just a misunderstanding.” beomgyu says it slowly, he doesn’t want to be rude but he doesn’t want let her mom hurt him anymore. 

mrs choi shakes her head, “no. i want to apologise this time. so, please hear me out.”

earning a glance from beomgyu, mrs choi smiles at him apologetically. beomgyu could see her sincerity, so he lets her go on. 

“beomgyu-ah, i am sorry. i always think i have done enough for you. i am too confident that you will love me endlessly, unconditionally because you of course will not choose your dad.” swallowing the lump in her throat, she shed a drop of tears. “so, i think it is okay to hurt you a bit. i am so sorry. i realise how selfish i am as a mother. i failed to protect you from your dad. i am really sorry for that. i am sorry. you have been through a lot and i am never there for you. i am really sorry.”

beomgyu finally could smile and he feels bad too making her mom crying like that for forgiveness. he doesn’t really hates his mom. it’s just seeing his own mom lying to him, betray him for the sake of obeying her husband and telling him he misunderstand her, hurts him a lot. that’s why he better not seeing or talking to his mom at all. now, he guess, he can forgive her, right? 

“thank you mom, for apologising. it means a lot and i forgive you.” they hug. a warm one despite how awkward the hug turns out as they barely hug even in the best. 

“are we okay, now?” bora asks her son for confirmation. 

“if you stop taking dad’s side then, we are.” beomgyu says both in joking and serious manner. 

bora pats her son’s head, assuring. “okay. i will do that. i don’t want to lose my youngest son any longer.”

a small patch of happiness. too small to cover the big hole in his heart. beomgyu is grateful enough, thinking he still doesn’t deserve that. 

he gets his mom back on his side, so he asks the stars,  _ does this mean, i need to lose anything to make my mom stay? _

someone needs to tell him, he doesn’t have to.

  
  


*

that night, beomgyu is already in the room when taehyun comes back from bomie’s room. beomgyu restlessly sitting at the edge of the back, seems like he is been waiting for taehyun to be there.

“taehyun, i am sorry for tonight.” beomgyu says it first.

taehyun sits beside him. “you don’t have too. i should not push you to even come here if i know it would be like this.”

“no, don’t say that. it’s not your fault.” a pause, then, “at least i can curse at my dad.” beomgyu plasters a smile on his face.

choi beomgyu, happy after cursing someone.  _ that’s not right.  _

“hey.. you’re not like that..” 

beomgyu just let it sink and lay down on the bed, ready to sleep. “whatever. i’m tired.”

taehyun couldn’t say anything nor comfort him. he wish everything would be easier, understanding beomgyu would be easier. 

*

  
  


skip to that morning, taehyun is never gets used to waking up to a lot of space beside him, alone, cold without beomgyu. well, all this time, he is the one who leaves the bed first in the morning, that’s why. realising beomgyu is not anywhere in the room, taehyun quickly wash up and out of the room.

he doesn’t have to roam around so much as he hears bomie’s loud laughter that comes from the garden outside. as he reaches there, he found beomgyu too. his husband is teaching his niece cycling. 

_ cycling. _

for some reasons, his heart swells at that moment. he knows he shouldn’t think of that right now, but he hurts a little realising how beomgyu has promised him to cycle together right after his leg is healed also him promised to teach beomgyu skates.. and it has been a month, nothing is fulfilled. they got no time for each other anymore and his bad mind goes further of thinking,

_ why the beomgyu he knows now is completely different from the beomgyu a month ago? _

_ is he doesn’t love me anymore? _

and bomie notices him standing far, “uncle skater! let’s play with bomie!”

taehyun snaps out of it. he curses at himself for thinking like that. 

“taehyun, are you okay?” beomgyu asks, seeing him doesn’t flinch a bit. 

taehyun fakes a smile. “nothing, i am fine.” he then quickly running to bomie and beomgyu comes after. 

  
  


frustration, disappointment and lost. all build up in kang taehyun. 

*

it’s time for them to go back home. after saying goodbye to mrs choi, byeonggun, miju and bomie (of course mr choi would not be around after that night, no one cares about him anymore), they walk to beomgyu’s car.

suddenly, the elder hands taehyun the car keys.

“can you drive home?” he asks for a favour.

taehyun doesn’t respond right away. instead he is scrutinising beomgyu’s face and comes to the conclusion, “someone really wasn't sleeping last night, huh?”

beomgyu sighs, he looks irritated with taehyun’s remarks. “should i just drive then with this condition?” he doesn’t deny the fact that he doesn’t get any blink of sleep though.

taehyun rolls his eyes in response. “chill. fine. i will drive.” he snatches the car keys from the elder. “sleep deprived got you this edgy huh?”

“i’m sorry, okay?” beomgyu kinda realise he is being annoying too but no room for argument for now. they are both tired. so at the end, the whole ride is just beomgyu sleeping at his seat and taehyun in his own world of repetitively wishing,

_ i want my choi beomgyu back! _

*

hyuka>

kai-yah, do you know beomgyu is rich af?

i don’t really sure

but don’t you see his car, his apartment, all his clothes

sure, rich people know their circle

why? 

you’re intimidated by it?

a bit

idk

beomgyu is totally a weird one

yeah the fact he is so in love with you

falling in love with me is not weird! 

yeah, sure

anyway, he is pretty and rich 

like everyone in this world wants that 

but he really thinks those two things are his disadvantageous in life

don’t you think that’s weird?

you might don’t know this but 

well it hurts you know when you’re achieving something 

and people are just disregarding all your hard work just because you’re pretty or rich

it is kinda the same situation when people said you’re born genius and gifted 

while you were working your ass off studying back then in high school

i see..

are you okay? 

should we meet?

i wish i could turn back time

why am i so enthusiastic to meet his family? 

ugh kang taehyun you dumbass!

it’s all my fault.. 

if we were not going to daegu, everything will be fine

hey, don’t punish yourself on that

kai-yah, i feel like drinking. 

come pick me, would you?

sure give me 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> writing this chapter, ive found myself having a hard to satisfy with what i wrote hsjsdkhsjshs. i hope it's good enough as ive been pondering for a week either on updating  
> i think the beomgyu's past part is a bit repetitive but my intention is that the whole story is clear enough  
> wtv it is, thank you for reading up till now. totally appreciate it! 4 chapters left now i suddenly feel sad.  
> next update might be late as i have exam on early january, and for the next chapter, i really want to write my best!  
> neways, have fun to those who will be watching nyel  
> and happy new year! wishing yall only good things ahead :) <333


	17. Freezing cold wind

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> winter comes early, in a bad way

the cycle goes on again. taehyun leaves the bed first for his training, beomgyu overworking himself till past midnight, no meals together anymore, no conversations and almost no hugs and kisses. just like two acquaintances who are living in the same house, abandoning the word together of their everything. the warm house turns cold, freezing. guess winter comes to them two weeks early? 

despite the reconciliation with his mom, beomgyu doesn’t feel any better after that night. having too much hardship in life, he believes anything bad can happen after the good one happened. it’s absurd but beomgyu just can’t help to not be wary and anxious. and that makes him work to the fullest as coping mechanism. drink might help him to not think but he would pass that knowing his father always has an eye on him and he doesn’t want to look any pathetic then boost his father ego especially after he was acting all arrogant and such that night. people said, doing what you love might be a good method of distraction. 

well, he loves his job right? 

he thinks overworking totally could distract him from everything. interact with people, accommodate them, seeing his clients saying goodbye for the day with smiles, he would never get sick of those. for a moment, he feels important, he matters and somehow living. 

what else choi beomgyu love? 

stars. 

but stars come with variables. sometimes, the clouds are too thick and they aren’t visible. sometimes, it rains. and sometimes, stars may not be a good distraction after all as the stars only remind him of the other thing that he loves; 

kang taehyun. 

no other than him. he doesn’t know why but stars always remind him of the skater. maybe it is because of how both of them are a stargazer or they have a lot of memories affiliated with stars or maybe, just because kang taehyun is simply his star. the light that appears in his night, the one who is able to comfort him just by existing, the one that is always up there pretty that he couldn’t reach and also the one that can disappear anytime from his life. 

not that he doesn’t trust taehyun’s love for him. he just doesn’t trust himself of taking care of the love that he received. he doesn’t deserve that much perfect and flawless love. no one argued with him over the last sentence. whatever you said, you can’t convince him otherwise. so no matter how good taehyun would be as a great distraction from his problems, beomgyu would not rather do that. he shouldn’t use taehyun for just a distraction. taehyun deserves better than that. he is someone who deserves only perfect love from a flawless someone who is far from a  _ choi beomgyu. _ if anytime in the future when taehyun decides to leave him, beomgyu acknowledge how he doesn’t have the rights to stop him. 

and what difference that he noticed from the past silent treatment he gave to taehyun last time, is that taehyun doesn’t care anymore. taehyun doesn’t bother to try to make him talk. he clearly can see how the younger is already tired with his foolish attitude. the younger too started to back home late, spending time outside more and simply didn’t start any conversation. and based on choi beomgyu’s logic (which is dumb), he needs to prepare for the losses that fate brings upon him. or maybe he himslef bring it upon himself.

and yeah, here is him, another day of pretending he is fine even though he gets the whole anxiety attack and sleepless night when taehyun decided to sleepover at hueningkai’s house last night. 

work and acting normal. he is best at them. 

but for sure not when taehyun is around and also, choi soobin. the two people that can read him through like an opened book.

“you said last time you will not go there anymore and seeing you like this.. i guess you did.”

soobin greets him with that instead of good morning while passing him the iced americano and assorted sandwiches for breakfast. sure, soobin knows him the best.

“i am introducing taehyun to them..”

and let’s appreciate how soobin secretly smiles as he watches beomgyu is eating the sandwich well in tiny bites of his and finished it quickly for another one after he found out there are no tomatoes in any of them. 

but here comes, real talk.

“so you just agree with taehyun and go even if you don’t want to?” soobin asks further when beomgyu finished eating. he doesn’t want the younger’s appetite gone. beomgyu eating is his top priority.

“how can i say no to him…” beomgyu weakly smile. yeah, he acknowledge how glad he was when taehyun was back smiling that time when he said they can go to daegu. he loves taehyun’s smile after all. then he adds, “i also talk to my mom too, we are good now.” and the smile doesn't leave his face but soobin knows it was just for a show.

“can you think of yourself for once?” soobin asks it softly with also a soft sigh at the end. 

“i am fine, hyung. everything is fine.” beomgyu doesn’t know why but telling his hyung he is fine right now stings much more compared to before. bitter and painful yet beomgyu just let it sink in his heart. 

“but your actions seem opposite. something must happen if not, you’re not like this.” soobin is concerned as always. seeing beomgyu in pain hurts him, that’s a well known fact. earning a silent from the latter, soobin pats his head, softly, lovelyly. “gyu, it’s okay if you don’t want to talk to me about this but will you at least let taehyun know how you are feeling? please?”

beomgyu is rather staring at the floor, he wants to cry so bad but he can’t. choi beomgyu should be strong and simpleminded. take things easy, he needs to treat his current feelings like that. he doesn’t need to be bothered by any complicated emotions. and most importantly, he needs to always smile even if it hurts. 

“let’s go, we have a meeting.” shoving everything under the carpet, beomgyu smiles at soobin, telling the elder to stop worrying him. 

it’s just another pain, he will just pass it to the future him to handle. 

  
  


*

the last schedule of the day, beomgyu is presenting the whole planning to the couple so his team could finalise the paperwork and start working on it. and gladly the couple, heemin and kangjun are easy to please as per what daehwi think but for beomgyu, they are somewhat weirdly too laid back and trusting them so much. and after beomgyu is done presenting, the couple seem very grateful and satisfied. not that beomgyu doesn’t thankful with such a non fussy client but he expected the couple to at least give him a little hard time so more working hours, more distraction, more-

“we are so glad to have you to plan my wedding.” heemin gives him an awfully broad smile (in a good way), stopping beomgyu went deep into his absurd thinking space and she even bounces a little to show how glad she is.

her fiance stops her acting like a whole puppy, patting her head to calm her down. he chuckles before explaining his lover's uncommon behaviour. “actually, beomgyu-ssi, heemin here is your fan.”

heemin gives him a slap on his shoulder as she blushes in embarrassment. but kangjun seems to enjoy teasing her. “she even said having you as the wedding planner is like a dream come true.” and sure, he gets another hit on his arm, this time harder. 

beomgyu is flustered at the other side. he couldn’t really process everything. “ah? me?”

after all the embarrassment, heemin then decides to come clean. “i am initially a fan of taehyun and totally supporting your marriage with him. i am so relieved, taehyun got married to such a good man like you. you guys are really good together.” she says it all shyly but her eyes glimmering telling him how genuine she is that moment. 

“well, we can also say you guys are saving our relationship.” kangjun added. that was unexpected. beomgyu can’t keep it around his head. 

“wait? no way..”the wedding planner let out an empty laugh but the couple seems serious. so he asks again, “you guys are not joking?”

they both shake their heads in unison. 

heemin then starts telling the stories. “that one interview where the mc said you guys basically have different personalities but fits each other. both of you answer with ‘sure we are different and what about it? as long as we love each other, that’s enough’. you guys make me believe in true love.” her eyes are full with adoration when she is stealing glance at her fiance, her love. 

kangjun then continues, bringing their interlocked hands which stay intact since the start of their discussion to his lap, tightening it. he stares at their hands, smiling proudly. “we used to argue a lot on small things, like we don’t really agree on the same thing. because of what you guys said, we came to realise how we used to notice the small differences between us and didn’t realise what we have in common which is yeah, we love each other.”

now they both are staring at each other. beomgyu can say how deeply the couple is in love with other. and that moment too, he realises how he misses taehyun existence around him. misses how the younger could tackle him down into his headlock, having small banters every right and there, their cuddles before sleep and as soon as they wake up in the morning, their forehead kisses, all the warm hugs and the kisses too. he misses all them. not being greedy, he just at least wishes he can stare at taehyun’s smiling face right now, have a good look at every slopes and corners of the younger’s face, appreciating his beauty, the gift that beomgyu couldn’t ask for more. 

“we are so glad to have you around.” heemin again saying her gratitude.

beomgyu can’t really react actually. too flustered to think. “wow, guys, i am speechless. i don’t know i am actually influencing in that way…”

“it was a good one. thank you so much.” kangjun assures. and seeing his clients smiling and thankful like this make beomgyu feels like breathing a fresh air at the highest peak of a mountain. alive, refreshing. 

“tell this to taehyun too. i hope he can make it to our wedding.” this time heemin’s eyes glimmer with hope that beomgyu think if he does not do it, he might break her heart. 

so, beomgyu just nod, “ah.. sure, i will tell him. he must be excited.”

“thank you, beomgyu-ssi!”

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


and that what makes beomgyu is found at the rooftop again, alone, watching the sunset. endless thoughts and wonders.  _ ‘sure we are different and what about it? as long as we love each other, that’s enough’.  _ so he really said that. is love really enough? if it is, why are they like this anyway? in the verge of crumbling where beomgyu is ready to let go. or maybe beomgyu love him wrongly? or maybe it is not really love they have? then what is it? 

beomgyu’s love is expressed in the form of sacrifices, efforts to make the other smile and laugh and promises that he will take care and protect. while taehyun, his love comes in the form of paying attention to the little details of the other, physical affections and sharing all laughs and tears. they are different. their love language is different. is it really okay? is it really enough? 

kangjun and heemin proudly said it is. they overcome everything together with the power of love. love overpowers all the differences they had. it works. 

beomgyu laughs at himself. how can a person not even trust the words that come from his own mouth?  _ we love each other and it is enough. _ he said confidently that time. 

and this time, he wants to trust his words again even though he is still asking himself,  _ is it really enough? _

*

my pretty gyu hyung>

hyunnie, wya?

training centre

are you done for today?

yes

let’s have dinner

together

oh, sure

hyung will pick you up

oh, you don’t have to, just text me the place

junho will drive me there

we have something to discuss about work too

i see 

alright  see you later

*

taehyun is drowned in beomgyu’s warm hug as soon as they meet for dinner that night. the skater is a bit flustered with the sudden sweet gesture after all the silent treatment he earned for the past weeks. and here is what taehyun concludes based on his experiences and observations; beomgyu is easily having his internal conflict and he would not open up to anyone. then he would act all fine except to those who want to crack him open. he overwork to cope and at some point he will back, pulling himself together, if you’re lucky, he will open up by himself without force needed. 

the dinner went well. beomgyu is being sweet as always, talkative about his day in the office and telling taehyun about heemin, their fans. taehyun just plays along. yeah, he misses beomgyu. so much, so much he could die but this time, he is just too exhausted. thinking how beomgyu is able to bring all the cycle back to their relationship and he needs to endure the mood swings of the elder which hurts him so bad. taking a toll from his fragile heart. 

before he gets his hopes high and everything, taehyun takes a step further, confronting the elder. 

“hyung, so aren’t we gonna talk about the past weeks? or maybe about last month?” he asks without any hints of hesitation, directly. 

beomgyu and his finger picking habit, hiding it well under the table, trying to rip off the newly healed one. he nervously asks even though he knows what taehyun actually meant. “about what?”

“you know what i mean…” taehyun doesn’t even spare the elder a glance. he just thought it might hurt him.

“can we not talk about that?” as expected from choi beomgyu. “we are okay now. we don’t have to-”

taehyun cuts it, looking the elder straight into his eyes. “it happened two times already, hyung. i don’t want more.” 

agony. it is either that taehyun intentionally makes it obvious or it is too much that taehyun can bear anymore to hide. those eyes used to only be filled with stars and sparkles whenever their eyes meet. but now there were just wounds and scars that beomgyu saw. _ it must be from him right? he hurts him right? _

beomgyu swallowed the lump in his throat, realising he is hurting the younger. the promise he made to not let taehyun down and to take care of him, he broke that. he failed to love. 

beomgyu is scared. scared if he stays, he would only hurt him. 

and there, blood surfacing on his swelling thumb, yet he kept on picking at the same spot. 

“seeing you silent like that, so you can’t promise that it would never happen again?” taehyun scoffs. beomgyu acts as what he expected. 

“i.. i.. i really don’t know.” beomgyu stutters. guilt and scared, he can’t think properly.

taehyun sighs, giving up. “so, then, let’s talk about it. seeing you’re initiating everything, i guess you wanna talk it out.” he calms himself down even deep inside in his heart, there is only anger and disappointment. putting everything aside, he knows he needs to listen to beomgyu, he needs to help him no matter what and everything will be at least better than whatever they had in the past weeks.

“i don’t want to.” he mumbles, because beomgyu believes his emotions and inner conflicts are dumb and taehyun doesn’t deserve to put up with him. 

“hyung, please…” taehyun pleads. he wishes beomgyu could be better than this. 

“can you stop?” sometimes beomgyu couldn’t understand what with taehyun and his stubbornness to listen to him. 

“i am your husband for a reason. just tell me what’s bothering you and i will stop.” taehyun keeps on pushing, his patience starts to wear off. 

“that’s not as easy as you think, kang taehyun.” that is the only thing that beomgyu could say. and that makes him earn a glare from taehyun. only if he could choose better words..

“you are the one who complicated it, you know that?” from his face, his words and his body language, everything is cold. just like the old days when taehyun isn’t learning about warmth yet, he is cold like that. 

beomgyu is hurt but he shakes it off, knowing how he deserve it compared to the pain he gave to the younger. “i am complicated? sure, i am.”

and it’s a lie if taehyun couldn’t notice how his words are nothing but pain to the wedding planner. therefore, he forced himself to keep it down, sound a bit soft, using his last piece of patience that left. “i just want you to talk it out about it. i don’t know what you’re thinking but i am here to listen to you, okay? we solve it together, okay?”

“it’s all in my head. i will handle it myself. you don’t have to bother.” beomgyu answers softly too. he gives him an assuring smile, in hope that taehyun would really stop.

but for sure, taehyun would not. “why? you don’t trust me enough to let it out? you said everyone deserves to be trusted. give me a chance then. i am your husband after all, you love me.” as much as it sounds, taehyun is desperate. insecure too. he doesn’t care anymore. if he needs to kneel so beomgyu can let everything in his head out, he will do it. 

“that’s not how it works, hyun.” beomgyu just a bit shocked with taehyun’s desperation. trust, chance, love.  _ so all this time, he actually doesn’t give taehyun what he deserve? he is awful.  _

“then what? tell me!” taehyun is more to angry now. 

and beomgyu is speechless, trying his best to fix the what he ruined. “look, taehyun.. i-” then silent again. unsure what to say to calm the younger down. 

the younger exhales heavily. this time, it is the ice prince kang taehyun. “hyung, i just want you to be more honest and sincere with me about everything. is it hard? why are you complicating everything?”

“so.. you’re telling me i am not honest and sincere with you?” beomgyu questions both to taehyun and upon himself. 

taehyun shrugs, the frown he had is getting deeper. “i couldn’t deny that you know. you are not telling everything when you tell me your stories. what’s hurting you, what are you afraid of, your insecurities, you didn’t bother to tell me all those. that night when noona tell me everything about you-”

wait. beomgyu needs confirmation on something, “wait, what? minju noona tell you what?” 

the younger already expected how beomgyu disagrees with what miju did. he clears it up. “she told me everything she knows about you. and yes, i beg her to do that so i can figure you out and help you.”

“kang taehyun, you are unstoppable.” the wedding planner is aghast. the younger knows everything and still keeps on pushing him, dragging them into the argument which is totally unnecessary. slowly the fear and anxiety crept in him. 

_ game over, kang taehyun knows everything already. get ready to lose him at any time.  _

and taehyun then decides to just let it out, everything. angry, upset and disappointed. all in a breath. 

“yes i am unstoppable, what about it? do i have a choice? i am exhausted.” his lips tremble, teeth clenched, “don’t you know how it hurts knowing all of your past through someone else? why you need to hide most of the parts from me? you made me question my worth in your eyes! you said you love me, you’re grateful meeting me and yet you don’t even trust me that much. why? we promise to take care of each other but you never let me do that, what the hell choi beomgyu. we are husbands and for what? you don’t want to even rely on me. it’s frustrating! i’m pissed off. i am so tired of keeping up with this attitude of yours. please, tell me why, choi beomgyu.”

beomgyu watches how the younger gasps after that. taehyun is hurting and he is the cause of that. he will never forgive himself for this. 

_ because i don’t want to lose you. i am not as kind and perfect as you think. i don’t want to be a burden. i want to only share happiness with you. you don’t need to know my past. a son would never do such a bet to a father, he would always forgive his mother and should be obedient and i am a stubborn child. i ashamed of myself, so bad. i really do want to tell you everything. i really do but i got selfish. i only have you and i am scared if you leave after you find out i am not as kind and warm as you always think i am. i can’t lose you. that’s why you need to know me as what i only show. the kind and warm choi beomgyu.  _

he couldn’t say it out loud. he doesn’t deserve to be forgiven after the whole explanation he had after all. he hate himself so much, to the point his impulsive self takes over, 

“let’s end this, then.” 

beomgyu shut his eyes tight. every words like stabbing his body, he himself is hurting.

“divorce or anything, let’s do that.”

then when he opens his eyes, crying taehyun greets him. “no, you don’t mean that.” the younger shakes his head repetitively, pleads for him to undo everything.

he made taehyun cry, his worst nightmare. 

skipping the thinking part, beomgyu decides to run. 

“i am sorry.” 

taehyun only can hear that as his sight is all blurry due to his tears.

“choi beomgyu! come back here!” he shouts that even he knows beomgyu already left that place.

*

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


so, love is actually enough. but all this time beomgyu loved wrongly, insufficiently. sure, he is unable to love a perfect human being (read: kang taehyun) with his broken self. what was he thinking before? no matter how hard he tries, he needs to know that he should fix himself first. love himself first before any other else. but self love is easier said than done. growing up with an environment that crushing his self esteem one by one each day, full of insults and downgrading, being selfless is the only way to survive. he can’t do it and he can’t keep taehyun waiting for him.

as much as he felt sorry to taehyun for making the younger fall in love with him, he too doesn’t want to lose him. living the life he has right now is tough enough and having taehyun around literally keeping him living. it’s fine if there is no word love in between them, he is more than grateful if taehyun allows him to only adore him from afar. only that, he doesn’t want more. he doesn’t deserve more. he knows his place. 

and that what he concludes after spending the remaining hours of the night in his car in the middle of nowhere, where he finds serene with comforting stars that never disappoints. he lost track of time and watching suddenly the sun rises from the horizon, he snaps to reality, exiting his thinking space. 

at the same time his morning alarm in his phone went off. another night he spent without sleeping, beomgyu snorts at himself while turning the alarm off. but then the label of the alarm catches his attention.

_ ‘pack for incheon before leaving for work!’ _

10 minutes of buffering, beomgyu finally remembers he needs to go watch over a wedding held in incheon with minhee tomorrow. then he realises how his timing sucks. how can he leave with the current situation he had with taehyun? no matter what happens they need to make up before he leaves. 

but unsurprisingly, the world makes it hard for beomgyu in the form of eunsang calling him with a panic voice, asking for a favour without giving him the details and straight out apologise before beomgyu could say anything. gladly the phone call is taken over by ryujin who is calmer but he doesn’t miss the hints of worry in her tone, telling him to go to the office as quick as he can so they can explain everything.

beomgyu who is a good friend, did as he told. he stops by a cafe for a morning coffee and a pharmacy for a pack of bandaids, in 10 minutes he arrived at the office.

to make it short, wooseok happened to have high fever on the day of a wedding they are working on, should be held and the bride has happened to have bridezilla syndrome since the start. so, in order to not cause panic to the bride, they need beomgyu help to fill up wooseok place for the day, also to convince the bride that nothing worse could happen as beomgyu is also the best wedding planner of the town. 

and surely, beomgyu is okay to help.

  
  
  


*

chajun>

taehyun, are you okay? are you sick?

you don’t come to training today

i am not sick but i am not okay

should i come to your house?

i believe you haven’t eaten anything yet

please come

i am hungry

i am not at my house by the way

i’ll send you the hotel address

hotel?

are you fighting with beomgyu?

god!

should i cancel your photoshoot tomorrow?

no no don’t cancel anything

i need a distraction anyway

alright

i will come to you quick!

need alcohol?

i have it much last night no thanks

  
  


taehyun buries his face into the pillow after sending the last message. sighing for countless times, the few last scenes from last night somehow couldn’t find their own way out from his head. he doesn’t know either it is him who doesn’t want to believe beomgyu mean what he said or it is the fact that he totally sure beomgyu didn’t mean his words. but he can confirm how he could see fear in the elder’s eyes. his anxiety might lead him to say what he didn’t mean and act without thinking. beomgyu is that impulsive so what he needs to do now is wait for the elder to clear up his mind and come back to him. another phase of waiting which he already accustomed of but he believes it worth it because he can’t imagine his life without choi beomgyu. 

and suddenly a buzz from the phone which is still in his hand. 

  
  


my pretty beomgyu hyung>

taehyunnie, i am really sorry

i have too much to apologise for but for now, i am really sorry for leaving abruptly that night 

and as i told you last night i’ll be leaving to incheon early in the morning tomorrow 

i really wish to see you before going but wooseok hyung with his bad timing to catch old today and i was told to fill his place

let’s talk properly after i am back

we will solve this for good, i promise.

  
  
  
  


_ promise.  _

how many promises that beomgyu made to him already? he would classify them as unfulfilled rather than broken because it would hurt less. 

for a moment taehyun lets the devil around him take over his thoughts. last night wasn’t entirely his fault. sure, he was pushing beomgyu too much but he deserves explanation too. beomgyu hurts him and he has the rights to be angry, confronting him, point things out and let him know how he hurts him. 

….right?

and perhaps to end things with beomgyu might be a choice too. he isn't really sure whether beomgyu means it or not but the fact that he is able to say it out loud, he must at least think about leaving him, right? 

_ sure, feelings are temporary, so does love. _ taehyun doesn’t care anymore. 

  
  
  
  
  


*

  
  
  


feelings are sure temporary because on the next day taehyun is not sad nor angry. but not that he is fine and all recovered. he just needs to live and earn money. and that also means, aside from skating with grace and beauty, he needs to pose, being pretty and smile sometimes, bathed under flashes.

but sure skating and modelling aren’t all about money to taehyun. both are his dream and his passion. taehyun could say his life is somewhat good and perfect, nothing to worry much except for some annoying loser that always jealous of him (tldr: lee seojun) well, he doesn’t really care about him actually so let’s just say that taehyun has nothing to worry about in his life until, beomgyu came into his life, introducing his warmth, stars and love. and now here he is worrying a lot. 

and when the director said they are finished for the day, taehyun let out a sigh of relieved, thinking he can go back home, sleep his worry away or maybe grab some drinks with junho but 

“taehyun-ah, someone wants to meet you. from a lawyer firm..” junho said that before taehyun can speak anything after he changed his clothes back.

“oh? for what?” taehyun is kinda mad with the sudden additional schedule.

_ from lawyer firm, coming all the way to him? for what? _

“i don’t know. confidential, they said.” junho adds.

“whatever. the faster it is, the faster i can get it down.” taehyun mutters, not knowing what awaits him.

  
  


*

  
  


“mr. choi sent me to give you this.”

the lawyer hands him a folder and taehyun takes it when he sees ‘choi beomgyu’ in front of the folder.

“beomgyu?”

the lawyer nods, “he apologised for not meeting you in person. he said he can’t-”

taehyun just really doesn't care what the lawyer has to explain. he doesn’t care anymore or anything around him. as soon as he sees the headline, he feels like his soul is gone and he has never felt that numb.

**_‘divorce agreement’_ **

and taehyun is too numb, so he scoffs.

“wow. so, this is how you want to solve for good huh, choi beomgyu?” he says under his breath. tears pooling his eyes but a smug on his face. his head still hanging down, fixated to the document in his hand.

the lawyer then decides to let taehyun alone for awhile after his long speech that taehyun doesn’t even hear or care for the moment. “i’ll leave it to you if you need time-” 

taehyun really doesn’t care anymore.

“i don’t need time. i’ll sign it, right now.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> came here to update after i flunk biochem exam and i swear the sad part in this chapter is already planned long time ago. so what do you think? i tried my best djsjskhsjdkkdjjskdjs the next chapter might be harsh too and 20 might not enough but we'll see. tell me what you think (drop some words to cheer me up if you don't mind kinda need it :D ) 
> 
> have a good day everyone! <33 gtg gonna pull all nighter to study


	18. Dying star

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> and beomgyu thinks if he becomes a star, he would hurt taehyun less.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warning: suicidal thoughts, suicide attempts

  
  


_ 2.13 am _

yeonjun squints just to make sure he doesn’t read his phone screen wrong. the knocks at the door of his house are getting slower both in beats and volume, like the one who is knocking gets tired, almost giving up. dragging his body up and slowly goes to the front door, wonders who comes at this hour-

“taehyun?” he recognises that blonde with somewhat petite body, height a few inches shorter than him as soon as the door swings open. the latter still hanging his head low. he continues while scratching his eyes. “come in. i forget to tell you i changed the passcode recently-”

the elder’s words die as taehyun lifts his head. “hyun-ah, are you crying?”

red nose and eyes, trembling lips, disheveled hair, hunched shoulder. even without all of the signs, yeonjun clearly can see throes in the younger’s eyes. yeonjun pulls him into his embrace, stroking his hair.

“hyung..” taehyun whimpers, letting his body melt in yeonjun embrace, he starts to cry 

_ again. _

sensing how taehyun shivers with his cold body, only wearing his thin hoodie, yeonjun drags him in. “oh my god, how long have you been waiting outside, come in.”

taehyun is still crying when they sit on yeonjun’s bed, still in the elder’s hug but the tears are streaming down his face, harder, quicker and heavier. around 5 minutes passed, yeonjun can sense how drenched his tees that time but he could care less. what’s important right now is why his baby brother is crying like there’s no tomorrow. each sob from the younger hit a crack in his heart. 

“oh, hyun, who hurts you?” yeonjun pulls away to see taehyun’s face clearly and right away he regrets it as it’s getting more painful seeing the younger’s face streaking with tears, nonstop. he bit his lower lip, frowning while looking at the skater heartbroken like that. speechless and dumbfounded, wiping all the tears away is just expectedly useless as more and more tears come right after. 

taehyun never cries like that. never. yeonjun knows because he will be the first person who taehyun will go to when he feels like crying. the worst one he ever experienced was back then when taehyun was 17, for the first time he got into the final round of the under 18 figure skating championship but couldn’t win the top 3 place because of his mistakes and over confident. he cried the whole night and it ended with him promised himself to do better next time. other than that, it was only a short breakdown where the weep only lasted for at most an hour and he got better when yeonjun cuddled him or treated him either ice cream or bingsu later on.

adults around taehyun used to say that he matured more than his age back then as a child. taehyun always knows how to express himself accordingly and sufficiently, both satisfies his own self and others. even when he lost his parents at 4, he cries just sufficiently to express how he was sad with the lost and not that much to the point hurting the ones who were left alive and still love him. he quickly moved on, knowing how his uncle, auntie and yeonjun hyung will be with him always, showering him unconditional loves. stars shine the brightest in the darkest sky. he holds onto that. 

even when he got great news, taehyun would celebrate it moderately, with those whom he believed would be happy for him genuinely. nothing too much as he knows great news also comes with envious and bad days do exist. life is not all about rainbows and sunshine, there are always ups and downs. he holds onto that too. 

same goes to anger, void, fear and the types of emotion list goes on. taehyun always knew his limit in expressing feelings. not too little that people would call heartless and not too much that would make him appear vulnerable. (worth noting that at some times he went overboard too because he is still human aka a ball of emotions). and at some point in his life where he thinks he doesn’t need to express happiness too much because life is full of bad people rather than good people, there people start nicknaming him ice prince. he is okay with it because that nickname appears intimidating and it is good for competitive sport. 

and also because of the personality that he himself built for himself, an expressive person like beomgyu is very interesting especially when he also comes in bundle with impulsivity. then the interest grows into adoration, then love and now.. 

_ he just doesn’t know. _

“hyung..” taehyun says in between sobs. yeonjun cradles his face, caress his cheeks to calm him down. 

it works but not when taehyun tries to talk to yeonjun about who hurts him, 

“beomgyu.. me.. we are divorced.” more tears come out, taehyun then just cries it out loud, followed by uneven gasps, “i.. i don’t.. don’t know what to do..”

he suddenly doesn’t know how to breathe properly. suffocated and his vision halfly just black. he grasps on yeonjun’s tee for support. speaking it out loud makes it more real when all his wish is everything is only like a dream and everything is just highlighting how beomgyu doesn’t want him anymore. it hurts. he wishes he could just let himself in denial, maybe it could hurt less.

yeonjun tries to not panic and look into the younger’s eyes. “hey, taehyun, look at me. breath. please breathe for me.” he almost cried too.

another bucket of tears come out when taehyun tries to breathe with yeonjun. inhale, hold, exhale, inhale, hold, exhale. yeonjun looked at him with assurance, taehyun felt relieved, a bit.

“there you go. calm down, i am here.” yeonjun whispers and brings him back into his embrace which taehyun never fails to find it soothing. 

remnants of tears left, taehyun snuggles closer. “i’m scared.. i don’t want to lose him. i love him.”

“i know.. i know..” yeonjun says, hand busy patting his back in a comforting beat.

“i don’t want to be alone…” taehyun adds, he stops crying. 

“you won’t. i am here.” the elder promises. “always.”

  
  
  


*

soobin sweetheart <3 >

good morning jjunie

are you awake yet?

morning sweetheart

you reply after an hour..

you overslept?

i am on my way work

gonna drop by for breakfast

well, taehyun is here 

buy extra

oh, sure!

buy me dinner today

anything for you

urm.. soobin-ah

is beomgyu alright?

uh? 

beomgyu went to incheon

since yesterday

with minhee

i think he is alright..

he is there? 

what do you mean..

yeah, they have a wedding to watch over 

they will be back today 

it’s weird

why?

taehyun went here around 2 in the morning crying hard 

he told me him and beomgyu are divorced

but he didn’t tell me the details

he then cry to sleep

still sleeping now i don’t dare to wake him up

he seem exhausted

what the hell

no way 

beomgyu couldn’t do that

he wouldn’t

omg.. i can’t believe that

same

but you should see how he was out of breath due to the crying

he never cried like that

wtf beomgyu 

i told him to solve it properly with taehyun

not like that..

i don’t understand

what happened?

they are not really in good terms after they return from daegu

something happened

which i also don’t know

beomgyu didn’t want to speak about it

i will tell you more later

ok drive safe baby

  
  


*

yeonjun and soobin's inaudible conversation from the outside wakes taehyun up. a mild headache and sore eyes greet him as he is trying to open his eyes wide. too tired and exhausted. he never felt this weak to get out of bed, so he just stayed like that, staring at the ceiling, trying to remember what was happening last night. a heavy sigh slips out from his mouth, thinking how he could do to heal his broken heart. but he gave up before he could really start. 

he grabs his phone, checking the time and unable the  airplane mode. ignoring the 12 missed call from contact name  _ my pretty gyu hyung _ , he sent junho messages,

chajun>

not feeling well today

and will never will at least for a week

i am at yeonjun’s 

come here if anything urgent

i will keep my phone off

his phone buzzes even when he is typing the messages to junho. beomgyu still keep on calling him. three times and it stops. it followed by messages.

my pretty gyu hyung>

taehyun-ah

why aren’t you answering my call?

are you busy?

i am on the way to seoul

let’s meet later at home

please come no matter how you hate me right now

please

  
  
  
  


so he knows taehyun hates him right now. _ glad that he knew. _

taehyun doesn’t block beomgyu’s number yet. maybe he would not. he also doesn’t know. little in him wishing that beomgyu will come to him later, begging for apology and dramatically tear the divorce paper into pieces in front of his eyes. also little in him wishing that beomgyu will disappear from his life and will never show up anymore, moving on leaving everything behind. 

yeah whatever, denial phase is ended. _he is now angry._

angry how beomgyu choose to just send people to tell him about the divorce. 

angry how beomgyu doesn’t discuss with him about the separation (not that he wants to save their marriage, of course not). 

angry how it’s unfair that beomgyu ignores his voice in their marriage. 

angry how beomgyu nonchalantly calls him and messaging him, asking them to meet at his house (yes, he is calling the green hill villa his house). 

angry how beomgyu dare to leave him after all the things they had.

angry how he believe beomgyu with his heart.

angry how he lets beomgyu hurt him with the divorcetion.

angry how beomgyu is being beomgyu. 

“fuck you, choi beomgyu!” 

he shouts it out loud, silencing soobin and yeonjun conversation outside for a second. 

then, he growls before pulling the blanket over his head and sleeps the pain away.

_ someone go tell him it actually doesn’t work like that.  _

*

  
  
  


the pain isn’t easily washed away as expected. he tells yeonjun everything over lunch for yeonjun and breakfast for taehyun. the skater doesn’t really feel like he is eating. more like he is swallowing edible stuff to keep him alive. the meal is tasteless and doesn’t look appealing. everything just dull, grey, black and white. 

before he can poke the last hole in the tofu of his jiggae using the chopstick, yeonjun snatches the bowl away from him, getting his attention. 

“why did you sign it anyway?” yeonjun asks while stacking all the plates and bowl together, bringing them to the sink. 

taehyun snaps back to reality, taken aback with the question that he doesn’t expect yeonjun who he believed was always siding on him would ask. “huh?”

yeonjun takes the chopstick from taehyun’s hand, his gaze softens when the younger looks at him. “you said you love him, still. why would you sign it?”

“what should i do then? it would only hurt myself. he doesn’t love anymore.” taehyun thinks he is moving on already but while saying the last line, he is having the urge to curl up and burst to tears.

yeonjun puts his free hand on taehyun’s shoulder, bends a little, trying to keep eye contact. “he said that?” 

“no.” taehyun chews his lower lips, head hanging low. 

the elder sighs. but as he opens his mouth to continue, taehyun lifts his head up, frowning. “but he acted like he did. i know him, i can read him well.” his eyes are pooling with tears. “i just know. he.. doesn’t love me.. anymore…” 

silence. yeonjun goes back to the sink, throws the chopstick in there. taehyun thinks he did great silencing the elder and deserve a pat on his back as he can feel that he is accepting the divorcetion even if it is actually 5%.

“you know you can be wrong at reading him, right?” yeonjun suddenly shows up in front of him back, asking a question where taehyun feels more like the elder trying to point out that he is also wrong in this case. 

“what’s your point hyung?” he clenches his jaws, showing he doesn’t like how the conversation is dragged into. 

yeonjun slowly takes his hands, holds them gently, asking to be heard. “hyunnie, i am trying to help, okay? and what i can see here, why don’t you let him explain everything first? go meet him, talk to him-”

taehyun just too angry to let him talk further. “what else to explain, hyung? the divorce paper he sent explained everything already. we will talk, but later at the court!”

the elder sighs again, realising how taehyun could be this annoyingly stubborn. “i don’t know you but both me and soobin believe beomgyu would not do that.”

the younger rolls his eyes. “he said to me that night he wanted to end things between us, hyung.” then he punctuates everything. “he said it! to me!”

yeonjun has no choice but to elevate his voice a bit. just a bit so at least taehyun would listen. “but beomgyu sending you that when he was not around isn’t sitting right with me. even if he wanted to end things, he would do that to you in the most painless way. you, more than anyone knows how kind he is. he wouldn’t end things like that. beomgyu is not like that.”

there, taehyun is speechless.

“i love you, taehyun and i love beomgyu too. i just don’t want both of my brothers hurting because of something unclear like this. go talk to him when you’re ready, okay?”

  
  
  


yeonjun’s eyes are just too genuine and sincere so he couldn’t disagree or argue more. so, he doesn’t say anything and just leave the kitchen. 

  
  


*

  
  


_ taehyun please let’s meet _

_ where are you? _

_ let me explain _

_ please _

  
  
  


beomgyu stares at his seen yet unreplied messages that he sent earlier around noon. around that time too, he newly found out that he really did pay a lawyer to arrange a divorce paper and taehyun already sign it, all in a span of a day and also didn’t make any sense. the timing, the arrangement.. everything just.. doesn’t make any sense.

he doesn’t have any clue on what’s going on, and even though he does, he just can’t do anything about it. because he is choi beomgyu. powerless, useless choi beomgyu. 

he knows it was all his fault to begin with. he should just open up to taehyun that night, he should just apologise right away that night, you should stop being coward and not run away that night, he should just stop hurting people already.. but it is not that he doesn’t want to fix it. he wants to fix it and all but it seems like the world is defying his plan. nothing ever works in his way. no matter how he tries, no matter what he does, he always ends up hurting people around him. it’s just like that. just like what his father once told him, wherever he goes, all he could do is hurt people. 

and now he hurt taehyun. a person he treasures the most. a person that loves him so dearly. a person that simply washes away all his piling pain just with a smile. a person that makes him looking forward to a new day. a person that willingly to share his life with. a person that beautifies his dreadful life. a person that he also hurt.. and now he will lose him. forever. 

beomgyu gulps the last sip of his third bottle of beer. lost track of time, he also doesn’t know how he ends up there from the bar, at the overpass of a river. not many cars pass by even if there are, no one really would stop over a drunk grown up man with a bottle of alcoholic drinks in his hand, walking aimlessly along the sidewalk. he eventually stops in the middle of the bridge, looks down at the river where his reflection barely can be seen. it is not raining but the clouds are thick that night, hiding the moon and the stars. staring at the pitch black sky, he feels lonelier than ever. 

“taehyun must be upset looking at the sky right now. should i go up there instead? at least i could make him happy.”

and also he thinks, maybe just maybe if he just disappears, no one would actually care.

*

it is the most tiring day for kang taehyun. he doesn’t actually does anything physical, just trying to sleep which he actually ends up laying on yeonjun’s bed, closing his eyes, thinking.. endless thinking of everything (read: beomgyu). thinking is tiring and cooped up in a bedroom isn’t really helping to freshen up his body and mind. but at the same time, he just doesn’t want to live as normal person. losing beomgyu isn’t a part of his normal live plan and for now he just wanted to sleep and forget. 

but sure he can’t. 1.00 am in the morning, and he couldn’t sleep. strangely, he is staring at his phone, waiting for a call from someone who has been trying to talk to him since yesterday and just stopped a couple of hours ago. 

_ ‘is beomgyu already give up on him?’ _

he almost cries again. but suddenly his phone is ringing and too surprised, he drops his phone hitting his face. 

beomgyu is calling. and he just couldn’t help to reject this one. 

“you answered.” beomgyu’s silky voice greets him and he almost teared up realising how he missed the elder. with that intonation, beomgyu sounds glad taehyun finally would like to listen to him. 

taehyun clears his throat, trying to sound tough. “sooner or later we need to talk too.”

“taehyunnie and his wise words.” beomgyu voice trails too much and he hiccups at the end. taehyun figures out something.

“are you drunk?” the skater is actually upset. a drunk call? he deserves better.

the elder chuckles weakly. “yes. it has been a long time i didn’t drank alone. it feels good no one to steal my drinks”

taehyun rolls his eyes at that. “whatever, good for you. what do you want?”

it is silent for a second before beomgyu sighs. “i just want to know if you’re fine.” 

taehyun could just tell beomgyu that he is at yeonjun’s and just tells the elder he could check on him himself. but instead, he wants to beomgyu knows how mad he was. “you sent me the whole divorcetion agreement without us even talking properly and you’re asking me that? just a little heartbroken. no a big one. should i say i am fine?” sarcastic as it sounds, taehyun also hurts lashing those over the phone. 

“i didn’t send it to you.. it’s not me..” the elder whines. sounds like he is crying like a child too. 

taehyun is angrier. “then who? am i married to someone else? how much did you drink until you forget that?!”

“you are so angry. i am sorry.” beomgyu sounds scared and sad. “do you hate me?”

“yes! so much!” taehyun starts shouting. 

“i see. i am sorry, you don’t have to forgive me. i hurt you so bad.” taehyun doesn’t actually expect that but beomgyu sounds genuine. 

“don’t waste my time, hyung. what do you want?” 

“it’s selfish but i want you back. stay by my side right now. i want you. i want us back.” 

that makes the tears that has been brimming in his eyes finally drop. he swallows the lump in his throat, keeps telling himself that beomgyu is drunk talking. 

“hyung, call me back after you’re sober. it hurts me more when you’re talking like this.” taehyun grits his teeth trying to hide his sobs. 

“no, i still wanted to talk to you. i miss you.” it is almost like a whisper. a pause, then he continues. “hyun-ah, the stars are not appearing tonight. why do you think that?” 

taehyun harshly swipes his tears away from his face, taking a deep breath. “all you care about is the star. should i be surprised-”

but beomgyu cut his words. “hyun-ah, if i become a star, would you hate me less?”

“who knows. maybe?” taehyun couldn’t go on anymore. enrage and dejected, a bad combination for him to keep talking to a drunk man. so he wants to end it first before beomgyu could say anything that might bring no good to his heart. 

“i’m hanging up.”

he buries his face in the pillow. crying again, wondering if maybe it’s better if he would never lets beomgyu gets into his heart. 

*

to say that choi soobin is panic is an understatement. he doesn’t see beomgyu since the last day they met at the office, a day before beomgyu went to incheon. all his calls and messages are unanswered and when minhee said beomgyu left early that morning to seoul makes him more anxious. he checks everywhere where beomgyu could be and even check his schedule of the day and two days ahead just in case if beomgyu decides to overwork again. checking all over the city and contacting all possible person that might know his whereabouts to only ends up getting nothing except more anxiety and worries. and yes, he just cancelled all his meeting and schedule today for that. to soobin, beomgyu is always that worth all the works for. 

his last hope is the police but he needs to wait for 24 hours first and he might be impatient with all the procedures. so, there he is, in front of yeonjun’s house, trying to talk to taehyun.

luckily, taehyun is the one who opens the door so he could skip some steps of getting to talk to taehyun. 

“taehyun-ah, i need to talk to you, for awhile.”

taehyun looks tired. his eyes are significantly puffy and the eye bags under his eyes are evidently surfaced. soobin knows how the younger is getting those and he feels bad to ask him about beomgyu.

_ but he has no choice, right? _

taehyun welcomes him in, both sitting on the sofa of the living room. yeonjun is just there in the kitchen preparing breakfast. it is only silent at first. soobin feels bad to ask while taehyun just listing all the possible questions that soobin might ask that he is greatly sure all will directly refer to beomgyu. the tension between them at the moment is no joke. yeonjun just standing by, watching for afar in case anything happens.

soobin clears his throat, he starts first. “i know, it’s inappropriate, but.. taehyun, have beomgyu call you or text you where he is?”

“binnie-ah..” yeonjun is having the urge to interfere but taehyun doesn’t really show any emotion as a reaction to that.

taehyun just sighs before he smirks. “it’s inappropriate. why bother asking?”

“oh please, taehyun… i am desperate.” and soobin just think he needs to beg, grabbing taehyun’s hand and squeezing it. 

looking at his boyfriend like that, yeonjun butts in. “what happened? anything happen to beomgyu?”

while taehyun snatches his hand away off soobin, he scoffs. “he must not be telling you anything, did he? that sucks, good luck cracking him open.”

soobin hisses. “it’s better he is not telling me rather than disappearing. at least i can see him alive.”

“he must run away. a coward.” taehyun’s remarks earned a glare from soobin. 

yeonjun is getting soobin’s attention away from bitchy taehyun at the moment. “have you checked everywhere?”

soobin nods, frowning and almost crying. “i even went to their stargazing spot. he can’t be at daegu isn’t he?” 

seeing that, yeonjun couldn’t help to pull his boyfriend into his hug, whispers. “try calling him again. we try again, okay?”

taehyun just rolls his eyes on the scene in front of him. but sure, he wouldn’t leave the living room to see what is going on because he is actually worried too.

two times, turns to three. and finally soobin’s call is answered. 

“ouh, he answered!” soobin put the call to loudspeaker so everyone can hear too. 

but all his excitement dies as it is not beomgyu’s voice that he heard and expected to be answering the call. 

“are you the owner of this phone?”

too sad, soobin just passes the phone to yeonjun to continue. 

“who are you?” yeonjun asks. 

“i am the patrol officer in charge here. this phone is found at the x bridge overpass, you can collect it at the security centre here.”

yeonjun just takes over the call after by himself while soobin is in his mental breakdown. he rubs his face on his palms and groans. “choi beomgyu, where on earth are you?”

while taehyun on the other side of the sofa simply said, “he must be fine. the last call i got from him, he was drinking while watching the stars.”

that piece of information alarmed him. “wait what? he was drinking? did he tell you who is with him?”

“he is alone.” taehyun says. 

soobin gasps. “alone? fuck please no.” panicking, soobin is even starting to cry. “what did he say? what did he sound like?”

taehyun who never sees that one calm hyung who is overflowing with serenity, panicking like that makes him taken aback. “calm down hyung. what are you so worked up for?”

the elder looks at him in the eyes, with uneven breathing, he shouts. “the last time he was left alone drinking, he almost jumped from the 12th floor!”

soobin sobs as a flash of the incident that happened that night a year ago and some other night 2 years ago also that one that happened 4 years ago, comes into his mind. the image of beomgyu crying in the rain on the top of a building, he in his room with a knife in his hand and he lying unconscious in the bathroom with an empty bottle of medication that he didn't recognise. all surging one by one in his brain and soobin can’t really think of any possible good thing that will overpower his imagination. 

_ beomgyu is in pain. and he again, is not there to save him.  _

“has he told you that he can’t drink alone? it’s because of that. because everytime he is left alone like that, he almost ends his own life!”

  
  
  
  
  


*

  
  


_ “taehyunnie, do you believe that if a kind person dies later, they will turn into a star?”  _

_ “you sound like my auntie. she used to say that. that my parents are one of the stars, watching over me, protecting me.” _

_ “you believe in that?” _

_ “i don’t but it really does comfort me. when everything is just too hard, knowing that your loved ones are up there watching over you, it’s comforting. like you don’t have to worry, they are protecting you.” _

_ “should i be one of the stars too? so i can be your comfort and protect you?” _

_ “does that mean, you would die for me, hyung?” _

_ “yes. i would die for you, kang taehyun!” _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i wish you all happiness, always! ^^


	19. Look around; you are not alone

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warning: mention of death, mention of suicide
> 
> to make yall less worry;  
> -there is no death  
> -it will be a happy ending
> 
> #: flashback of the last night (i just hope it will be not be confusing chronogically)

_ “hyun-ah, if i become a star, would you hate me less?” _

that particular question has been ringing in taehyun’s head since soobin’s breakdown. it is indeed a simple question. the answer is either yes or no and maybe it can be left unanswered. but taehyun chose to emotionally answer;  _ who knows? maybe.  _

_ it sounds like a challenge.  _

no one says anything between the three of them but they all know the probability beomgyu is drowning in the river and what taehyun wasn't able to imagine are high. he is drunk, impulsive and someone just had to challenge him to incarnate into a star. what else can happen?

no! beomgyu can’t die. not when taehyun is still heartbroken about the divorcetion stuff. not when beomgyu pleads to explain and meet him and he just declines all just to satisfy his anger. not when taehyun still did not forgive him. not when taehyun is the one who is the cause of it. not when deep inside of taehyun, his love for beomgyu is still there. 

_ no! beomgyu can’t f*cking die.  _

when taehyun swears at beomgu in his heart in between his sobs, wishing the elder to get lost, go away, disappear from his sight and hope they would never meet again, he doesn’t mean _ this _ . death sounds relatively good when you are angry but thinking that you may cause the death and when you are calmer, it’s horrible. 

  
  


taehyun feels horrible. 

  
  
  


#

_ “yes. i would die for you!” _

  
  


_ “no, you don’t have to die or be a star for me hyung. you should just be you.” _

_ that pair of lucious eyes, staring at him like he offers him all the beautiful of the world. then, his soft lips landed on his for a chaste kiss. a broad smile appears on the sculptured face, angelic as it is, with dimples that are able to hypnotize anyone. that pretty mouth, speaks only pretty words.  _

_ “i like you, i love you as you. nothing more, nothing less. so please don’t be anything else. because the one who has my heart is the human choi beomgyu. no one else but him. no one else but you, hyung.” _

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**_no.. i can't do this!_ **

usually, it takes a speech or some promises for him to quit and reconsider living. a speech how he is still needed and loved, promises that the world has a lot of beautiful things to offer and he would be happy at the end of the day.

but this time, it only takes a face, a smile and a pair of eyes. 

  
  
  


**_choi beomgyu wants to live._ **

  
  


#

but yet maybe the world doesn’t want him to.

the alcohol which is still dominating his system makes it hard for him to even see things properly, walk and respond to any stimulus around him. for example, when he doesn’t notice there is a car approaching when he carelessly crosses the road. maybe he did try to jump out of the road but it is too late.

  
  
  
  
  
  


but no. he doesn’t die yet. he hurts his head that hit the cold road and he feels like he lost his left arm as he lands on that part of the limb first, so the impact is the worst there. he can feel that he would has some bones broken or fractured, some cuts and bruises and that’s it. but all the pain is nothing compared to the pain of losing his taehyun. 

“young man, can you hear me?”

he smiles as he hears that. when he opened his eyes, he could see a middle aged man with worries all over his face. his smile is stretched wider.  _ yeah, he hasn’t passed out yet nor dies.  _

he is really glad he is still alive despite how his head is throbbing. a level more painful than a few seconds ago. he thinks nothing worse could happen because there is no blood surging out. he will be fine. 

_ taehyun, taehyun, taehyun.  _

“hey, are you alright?” the man helps beomgyu to sit putting aside worrying on how the young man he hit is smiling foolishly.

“i am fine-” 

suddenly, beomgyu feels a hot liquid flows out from his nose. it’s blood. and before the man could freak out, he wipes it using the sleeve of his shirt while internally swearing at himself. then he pleads to the man, “i want to go somewhere. bring me there, please, ahjussi.”

the ahjussi is taken aback but what he can do. beomgyu and his convincing innocent face, that wedding planner surely will get what he wants and this time especially when he looks so helpless. the ahjussi drives him to the place as beomgyu told him. 

in their way, the ahjussi asks some questions like  _ ‘are you sure you’re okay?’, ‘should we go to the hospital first?’, ‘are we heading to your home?’ _ and another _ ‘are you okay?’ _ and beomgyu only answers him with  _ ‘believe me, i am fine’ _ with some whines and groans in pain which he successfully hides from the ahjussi. 

when they arrive at a luxury apartment complex, the ahjussi still hesitates to let beomgyu out and wander to god-who-knows-where. but beomgyu eyes really do spark when he says thanks before he gets out of the car and he convinces the man well with, “in a week, contact me at the  _ sweet dream _ event planning company. the name is choi beomgyu.”

and he disappears before the man could say anything.

#

for someone who is only 40 minutes away from being hit by a car and believed to at least broke a bone and having minor concussion, beomgyu is incredibly healthy enough to keep breathing normally. well, he is actually not. he can’t feel his left arm, his head is throbbing and he barely can walk. gritting his teeth, clenching his jaw, he keeps telling himself all the pain is worth it. he just needs to endure it a bit until he sees a familiar face. 

_ taehyun, taehyun, taehyun. _

15 minutes, he only needs that.

but sure, he is too sick to realise he needs to face the security before he can freely roam into the residential area.

“good evening, can i.. can i.. hueningkai.. he lives here.. can i see him?” beomgyu doesn’t really sure what he says. the world around him is spinning and all suddenly suffocating him. he also isn’t really know where he look at.

“sir, you’re bleeding!” it was beomgyu’s nose bleeding again. and he certainly doesn’t realise that as all he can feel is cold. icy cold all over his body and face, numb too.

he tries to put a smile like he did with the ahjussi as an assurance. “no, it’s okay. i want to see my friend. kai. hueningkai. please.”

and strangely, it’s working. “ah.. alright. wait for awhile.”

beomgyu is relieved as he heard the _ alright.  _ but maybe too relief to endure the pain and stay conscious for remaining 11 minutes that he needs left.

from spinning, the world around him suddenly turns grey then, black. he finds it difficult to inhale too. he knows he falls after that but he couldn’t do anything about it. 

“oh my god, sir! hey, call the ambulance and mr. huening of unit 148!”

that’s the last thing he heard before he was completely unconscious. 

_ taehyun, taehyun, taehyun.  _

  
  
  


*

  
  


it has been an hour since yeonjun left the house to acquire beomgyu’s phone and trying to find out anything that can deny whatever thoughts they have. he went alone since both soobin and taehyun both are not in a great condition to even think. 

it is also been an hour since soobin hasn't stopped calling, walking back and forth and contacting everyone that knows beomgyu while taehyun curls on the sofa, staring blankly at nothing. eventually, soobin stops moving and just stares at his phone waiting for good news from anyone. 

and suddenly both of their phone dings at the same time. they exchange hesitation glances before could check at it properly.

it’s from their group chat

_ hueningkai _

omg guys i am so sorry really sorry i am so panicked and everything was a mess last night

beomgyu is with me right now at w hospital

he got some accident last night 

he is safe and okay

i am really sorry for not telling yall earlier really sorry

_ yeonjun _

god!

we will be there asap

i am on my way home to pick up soobin and taehyun

  
  
  
  


for some reason taehyun feels like he is the one who is saved.

*

it is a bit inconvenient to see three male adults basically running in the hallway of the hospital. it’s not at the emergency department either. nevertheless, they just don’t care. their loved one who they thought his soul would already be elevated to the sky is actually still intact in his body, safely sleeping in one of the wards there. you know that feeling waking up in the morning only to know it’s sunday and you are free, they are more relieved than that. they are actually worried about nothing as they could now see beomgyu silently tucked in the bed, calmly sleeping with iv drip attached to his body. everything is just fine, all of them are having a moment of silence, eyes are pooling with tears of joy. 

“hey, guys.” hueningkai greets them first, breaking the silence. they all then move to the other side of the room, where the sofas and mini antry are located, not wanting to disturb sleeping beomgyu.

“how’d you find him?” yeonjun asks.

“he came to my apartment complex around 3 in the morning. the security said he was already bleeding when he arrived but he insisted on meeting me. he blacked out on the spot.” hueningkai responds.

“is he alright?” it’s soobin’s turns.

“mild concussion and he dislocates his shoulder, sprains his wrist. doctor said they are not serious, he just needs rest.” a beat of silent as kai trying to remember some details. “he regained consciousness after like 5 hours then, he took his meds and is sleeping right now.”

“i am so glad. thanks kai.” soobin is expressing his happiness and gratefulness by giving kai a quick hug.

and of course, kai notices how his best friend is too quiet and only staring down the floor, like the floor is more interesting than beomgyu’s condition.

“taehyun-ah, does this have to do with the divorce and stuff?” hueningkai is too brave for his good not knowing how that matter is still sensitive to talk or ask taehyun. but you can’t blame our innocent kai. he is still unclear about a lot of things. he got a hectic life to live then suddenly he got news that his best friend and a hyung his adore getting divorced and then next day that hyung comes to him at godly hours, bleeding and unconscious. kai is confused. 

taehyun snaps his head up, crossing his arms over his body, he scoffs. “why me? ask him.”

another silent. but this one is full of tension. hueningkai with his mouth gaped as he is speechless. soobin sending taehyun a glare as he still thinks what happened to beomgyu is his fault and the skater has the audacity to act like that pisses him off. yeonjun is frowning, scolding taehyun with his gaze. and taehyun ignorantly stares at them both three whose eyes are on him. 

hueningkai who loves peace, can’t bear the cold atmosphere. he clears his throat to gain the elder’s attention. “since you guys here, i want to find something to eat. anyone want anything?” he puts on his awkward smile as no one really responds but at least the tight air is loosen up a bit.

yet, he kinda gives up. “so, no one? yeah, call me if anything.” kai instantly stands and leaves the room. _ when you can solve it, just run.  _ he thinks. well, he also believes nothing really bad will happen. his hyungs and taehyun are matured enough to not cause any scene.  _ right? _

  
  


taehyun notices how soobin is staring at him like he wants to skin him alive even though he knows the tallest one will never do that as he is the most rational among them five. soobin is just naturally so protective when it comes to beomgyu and now he knows how soobin halfly blaming him right now for everything.

taehyun puts on his plain face as a facade to his feelings inside. angel him and devil him are having a war in his head, it’s a mess. 

he is guilty. well, he basically should feel guilty. he was the one who caused beomgyu like this. if that day, he meets beomgyu and they talk about  _ them _ , beomgyu would not be upset and consume that much alcohol and maybe the elder will not be in the hospital right now. if that night, he would be less angry to beomgyu, realising how beomgyu can’t be left drinking alone, maybe it would be better now. he can tell soobin or hueningkai or anyone to check on him that night if he doesn’t want to. the solutions are plenty if he sticks to that version of himself who does not let feelings take over. if only, he knows better..

but, sure, no one knows how and what actually happened to beomgyu and how he ends up wanting to meet kai.. what if, everything actually has nothing to do with him? beomgyu is impulsive like that so why he should be guilty? what if everything is just coincidence and beomgyu just badly unlucky?  _ no! it’s not his fault! _

he has the right to be angry at beomgyu's drunk call. he has the right to not even care what is happening to beomgyu. the elder ruins everything between them first so, why must he take all the blame? and he actually doesn’t have to come here to check on beomgyu condition, right? he is alive and it has nothing to do with taehyun. _ everything between then is ended already! _

“he is the one who brings misery to this, why does he act like he is the most painful?” at that moment too, his devil self just has to think loudly. that burns soobin up.

“yah, kang taehyun! how could you say that?” soobin clenches his fists tight, holding back to not give the younger a punch on his face.

“what? am i wrong though?” taehyun shrugs with a smug face. staring back at soobin as he challenges the elder.

“hyun-ah..” yeonjun tries to calm taehyun down, patting his shoulder but the younger just pushes his hand away.

“he filed it! he filed the divorcetion. without even us discussing about it properly! he did it first! how is it my fault too?!!” his stern voice is echoing throughout the room. rather than a clarification, taehyun sounds like he only wanted his reasoning to be justified. 

no, yeonjun doesn’t raise him like that. t’s totally inappropriate. “kang taehyun calm down.. it's a hospital. beomgyu is sleeping-” 

“but you sign it after all.” and soobin is just really not helping at all.

yeonjun is not tolerating anymore. “hey, soob what the hell is wrong with you-”

“so it’s my fault? you blame me?” taehyun doesn’t seem to give up.

“why? you feel guilty?” soobin just needs to answer that. 

yeonjun is fuming at both. using his accumulating frustration and also strength, he drags both out of the room. slamming the door shut, he glares at both younger who also happen to don’t care of yeonjun at the particular moment. “both of you, it’s not the time! please stop-”

the glaring contest between the two still hasn’t ended. overwhelmed with too much feelings, taehyun just bursts. “if you have a fight with yeonjun, and it’s your fault, then he suggests break up after that, what would you do?”

that caught the two elder off guard and speechless. then taehyun keeps on going with trembling lips, his whole body is shaking. “if you just know yeonjun doesn’t want you anymore, what would you do? tell me what would you do?”

soobin anger just washed away like that as taehyun put down his facade, revealing how broken he is and how weary he is after all the struggles. soobin feels bad. “i.. i..” stuttering, he feels sorry.

“taehyun-ah..” yeonjun gulps as he sees tears running down taehyun’s cheeks. he doesn’t expect the mood shift. 

soobin pulls the younger into his hug. cradling him as he is sobbing. “it hurts. it hurts so much.”

“i am sorry. i am sorry.” soobin repeats that while rubbing his back. “don’t hold back, it’s okay to cry. let it out, i am listening.”

taehyun just couldn’t disagree anymore on how beomgyu used to say soobin gives the best hug. he feels calm and comfortable to let it out everything. “now, his condition is like that.. i really want to be with him but i can’t. it will only complicate things. what if he doesn’t want me anymore? i don’t know what to do. it is painful.”

listening to that, yeonjun just has to join the hug and by that moment too, hueningkai is back with plastic of food in his hand. he is relieved that the _ scene _ that his hyungs cause is this type of scene and gleefully running to them, yelling,

“hey, you guys can’t have a hug party without me!”

it turns into a group hug and only lasts for a few seconds when the nurse asks them to keep it down and tells them how they block the hallway. 

  
  
  


a little spark of happiness is back in taehyun’s heart, he feels warm. even the warmth is not as good as beomgyu’s, taehyun is grateful. he is not alone after all. 

*

  
  


beomgyu doesn’t really sure how many hours has he been sleeping. let alone if he knows what date is that day or is it morning or already night. he blinks a few times before his retina could focus on the patternless ceiling of the room. white, blank, nothing. just like what he feels right at the moment.

he doesn’t feel that excruciating pain that he feels before he went unconscious. his head isn’t throbbing or hurt anymore and it only stings a bit at his shoulder if he tries to move his body. regardless, don’t ask about his heart. he isn’t ready to  _ feel _ yet. 

all that has been happening to him since that day he met kangjun and heemin feels like a fever dream. bizarre, intense and confusing. some scenes from his memories are still fresh in his mind like they happened only a few minutes ago. that moment he made taehyun cried, that moment he received a signed divorce agreement, every second of his helpless and drunk thoughts and all the lines taehyun said to him on the phone. each one stabs a new cut on his unhealed heart. he even wonder, if every people in this world has those 5 chances of red coloured hearts like in the games but this time it represent how many heartbreaks has someone been though, beomgyu would already used up all 5 only in this few months time period, because of himself for sure. he wouldn’t dare to blame anyone. he should be responsible on his own heartbreaks, right? 

but, he also remembers the reason why he decides to live. and no, he doesn’t regret it. at least for now. 

he must be so stupid to just let himself ran into a car and hurt, causing the panic for everyone. it was not his plan. he want to blame alcohol for that. he regretted that one a bit. no, a lot. but what he can do. things happened and he was just born to be that unlucky. maybe it was his punishment of hurting taehyun too. he accepts it with an open heart. well, that what you get from the usual pessimist choi beomgyu. 

suddenly a rustle from the other side of the room which beomgyu thinks it is from the sofa takes all his worries and wonders into a halt. 

he tries his best to give it a peak despite his limited ability to move and he sees pink hair. “yeonjun-hyung?”

“oh, you’re awake?” yeonjun asks and he too just woke up from the nap he took after lunch with the other three. the elder walks to the bed, then sits on the portable chair beside it.

and beomgyu is frowning, again wondering; why the elder would be there  _ for him _ . “why are you here? you should be with taehyun. he must be hurting a lot. i hurt him. he might need you.”

yeonjun replies with a smile, already expecting beomgyu will says that before anything. “hueningie is with him. don’t worry.” he then caresses beomgyu’s forehead, smoothen the crease of his eyebrows. 

the younger gasps. “kai.. i forgot to thank him. i think i burden everyone already.” he says it quietly. he hates it, burdening people.

“hey, don’t say that. you’re not burdening anyone. we are all your friends.” yeonjun disagrees with him.

“thank you. i don’t deserve this.” beomgyu feels bad but he is grateful too. 

“you do. just apologise to soobin. he is the most worried one. he also upset about how you go to hueningie rather than him.” they had the conversation over lunch. soobin was all pouty and jealous how beomgyu was in the state of kinda life and death but searching for the youngest. 

beomgyu pouts. “it’s just i thought taehyun was with kai last night..” his voice trails and only realises how yeonjun is alone. “where is that hyung right now?”

“office. got some urgent just now. i’ll tell him you’re awake. he must be happy.” yeonjun instantly grabs his phone, texting soobin about beomgyu. 

“hyung, also, tell him to not come.” the wedding planner asks a favour.

“why?” yeonjun again disagrees. 

“you too hyung, you can go back home.” 

“and leaving you alone?” the pink head gasps in disbelief. 

“i kinda want to be alone.” beomgyu is staring at everywhere except yeonjun. he just doesn’t want to burden anyone anymore. 

“soobin wouldn’t allow that. and me too.” he looks like a strict older brother that time.

a second of silence. beomgyu let out a sigh, weakly smile. “what can i do to deserve you guys. i am a bad person.”

“keep telling yourself that but we are thinking otherwise. soobin is on the way here. and you’re not going to be alone.” he acts like he is ignoring and texting soobin to come there quickly.

“why are you so kind to me, hyung? we have only known each other less than a year and.. i hurt taehyun, your brother-”

yeonjun puts down his phone and holds beomgyu hands, asking for eye contact. 

“you know what, gyu? if it wasn’t because of you, i would not even be meeting soobin. i can’t be any more grateful than having the opportunity to love him and having us as us. thanks to you.” his voice is all soft and his feline eyes literally spark with pixie dust, assuring beomgyu. “and.. i believe you aren’t intentionally hurting taehyun. i know taehyun. he can be foolish too so, it’s not your fault alone.”

“but hyung-” yeonjun just has to cover beomgyu’s mouth with his other hand for that. “no buts, now you rest. everything will get better soon. don’t dare think too much either. soobin said you have a weird obsession with that and it’s really not good. just focus on your recovery, get me?”

nagging yeonjun is always entertaining for beomgyu so he cracks into laughter, yeonjun too.

_ beomgyu feels loved, it’s warm and alive.  _ like he earns a free red heart from a chance box.  __

“hyung, you are the coolest and always be in my eyes.” 

“suddenly?” yeonjun needs to admit it has been a long time since beomgyu said his usual compliment for him. he holds back his laugh of satisfaction. 

“i just want to let you know so you don’t forget that i admire you.” 

yeonjun ruffles the younger hair, “i will never forget because you will tell me that everyday, right?”

who knows, yesterday, yeonjun almost may not hear that line forever and beomgyu couldn’t watch how pretty yeonjun smiling is, like this, looking at him.  _ he doesn’t regret his decision to live.  _

_ he has the coolest hyung to compliment everyday. another reason to live. _

“right.” beomgyu bops his head, beaming.

  
  
  


*

  
  
  


beomgyu’s face just instantly lights up despite how pale it is actually when he sees soobin when his ward room door slides open. he abandons his phone, throws it to the side table and moves some inches to give soobin a space on his bed. yeonjun leaves as soobin arrived, wanting to give them privacy. 

“hyung, come here!” he taps at the empty space beside him all excited. that smile of beomgyu, never fails to make soobin all warm inside. 

soobin takes off his shoes and climbs up the bed, comfortably laying down on his back with beomgyu, in the same position beside him. he voluntarily gives beomgyu his hand for the younger to play with. but the younger just holds it tight like if he once lets it go, he will lose it forever.

“how’s work, hyung? did i cause trouble to my team again?” beomgyu starts the conversation as they both find themselves comfortable, calm and breathe rhythmically in sync. 

“actually they are doing great even without you. you ain’t that special you know.” yeah, they are not soobin and beomgyu without teasing. 

“i know.” beomgyu rolls his eyes, sighing but then he goes extreme by biting soobin’s bony shoulder. it is not exactly hurt as beomgyu is not actively healthy but soobin just needs to shriek and dramatically whines. 

“you need to be grateful i am too kind to attack a patient.” soobin is being sassy and he earns a slap on his tummy. soobin replies with two slaps on beomgyu’s tummy and the younger replies at the same spot with three slaps and the cycle is repeated.each of them adding one more slap on their turn. until it turns into 18 slaps and they are getting tired. then, they laugh at their heat content. 

it’s just simple happiness and a peaceful moment. only two of them. 

who knows, yesterday, they both almost may not experience their own little happiness and peaceful moment anymore. beomgyu tightens his hold on soobin’s hand and soobin does the same. their hands intertwining like this, silently promise to trust and depending on each other, go through thick and thin, sharing memories.  _ he doesn’t regret his decision to live.  _

_ he wants to grow old with soobin. another reason to live. _

a second of comfortable silence before soobin answering the question for real. “i am kidding. daehwi, minhee and ryujin almost wanted to cancel all the meetings they have today to visit you. i also tell mrs park you are warded and need some time off. and you don’t need to worry about work. everyone is eager to help you. i don’t know about taewoon but even wooseok sunbae said he wanted to come visit.”

_ beomgyu feels loved, it’s warm and alive.  _ like he earns another free red heart from a chance box. 

he snuggles closer to soobin, whispers, “thanks hyung.”

soobin turns his head to the younger, he feels sorry, for everything. “i am sorry, gyu.” the elder’s eyes start to pool with tears.

beomgyu nudges him softly. “hyung, what are you saying? i am the one who should say sorry. i must worry you a lot.”

“you are safe now, then it’s fine.”

“also sorry for having the thoughts of dying.” a pause, “again.”

“thank you for deciding to live.” it’s the same line, everytime when something like this happens. it is just this time, soobin appears calmer.

beomgyu is teared up a bit listening to the last line. “you know what’s funny, hyung? the reason i want to die is the same reason i want to live.”

“and you want to live more than you want to die. it doesn’t matter. i am proud of you.”

“you know what, hyung, i am never ungrateful of you.” 

they are tearing up silently. it is tears of joy. happy that they are still together, happy that they always have each other, happy that they found comfort in each other. 

“you should. i also don’t know why i love such a brat like you.” soobin is trying to lighten up the mood.

“you love me so much hyung, thank you for everything up till today.” 

“it’s not one sided right?” soobin asks in teasing manner.

but beomgyu still afraid of the word; love. “i can’t even love myself hyung, how i can even love you. taehyun too…”

as beomgyu’s voice trails and turns silent for a moment, soobin knows the younger is already in his thinking tunnel, wandering endlessly, refusing to walk out.

“yah, stop thinking. you should rest.” beomgyu deserves a scold for that. 

but as he is too accustomed to soobin’s scolding, he pretends as if he is not listening to the latter. 

“hyung, you believe me, right” the younger exhales and tells him his biggest concern at the time. “i swear i didn’t filed the divorcetion. i am totally clueless of what happened. i can’t do that to taehyun. even if i want to let him go and leave, i will talk to him properly because it’s unfair to him and… that would hurt less than what he went through right now.”

soobin pats beomgyu’s head, “yes. i trust you. talk to taehyun later about that, okay? tell him the truth. promise?”

“promise.” soobin can’t see it clearly but he can feel there’s a glimmer of hope in beomgyu. a hope for a change of his life. for the better and soobin just right away promised himself that he would do everything to help him. 

“i… really do want to love taehyun properly. i want to love him. so much.”

“i know… i know…” soobin keeps on patting the younger’s head, lulls both of them to sleep. 

  
  


and it’s since forever beomgyu is in deep sleep, having a peaceful night.

*

  
  
  


next morning.

life is really full of surprises because on the next day, beomgyu wakes up to soobin talking to his mom in the room. 

“mom?” beomgyu calls from his bed, yawning.

“oh, beomgyu! mom is here!” she sits on the chair beside the bed while soobin helps him to sit and adjust the bed according to beomgyu’s comfort. 

it’s awkward. beomgyu can’t help it. he actually almost forgot that him and his mom were already on good terms. the last time his mom was like this, visiting him at hospital was around 10 years ago or maybe later than that? beomgyu has no idea. he wonders, is his mom being all caring and showing affection like this would be good or not..

soobin suddenly interferes by clearing his throat, “i think i should leave..”

beomgyu sends him a glare on that and mrs choi quickly understands. “you don’t have to, soobin-ah. i am okay if you’re around while we are talking and if you’re not comfortable you can sit at the sofa there. beomgyu seems like want to have you around.”

that surprised beomgyu. his mom sure can read him well. well, she is his mom to begin with and it was his father who abolished the bond they have. 

“soobin-hyung, sit here.” beomgyu pointing at the other side of the bed, opposite to his mom. and soobin can’t say no. especially when his mother is there too. he grunts silently and brings the extra portable chair to that side while the younger just amused seeing soobin can’t say nothing but obeying him. mrs choi smiles seeing that friendship too. 

“the way i worrying a lot about who beomgyu was living with, who he befriend with and even sent my people to do background check on you at the past.” mrs choi confesses and she genuinely smiles, staring at two pretty children in front of her. “i apologise, soobin. and thank you for always being there for beomgyu when i am not being a good mom.” her eyes are teary and the boys are just staying silent. “thank you soobin. i am really grateful.” 

soobin is as speechless as beomgyu. “ahh.. sure..” he doesn’t really know what to say. 

“also, i heard too how beomgyu gave you hard time. i am sorry for that. it must be hard for you.” mrs choi trying hard to get rid the awkwardness with her comical face expression, giving a side eyes and sneaky smile to beomgyu.

soobin burst into laughter. “well, he really does. sometimes i gave him some scolding. is that okay, mrs choi?” he plays along, mrs choi is glad.

“sure, scold him some more. i give you the whole authority when it comes to scold beomgyu. teach him some lesson too.” the teases are going on and she even laughs at that as beomgyu is in disbelief.

“alright maam. i will do my best!” soobin never been that spirited and teasing beomgyu is an exception. 

beomgyu is annoyed. “wait! mom, you come all the way here from daegu to just team up with soobin hyung and pick on me? what in the world-” he rolls his eyes, being all pouty. “you are not even worried about me..”

mrs choi scoffs seeing his youngest son acts like that. it has been so long she has seen beomgyu all whiny like that. but jung bora is jung bora. a prideful woman who is still struggling to be a good mom. she also bad at showing her own true feelings. “yes! i am absolutely not worried. you just dislocate your shoulder. no big deal.” 

but yet soobin and beomgyu know that woman means otherwise. 

“you are even a day late..” beomgyu keeps on complaining. 

mrs choi gasps in disbelief seeing his son complaining like that. she forgot how beomgyu actually loves to adorably complain as a child. “ya, you think lying to your dad about having a tea party in seoul was easy? his trust issue is getting worse and that’s annoying. he is getting older he should loosen up a bit.” 

it suddenly becomes silent as the _ your dad _ is mentioned. well, bora didn’t mean to ruin the mood. even that little rant doesn’t really represent what she has been through. “i am talking too much.. sorry.”

“no, it’s okay.. thank you for coming. really.” and beomgyu understands. he knows how his mom pay a someone to monitor his life and keep her update on beomgyu well beings. but it also ended up his own dad pay that someone to keep it silent when bad things happened to beomgyu so, she will look like a bad mother. this time, beomgyu doesn’t really sure how his mom knows about this accident but he believes his mom really made an effort to change. 

he takes his mom’s hand, and his mom intertwines their hands together. she gives him a smile, kissing her son’s hand.

_ beomgyu feels loved, it’s warm and alive.  _ and again, like he earns another free red heart from a chance box. 

who knows, his mom almost would lose her youngest son and fail to prove how she is trying to be a good mother. seeing his mom like this, trying to be a better person somewhat made beomgyu happy.  _ he doesn’t regret his decision to live.  _

_ he wants to spend more time with his mom. another reason to live. _

  
  


a few minutes of pure happiness, bora is glad, beomgyu accept her as she is but she needs to hold the happiness for awhile as she also comes with a mission. “anyway.. actually, i have something to tell you too. and again, i am so sorry about it.”

“oh.. should i leave..” soobin is again at it.

“what with you and your obsession to leave, sweetie?” mrs choi says in a joking manner making soobin flustered. then she continues, “it’s okay. i think everyone should know. if i got the power and freedom, i would do a press conference to announce this anyway.”

  
  
  
  


*

  
  
  


“kai-yah, that day, if the one who married me was you, do you think it would be better?”

taehyun got kai choked on his strawberry pancake that morning when the latter just had to drag taehyun out for a morning walk and have breakfast outside. well, hueningkai is self proclaimed which others can’t disagree, as a mental support. morning fresh air is always good for edgy taehyun, he thinks.

“i thought we already had this conversation.” kai hisses after gulping the whole glass of water. then he adds, “no matter what happened, i would not marry you, kang taehyun.”

well, that hurts taehyun’s pride a bit. “you really don't have feelings for me? look properly, i am attractive and everything.”

huningkai sighs. “i like you, i love you as a best friend and that’s it. not romantically. get it?” then a pause as something strikes his mind. he gasps. “wait, do you like me or something? please don’t. i don’t want that.”

hueningkai really shows how he is displeased if taehyun is really happens to like him. the skater gives up and confesses, “no. of course not. i don’t actually believe in love. until i met him.”

“him? beomgyu hyung?”

“you know who..”

hueningkai chuckles, “why you make him dirty like that. he is not a voldemort.”

taehyun for sure is not in the mood for jokes. he passes and asks what he wonders. “those things they call true love are not real, right?”

“well, have you seen soobin hyung and yeonjun hyung? i think true love is real.”

“then where is mine?”

“beomgyu hyung.” obviously kai would say that. taehyun is just disappointed with kai’s answer. 

“things are changing now, kai.”

but hueningkai really means it. “no. beomgyu hyung.. love you. he really is.” 

“so are you going to tell me that you can read him better than me now?” taehyun just thinks it is absurd. hueningkai needs to be responsible for what he says. taehyun doesn’t want fake hope. 

and it is wrong for taehyun to assume hueningkai doesn’t have supporting evidence. 

“last night. he really did want to jump into the water and just die but he changed his mind because of you. because he still wants to love you. he wants to love you properly even though he knows how he is far from capable of doing that which i don’t believe so. his love for you keeps him living.” 

taehyun isn’t really convinced of that. but sure, it is a lie if his heart isn’t fluttering by that. 

hueningkai kept on, “i actually confronted him as soon as he woke up. i asked him why he filed the divorce, why he hurt you and what the hell was he doing last night. he told me those and yeah, up to you if you want to believe or not. i am just trying to convince you that true love is indeed real and beomgyu hyung’s love for you never changes.” he also remembers how inconsiderate he is confronting a newly woke up patient who is still drowsy and clueless of what was going on. but beomgyu really did answer all of his questions. 

taehyun is still not saying anything and hueningkai knows it may be a little hard for him to process. “you know what, taehyun.. sometimes we used to believe what we want to and sometimes we don’t really know if what we want is the best for us. it’s complicated and we tend to make mistakes. i think that’s why second choices and apologies do exist.” kai assures him with his smile. 

_ he sure has a great friend.  _

and suddenly..

“hueningkai! taehyun!”

it’s junho and minhee. oh, he now realises that cafe is junho’s favourite place too. 

“hi, junho, minhee!” kai greets them back, smiling brightly. “oh hi! come join us!”

it is not a bad idea after all and it really works to cheer taehyun’s mood a bit. they talk about nothing, random stuff and food. 

but minhee has something that is bothering him. “taehyun-ah, i don’t know what it makes you feel but i am going to say it nevertheless.”

“just say it.” he of course can figure it out about what.

“i believe hyung didn’t send you the document.” 

“then who?” taehyun scoffs, he has enough of it actually. 

“look, we were out of the city and were very busy. hyung did most of the work as usual. i don’t think he has the time to prepare everything overnight.” minhee for sure on beomgyu’s side, explaining what he knows.

“give me a break.” taehyun groans. “can you just tell me what’s your point?”

minhee hesitates. hueningkai and junho both shake their heads, telling him it’s not the time for that. so minhee apologetically says, “i am sorry. i just can’t believe he did that to you..”

but he doesn’t finish yet, “but taehyun, if it happens to be it is not beomgyu who filed the divorce, if someone else who just wanting to ruin your marriage, would you still sign it and agree on the separation?”

“minhee.. you watched too much drama.” junho complains.

while hueningkai finds it interesting. “well, i am interested to hear your answer. what do you say?”

taehyun feels like he is cornered. all three pairs of eyes are on him. 

and gladly, at the same time, his phone rings. “wait..” 

_ it is mrs choi. _

“uhm, hello?” nervously, taehyun greets.

but the woman’s voice is calm. “taehyun, can we meet?”

  
  


*

“mrs choi, how are you?” taehyun greets his not yet ex mother in law nervously. they agreed to meet that afternoon at a cafe by mrs choi’s choice. strangely, it’s near the hospital where beomgyu is. so, he assumes that she is also comes to seoul to visit beomgyu. he arrives a bit late. mrs choi seems like already finished half of her coffee. 

mrs choi smiles and taehyun couldn’t help but thinks about beomgyu. their smiles are identical. “it’s not about me, it’s about you, are you alright?” she asks. her face shows concern.

taehyun gulps, smiles weakly. “not really. but i will be better eventually.” 

“have you met beomgyu? did he say anything to you?” 

“no, i haven’t. i am not ready yet..” taehyun just speaks the truth.

“i understand. don’t worry.” 

there is a silence for a minute. more to like mrs choi is hesitating to talk about it and taehyun just gives her space and time. no pressure but actually taehyun is getting nervous. 

mrs choi takes a deep breath before speaking. “let me go straight to the point. i don’t know what happened to you guys. it's a lie if i say i am not upset seeing this. but you guys are adults so i will not butt in.” 

and taehyun isn't really sure what to expect from there.

“but at least you deserve to know this. who knows maybe it can save your marriage or maybe at least made you feel better and hate my son less.”

taehyun wants to hear it but at the same time not. mrs choi looks hopeful.. he isn’t ready-

  
  


“the one who sent you the agreement is beomgyu’s dad. it’s not beomgyu. he didn’t know anything.”

_ what??!! _

“his dad just wants to mess up with him. you know that night, beomgyu made him furious to the max and..” mrs choi let out a heavy sigh. “i am really sorry if that hurts you, taehyun. i am deeply sorry.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so how was it? i think this the longest chapter (7k words) and i swear i didn't meant to sandwich everything in this. you can see here in this chapter i am trying to emphasis the people around beomgyu and taehyun who are always there for them. well, you know we used to not notice how there always people who love us unconditionally, taking it for granted and yeah, i hope this chapter is good enough  
> also while i am writing this, i am thinking of doing an extra chapter (since this story is almost at the end) here choose, which i should write 1-hueningkai backstory 2-yeonbin backstory 3-beomgyu's past with his family 4-taehyun backstory  
> oh and maybe you guys can suggest one. i would make it only a oneshot as i am busy with college hehu but depends!
> 
> ok, that's all, have a good day ahead everyone!


	20. Wish upon a star + epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> taehyun is beomgyu's star and beomgyu is taehyun's sun.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> here ya go, 12k words for ending ;)

kang taehyun doesn’t really how and when they actually arrived the lawyer firm. he only can remember how he insisted on cancelling the whole divorcetion thing out of spite and willingly on that day too, to go to the lawyer firm and discuss about this. so then maybe they went there by car because he didn’t feel his legs sore of walking or all sweaty due to the crowded public transport. yeah, maybe car.

and his soul actually left him during the discussion. he doesn’t talk much. mrs choi handles everything on his behalf. he knows how inconsiderate of him insisting on something then letting someone else do the work. but he hopes mrs choi understands his unstable mind and emotion (which she did, indeed).

he guessed everything went well. he wasn't sure what the whole document in the envelope he is holding which the lawyer handed to him earlier is all about. but he heard it correctly how the lawyer said _ ‘we will process the cancelation as soon as possible’  _ and mr choi just had to say,  _ ‘you process my husband’s request within only a few hours and mine with ‘as soon as possible’? how much money did he pay you all? how much should i add so that you can make it done but at the end of today? can you just do your job properly?’ _ and then the lawyer was really threatened by that. he said he will make sure of it. 

sure, the power that money holds is inevitable. it never fails to fascinate taehyun. he too realises at that moment how life circulated around beomgyu’s childhood and early teens. how everything is about money and power. someone who is as kind as beomgyu would despise a lot.  _ oh, that hyung really has been through a lot! _

“did my son hurt you a lot?”

taehyun was still in deep thought when mrs choi asked him that. astonished and dumbfounded, the skater still couldn’t believe everything was real. he should answer to minhee’s dumb (well, not dumb now) question earlier so maybe he could ready himself from the reality he is facing. too much feelings he had now and it’s overwhelming that he could barely speak or control his limb perfectly. he literally froze. but he is sure of one thing. he is guilty. guilty for assuming his beomgyu doesn’t want him anymore. guilty for all his anger for the wedding planner who is perfectly innocent. guilty for not believing him. guilty for almost killing him. guilty for everything. he feels worse. the worst.

everything makes sense now. how beomgyu was clueless and trying non stop to explain which he refused to listen. how beomgyu felt so helpless to the point he wanted to commit suicide. how like yeonjun said everything that happened didn't really feel like beomgyu doings. how like minhee said the divorcetion was perfectly filed when beomgyu was super busy. yeah, everything connects the dots. it was perfectly planned. _ fuck you choi sungjun! _

a part of him wanting to go to beomgyu and beg apologise for everything. but there is also a part of him wanting to run away and take a break. he also doesn't know what he wants.

“he must hurt you a lot to make you sign the agreement on the spot.” mrs choi is looking at him now. he never sees that woman look so worried like that. the deep frown on her face, her eyes staring at him deeply and restlessly chewing her lip. 

taehyun hopes that his smile facade could calm the woman a little. “well, he is but it was partly my fault. i told him to trust me yet i don’t trust him. and yeah, understanding someone totally different from you is another challenge.” he speaks the truth though.

they both heave a sigh. a moment of silence while they are sitting at the lobby of the building, care less on how busy the people in the background, carrying their own days.

“taehyun sweetie, can i tell you something?” even though taehyun couldn’t really read the woman’s face, he knows his mother in law is hoping for something from him. she put on his motherly smile, that comforting one. jung bora is always sweet like that. beomgyu gets that from his mother.

“sure.”

“beomgyu, that boy, he doesn’t know love. he doesn’t know how to love and how it actually looks like. he grew up like that, not knowing how exactly love is. i can say it’s my fault. my husband and i never shows him how love should be.” resentment, guilt and hope. taehyun sees those in her eyes. “please don’t hate him because of that. it’s my fault after all. and if you can, teach him how to love properly. it’s okay if you can’t. i am not forcing it. it’s just... i would be glad if you, taehyun, taught him about love.”

_ trust.  _ mrs choi trust him on his child. she believes that taehyun can teach beomgyu love. 

a small voice in his heart shouting a _ yes _ . _ he wants to _ . even he isn't really sure if he is capable of doing it, he just wants to. 

all this time beomgyu taught him about warmth and kindness. so maybe, this might be time he does something in return. 

_ but.. does beomgyu want him to? _

taehyun leaves the favour unanswered. he needs to think thoroughly about that. he loves beomgyu. yes, he still loves him and that feelings might take forever to fade. but this time he wants to put himself first before anything else. he will do what he really wants-

“my driver will send you home or anywhere. i have a business to settle while i am here.” mrs choi disrupt him for his thought bubble.

“may i know what it is?” taehyun is just curious. 

“i want to punish my husband. divorcetion sounds right. the only thing i can do to free beomgyu from him. beomgyu is hurting most of the time but i always failed to protect him. all this time, i am too scared to do this, thinking i am helpless. but yeah, i don’t want to lose beomgyu anymore. sacrifice is love too, right?” mrs choi swallows the lump in her throat, eyes pooling with tears but there is a hint of determination in there. she seems to still be fighting with her hesitation.

taehyun doesn’t expect that. he takes the woman’s hand, giving it an assured grasp and courageous smile. “you do the right thing.”

_ sacrifice. _ people would do anything for love. he wonders if his love for beomgyu is that strong for him to sacrifice anything his. 

suddenly, his phone dings. a new message from contact name my pretty gyu hyung,

_ taehyun-ah, let’s meet, whenever you are ready. i’ll wait for you.  _

  
  
  
  


there is it. his second chance, to turn everything right.

_ he wants that! _

*

  
  


the only one thing that comes into beomgyu’s mind as soon as he discharges is he wants to talk it out. the first step on  _ his loving himself journey. _

he is ready.

taking a deep breath before he swings open the door of the small cafe with rustic concept interior decoration and it dangles the bell that hangs above the entrance frame. he alerts a worker who is busy mopping the floor not far away from the door. he reads the unswitched on neon signage behind the counter, ‘welcome to the magic shop’. a smile spreads over his face, reminiscing how the owner of the cafe actually doesn’t like the name that he came up with but at the end he just did because the name is appealing and catchy. 

“good morning!” beomgyu greets the worker who is approaching him with still a mop in his hand. he knows that boy though, nam dohyon. how time flies, beomgyu thinks. that boy basically grew taller from the last time they met.

“oh! beomgyu hyung. it has been a long time!” the younger bows, smile sheepishly, making his squishy face a lot more rounder. sure, he grew taller but his baby fat was surprisingly hard to get rid of. 

“dohyon! oh my god, you should stop growing. look at you taller than me!” beomgyu as always the friendly one and dohyon giggles with his remarks. 

“you want to meet namjoon hyung, right?” dohyon asks and beomgyu nods. 

“he went out for awhile. he said he would not be long.” the younger informs and at the same time too, the doorbell dangles again and it is the one beomgyu is waiting for.

“there he is. i shall continue working. talk to you later, beomgyu hyung!” dohyun dismisses himself and continues with his mopping.

“sure!” 

as namjoon enters the frame, beomgyu greets him first. “joon-hyung. long time no see.” 

“hey!” namjoon’s face lights up alongside his charming dimples. but his smile falters when he sees beomgyu’s shoulder sling. “what with that? why are you always breaking your bones, kid. what happened?” you can’t blame him for that as on average out of 5 encounters, 1 of them would be when beomgyu is newly discharged from hospital.

beomgyu replies with a grin. “it’s my shoulder and it doesn’t broken. not that serious.”

“glad to hear that.” namjoon pats his back, smiling while offering him a seat. “take a seat.”

beomgyu is needless to say anything what he wants. namjoon can figure it out himself looking at the way the younger fidgeting, his lip chewing habit and with his eyes, namjoon really can read him just by staring at those. 

“hyung.. i.. actually i..” 

he earns a small laugh from namjoon. “i know i know… i can help.” ruffling beomgyu’s hair before continuing, “even i know you would afford to meet a therapist for a proper consultation.” he ends with a tease though.

“you are one, though.” beomgyu pouts at that. 

“yeah, i do have that degree and not the license, kid. but i know, i am your favourite.. and who doesn’t like free service, right?” namjoon really is having a great time teasing the wedding planner. 

with all pouty, beomgyu is unnecessarily trying to take pride in nothing. “well, you owe me though. this whole cafe would not exist without my help.”

namjoon hisses in defeat. “i pay it back monthly, okay? but i can’t deny how much you are a help.” yeah, he just needs to pinch beomgyu’s cheek on that moment too. “what do you want for drink? it’s on me.” 

“you know the best.” beomgyu answers. 

namjoon stands, wanting to prepare the drinks for them both. “wait upstairs. i will be there in a minute.”

  
  
  
  
  


beomgyu doesn’t really know how and since when namjoon becomes his self-claimed,  _ personal therapist _ . it just happens like that. they casually meet sometimes, talking about random stuff once in awhile and when beomgyu feels like it, he would vaguely asking about the wonders of life, the world, everything, and namjoon never fails to answer each one of them with wisdom and making beomgyu questions if namjoon already live for more than 100 years. 

so, there are them, laying on their backs on the artificial grass at the rooftop of the cafe, both looking at the sky above,  _ cloud gazing _ .

the wedding planner used to be discreet when it comes to telling namjoon what he pondered about everything. but this time, he just tells the elder everything, all names mentioned and all his pathetic negative thoughts are blurted out. not that namjoon is not surprised with that but this time he feels the weight of responsibility on what he should say as the younger is like trusting his life to him. so, he tries his best as he always does.

“choi beomgyu, have you done it?” after a while of silence when beomgyu finished what he wanted to say, namjoon asked.

“what?”

“forgive yourself. have you done it?” namjoon has proposed that idea to beomgyu before and yeah, beomgyu doesn’t really consider doing it.

“am i worthy of being forgiven? i hurt a lot of people.” 

“yes, you are.” a pause, “everyone does.”

beomgyu just remain silent. questioning his self worth-

namjoon goes on, not waiting for the younger, “humans… are not great creatures. we can be idiots, careless and hurt people too. we never know sometimes we can even hurt others by doing nothing. we are like that. what makes us different is that either we admit it or not. either we learn from it or not. either we apologize for it or not.” 

“you have reasons, you know the boundaries, you are trying your best to not repeat the same mistakes, then everything is fine. you deserve to be forgiven.” 

as namjoon turns his head to beomgyu, the younger already did, tearing up. he gives him an assurance smile with a small nod. “humans bound to make mistakes after all, gyu-yah. that’s how we live and grow.”

beomgyu smiles too, wiping a streak of tears that rolls down to his cheek.

“take it slow and forgive yourself.” namjoon adds. 

“uhm.. what else..” namjoon gets up and sits as his back is starting to sore a bit. “you like to help people, right?”

“i love it.” beomgyu grins, attention back to the moving clouds. 

“how does it feel? helping people.”

the wedding planner’s face scrunch, thinking. “i don’t actually know. it’s just really satisfying to do it like after i did it, i feel the sense of accomplishment. happier and warmer. sometimes i feel alive doing it. it’s weird but somehow it’s refreshing. happiness, pure happiness.”

“do you want taehyun to feel the same?”

“i do want him to be happy...” beomgyu’s voice trails and namjoon replies, “let him help you then.” 

“soobin too, everyone too. let them all help you too. let people around you find happiness in helping people. just like you did. isn’t it nice?” namjoon really knows how to talk to someone like beomgyu.

“uhm.. it sounds nice.” beomgyu can’t disagree on that. it sounds really nice. _ helping each other.. at the same time making each other happy.. it is nice.  _ why he never think about it? all this time he is so stubborn to let he, himself being helped. 

namjoon let it quiet, giving beomgyu space to think. 

and beomgyu starts with his ultimate _ but, _

“but hyung.. i think i am scared. generally.. am i a coward?”

with no hesitation, namjoon gets the answer. “no. it’s human. change is scary. it really is.” 

“but it makes you grow.” another assurance smile for beomgyu. “you don’t have to drastically change. one step of a time. slowly but surely. be honest, seek help from people you trust. it’s okay to do that.” 

  
  


beomgyu feels lighter. as he looks up to the sky, he counts his imaginary red hearts; his life. one from yeonjun, one from soobin, one from his mom and one from himself. there is one left he needs to seek from and he only wants it from that person, the one and only..

he is indeed happier at the moment as he could see light at the end of the tunnel, he has the chance. he still has it. “hyung, let’s stargaze tonight.” beomgyu says.

and namjoon gives him a no. “no. not me. you should go with taehyun.”

  
  


_ the one and only, his taehyun. _

*

  
  
  
  
  


beomgyu decides to wait at the green hill villa, the rooftop terrace. their home, their favourite stargazing spot, the place that starts everything, the warmest place in the earth despite how it is actually wall-less and roof-less, naked, exposed to the storm and cold weather. 

there is not much stars evident on the pitch black sky.  _ fuck pollution and polluters, _ he thinks. anyway, it reminds him of that night when he lost hope on everything, thinking taehyun will leave him for good. the way he thinks so highly of his love towards taehyun not realising he didn’t trust taehyun’s love for him. that was so selfish of him to think that. he has a lot to apologise for. and he hopes taehyun would let him stay in his life at least as he genuinely wants to love taehyun.

  
  
  


“beomgyu!”

_ that voice.  _ that melodious voice when his name is called, the voice he is freaking miss. he doesn’t care about how there are not many stars tonight,  _ his star is here, in front of him! _

the voice breaking the silence of the night up there, bringing warmth along. beomgyu stands and turns his body, facing the owner of the honey voice. 

taehyun also froze on his feet in distance, a few feets away. the younger is halfly panting, seems like he runs all the way there. they stay like that for a minute, like that scene from a melodrama series where everything in the background appears slow motion. nothing matters except the other. 

mixed feelings and unspoken words, the thing they have in common at that moment is, _ they miss each other, a lot. _

“taehyun, hey.” beomgyu smiles, staring at the skater.  _ pretty, he is pretty like always. _

taehyun walks to the elder with a quick pace and throws himself into beomgyu for a hug. 

“hyung you are so foolish.” he mumbles. 

his arms cling around beomgyu’s neck, face buries into beomgyu’s collarbone, hugging the elder tight but at the same time carefully to not cause discomfort to beomgyu’s shoulder.

“why didn't you tell me the truth? why you hurt yourself like that?” taehyun almost sobs, still hiding his face. inhaling beomgyu’s scent that is always so warm and soothing. lavender and fresh cotton,  _ oh, he misses it! _

“it’s not like i am not trying..” beomgyu scoffs and pats the younger’s back as he hugs him with his healthy arm. “i am sorry taehyun-”

taehyun flinches and pulls away. he can’t let beomgyu apologise first. he has wronged the elder so much. “no. i am sorry.” 

beomgyu couldn’t help but internally coos at how precious taehyun’s look right now. his frowns and his pout, everything just so adorable. he would readily forgive him without the younger even having to say any words or explain himself. he cups taehyun’s face, brings his face closer to taehyun’s. when their gaze connected, he softly said, “let’s take turns apologizing. we both made mistakes.” 

as taehyun’s face softens, “you can start first.” beomgyu says. the skater then blinks nervously, leaning into the touch. 

he sure already prepared the whole script for this but he thinks he already forgot the whole thing by the time he reached the rooftop. he gulps, taking his time and beomgyu’s eyes never left his. he is calmer. beomgyu’s dreamy eyes really have sort of magical powers that could make anyone who is staring deep there hypnotised (in a good way). they are pretty, always have been. but tonight, all the stars aligned in a magnificent constellation in there, and it only appeared for him, the one and only kang taehyun, beomgyu’s polaris and sirius. 

it makes him feel calmer. like everything would be fine. like everything would be on his side. as his heartbeats back to normal, he takes a deep breath, “hyung, i am sorry.”

“i am sorry for not trusting your love, for giving up on us. i let my feelings decide my judgement and it’s not fair for you. i almost killed you. i am so sorry for that. you had it hard while me chose to let you go. soobin hyung and miju, both told me how i mean to you and told me to believe in you, stay with you but i dont.. i don’t even try to understand you. i am so impatient. i should help you, not make you feel worse. i am so sorry.”

that was shorter than what taehyun expected. he wants to say more, he really does. beomgyu’s intricate eyes are somewhat distracting to the point he is lost at words. but the sincerity is there and beomgyu knows it. “hey, taehyun. it’s not your fault to begin with actually. and no, you don’t kill me. you save me, instead.”

“i am sorry, hyung. really.” taehyun put down beomgyu’s hand that since then never left his cheek, lacing their hand together and giving it a quick peck. 

the wedding planner gives him a smile, a beautiful one. “i forgive you, kang taehyun. now, my turn?”

taehyun nods and beomgyu starts his apology right away while tightening their interlocked hands. “i am sorry. for being selfish and not considering how you feel to the point i hurt you. i am too scared of you leaving me. that’s why i am hiding everything, i don’t want to be a burden to you, not believing you would never leave in the first place, not knowing how much you love me so you would not even think of that. sorry for thinking that. sorry for not letting you help me. sorry for hurting you, for everything. i am sorry. i am really an idiot, you know...”

beomgyu suddenly hangs his head low, realising apology is not enough.

“hyung..” taehyun calls him but beomgyu just continues without looking at him.

“taehyun-ah, i know i don’t deserve your forgiveness. but would you give me a second chance? i.. i want to love you properly.” he is only staring at their intertwined hands. “i can’t promise it will work well but i will try my best. i want to love you. i want to be with you. i have no solid reason for that. it’s just... it feels right, to love you.”

taehyun’s heart flutters at that. 

_ how can the warmest person on earth love a cold kang taehyun like that? _ and now the said person is having the thought he doesn’t deserve forgiveness, begging for a second chance and even asking permission just to love. 

taehyun feels like crying thinking about how choi beomgyu has been alone for a long time. all those years he tried to put back the pieces of his fragile heart, moulding it into a shape so at least he could give his imperfect heart to others, share it to those who lacked, only to be shattered back by those despicable people. but yet he didn’t stop. he kept on doing it, even the sharp edges of the broken pieces bleed his fingers, scratch his skin. he didn’t care. he wanted to have his heart in shape, he wanted to have a heart, he wanted to give, he wanted to share. that’s a choi beomgyu for you. he is not perfect, maybe far from that. full of scars and only has his defective heart. 

but that’s special about him. it makes him  _ the one and only. _ in this world, and to taehyun. 

_ beomgyu still wants him, beomgyu still loves him, beomgyu wants to properly love him this time.  _

_ what can he do? say no? nah..  _

taehyun lifts beomgyu’s head softly using his other hand and their gaze back to each other’s. “hey, hyung look at me. who told you i would not forgive you?” he caresses his cheek, back at it again, letting himself lose in the dreamy eyes that are now pooling with tears. 

“you forgive me?” beomgyu asks for confirmation as his lips stretches into a smile. 

“yes, i forgive you, hyung.” taehyun just couldn’t hold back from giving him smooches on his nose and forehead. earning a fit of giggles from beomgyu,  _ oh, that’s the most beautiful melody ever.  _

the skater yet has something else to say, “and about the second chance, i want you to give us a second chance. because i, too, want to love you, hyung.”

the pooling tears spill, running on beomgyu’s cheek. tears of joy, beomgyu couldn’t ask for more, he is so grateful. 

“but promise me something, hyung can you?” taehyun adds while wiping the tears away from the elder’s face with his thumb. 

he continues, “promise me to be kind of yourself. put yourself first before anything else. don’t let anyone hurt you even me and you too don’t hurt yourself.” taehyun accentuates at every  _ yourself  _ he said. then, he adds, “i promise you i would do the same too. we are working on this together, promise?” 

beomgyu seems to hesitate a bit. “what if.. i broke the promise?”

taehyun just has to squish beomgyu’s cheek for that. “we don’t even started yet, hyung. let’s not worry about something that isn’t happening yet. what if you do it well just fine?” and beomgyu just remains silent, on his way into his thinking tunnel. 

but taehyun quickly pulls him out of the tunnel with a little shake on their hands. “i will help you. you will help me. we will try our best, okay?”

that ensuring eyes, smile and everything about taehyun is really easy for beomgyu to trust. “okay. promise.”

they seal their promise with a kiss. 

a sweet one, a wonderful one despite how both of them are in blessed tears. their lips slotting on each other perfectly like puzzle pieces as they press their lips together. the kiss is just soft and slow paced. both are taking their time, savouring every second and every corner of their mouth. as if they are the only one in this world. their _ soon to be _ the most magnificent world with each other by their side.

taehyun pulls away first, considering beomgyu’s shoulder condition. their foreheads are still touched and they do whatever they need to do with staring at each other’s eyes. 

_ shhh.. they are stargazing. _

“i love you choi beomgyu. thank you for living.” taehyun says, giving beomgyu a chaste kiss.

_ beomgyu feels loved, warm and alive.  _ finally, he earns his last red heart from a chance box. the most precious one that he would keep it safe for his entire lifetime. 

“i love you, kang taehyun. thank you for staying.” beomgyu replies, the smile is getting wider.

in their own world, the sky up there is full of stars. all shining bright scattered around the smiling full moon. a beautiful night indeed. 

  
  


and they kiss again. 

  
  
  
  


{beomgyu’s shoulder? he is fine. don’t worry. he inhales the best _painkiller_ ever.}

  
  


*

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


no it isn’t ended yet. for beomgyu, his life just begin. his brand new life, with taehyun by his side.

taehyun takes a halt on his study of  _ the philosophy of choi beomgyu’s warmth.  _ not that he already mastered it, (but maybe it is enough for him to graduate with passing marks as there is a lot of beomgyu he needs to discover) this time, he needs to focus on teaching beomgyu self love. well, teaching might be the wrong word here. they are both striving for it together just like what they promise. they are just having fun taking care of each other and letting themselves be cared for by each other. 

beomgyu takes a leave from working due to his shoulder and it has been a month now he is back working at the office. meanwhile, taehyun with his daily training and some photoshoot here and there, only take a leave for a week after that night, spending the whole week cuddling and kissing his hyung. kinda like catching up all their deprivation of each other’s touches and affection. yeah, they spend a whole week for that, then continues their life as usual after. life goes on and the world doesn’t stop and wait for them to fully recover. but that doesn’t mean they stop learning. let bygone be bygone but they wouldn’t forget what breaks them the most and most importantly remember what brings them back on the track the most. 

and it is not that easy for beomgyu living his  _ new  _ life. he tries his best and taehyun understands and acknowledge every little development beomgyu has. despite their busy day, they would spend at least a meal a day together, to talk about stuff. a wide range of stuff which including the lightest topic of how good the food they eat that time, to the randomest topic of how many holes a straw has, to the serious topic of how beomgyu feels knowing his parents were divorced. their communication is getting better, as taehyun empathises with beomgyu well and beomgyu letting himself being transparent as he can to taehyun.

the first time beomgyu opened up to taehyun was when they both went to an art museum (that one was under taehyun’s bucket list) and they randomly discuss on definition of beauty. it started by them talking on what makes a thing beautiful in their eyes and then went to the cheesy part where they were flirting and then through the end after the fooling around part, out of nowhere beomgyu told taehyun about how he hated to be called pretty and how people used to misuse that supposedly-a-word-of-compliment, upon him. he also told taehyun the truth regarding that incident when he beated taewoon up. taehyun initially was in dazed both due to the unusual sudden opening up and also taken aback with those people who hurted his husband.  _ how dare they..  _ the skater first response was giving a warm tight hug with a promise to protect the elder with all his might. instead of beomgyu, he was the one who cried in the middle of exhibition.

understanding beomgyu is getting easier as he let taehyun getting to know everything about him. trust, tolerance and respect. they are nurturing all those in their relationship. 

_ it’s getting better, they are getting better.  _

  
  
  
  


so, there was a night, a saturday night to be specific. after the whole day spending time at a random arcade place in each downtown in seoul (they went to 8 arcade in total); which was also an item in taehyun’s bucket list, that night they just having a cuddle session while finishing kdrama hotel del luna; which was another item in beomgyu’s bucket list. that was how they spent their weekend or free days. completing each other’s bucket list. life has never been boring for them. full of surprises -as per beomgyu said.

however, after the first episode of the night (they agree to watch 2 episode per week due to their short attention span), taehyun sensed on how beomgyu was spaced out, not excited as the previous nights. he was with his finger picking habit for some moment before taehyun needed to take it into his, entwined them, stroking with his thumb to calm him down. that habit of beomgyu still is hard to get rid of and taehyun's goal is to stop that habit. 

“hyung, you have something to tell me?” taehyun asked in whisper while snuggling closer to beomgyu. 

a silent for a moment as beomgyu was thinking,

“yes. but i am not sure..”

taehyun was able to smile now, knowing how beomgyu could say a ‘yes’ to that. he was hiding none. “take your time, hyung. it’s okay.”

“no. i want to solve this but i can’t do it alone..” beomgyu repositioned himself on the sofabed, sitting crossed leg, facing taehyun. in cute manner, he said, “i need help.”

_ beomgyu really has nothing to do than being all endearing and adorable all the time.  _ taehyun thinks. “you can stop when you feel it’s overwhelming, okay?” the younger gave a green light while holding his both hands after pausing on jang manweol talking. they sat facing each other, knees touched. taehyun waited for beomgyu to fully ready to say what he wanted. 

“uhm.” beomgyu paused to sigh. “the bet i did with my dad. i think it’s stupid.”

_ ouh, taehyun didn’t expect that… his dad… freaking choi sungjun…  _ taehyun just kept it silent, allowing beomgyu to tell him more. 

“like.. it’s only a whim. out of rage because my dad really did plan my life ahead.” beomgyu’s face, all features on it were frowning.

“so you think you did that out of anger? that’s it?” taehyun smoothened beomgyu’s crooked eyebrows with his finger, caressed it softly. “why are you that mad?” he asked softly, calmly so that beomgyu could feel the same. 

beomgyu has never been uncomfortable to let it out now to taehyun. “because… he didn’t believe in me. he never did.. he always think my decision and everything i did are dumb. he treats me like a kid who has no idea what i am doing. he never trust me. never..” 

ahh.. taehyun now knows why beomgyu is rather trusting a betrayer rather than having trust issues and how beomgyu thinks it will hurt people if they are not trusted.  _ because no one really ever trusted him since he was a child and it pains him inside.  _

“but what if he wants the best for you?”

“he barely knows me. how would he know what best for me?” beomgyu said in disbelief, a little whiny. 

“you have a point.” ah.. taehyun forgot how beomgyu’s dad is a special case. 

a heave slipped from beomgu’s mouth. a pause then he continued, “do you remember that time i told you what ryujin told me? when she said that i’ve changed.”

that ryujin actually had gotten taehyun’s bad side due to whatever she said that time. as someone who is greedy in his career, he disagreed with her. “hyung, it’s not bad being greedy for work. i’ve told you..” 

the elder shook his head, rebutting, “no… but that time too, i realised i forgot the purpose i want to be a wedding planner in the first place.” his face scrunched again, he continued in audible mumble, “i never actually want to take over the company and everything. it’s my dad. i want to prove to him i am capable of doing that without him.”

a beat of silence, then, beomgyu’s face softened. he continued confidently. “and.. i don’t want that! i just want to be important and make people happy on their special day. being a wedding planner allowed me to do that.”

_ and kang taehyun thinks, choi beomgyu is too pure to live in this cruel world.  _

he smiled, proud that beomgyu finally has a clear view on what he wanted in life. “hyung, if that's the only thing you want for your dream, i think you already achieved it.”

“what do you mean?”

taehyun scooted closer, letting go of beomgyu’s hands to cradle the elder’s face instead. they were staring into each other’s eyes before taehyun confessed, “you are important, hyung. to soobin hyung, yeonjun hyung, kai, your mom, your brother and sister and niece, your friends at the company. you are important to them all. and you are the most important to me.” he gave beomgyu a little kiss on his nose, “every day with you is special for me and you never make me unhappy each day. your dream comes true already.” 

beomgyu blushed with those pretty words from taehyun. he got the best husband ever! “oh, hyun...i-” speechless, beomgyu just skipped it out and went straight for a thank you hug. 

it was a quick hug as beomgyu was distracted by a sudden thought. he pulled away with a confused face. “wait does that mean i can quit working?”

“hyung! that’s not what i mean..” taehyun snorts. but then another serious talk followed. “but you can quit if you want. you have nothing to lose though. but what about thinking about it first. you love your job as much as i love to skate, hyung.” 

beomgyu’s face was still showing confusion and taehyun went on, “from what i see, being a wedding planner is a part of your happiness not only because you feel important or seeing people happy. you just love it and you found joy in it. you don’t need a reason for that. just like how you fall in love with me. you just did. so, i don’t want you to quit just like that. promise me you will think about it?”

the confused face faltered and replaced by delight with a confident nod. beomgyu’s hands were back laced into taehyun’s, the elder rewarded taehyun with a forehead kiss. “kang taehyun.. do you know why i used to hate to open up to you about my life?” he asked. 

“because we think differently?” taehyun took a wild guess. 

he shook his head, giving a peck on taehyun’s knuckles. “no. because you make me feel at ease. you make me feel like everything i did is valid and not dumb. you make me feel loved.” beomgyu being too honest lately and it was really not that good for taehyun’s heart. he fell in love all over again. “and i hate it because i think i don’t deserve all of that.”

“oh, hyung. you deserve it more than everyone...” taehyun convinced otherwise.. 

“thanks taehyunnie. thank you so much.” beomgyu was just so grateful. and then he confess on another  _ somewhat of his internal conflict. _ “it’s just hard to forgive myself yet… do you know how to do it?”

taehyun was ready to help. he took a second, thinking the best way for beomgyu. 

he proposed an idea, “what about apologizing? apologise to yourself.” 

beomgyu was unresponsive but he seem interested so taehyun continued. “okay, hyung, what makes you forgive a person who makes a mistake?”

“if they are genuine, they admit all their mistakes with no arrogant excuse and when they promise to not do it again..”

“then, do that. let’s try.”

“now?”

“why not?”

“say it out loud?”

“well, it makes you really admit what you did wrong. but you can say it quietly if you want. close your eyes and imagine you are talking to yourself.”

beomgyu was hesitating. a lot. but taehyun was just too excited to help so he couldn’t really say no. he actually wanted to do it too, whatever this thing called, beomgyu was convinced. he just needed a little time to get ready. 

“let’s try with one thing first. we have a lot of time to do this. think of something the most easiest for you to forgive. we’ll give it a try.” taehyun’s face lit up and it was never less assuring. 

“okay, i’ll do it..” beomgyu finally said to agree. 

taehyun just waited for him. first, he took a deep breath. then, grasping into taehyun’s hand tighter for support. then, he closed his eyes, focus on what he wanted to say. 

“beomgyu-yah, i am sorry. sorry for..” he stopped, frowned as he hesitated. unsure of it. 

but with his closed eyes, he sensed how taehyun stroked his palms gently and gave them fluttering kisses. 

that made him strong enough to say the first sentence, the topic sentence, “beomgyu, i am sorry for having the thoughts of killing you.”

taehyun’s touch calmed him down, assuring him that he would be fine. and everything suddenly slipped from his mouth easily. “i can blame the alcohol or maybe my shitty life but it’s just my fault, thinking i have no reason to live anymore. i am sorry. i promise i will never do it again. a lot of people around you who want you to live, would be there for you when it’s hard. you don’t have to worry, you can trust them, always. again, i am sorry beomgyu and thank you for giving me second chance. you deserve to live for a long time.” 

beomgyu was able to smile after the last word. he felt lighter. like he can breathe easier. he opened his eyes. “i did.” 

“you did.” taehyun nodded, he smiled too. “but hyung you sure it’s the easiest? i am not forcing you on anything, right?”

“no. you’re not. it’s just what came across my mind right now as i am so grateful to live. i am so grateful of the people around me, i am so grateful of you.” beomgyu let on. he looked so happy. like a sun incarnate. 

“you feel better?” taehyun loves seeing beomgyu like this. 

“the best.” he leaned in to give taehyun a smooch on his lips that caught taehyun off guard. “thank you so much, hyun.” he whispers as taehyun shyly giggled. 

“i am proud of you, hyung.” taehyun said before he slung his arms over beomgyu’s shoulder and placed himself on beomgyu’s lap, chasing the elder’s lips with his for another kiss.

beomgyu gently held onto taehyun’s thighs, pulled him closer, deepening the kiss.  _ happiness. _ he felt only that. nothing else. no matter how much they kissed already, each kiss somewhat gave a new meaning for them, each of them was special and they cherished every time. 

too much happiness that made beomgyu recharged, the elder pulls away first, causing taehyun to whine.

“i am hungry, let’s cook.” beomgyu said, grinning. 

“let’s just order takeaway.” taehyun replied with his pouty swollen lips. 

beomgyu insisted in the cutest manner, “i am so happy to the point i want to cook. let’s go.”

“no. i don’t want to.” he seemed annoyed already. 

“pretty please.” not that puppy eyes, taehyun is weak for that. 

the skater finally agreed. “fine. but after this kiss.” 

“kang taehyun..” beomgyu chuckled seeing how taehyun was too shameless. 

“ah.. hyung~ one last time, please...” he basically pleaded. 

beomgyu just couldn’t say no to that extend, “alright.” he said and without waiting any second, taehyun’s lips crashed on his again. sweeter than honey, warmer than a sunny day, beomgyu was drowned in it. taehyun too. 

  
  
  


and forget about cooking or even food, they were too busy making out and then got tired so they ended up cuddled to sleep. 

  
  
  


*

timeskip.

  
  


beomgyu surely forgets he was actually an heir of the biggest construction company in the country (keyword: was). as he entered the building, everyone there seemed to know him already and knew immediately what he was doing there even though it was the first time beomgyu stepped his foot in there. beomgyu isn’t really get used to the special treatment like when the receptionist at lobby bowed to him accurately 90 degree and prioritise him than the other person who came before him, asking something, when a random staff greeted him and volunteered himself to escort him, and some other staff who passed by him, introduced themselves and threw some unnecessary compliments to him and many more. he even wonders if any of them know that he wasn’t an heir anymore but he sould care less about that. 

he came here for one purpose. for himself. 

_ president choi.  _

beomgyu takes a deep breath as he sees the label of the door of the room that he will be entering. he knocks two times before he gets into the room.

there he sees him. a man who claimed himself his dad. well, genetically he was his dad but calling that man as dad still sounds awkward and unfamiliar to beomgyu. luckily, he doesn’t have to do it anymore. 

“beomgyu. what are you doing here?” sungjun already sits on the sofa at the meeting corner, leg crossed, looking arrogant like he used to be. “i am not your dad anymore. you want to still go on with the bet-”

beomgyu doesn’t let him talking nonsense this time. waste of his time. “i come here to apologise. for the sake of myself.”

a smirk stretches on the old man’s face. “go on.”

beomgyu just remains calm and composed. that face which sungjun classified as a  _ kind  _ face so he hates it for no reasonable reason. “i am sorry. for being rude to you. for wanting to cut the ties between us. for cursing at you. even if you’re not my dad, no human deserves that.”

a heartless laugh echoes throughout the room. choi sungjun finds it amusing. “after all i did to make you stronger, now you show up apologising for that? with this weakness of you choi beomgyu, you would never survive in this cruel world.”

but beomgyu disagrees with that opinion. “choi sungjun-nim, kindness is not a weakness. never. apologising doesn’t mean i give up and lose. i hope you realise the meaning behind it one day.”

that gets the ceo speechless and a little hurt. 

this time it is beomgyu turns to scoffs. “so, you actually taught me to become stronger all this time? sorry for only realising it now and not even becoming one you think i suppose to be. maybe your method of teaching doesn’t suit me. i lose and hate myself in the process. thinking i don’t have self worth and even trying to end my life. do you know about that, mr choi? you almost lose your youngest son 4 times because of you, wait no. maybe it was me not having the strong mentality like you. well, who knows. anyway thanks to you, i finally realise the importance of love, trusting people and having people to lean on.” 

beomgyu is killing him with his smile. 

“sorry for being a child that you despise to have. it’s my life after all. i choose it this way and now i am more than happy living in it. also sorry for taking mom from you. well, it’s basically her choice to protect me. no. no. i cancel my apology on that. i hope you come to realise that much the power of love could do.” 

beomgyu isn't really sure what he made the man feels but he could see how he clenches his jaw, pissed off maybe. “i ruin your life, choi beomgyu. what with all this apologise? you just want to piss me off..”

he shakes his head a no. “i’ve told you. i do this for my own sake. to acknowledge that all the mess in my life is not my fault to begin with. and to tell you the truth that i don’t really hate you after all because you are human and you make mistakes too. i am no one to judge but i hope you would really feel sorry after what you’ve done. and when the day comes, i am ready to forgive you.”

sungjun remains silent. 

beomgyu throws his last smile to him, cheekily adds, “oh, also thank you for all the money you spend on me. i appreciate that, really. being rich is good. relatively better.”

without waiting for the ceo to say anything, beomgyu stands and bows. “i guess that’s all i want to say. thank you for your time. i wish your business will do great.”

  
  
  


as beomgyu walks out from the room, he leaves all his resentment, hatred and greed back there, he feels lighter. better. 

  
  


*

  
  


“even i don’t really like the idea of you apologising to him, seeing you like this makes me feel glad.”

that is the first thing taehyun says when beomgyu is back in the car. taehyun has been waiting there since he came there. he actually wants to come with beomgyu confronting that man but beomgyu thinks it would be better if come alone. 

“aren’t you going to ask, am i okay or not?” beomgyu settles down in the driver’s seat, pretend to sulk.

taehyun rolls his eyes, squishing the elder’s chin. “your face says everything. i know you would do well. i am so proud of you, hyung.” he leans in for a peck on the elder’s forehead. a reward. 

“you are so kind, hyung. i think i would never do it like you.” taehyun adds, staring into beomgyu’s eyes, he is just amazed by him. _ beomgyu is an amazing person, indeed. _

“you love me so you can’t help to not support me on anything i do. thanks.” beomgyu says his gratitude along with some playful remarks. he then kisses taehyun’s forehead. “and.. i’ll do the same. let’s go to the airport.” he buckles up his seat belt and typing their next destination on the gps screen. 

airport. yes, they are going to the airport, for taehyun intensive training and also the open tournament. departing to russia. 

taehyun sighs. “i still feel bad thinking you came with me and you quit your job-”

beomgyu grabs taehyun’s hand, intertwines it with his. “we already talked about this, hyun. and your coach even thinks i might be a help for coming with you. i am your lucky charm, remember?”

“no, seungwoo hyung just adores you. that’s why he let you come along.” there is a little of jealousy there but beomgyu just laughing it away.

“whatever it is, i just don’t want to be apart from you. i’m gonna stick to you like glue. don’t ever tell me to stop.” another necessary peck. this time on his lips. 

taehyun likes that. “okay. i like that.” he blushed. 

“can we go, now, darling?” beomgyu ruffles taehyun’s hair, both smiling from ear to ear. 

“sure!”

  
  
  


happy. does beomgyu ever feel less happy when he is with taehyun? no, he haven’t. beomgyu used to believe that when he gets too much happiness, later his bad luck will come visit. it’s the life beomgyu used to live. rough and cruel. but with taehyun by his side now, he realises having ups and downs is normal. a summer rain is not that bad. and he doesn’t have to be scared anymore. he have his 4 red heart from his loved ones and one eternity life red heart that taehyun gave specially for him. he will be fine. 

they will be fine, as they got each other. 

  
  
  
  
  


+epilogue

few months later. 

  
  
  


my favourite tall hyung>

beomgyu

i suddenly regret letting other people plan the wedding for me

like.. i don’t think i am that picky 

but it’s just i feel like i can do better myself

hyung, you tell me you will not regret doing that

i know.. :((

it will be fine. you are just nervous of getting married

i guess so…

look, me and yeonjun are having a great time together

so smooth, everything went well

we never had a big fight yet

are you bragging about that to me?

no.. 

it’s just scary

marriage is scary

the future is scary

  
  


hyung, i don’t want to scare you or anything but it does

it is scary

but you have yeonjun hyung you have me

we love you and yeonjun hyung love you more than anything

he would never hurt you, you know that more than anyone else

and if anything happen, i would never leave you alone, hyung

gyu… 

since when you know how to talk like that, huh? 

i am a genius, you know

i will pretend i didn’t see that

tsk tsk

btw, where are you right now, hyung?

uh? 

somewhere… 

oh i need to go

see you later

okay..

  
  
  
  


beomgyu just ignores his suspicion towards soobin’s last text. it really shows how that hyung is doing something in secret from him and the worst when it comes to lying. but he will come back to that later as he has work to do.

yes. work. beomgyu is now a florist. well not really a florist basically as per taehyun said. it was his mom. other than happiness and freedom also getting her sons away from her evil husband, jung bora lost her source of income too. using her savings (which still a lot like a lot a lot) she opened a flower shop which also was her dream as a child. beomgyu who is also jobless as they back from russia thought maybe it would be a great idea to help his mom around. well, who doesn’t like flowers? especially someone as soft as beomgyu. it has been 5 months or maybe less and their business is doing fine. not as great but just fine. they are not that in need for money so the flower shop is just like their gateway and quality time for a mother and son who just reunited. they are happy, earning some money, and that’s enough. 

but that doesn’t mean beomgyu leave event planning industries just like that. sometimes, some people really have through it all, searching for the little flower shop, begging only to have beomgyu to plan their wedding. he is still relevant and demanded in the industry and beomgyu is never less happy to do it. one project for three months, he limits himself to that as he doesn’t have a fixed team to help him with all the work. sometimes too, his friends who are still at the company will invite him to join them on any project that beomgyu might be interested in. up till now, he never rejects ryujin’s as she really good at knowing beomgyu type of project. daehwi who now fills up his place in the company often complained how beomgyu choose ryujin’s than his. and minhee, that boy who basically can’t live without beomgyu always come visit the flower shop whenever he is free and he also helped around. 

while beomgyu is busy with his flower shop, taehyun is resting from skating after winning the open competition. beomgyu is really his lucky charm. so, for the time around, he only went to several magazine and television interviews for his winning and spent most of the time with beomgyu at the flower shop and their home of course. they finally have the time to teach each other cycling and skating. taehyun who is a physically talented master cycling first before beomgyu can really stand on his two feet on ice. but beomgyu is not giving up. every afternoon, he will drag taehyun to their private ice rink, demand a lesson. and taehyun whole heartedly taught him well.

beomgyu and taehyun’s marriage is sailing smoothly in general. sure there is ups and downs but they solve it properly, quickly as being apart from each other is a torture for them. meanwhile for soobin and yeonjun who recently engaged, they are getting married soon. they just being madly in love each other like always and according to hueningkai, they are being more disgusting than before. hueningkai the official fifth wheeler of the group is actually doing fine with his life. after having a hard time convincing his parents that he can do better than being the heir of their family business, he found his freedom in music. well, he is actually do a lot of job. sometimes he tutoring guitar or piano or drum at the music academy for kids, sometimes he produce songs for entertainment agency, sometimes he uploaded his singing covers on youtube and sometimes he even do busking at hongdae with his sisters. the other four would support him wherever, whenever as long as he is happy and he did. 

okay, back to the work that beomgyu is doing today. he is delivering flowers for one wedding that daehwi is working on. been years in the industries, beomgyu is skilled and experienced enough on flower selections and decorations. after finishing his part, beomgyu tells daehwi he needs to leave and the latter lets him without asking more. that is a bit suspicious as daehwi used to ask a lot of questions or at least having beomgyu around for a longer time to catch up or for  _ daehwi ranting sessions _ . 

but sure, he will get back to that later. he just needs to go back home as soon as possible. he starts the engine of his car. buckles up the seat belt, calling his  _ starlight,  _ put it on loudspeaker and drifts his car back to the driveway. not waiting for long, his call is answered.

“hey, starlight.” beomgyu greets first.

taehyun chuckles hearing beomgyu call him his favourite pet name, he loves it! “yes, sunshine?” so, he does the same.

surely, beomgyu smiles wider. “i have done the work here, i am going back soon.”

“sure hyung. drive safe.” taehyun says it with aegyo intonation making beomgyu giggles.

“hyun ah, you are not mad at me, right?”

“why should i, hyung? are you guilty of something?”

“the way i’m working on our first anniversary.” beomgyu is a bit guilty of that. 

“i am a bit mad about that but we have the whole night together so it’s fine. i kinda have a lot of time to prepare.”

“oh, so you are planning something tonight?”

“i know you did too so how i could not. you better not tire yourself yet or i’ll be mad for real.”

“sure. i energise pretty quick when i see you, you know. i am looking forward to whatever you’re planning. can’t wait to see you babe.”

“me too babe.” 

they both in silence for a second before there is indistinctive noise in taehyun’s background. sounds like there are a lot of people there.

beomgyu asks, kinda worried. “what’s so noisy at the back? should i be nervous about whatever you are planning? what are you planning? is it grand?”

“my existence itself is grand hyung, what do you mean..” taehyun even laughing at his own remarks.

but beomgyu doesn’t laugh, instead, “sure.. you are magnificent taehyun. the most wonderful.”

“thanks.” taehyun is blushing, he thank god how beomgyu couldn’t see his face now so he would not be teased by the elder. “in all seriousness, hyung, you don’t have to be nervous. be excited please. i will make you the happiest man alive tonight.”

“you already did. everyday. every second.”

“hyung.. why are you extra cheesy? i am speechless..” yes, he is in a mess blushed. 

“but you like it aren’t you?” beomgyu tease him.

“not really as i can’t smother you with kisses. oh, i miss you already.” here you go, clingy kang taehyun.

“i miss you too, tyun-” beomgyu has tons of cheesiness to say but taehyun cuts it out. 

“oh.. hyung, i need to go. well, the preparation stuff. i am so excited to see your reaction!”

beomgyu recognises that tone of taehyun. his husband is so happy making him feeling the same. “okay. i am excited too. just don’t work too hard, okay? i will be there soon.”

“alright, baby. don’t speed, okay? no matter how much you miss me.”

“copy that. love you, starlight.” beomgyu ends with a kissy noise.

and taehyun does the same, “love you more, sunshine.” 

  
  


beomgyu really doesn’t speed at all. he even stop by his flower shop for a bouquet of flowers that he specially made for taehyun and then to the jewelry shop to pick up his special order. he is not planning anything special actually. just a simple few things like flowers, the gift and he has a song to sing for taehyun. beomgyu was quite busy for the past few weeks so he can’t really properly plan a grand gesture or anything… well, he just hope taehyun will be happy regardless what he prepared. 

  
  


and he can’t stop wondering what actually taehyun has prepared. he hopes he isn’t really preparing too much.

  
  


*

  
  
  
  
  


no, taehyun is preparing too much. 

beomgyu almost doesn’t recognise their own house. after the gate, there would actually only a line of shrubs with few lamp posts in between directing to the front door but at the moment everything seems magical especially when the sun is on its way to set, with the pink and orange hue of the sky in the background. there are fairy lights circumferencing the shrubs and there also hanging freely connecting from one lamp post to another. the guard stops him and tells him to get out and let the guard parks the car in the garage instead. beomgyu who is already confused just let him do it. 

then, he is greeted by a flower gate with lots of blue hydrangea as he walking through the lawn of the house with a board at the side that written, ‘kang taehyun and choi beomgyu’ with a red heart in between their names and the today’s date in smaller font under. then, at each side of the front step, there are also a few random pictures of taehyun and beomgyu in A2 sized frames. there is one picture from the unreleased photo of their first photoshoot, one picture they took on their first picnic, one from a random date they had last year, one from the day taehyun won the tournament and one from their other date at russia. as someone who basically comes to a wedding ceremony on a daily basis, he got a hunch. 

_ no way.. taehyun really did it? _

as beomgyu froze, couldn’t process what’s going on, he suddenly sees minhee walk out from the door, running to him. 

“what is happening? why are you here?” he asks. 

minhee only grins and drags him into the house. “i am in charge of assisting you this evening, hyung. let’s go!”

as they enter the house, beomgyu sees like three or four people that he doesn’t recognise, wearing the same tees which are written at their backs,  _ crew,  _ carrying boxes up to the staircase. their living room is also cleared from any furnitures and there are some other crew coming in with flowers and more boxes. 

well, taehyun really did  _ it _ . 

mouth agape, beomgyu tugs at minhee’s sleeve, “minhee.. is taehyun..?”

minhee nods, there is nothing to hide anymore. “yes. he planned all this. now come on. you arrived an hour late. we better keep going or everything will be off schedule.”

beomgyu still can’t believe what he is seeing and suddenly he is already in the second floor of the house, in one of the unused bedroom. minhee pushes him into the bathroom to wash up and yeah, even his suit is ready. baby blue with white and blue hydrangea for boutonniere.  _ pretty, beomgyu likes it though.  _ beomgyu thinks maybe that’s all it but as soon as he finish wash up and put on the clothes, he is pushed to sit at the dressing table and from nowhere other two women comes into the room, doing his hair and make up. 

thinking on how his plan already mess up as taehyun’s plan takes the most out of it, beomgyu tells minhee to take the flower bouquet and the gift he prepared out of the car and just give them to taehyun. he also wonders if he ever gets the chance to sing that night. but anyway, beomgyu still feels unreal.  _ a wedding. _ taehyun prepares a proper wedding for them. the wedding that celebrates kang taehyun and choi beomgyu marriage. and not anyone else. happy, grateful, nervous, excited.. there are mixed of feelings and beomgyu couldn’t pinpoint one.  _ ahh, so this is what any bride or groom feels on their wedding day ,huh? _

after a while, the hair stylist and makeup team leave the room to beomgyu alone. he relaxes himself on the bed, carefully, so he would not mess up his already perfect appearance from head to toe. suddenly, someone knocks the door and comes in. 

“our groom is ready?” it is soobin. he walks in and joins beomgyu on the bed. 

“hyung!” beomgyu exclaimed. scrutinising soobin from head to toe, wearing a navy suit with boutonniere that matches with his, he asks. “wait.. you’re my best man?”

looking at how beomgyu is taken aback, alarmed soobin. “why? you don’t like it?”

a sneaky smile appears on beomgyu face. “well… kai would be better..” he teases. 

“yah! how dare you!” soobin shouts, wanting to launch an attack before minhee comes in and gives him a nag. 

“soobin hyung.. please i need to make sure beomgyu is dolled up perfectly or taehyun is gonna kill me.” that is the same thing he told beomgyu earlier as beomgyu feels like crying with all this wedding remake plan. ‘you are more handsome without your red puffy eyes’ he added there. well, minhee also sounds more like he is scared of taehyun but beomgyu doesn’t want to point out that. he will just keep it and tease him about it later. 

“ah. sorry.” soobin retreats his attack and brushes the invisible dust on beomgyu’s shoulder. “you look gorgeous, gyu.” 

“thanks. he even paid the stylist team and all.” beomgyu smiles, satisfied with his own look. while admiring his own looks in the mirror, he asks soobin, “hyung, since when taehyun planned all this?” 

“uhm.. he told me this idea since you guys came back from russia.”

over 4 months ago…  _ wow,  _ beomgyu is speechless. “oh, taehyunnie…” he is holding back his tears. he feels so touched, his husband really the best one in this world. “he really doesn’t have to do this..”

“well, now you know he loves you this much. he said it is just absurd when a wedding planner has never had their own wedding. you deserve one, gyu.” soobin tells and beomgyu tilts his head up to defy the gravity so no tears would run down his cheek. 

then soobin adds, “i am not going to tell you more. there’s a lot of surprise awaiting, you know.”

beomgyu just have to pull soobin for a hug, calming down his excitement too. he pulls minhee too. a group hug. “thank you, all of you.”

and the sentimental moment is disrupted by a call in minhee’s in-ear. 

“ah, 10 minutes! alright.” he then reaches out his arm to beomgyu. “hyung are you ready?”

beomgyu takes his hand, nodding, “uhm!”

*

  
  


just now beomgyu said he is ready but he actually ain’t ready for what he is seeing right now. their rooftop, it’s like a paradise now.  _ beomgyu’s soul left the chat, _ literally.

their rooftop is turned into a hydrangea garden. pale pink, purple, blue and white, randomly arranged in the glass vase and scattered all over the place, just nice. synthetic grass is all over the floor, and the night sky as the roof. a few garden lamp posts and standing lamp as the source of light and fairy lights draped over, connecting to one and another. for the details, the fairy lights are star shaped, beomgyu found it cute. the altar, it’s the most beautiful altar beomgyu has ever seen (he is exaggerating of course) but it really is, wonderful. star shaped chuppah with loads of hydrangea, beomgyu loves it. 

still astonished by everything, beomgyu suddenly feels, everything in front of his eyes right now, so familiar. _ hydrangea.. blue.. those two were his obsession during college..  _ and he feels like crying again.  _ it was his dream wedding. _ his college assignment that he took so seriously. kang taehyun made it real.  _ kang taehyun, you are so sweet.. _

hueningkai is at the podium as the mc, announcing his arrival. minhee brings him to the altar and he sees familiar faces sitting there to celebrate with them. he sees his mom, his brother, sister and beomie, ryujin with chaeryong, yeonjun’s parents and junho. all those who are dear to them are invited, beomgyu’s jaws hurt due to smiling.  _ kang taehyun, you really made me the happiest man alive.. _

“uncle gyu! you are so handsome!” beomie shouts and waving her hands animatedly to him. beomgyu waves back, almost crying.

“tell me if you need tissues.” soobin on his side whispers and beomgyu just laughs it away, still fine. he guess he can hold his tears, still. 

but not until hueningkai announce taehyun’s arrival and honne free love starts playing in the background.

taehyun is in the same shade of blue suit but beomgyu doesn’t really care how finely designed the younger’s suit is. it’s kang taehyun. he will look good in everything. everything in the background is blur and it’s like a halo behind taehyun. beomgyu face softens as taehyun walks on the aisle with the flower that beomgyu gave earlier. their eyes’ locked at each other, smile never leave their face. 

pretty, taehyun looks amazingly pretty that evening. hot too.  _ oh, his husband is so gorgeous. _

_ are the simple things enough? _

_ i got to give you all my love _

_ free love _

_ free love _

_ oh, free love _

there it goes, the first beomgyu’s teardrop. he feels blessed. really, really.

and taehyun reaches the altar and takes his position beside him. oh, there is yeonjun too, taehyun’s best man. beomgyu doesn’t notice that hyung and he doesn’t feel bad. taehyun is the only one he has his eyes on. 

they straight go to the ring exchange. and they use the rings that beomgyu got for them both. 

“kang taehyun, you has a lot to explain, you know.” beomgyu whispers to taehyun. 

“i know.. i know..” taehyun mindlessly intertwines their hands together. “thank you for the flowers and the ring. they are pretty.” 

beomgyu shakes his head softly, looking at the younger. “nothing compared to what you did, you know.” taehyun does the same, smiling. 

“you know the funny part is that, i totally forgot about rings. and glad you got them for us.” taehyun winks and earning a soft laughs from beomgyu. 

“kang taehyun, you should learn more from someone expert.”

“this will be the first and the last wedding i would plan, don’t worry.”

and basically both of them totally don't care what speech that hueningkai gives. they appreciate his effort but they just wish to skip everything to the part where they could kiss. and their best men signal to hueningkai to cut it out as the tension between the couple in front of them who are busy  _ stargazing _ is unbearable. 

hueningkai rolls his eyes watching the lovebirds. he heaves a sigh in joking manner, “...so yeah, happy 1st anniversary, taehyunnie, beomgyu hyung. go on, kiss.”

taehyun cups beomgyu’s face first, leans in, giving a kiss on his forehead. just like that time they were on the altar in the past but this time, the kiss is full of love. kang taehyun is not an ice prince anymore. well, maybe he still is but warmer or whatever. but to beomgyu, taehyun is a star. a small light in the black sky, cold, little but giving you all the hope you need. aligned into constellations to show you the way to go, accompanying you in the dark. 

and now, for the real kiss. beomgyu’s soft lips crash on taehyun’s. it’s warm like it used to be. beomgyu’s warmth always makes taehyun wonder how can a person be so warm. choi beomgyu is indeed a sunshine, radiating warmth, source of energy and simply making everything livelier. and knowing how this sun incarnate has his love all for him, taehyun couldn’t ask for more. he will love him as much.

and they hardly make the kiss sweet and short as they need to keep it pg13 because bomie is there. but they did. they have forever to kiss each other later, no worries. 

to the next agenda is dance. well, most of it is just they just having fun around with their family and friends. it starts with a sudden dance battle (hueningkai starts it first) and chaeryong is having a blast. junho too. no one knows he is actually good at dancing. they even get a zumba session led by bomie. that girl loves the spotlight and all the adults just bear with her for some time. and then the highlight; the slow dance. 

taehyun feels very loved and protected when beomgyu is this close to him, holding by his waist gently. and when their eyes are locked to each other again, everything is beautiful. he slung his arm over beomgyu’s shoulder and they started dancing. everyone too. 

“thank you for this wedding, babe.” beomgyu says. 

“i’ve always wanted to do this actually. it’s in my bucket list for a while. waiting for the right timing to make it happen.” taehyun leans in leaving a peck on beomgyu’s nose.

“i am the happiest man alive.” beomgyu steals a kiss on his lips. 

“i am so glad.” 

  
  


*

  
  


nothing much happen after the dance, they are having a feast, they talk, laugh and have fun. there is no after party whatsoever as taehyun wants some time alone with his husband. it ended before midnight, just as planned. they also just let the rooftop stay with the decoration as beomgyu loves it so much and taehyun agrees. 

now, they are the only ones left in the house. compared to an hour ago, it is too quiet. but it is still warm as the house is full of love. as they are preparing to sleep, both already in their pyjamas, beomgyu has something to do. 

he brings out his guitar, sitting cross leg on their bed, facing taehyun, knees touching. 

“i actually supposed to sing this before i give you the ring. you basically ruin my plan, kang taehyun.” beomgyu says and taehyun just laughs.

“oh come on, just sing. i want to hear.” he is an impatient one. 

beomgyu plants a kiss on the top of taehyun’s head, then right after he starts strumming his guitar. 

_ can I call you baby? _

_ can you be my friend? _

_ can you be my lover up until the very end? _

_ let me show you love, oh, i don't pretend _

_ stick by my side even when the world is givin' in, yeah _

_ oh, oh, oh, don't _

_ don't you worry _

_ i'll be there, whenever you want me _

_ i need somebody who can love me at my worst _

_ no, i'm not perfect, but i hope you see my worth _

_ 'cause it's only you, nobody new, i put you first _

_ and for you, babe, i swear i'll do the worst _

beomgyu only sings until then as taehyun is already a crying mess. “hey, kang taehyun..” he puts away his guitar and pulls the younger into his embrace. “shh… i am here, don’t cry..” beomgyu cradles him, soothe him down.

hiding his face in the crook of beomgyu’s neck, he mumbles, “choi beomgyu, i love you so much. i really do.” 

“i know. i know.” beomgyu pulls away to see the younger’s face. he chuckles while wiping taehyun’s tears away with his thumb. “you are such a cry baby. i only sing for you up till the first chorus. you don’t know how much i hold back my tears from that second i arrived at the gate.” 

“i don’t know. i just love you so much, okay? and that song sounds so sad, hyung. of course i will love you at your worst. i do without you even have to ask.” taehyun looks so cute with his pout and whine, and with his strawberry printed pyjamas, he looks so soft.

“alright.. alright..” beomgyu brings him back into his hug. “should i sing free love then?”

“no. let’s cuddle to sleep. i am kinda tired. listen to your heartbeat is enough.” taehyun says, fluttering beomgyu’s neck with kisses. 

“anything for you, love.” 

  
  
  


that is how they end the day that night. new days will come, more challenges awaiting. but sure they can through it all because they have each other that they value as much as they value their own selves. 

  
  
  


the end. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yayyyyyy it's the end!!  
> thank you so much for the love and support. 20 chapter is a long journey roughly 4 months finally i make it yayy.  
> there's a lot of flaws in my writings actually and i can't really say i am happy and satisfied with my writings but it's okay if yall having fun reading, that's enough for me. well, i am having fun writing too. i have a lot to improve and i kinda think writing this made me know myself more (in a way). just turn your eye blind about factual things regarding skating and wedding planner stuff as i really don't know how it works in real life, i am trying to make it sounds logical as much as i can, phew..  
> i might not writing anymore since college never fails make me feels so dumb but it depends too, well, i don't know. just don't looking forward on anything from me hsjkjskjsks.
> 
> so yeah, maybe that's it. again thank you for reading this not that much of an interesting story. take care of yourself, be kind to others and prioritise yourself ;)) love you all!!! <33


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